Tag Archive: funny one liners


So the results are in for the Brett Any survey round 3 and the winners in no particular order were:

[3] ‘Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow and when I woke up this morning my pillow was gone. I found it later on the floor next to my bed. It probably got knocked off during the night or something.’ [Brett Andy]

 [5] ‘ “Out, Out damned Spot!” cried lady Macbeth, but still the mutt refused to budge.’ [Brett Andy]

which is a pity cos i feel like [1] and [4] were class, which just goes to show we don’t all find the same things funny and that’s okay…

Moving on to round 4 and once again if you could choose your top 1 to 3 of these and then indicate if there is one or more you would choose to omit from future volumes…

Thank you muchly for your time and remember every vote counts…

[1] “I STARED AT THE MAN EATING TIGER AND BEGAN TO WONDER IF THIS RESTAURANT WAS A TAD TOO EXOTIC FOR MY SIMPLE TASTES.” [Brett Andy]

[2] “SCISSORS ARE CRUSHED. PAPER IS CUT TO SHREDS. ROCK IS LYING THERE GOING, “OH NO, THERE’S A PIECE OF PAPER ON TOP OF ME, WHAT SHALL I DO?’ [BRETT ANDY]

[3] “AS THE BLIND LADY ENTERED THE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT, SHE PONDERED THE IRONY.” [Brett Andy]

[4] “WHAT IF LIFE GOES STRAIGHT TO GIVING YOU LEMONADE? I’M NOT SURE WE’VE BEEN SUFFICIENTLY PREPARED FOR THAT POSSIBILITY.” [BRETT ANDY]

[5] “I STARTED A BUSINESS DESIGNING AND MANUFACTURING SHOES FOR CIRCUS CLOWNS USING THE LEAD FROM DISCARDED PENCILS. BUT I HAD TO STOP ONCE I WAS MADE AWARE OF THE HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT I WAS CREATING.” [BRETT ANDY]

[6] “THEY SAY YOU SHOULD GRAB LIFE BY THE BALLS, WHICH IS TRUE, BUT ALSO NEVER CONFUSE LIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN.” [Brett Andy]

[7] “THE THING I FIND FASCINATING ABOUT ELEPHANTS IS THEIR ABILITY TO SHOOT OUT A POWERFUL STREAM OF WATER FOR HOURS AT A TIME. WAIT, NOT ELEPHANTS… FIRE HYDRANTS!” [BRETT ANDY]

So what’s it going to be? You gonna vote for clowns, seafood, tigers or balls? Please your vote in the comments section and get your friends to participate as well.

[To continue on to the 5th and final round of this survey, click here]

The clear winners of round II of the Brett Andy survey were:

[4] ‘I realised I’d been making a mountain out of a molehill. The mole family, in particular, was not amused.’ [Brett Andy]jhmankind

and,…

[7] ‘I was walking down a dark alley the other day updating my Twitter account when I noticed that someone had just started following me.’ [Brett Andy]

And so we continue with the search for Jack Handeyesque out there random humourage which works as i invite you to place your bets on the top one to three you like from the following list:

[1] ‘Stop throwing the baby out with the bathwater!’ Hank knew that his wife was right. That was the third baby they’d lost already this week.’ [Brett Andy]

[2] ‘I don’t understand why I have so much bellybutton fluff. I guess I’ve just been incredibly lucky cos I only really started collecting seriously a couple of months ago.’ [Brett Andy]

[3] ‘Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow and when I woke up this morning my pillow was gone. I found it later on the floor next to my bed. It probably got knocked off during the night or something.’ [Brett Andy]

[4] ‘As I began chopping the onions, my eyes started to water. I was confused. Why was preparing dinner making me so emotional?’ [Brett Andy]

[5] ‘ “Out, Out damned Spot!” cried lady Macbeth, but still the mutt refused to budge.’ [Brett Andy]

[6] As I pitched my tent I thought to myself, ‘This is the weirdest game of baseball I have ever played.’ [Brett Andy]

[7] ‘My waitress asked me for a tip the other day. I told her to avoid Miley Cyrus music videos.’ [Brett Andy]

There you have them. A strong round but which three will come out on top. Please leave your votes in the comments section below.

 [To move on to Round 4 and some more classic Brett Andy one liners and register your vote there, click here]

 

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: