How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Dalene Reyburn, Cameron and Scott

A letter: Of congenital defects and world change

Dear Cameron and Scott

I’m writing this letter because Brett asked me for a post on one thing I want to teach you boys that might change the world. And because I had a conversation this week about being fearfully and wonderfully made. And I think the two might be related.

So this friend and I, we said sure, God says we’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). But what if we’re not? What if it’s very fearful and not at all wonderful to be born with Down syndrome or no limbs or epilepsy or cataracts?

Here’s the thing

‘When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam’s sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned.’ (Romans 5:12) Creation fell (Genesis 3, Romans 8) and took with it every kind of intended normal and perfect. Which means that everyone has congenital defects. Everyone is born physically flawed. Sometimes the imperfections just take a while to show up – like cellulite or rheumatoid arthritis or wrinkles or infertility or cancer or untameable hair or tennis elbow or forgetting your wife’s birthday. To varying degrees, at some point, every human being’s physical faculties will let them down. Even if the first time that happens is at death. Babies born with obvious or sensational deformities or deficiencies just highlight this reality. Our humanness – our brokenness – becomes a palpable given rather than an unspoken, unconsciously accepted and largely ignored element of c’est la vie.

And yet still, God – perfect in love, wisdom and power – calls each of us fearfully and wonderfully made.

Cam, God saw the cataracts form on the lenses of your eyes in the obscurity of my womb during a normal happily nauseous pregnancy. (Whether he formed them – or allowed them to form – for me that’s one and the same, but that’s also for another blog post – or book.) They didn’t take him by surprise. It’s true of you as it’s true of every throbbing life he ignites in the darkness, ‘You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvellous – how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ (Psalm 139:13-16)

My boys, the miracle of conception, of matchless fingerprints, of genetic traces in your temperaments, of wholly unique personal journeys – all these and so many more marvels of your creation are the yes-yes-yes to how wonderfully you’ve been made. For sure, all creation suffers under – and perpetuates – the wave of sin that rolls on unstoppable from generation to generation. But even so we are image-bearers of the Creator and still the creation is shot through with his glory. We thirst for redemption, for holiness, and trapped in wrecked bodies we long for eternity and all things made new.

And this is where the world change bit comes in.

It took giving birth to two little boys – unthinkably adored and wholly in need of a Saviour – to get me to wear the bifocals of eternal perspective and earthly urgency. Because all this – the physical and the temporal – will pass away and I need to focus the lens of my heart on what is to come so that I can be more effective in what is. People gripe about Christians being ‘so heavenly minded they’re of no earthly good.’ That’s junk. If your mind is really set on eternity you’ll be a force for seismic change in the here and now. Your priorities will shift and you’ll be free of negligible concerns that might otherwise have consumed you. You’ll also be moved to speak hope in a world of broken bodies and shattered souls.

And because you are fearfully and wonderfully made, God will use each of you in distinctive, remarkable ways, according to your gifts and passions and opportunities, to plough Kingdom ground, and to change the world.

The fearfully-and-wonderfully-made psalm ends with this:

‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.’  (Psalm 139:23-24)

So, to be a world changer? Embrace how God has inimitably moulded you – your gifts, your physical, emotional and intellectual quirks, and your obvious shortcomings. Bow low before him. Surrender your spiritual deficiencies to the scrutiny of the Spirit and as he convicts and forgives and restores, your lives will be different. And so will the world.

All my love to you always,

Mom

Xx

Twitter: @deereyburn

Blogs: http://growyounginside.com/  and  http://reyburnboys.blogspot.com/

[For another inspiring story on raising your child as a World Changer, meet Ro, Ad and Aaléyah]

How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Lisa Scandrette and Hailey, Noah and Isaiah

tbV and i met Lisa and Mark Scandrette and their family while over here in Americaland. They have just released a book titled ‘Free: How to spend your time and money on what matters most’ and so it felt fitting to invite them to share with us a glimpse from their story in terms of hearing some ways in which they have looked to help their children grow up well. Here is Lisa Scandrette [who has possibly one of the best t-shirts ever!]:

We moved to the heart of the Mission District, at the time a neighborhood riddled with gang violence, when our kids were 4, 3 and 1.  We had a desire to raise kids who bring good to the world through the gifts and talents God has given them.  Hailey, Noah and Isaiah are now 19, 18 and 16.  When I look back, two things stand out as being helpful in beginning to instill a vision for doing good in our kids:

When we first moved to San Francisco, a friend asked with great concern, “How can you bring your kids to live in the neighborhood that you are living in?  Shouldn’t you be looking out for their safety and well being?”  I responded that I was certain that when God called us to live where we do, that he hadn’t forgotten about our kids.  He had a plan for them that included the kind of parents he had placed them with. So, we took them with us.  In fact, we took them with us to do lots of things.  Together, we ate with homeless neighbors under the bridge and passed out groceries at a food pantry.  We conspired together to show hospitality to visitors.  They often all three shared a room so that we could offer a bed to a guest.  They would help me clean or prepare food or draw a “Welcome” sign.  They came along to workshops and watched us do the work we felt passionate about.

After many years of them being present in our projects, it has been an honor, as our kids have begun to step into projects that they are passionate about, to be able to support and help them.  When the tsunami hit Japan in 2011, our daughter was in the process of organizing a senior prom.  She was struck by the great need and uneasy contrasting that with what her friends might be spending on prom.  She wanted to do something to help,  so she decided to organize a benefit.  Gathering a dozen or so of her theater friends, she planned an evening full of entertainment, rented a church space, and invited everyone she knew.  Noah baked cookies, Isaiah played his violin, and Mark and I helped with food and behind the scenes details.  Her event was a success, raising over $700 for tsunami relief.  Even more, she was able to host an enjoyable evening for her friends that helped them also think about others with need.

Secondly, we have tried to observe our kids for hints about the work they might feel passionate about. Noah loves to explain things.  In fact, one of his earliest words was the word “actually.” As he’s grown, we’ve looked for healthy ways for him to explore his passion for knowing and telling. When he was twelve, he was asked to assist teaching five and six year olds in a nature studies class.  In high school, he worked at a science museum, explaining exhibits to the public and how various scientific demonstrations work.  One summer, he helped kids in East Oakland document where they saw God’s beauty through photography. Our hope is that as he has had the opportunity to explore different ways of explaining and teaching, he might have a better idea of the sorts of things he is made to do and even some things that he is not made to do.

[For more information about their book titled ‘Free’, click here]

[For another excellent story on how to raise your children as world changers meet Dalene Reyburn here]

How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Nigel and Trish Branken and their family

I have already shared an article on my blog about Nigel and Trish before and how they moved into what is known as one of the most dangerous neighborhoods with their family and how some of that has played out. Val and i managed to have a Skype call with Nigel a few weeks ago and it was truly inspiring hearing some of the story of how they got to where they are and how it has been playing out. Nigel takes some time here to share about some of the ways in which their decisions and actions have influenced their children in growing up as World Changers…

Nigel,Trish,Hannah,Rachel,Jordan,Daniel,Sarah

Reflections on parenting: Choosing to put God first

When my wife and I moved into Hillbrow, Johannesburg over a year and a half ago, the main concern expressed by many of our loving friends was for our children. People literally asked questions like “What if one of them is kidnapped, raped or murdered?”. Hillbrow is just one of those communities which seem to invoke fear.

We were however convinced that God had spoken to us about moving into the neighbourhood, about downward mobility, and about standing in solidarity with our urban poor neighbours. Trish and I had long discussions about the call of God on our lives, and in fact the potential suffering that following Jesus may cost any believer, and therefore also us. The question we had to answer was whose voice would be louder… the voice of God or the voice of fear.

We searched the Scriptures and were convinced that if Jesus were alive today, He would be spending his life not in comfort and convenience, but rather in places like Hillbrow as friends of prostitutes, drug dealers and the homeless. The more I studied Scriptures, the more I became aware of the dangers of greed, individualism and consumerism.

We drew courage from reframing the question as this: what is more dangerous for our children, given the realities of eternity – to grow up in a society and culture which teaches you to worship the unholy trinity of “me, myself and I” or to be in a potentially physically dangerous place where you can learn the values of Jesus of justice, compassion and love?  Jesus said “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? (Matthew 16:26). An important reflection.

We started to dream of a new world, the kind of world we would want to leave to our children.

“We want to see a world in which the rich do not tolerate extreme poverty and inequality. We want to see many people actually laying down their lives of comfort and convenience for the sake of bettering the lives of others. Seeing people freed from poverty, inequality, racism and exploitation is more important than fulfilling our lust for more things! We want to be part of a society in which people are valued more than things. We want to see the god of consumerism in South Africa bowing its knee to a love motivated revolution which results in freedom from oppression and exploitation. We want to see this for all people, regardless of class, citizenship, race or religion. We dream of equality in every sector of society. We believe that if the education system is not OK for a rich kid, it is not OK for a poor kid. The same goes with healthcare, housing, security. The same goes for rural kids and inner city kids. The same for black kids and white kids. We are not more valuable than the least valued in our society. We are doing our lives in a new way. We are going to live our dream and see this reality briefly described above happening around us. We hope others will join us and this will happen around them too. Who knows, very soon, the world can be a different place!”

As we weighed up God’s Word, His call and his promises, we finally came to the decision to move regardless of the cost. As a side reflection, I have subsequently found that the time God gives you grace to do something often coincides with the moment of your decision to obey His Word to you. Grace comes through faith and faith comes from putting the Word of God into practice in your life.

So fast forward a few years from when we made this decision, and here we are living in what many describe as one of the most dangerous neighbourhoods in the world. As responsible parents, we do all we can to protect our children. They know the rules and the risks and we are always close by to protect them. What we have found is that rather than restrictions, we are now in the most spacious place in our lives and the move has in my opinion been the best thing we could have done for our children. So often we think doing radical things for Jesus will harm our children, when in fact the opposite happens – they grow and develop.

I am so often overwhelmed by the things my children do in response to the poverty they now see in the lives of their friends who they love. My son Jordan, aged 8, has spent very little of his pocket money on himself since we have lived here. A little while after we moved in he came to me with his savings and said “Dad, you give me everything I need, I don’t need this money, who do you think we should give it to?” Needless to say my chest swelled as I held back tears of gratitude at the work God was doing in my boy’s heart. He has since done this again and again. His little brother, Daniel, aged 6, also loves to give his pocket money away or to buy food for the homeless with it.

In our block of flats, one of our children’s friends is a little boy named Sipho. Sipho lives with his 4 year old brother, Thabo, and his two year old baby sister, Princess, (not their real names)and single mother in a single room that they sub-let as a family. The room is barely big enough to fit the double bed which they all share. His father is legally not allowed to see him after he tried about 2 years ago to poison the two little boys and himself in an attempted family suicide. Their mom works at night and so the boys are often chased out the flat during the day so she can sleep. They are often hungry and so our two older girls love making them food. Sipho recently turned 8 years old. It was obvious that his mom was not going to throw him a birthday party or buy him any presents. Enter my children! All by themselves they conspired to bless this boy with a birthday party. They all pooled their pocked money together. Hannah, our 12 year old and Rachel, our 10 year old baked the cake. Jordan bought the presents. It was an amazing event. Through these and other similar stories I have become convinced that you cannot teach your children how to love and show compassion through  your words, you have to demonstrate it as a parent and create opportunities for them to take the initiative. Living among the urban poor and standing in solidarity with our neighbours constantly presents opportunities for acts of love.

I have so many more stories to tell, like how Hannah, our 12 year old has become a real advocate for the rights of the oppressed. Our children have had opportunities to speak on radio and television and to many journalists about how society should be helping their friends. Hannah often comes to me and asks me to help a friend get back into school or to get some form of assistance for someone, whether adult or child. We have often involved friends who are lawyers to help her friends and have even taken cases to the Constitutional Court (South Africa’s highest court) on behalf of Hannah’s friends. God is not only doing a work in their hearts, He is giving them a voice to the world.

Moving into Hillbrow has been the best thing we could have done for our children. When we put God first in our lives, He takes care of all the details of our lives. He really does love us and wants the best for us and we can trust Him with our children as we pursue Him and His call with all of our lives. We should never let our children set the agenda in our lives, as precious as they are. We believe they are more precious to God than to us and that He will work in their hearts and do things in them we could not even dream of if we allow Him to really be on the throne of our lives completely.

So in conclusion, let me quote Jesus who said, “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” We have found this verse to be true in our new life and Hillbrow and know that Jesus can be trusted!

To follow their story a little more closely, check out www.transforming.org.za or connect with Nigel on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/nigel.branken

[For the next inspiring story, with a similiar flavour, in this series on raising world changers, read this one on Lara Harler Lahr and family in Philly]

How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Three Manns and a little goat

Trevor and the Mann’s [the irony being the rest of them aren’t] are a family I met in Florida last year when they flew us up to speak at a youth function and spoiled us horribly. He is a very busy man and so this is a short offering but exactly the kind of thing i was looking for – a fairly simple way of instilling a great life lesson in their daughter:

Don’t have time to write much but Nicki, Lacie and I have given each other items from World Vision’s gift catalog.

I think my favorite was that I once received a goat. Obviously, I didn’t receive it but a needy family in a 3rd world country did. Lacie usually chooses clothing and meds. It’s a great lesson/experience to share with your family. Here’s the link: http://donate.worldvision.org/OA_HTML/xxwv2ibeCCtpSctDspRte.jsp?section=10389

[To read the next powerful story of a family moving into an area considered to be really dangerous and how that has affected their children, read here] 

How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Sally and Cayden Godsell

So for the past few months my 7 year old son and I have been on a mission to infect the world with kindness.

It all started when after going through a tough time I got to a stage where I was feeling really grateful for all the good things in my life and I decided to do something nice for someone who was less fortunate than me.  It left me feeling so good that I decided this would be a great thing to share with my son. I suggested to him that we have one day a week where we do something nice for someone else be it a friend, family member or stranger.

He was immediately excited at the idea and asked why did it have to only be one day a week, could we not do it every day! So this is how our journey began.

One particular thing that we decided to do one day (and have continued to do generally once a week since then) is full a flask with boiling water and take some coffee, sugar, milk and cups together with some muffins we had baked and drive around our neighbourhood looking for homeless people we can share a warm drink with.

It is currently winter in Cape Town and there have been some really cold days! The first day we met Thomas, Louise and Charlotte. It was really nice to take the time to sit down and talk with these people. They were so surprised that we took the time to sit and talk to them, find out their name and take an interest in their lives. 

[Sally used to be on a youth leaders committee with me a very long time ago and we ate a decent amount of Milo out of the tin together]

[If you are interested you can read more about what they have been doing on their blog – http://caydenskindness.wordpress.com or our facebook page – www.facebook.com/CaydensKindness] 

[For more inspirational stories on how to raise your children as world changers, take a look at Julie Williams story here]