The Great Brett Andy Survey – part III

The clear winners of round II of the Brett Andy survey were:

[4] ‘I realised I’d been making a mountain out of a molehill. The mole family, in particular, was not amused.’ [Brett Andy]

and,…

[7] ‘I was walking down a dark alley the other day updating my Twitter account when I noticed that someone had just started following me.’ [Brett Andy]

And so we continue with the search for Jack Handeyesque out there random humourage which works as i invite you to place your bets on the top one to three you like from the following list:

[1] ‘Stop throwing the baby out with the bathwater!’ Hank knew that his wife was right. That was the third baby they’d lost already this week.’ [Brett Andy]

[2] ‘I don’t understand why I have so much bellybutton fluff. I guess I’ve just been incredibly lucky cos I only really started collecting seriously a couple of months ago.’ [Brett Andy]

[3] ‘Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow and when I woke up this morning my pillow was gone. I found it later on the floor next to my bed. It probably got knocked off during the night or something.’ [Brett Andy]

[4] ‘As I began chopping the onions, my eyes started to water. I was confused. Why was preparing dinner making me so emotional?’ [Brett Andy]

[5] ‘ “Out, Out damned Spot!” cried lady Macbeth, but still the mutt refused to budge.’ [Brett Andy]

[6] As I pitched my tent I thought to myself, ‘This is the weirdest game of baseball I have ever played.’ [Brett Andy]

[7] ‘My waitress asked me for a tip the other day. I told her to avoid Miley Cyrus music videos.’ [Brett Andy]

There you have them. A strong round but which three will come out on top. Please leave your votes in the comments section below.

 [To move on to Round 4 and some more classic Brett Andy one liners and register your vote there, click here]

 

a pome: what the judge meant

as i stand so close to the flames

that the tiny hairs on my arms start to catch alight

filling my nostrils with that pungent, burning hair smell

i catch the silhouette of my reflected outline

quietly nodding my silent assent

to those who by their righteous actions tonight

have ensured that this clinic’s business

for the immediate future at least

has been violently aborted

 

as i stand to the far edge of the back of this lively and passionate crowd

i am caught up by the exuberance with which our leaders

are delivering today’s heartfelt message of righteous anger and God’s judgment

on those who would exchange normal relations

for these abominations

not quite confident that God does indeed hate fags as has been so eloquently declared

through the intimacy of a well-intended loud speaker

or the letters lovingly painted onto an otherwise pure white poster

i at least choose to hold my focus

on all those who will be set free

as a result of us gaily presenting our well-crafted sermon

as we came out here today

Lovingly Gesturing Biblical Truths

 

back at home i spend some time online

catching up on the news

all the time dodging the vitriolic and caustic comments

of fellow christian brothers and sisters

resolutely aligning themselves with either camp

and how could you possibly hold THAT opinion

if you have given any attention at all to THIS specific verse?

(“You fool!”… understood.)

 

another moment, yet another person caught in a crime

this time i bend down to pick up my stone

but am stopped in my tracks

by the sound of his voice

speaking these words

so lovingly

‘let the person who is without sin throw the first stone.’

 

and i pause for just a minute

 

as i think it over to myself…

a ticking watch nervously counts down this moment of interruption

my heavy breathing bears testimony to the wrestling that’s going on within my head

as i roll his words around in my mind, this way and that way, looking for the answer

but then suddenly it comes to me in a flash

as i remember that he has already paid for my sin

when he died on the cross

he took all my guilt and shame

and the sin penalty that should have been mine to pay

and he paid for it in my place

and so that makes me sin-free, right?

 

that makes me the one able to throw the first stone…

just like he said.

 

my hand finds a suitably jagged edged piece of stone

closes tightly around it

i can feel its rough edges digging into my skin

i stand to my feet in a single motion

powered up by all the holy righteous anger i can muster

and with every muscle in my body giving assent to my actions

i hurl that stone with all my might and watch as it hits its target

watch as you slump quickly to the ground

 

and, as if the dam wall has been burst

i watch as my just action unleashes the rest of the frenzied crowd

some who had already started to let their personalised rocks fall to the ground

 

again and again the rocks smash against their intended victim

your cries have long since passed

blood and bits of skin and bone fly hideously around

and within moments you are no longer a person

but a grotesque mass of broken body and blood

 

broken body

and blood?

 

as if in a pitch black tunnel just noticing a faint hint of a light up ahead

something starts to swirl within my mind

a recollection, a mass of thoughts, something is trying to be heard

and i try to focus in on what is being said, as my stomach fights against gagging from the smell that is rising up from your body

your dead body

broken by me… broken for me?

no, broken by me.

 

i glance up.

struggling to see clearly with these beams of wood protruding from each one of my eyes

i manage to finally catch a glimpse of him

his face displaying so obviously that this is not the way he was hoping it would end

as if something has gone wrong

gone horribly wrong

but what is it? i did what you said. i did what you have to have wanted. right?

 

and there it is

off to the side, faint and very much in the distance

but there is no mistaking the call of the farm bird sounding the beginning of a new day

or is it the end of one?

nope, there it is again.

and one more time.

 

i realise that the first crow has labelled me a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal

the second told me i am nothing

the third plays out that i have gained nothing

all three signifying that i have failed in this,

in this, my virtuous enacting of your justice

and if that is true, if i have failed in this

that surely means that no part of this was truly Love

 

what is the first commandment? obey the rules

what is the most important? don’t step outside of the lines

what is the gospel? don’t do this long and complicated list of things

GODHATESFAGSGODHATESPEOPLEWHOHAVEABORTIONSGODHATESTERRORISTSGODHATES

wait, what?

 

 

 

 

i stand close to the flames

trying to massage some warmth back into my hands

no-one needs to come up to me and ask if i know Him?

i know my actions have already answered that one

and as i catch my reflection in a nearby piece of glass

i notice the flames, licking at my feet.

 

Anyone up for doing a non-RUSH-ing experiment with me?

seems like the message of slowing down seems to be chasing me around these days…

after being inspired by something that my friend at Re:Gen, Albert Lee, preached on Sunday nite [that he told me Dallas Willard said] i wrote this post on rushing, taking special note that Jesus never seemed to.

and today i head into my book reading for the ‘Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most’ preparation for the book study tbV and i are leading and it is on Time [and slowing down, disconnecting, not rushing, sabbathing] and so i thought it would be a great idea to invite you to join me in my experiment:

part of my homework reads like this:

‘Experiment: Be Still

Try this. Set aside this book for five minutes. [I did, but then i didn’t know what to do next so i had to look back in the book] Close your eyes, breathe deeply and simply sit. What do you notice? What do you hear? What do you smell? How does your body feel? In the absence of activity what are you drawn to think about? What kind of thoughts come to the surface? Can you let go of those thoughts to be still and know that God is here and that you are alive in this moment?

As a way to reset a sense of restful presence, many people find it helpful to have a daily or regular practice of stillness prayer – five, ten, or twenty minutes of focused silence to be aware of God and be present to yourself. As an experiment you may want to practice this kind of stillness for a period of time each day for a week to see how it subtly shifts your sense of time, hurry or anxiety.’

i just did my first time now and it was great – started with just around 8 minutes and will look to hit 20 for the rest of the week. and i will post about how it goes after that.

but i am looking for nine other people who will sign up now [in the comment section below – just your name and i’m in!] and join me in this journey – for the next week putting aside 5, 10 or 20 minutes to be still, to turn off the phone and move away from the technology [i went and sat outside and that was great] and just experience the stillness.

the commitment is to write your name in the comments, say ‘I’m in’ and then report back next week when i post and add some thoughts on how the experience was for you..

the non eternal-optimist realist in me suspects i’ll be lucky to get three people, but i’m hoping i’ll have a full 9… so come on, who is in?

[To read my response after a week of doing this, as well as many others in the comments section, click here]

your obituary starts here

i read an exercise in a book the other day that encouraged us to imagine that we had died:

‘what do you hope the people closest to you might say at your funeral?’

‘what kind of obituary will they write about you for the local newspapeR?’

[from Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most, by Mark Scandrette]

in answering those questions we have to realise that nothing is going to magically happen one day for those things to suddenly become true

if it’s not true now, then it’s very likely not going to suddenly be true later

the truth is, your obituary writing starts here

it starts now

and you write it

not physically, but by the way you live your life, how you speak, what you give your time and money to

do you think you would live life any differently if that was the first thought on your mind as you woke up to start a new day?

my obituary starts here

now, how am i going to live, to make it a good one?

How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Dalene Reyburn, Cameron and Scott

A letter: Of congenital defects and world change

Dear Cameron and Scott

I’m writing this letter because Brett asked me for a post on one thing I want to teach you boys that might change the world. And because I had a conversation this week about being fearfully and wonderfully made. And I think the two might be related.

So this friend and I, we said sure, God says we’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). But what if we’re not? What if it’s very fearful and not at all wonderful to be born with Down syndrome or no limbs or epilepsy or cataracts?

Here’s the thing

‘When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.’ (Romans 5:12) Creation fell (Genesis 3, Romans 8) and took with it every kind of intended normal and perfect. Which means that everyone has congenital defects. Everyone is born physically flawed. Sometimes the imperfections just take a while to show up – like cellulite or rheumatoid arthritis or wrinkles or infertility or cancer or untameable hair or tennis elbow or forgetting your wife’s birthday. To varying degrees, at some point, every human being’s physical faculties will let them down. Even if the first time that happens is at death. Babies born with obvious or sensational deformities or deficiencies just highlight this reality. Our humanness – our brokenness – becomes a palpable given rather than an unspoken, unconsciously accepted and largely ignored element of c’est la vie.

And yet still, God – perfect in love, wisdom and power – calls each of us fearfully and wonderfully made.

Cam, God saw the cataracts form on the lenses of your eyes in the obscurity of my womb during a normal happily nauseous pregnancy. (Whether he formed them – or allowed them to form – for me that’s one and the same, but that’s also for another blog post – or book.) They didn’t take him by surprise. It’s true of you as it’s true of every throbbing life he ignites in the darkness, ‘You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ (Psalm 139:13-16)

My boys, the miracle of conception, of matchless fingerprints, of genetic traces in your temperaments, of wholly unique personal journeys – all these and so many more marvels of your creation are the yes-yes-yes to how wonderfully you’ve been made. For sure, all creation suffers under – and perpetuates – the wave of sin that rolls on unstoppable from generation to generation. But even so we are image-bearers of the Creator and still the creation is shot through with his glory. We thirst for redemption, for holiness, and trapped in wrecked bodies we long for eternity and all things made new.

And this is where the world change bit comes in.

It took giving birth to two little boys – unthinkably adored and wholly in need of a Saviour – to get me to wear the bifocals of eternal perspective and earthly urgency. Because all this – the physical and the temporal – will pass away and I need to focus the lens of my heart on what is to come so that I can be more effective in what is. People gripe about Christians being ‘so heavenly minded they’re of no earthly good.’ That’s junk. If your mind is really set on eternity you’ll be a force for seismic change in the here and now. Your priorities will shift and you’ll be free of negligible concerns that might otherwise have consumed you. You’ll also be moved to speak hope in a world of broken bodies and shattered souls.

And because you are fearfully and wonderfully made, God will use each of you in distinctive, remarkable ways, according to your gifts and passions and opportunities, to plough Kingdom ground, and to change the world.

The fearfully-and-wonderfully-made psalm ends with this:

‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.’  (Psalm 139:23-24)

So, to be a world changer? Embrace how God has inimitably moulded you – your gifts, your physical, emotional and intellectual quirks, and your obvious shortcomings. Bow low before him. Surrender your spiritual deficiencies to the scrutiny of the Spirit and as he convicts and forgives and restores, your lives will be different. And so will the world.

All my love to you always,

Mom

Xx

Twitter: @deereyburn

Blogs: http://growyounginside.com/  and  http://reyburnboys.blogspot.com/

[For another inspiring story on raising your child as a World Changer, meet Ro, Ad and Aaléyah]

Pearls before Heaven

Another day, another great Pearls before Swine cartoon, and you know I just share the really great ones here.

The most popular strip I have shared so far is one I decided to call ‘Fasting Morons’ which has got the hugest number of popularity hits as people really resonated with it. I suspect this one will not be far behind. Thank you Stephan Pastis for voicing, via Rat, the words many of us have secretly thought, but been too afraid to say [along with ‘Will there be a special spot in the corner for the christians who stuck THOSE bumper stickers on their cars? You know who i mean]:

 

Stephan Pastis has a new Pearls Before Swine treasury called ‘Rat’s Wars’ which i am totally going to get to add to my PBS collection and you should too. I’m hoping that endorsement will finally push Stephan over the line when it comes to adding a yellow-and-white stuffed dolphin called No_bob [cos he doesn’t bob] into his strip, even as a once off cameo.

[For a different Pearls before Swine strip with one of Pearl’s better puns in recent time check out Pearls before France]

[For a different different Pearls before Swine strip with one of Pearl’s different better puns of late, go to Pearls before Oz]

The Great Brett Andy Survey – part II

The clear winners of round I were:

[4] ‘I would imagine a horse drawn carriage would be a really ugly thing. For starters, it must be almost impossible to grip a pencil with hooves. Plus there is all that fine detail around the edges to consider.’ [Brett Andy]

[6] “I think the story of Hansel and Gretel teaches us that it’s okay to push old people into ovens. But only if they first tried to eat you.” [Brett Andy]

and

[5] “After watching the cricket for five days, I thought to myself, “I’ve got to get myself a more interesting bug!” [Brett Andy]

Which deep thoughts by Brett Andy will dominate in round II – I am looking for your top one to three and then which one do you think most deserves to be cut from the list? [Votes in the comments section below – thank you for your time]:

[1] ‘She barked twice, following it with a low gutteral growl, “Oh no!” I thought, “Timmy has fallen into the well.”‘ [Brett Andy]

[2] ‘Who would win if a T-Rex got into a fight with a man? Answer: The man. Did I mention it was an intellectual fight? [Brett Andy]

[3] ‘Sure, he had attracted all the rats of the city, but what now? thought the Pied Organist to himself.’ [Brett Andy]

[4] ‘I realised I’d been making a mountain out of a molehill. The mole family, in particular, was not amused.’ [Brett Andy]

[5] ‘If you ever want to show off a new shoelace-tying technique you’ve invented to your long-time girlfriend, I don’t think the best way to introduce it is by saying, “Hey, I’ve got something to show you,” and then going down on one knee.” [Brett Andy]

[6] ‘Pow. The Rice Crispy who left before the group went big.’ [Brett Andy]

[7] ‘I was walking down a dark alley the other day updating my Twitter account when I noticed that someone had just started following me.’ [Brett Andy]

[To continue on to round III and add your votes there, click here]