Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect: The story continues…

once upon a time i developed a bad pseudo afrikaans accent and an idea for a show that would warn people about the inherent dangers lurking behind innocent-seeming things [like paper, ice-cream and screaming “Lego” when someone who is dangling you over a cliff asks what you will give them if they pull you up to safety] and a few people started really enjoying these videos and some people even started sharing them with their friends via the various social networks… there are now 9 of these official videos [and 2 or 3 non official ones that i recorded for english classes, youth groups or new friends because they had a special request – should start charging for these and making T-shirts!] and so in reverse order, here are the Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect videos from the latest one which was:

Episode 10 of DTYCLE speaks about the dangers of procrastination which lurk closeby, especially when you are meant to be doing somethi…

A slightly somewhat longer episode of DTYCLE looking at a few of the aspects related to ART as a Dangerous Thing You Can Least Expect

An episode of Sometimedly Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect covering things that sometimes can be safe and other times can be dangerful.

this two parter episode, which is one for the english classrooms i’m sure, on the Clitchy or as they say in France, the Cliche’

and ‘The Clitchy: part Deux’ or ‘Revenge of the Clitchy’ – first time we have attempted a part too.

episode six, another request, and this time on the unseen hazards linked to Wool

episode five, which has for some reason, known only to South African English teachers, actually been used as an educational tool in a number of schools [mostly in Pretoria] and specifically their English classes was on the topic of Punctuation

episode four saw the first request which was ironically ‘Requests’ seen as to be quite full of danger

episode three was all about sarcasm, or more correctly sar-chasm!

episode two warns about the dangers of Ice-cream

and finally, the one that started it all – episode one – Paper

this thing grows by people liking and commenting on You Tube and liking and sharing on Facebook and tweeting and retweeting on Twitter [and Flickering on Flicka? not sure i’m even sure what that one is] and so thank you to everyone who has done one or more of those or is about to right now…

Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect part 6

so by now you may have watched one of my Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect videos or perhaps you have even watched all of them from the first one which was warning us about the dangers of paper to the one i recorded today on the many potential calamaties associated with wool – or if you have not caught any of them the whole collection can be found here… i appreciate all the facebook shares and twittery tweets as that is how more people get exposure so if they made you smile, laugh or chuckle in any decent way, please spread the love…

unseen Brett Andy IX to vote for…

So today i was on a semi long-distance trip and penned a couple of new brett andy’s – usually i try them out on facebook/twitter first before i see what people really like, but these have never been viewed before and so i would really appreciate it if you would take a minute to mention if any of them make you smile or laugh or silently chortle…

“As I finished sewing up the incision, there was a moment of panic as I thought I’d left the scalpel inside Mr Jenkins. Then a wave of relief swept over me as I remembered that I’m not a surgeon, I’m the janitor.” [Brett Andy]

“I dressed up as a skeleton for Halloween, but then ended up staying at home cos I had no body to go with me.” [Brett Andy]

“As the news came to me that I’d been given the death penalty, I thought to myself, “These new soccer rules are becoming a little extreme.” [Brett Andy]

“ “I’m Thor!” He shouted again. But no-one seemed to be paying much attention. Curse that wretched lisp!” [Brett Andy]

“I’ve always wondered if it is white with black stripes, or black with white stripes. Which was pretty strange because I was looking at a giraffe at the time.” [Brett Andy]

“ “Out, Out, damned spot!” cried Lady Macbeth. But still the mutt refused to budge.” [Brett Andy]

“ “2B or not 2B?” pondered Hamlet, as he contemplated his opening move in Battleships.” [Brett Andy]

“After watching the cricket for five days, I thought, “I’ve got to get me a more interesting bug.” [Brett Andy]

“My wife asked me to turn the kettle on, so I looked at it and said, “Hey baby. How you doin?” [Brett Andy]

“That’s the last time I play Blackjack with Mike Tyson.”

noooooo-body expects the royal wedding inquisition…

so yesterday was one of those fun days when i posted what i thort was a random thort on some global happening and turns out it wasn’t…

not that i am new to this or very much surprised – from not joining the save the orangutang group on facebook which eventually [after much patient messaging and reasoning and trying to be nice] scored Justine from Australia the prize of being the first person i had to block on Facebook [she was seriously stalking me and commenting on every single thing i did on how i had time to change my status but not to save the orangutangs] to wondering if Rob Bell maybe had a point with some of his questions [altho to be honest, this debate just got long and dreary, I can’t remember being personally attacked for it] to not making a big push to save the World of Birds [because christians apparently hate animals and proved it once again] to promoting two township cyclists riding the Epic [because it’s such an expensive race, can’t they ride the Argus and what about the bird people?] to writing about moving to the Simple Way in Philadelphia [cos we have poor people here, how dare you help poor people there] i have been bombarded by a group of people [different every time strangely enough] who have taken up the cause of telling me what a terrible person i am and what i can or can not write on my blog.

yesterday it turned out that i have to love the royal wedding [because one day somehow those two people who got married are going to be my king and queen and will i respect them then? – wrote the south african boy from stellenbosch, south africa] but it is okay if i don’t love sport [cos it’s boring and stupid and real friends do outdoor things]

all of these things remind me of one of my favourite monty python skits from the flying circus series [flip, am i allowed to love british comedy?] which is where a person played by graham chapman walks into the room and announces “there’s trouble at the mill” – when his posh ladyfriend asks him a bunch of questions he eventually gets flustered and says “i was just told to come in here and say there’s trouble at the mill. i didn’t expect a kind of spanish inquisition” – the doors burst open, there is a musical fanfare and three red cardinals come in announcing “Noooooooo-body expects the spanish inquisition. our weapon is fear, that’s all fear and surprise. our TWO weapons are fear, surprise and a ruthless efficiency to the pope, our THREE…” and so on until he changes it to, “Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as…” – ah you should just go and watch it here.

so some of what i have learned from these various blogs is the following:

[1] you have to like what i like and so much so that you must support it and if you don’t like it then keep it to yourself and don’t you dare mention that you don’t like it – that will somehow lead to what i like being irreparably damaged forever somehow

[2] if i disagree with what your blog is about i will tell you so, many times, and rush as quickly as i can to making it a personal attack on you, what you like, who you spend time with and what you spend time doing, or don’t

[3] when you write about positive things like creating better relationships or making a difference to the poor i will be very, very quiet because it is a lot harder for me to rant on those things and i prefer the easy targets

[4] some people, like Caryn and Brits, come around and we move to a place of being able to interact quite positively and be mutual encouragers which is why i always will try to take the time to reason and explain and love and try and be patient and engage…

and [5] my friends rock! as someone who likes to believe that i don’t get affected much by what people say and think about me [which is true to a huge extent] i do realise that at the end of another long day of slogging it out with people i don’t know, that a kind comment from Cara or my extended family members or Kleinfrans or Sammi and a bunch of other people who i know and love [or a nice defence/take on by my beautiful wife Val] let’s me realise that actually a barrage does tend to wear one down – so thank you friends and family for your comments when they have come, cos they have brought life and encouragement and strength and helped me to carry on.

and to close off with words from another amazing scene, “Listen, don’t mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.” [Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers, The Germans]

april 8 brett andy quotes to be voted upon…

so one of my favourite funny people in life is a guy called Jack Handey who used to write one liners that were used on SNL such as:

“Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.” [Jack Handey]

and:

“Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke.” But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.” [Jack Handey]

or even:

“It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” [Jack Handey]

some random, some funny, some randomly funny, some just clever and i really dig most of them. So much so that i decided that it is time for me to reach deep within my misdirected randomised humour machine and see if there is anything lurking there that might make people smile or gently laugh and hopefully even one day create a legitimate laughing out loud experience [milk or coke out the nose and i’ll have arrived!]

so i’ve started writing some brett [my first name] andy’s [shortened form of my last name, to avoid being sued] and i’m keen to have some feedback… this is my second list of brett andy’s to assess and i would appreciate it if you could read through them and highlight which ones you think really work and which your funniest one or two are [one of them i think is really horrible but overall i think as a whole they’re better than my first list]

“I wonder if Bono would have mixed reactions today if he stumbled upon that misplaced item from the past because, yes, I finally have found it after all these years, but the song has gotten pretty big.” [brett andy]

“It really messes with my mind that I’ve got memories of the last time I had amnesia.” [brett andy]

“Slinkies, the series ‘Friends’, Facebook, Terry Pratchett, microwaved chocolate, Johnny Depp, tall wild mochas, Survivor, polaroid sunglasses and astro hockey have all come into existence since the initial dividing up of our bread into toastable pieces. All I’m saying is, it’s high time we update that saying.” [brett andy]

“I sometimes wonder if the very first accident actually involved an axe and the groove that was formed in some surface due to the mindlessly casual swinging thereof.” [brett andy]

“I don’t understand why I have so much bellybutton fluff. I guess I’ve just been incredibly lucky cos I only really started collecting seriously a couple of months ago.” [brett andy]

“I really hate how Coffee keeps me up every night. Why my neighbour had to call his german shepherd that, I don’t think I’ll ever understand.” [brett andy]

“I wonder who the first person was who said, “Hey, why don’t we push a stick through a marshmallow and hold it over the flames and then eat it once it’s melted in the middle,” because that didn’t turn out so badly, did it?” [brett andy]

“I did a search for Spiderman on the web the other day.” [brett andy]

“A mare is simply an adult female horse. I’m just not sure why seeing them after the sun has gone down is so scary.” [brett andy]

“Walking underneath a ladder, after breaking a mirror, is considered to bring you extreme bad luck, especially when there are vicious snarling black cats, that haven’t been fed for a week, standing on every single one of the steps of that ladder. Oh, and also you’re a mouse.” [brett andy]

and another guest Mjandey from MJ:

“The problem with having female tribal leaders is that everyone would always try and make a pun out of Ms. Chief.” [Mjandey]

[to go straight to next page of brett andy’s click here]

he’s not heavy, he’s my [klein] brother…

i have a cool friend called kleinfrans [he’s not] who is a really rad man, and he has a brain and thinkx about things and i think has some good stuff to say [and him and his rad wife michelle took us to play mashie golf, twice!] and so i wanted to stick up some links to the last three cool things he blogged about:

http://ishouldwritemore.wordpress.com/2011/03/04/is-hell-real

http://ishouldwritemore.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/zuckerberg-zombies

http://ishouldwritemore.wordpress.com/2011/03/01/the-book-you-believe-in

enjoy, comment, engage…

How to Love your Woman Better part arguing well. Part I (of III)

This one goes out to those of you who have girlfriends or wives (and if you’ve been paying attention and using your brains all along this series you will realise that most of what i say would fit into a ‘how to love your man better’ series or be applied to family and friends and work colleagues to differing extents so i hope no-one has been put off by the titles – i am specifically wanting to help guys be better men which is why i am addressing it to them) because as amazing and incredible and heart-fluttering and life-transforming and silly-grin-forming and so on as it is, there will come a time…

Being married is not easy. Well i mean it is. A lot. A lot of lots of easy. A lot of the time. But not all of the time. Sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes it is work/effort. Sometimes it is sacrifice and compromise. And sometimes it is arguing…

Because inevitably that will happen. If you never ever argue or fight in your relationship then chances are you are not being real with each other. In fact i’d stake the farm on it. I don’t have a farm, but if i did this is the bet i’d gamble it on. And i don’t think it is much of a gamble. There may be some couple reading this who go ‘oh but we never fight’ – if you’re a long distance couple and see each other for two days once a month then that is likely to be true because every night is date night and mxit or facebook or sms or phone call only reveal the good positive happy fun side of your person. But if you are in ongoing relationship (and especially if you are married when you have to stick around – and more importantly choose to – you can’t not be there when you don’t feel like it or when you’re cranky or she’s cranky or you both are) and see each other a lot, there will be conflict. [or one of you or even both in our grande dislike of confrontation might suppress and argument and back away or withdraw and so it may look like you’re not fighting, but the fight has just moved to an internal battlefield with far worse consequences eventually]

And so arguments will happen. To love your woman better you can choose to argue well.

To continue to the next part click here