faith, hope and silly attempts at funny one liners

so i haven’t been blogging here much lately – largely it’s because tbV and i have been doing transcription work for the HSRC which takes up a lot of our time and involves a bigger lot of typing – listening to interviews on audio and typing them out and some of them are not very clear so it’s a lot of focus and listening and scribing and so i guess i get a bit overtyped by the end of the day [i’m writing this at the beginning of the day thus defeating it before it begins… but i do hear it stirring in the background… so please keep it down, sh…]

the one thing i have been doing has been trying to increase my collection of brett andy one liners inspired by jack handey much funnier one liners – you can take a look at these over here – http://brettandy.wordpress.com – and i am gradually adding the ones i’ve already come up with as well as trying to come up with new ones – possibly the top three popular ones thus far have been:

“I HAD A FLEA CIRCUS ONCE AND THE FLEAS WERE INSANELY TALENTED IN A WHOLE VARIETY OF DIFFERENT ACTS. BUT IT WAS THE NEIGHBOUR’S DOG WHO STOLE THE SHOW.” [ BRETT ANDY]

“I WOULD IMAGINE A HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE WOULD BE A REALLY UGLY THING. WITH HOOVES IT MUST BE ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GRIP A PENCIL FOR STARTERS AND THEN THERE IS ALL THAT FINE DETAIL AROUND THE EDGES TO CONSIDER.” [BRETT ANDY]

and my latest:

“DO YOU THINK IF MINUTES WERE EDIBLE, THEY’D TASTE GOOD ENOUGH THAT WE’D WANT TO GO BACK FOR SECONDS?” [BRETT ANDY]

the blog page is still starting up and i need a lot more people to see it so please feel free to share the link on twitter, facebook etc or just send people one that you like – you can go directly there by clicking here or here, but not here. No, definitely not that last one.

and then a mixture of trusting God and doing everything we can do to get everything sorted for our simple way journey to live and work and minister in an inner city area in philadelphia with shane claiborne and friends… we have found someone to take our lease over [tick] but the big one is figuring out which visa to get and getting it and then we have air tickets to get, cars to sell, varsity loan to pay, and taking car of our stuff… so a busy 6 or so weeks…

the transcription work ends at the end of the first week of may and then i am hoping to dive wholeheartedly into finishing my book, but also be back more here and hopefully coming up with even funnier brett andys.

have a day.

april 8 brett andy quotes to be voted upon…

so one of my favourite funny people in life is a guy called Jack Handey who used to write one liners that were used on SNL such as:

“Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.” [Jack Handey]

and:

“Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke.” But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.” [Jack Handey]

or even:

“It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.” [Jack Handey]

some random, some funny, some randomly funny, some just clever and i really dig most of them. So much so that i decided that it is time for me to reach deep within my misdirected randomised humour machine and see if there is anything lurking there that might make people smile or gently laugh and hopefully even one day create a legitimate laughing out loud experience [milk or coke out the nose and i’ll have arrived!]

so i’ve started writing some brett [my first name] andy’s [shortened form of my last name, to avoid being sued] and i’m keen to have some feedback… this is my second list of brett andy’s to assess and i would appreciate it if you could read through them and highlight which ones you think really work and which your funniest one or two are [one of them i think is really horrible but overall i think as a whole they’re better than my first list]

“I wonder if Bono would have mixed reactions today if he stumbled upon that misplaced item from the past because, yes, I finally have found it after all these years, but the song has gotten pretty big.” [brett andy]

“It really messes with my mind that I’ve got memories of the last time I had amnesia.” [brett andy]

“Slinkies, the series ‘Friends’, Facebook, Terry Pratchett, microwaved chocolate, Johnny Depp, tall wild mochas, Survivor, polaroid sunglasses and astro hockey have all come into existence since the initial dividing up of our bread into toastable pieces. All I’m saying is, it’s high time we update that saying.” [brett andy]

“I sometimes wonder if the very first accident actually involved an axe and the groove that was formed in some surface due to the mindlessly casual swinging thereof.” [brett andy]

“I don’t understand why I have so much bellybutton fluff. I guess I’ve just been incredibly lucky cos I only really started collecting seriously a couple of months ago.” [brett andy]

“I really hate how Coffee keeps me up every night. Why my neighbour had to call his german shepherd that, I don’t think I’ll ever understand.” [brett andy]

“I wonder who the first person was who said, “Hey, why don’t we push a stick through a marshmallow and hold it over the flames and then eat it once it’s melted in the middle,” because that didn’t turn out so badly, did it?” [brett andy]

“I did a search for Spiderman on the web the other day.” [brett andy]

“A mare is simply an adult female horse. I’m just not sure why seeing them after the sun has gone down is so scary.” [brett andy]

“Walking underneath a ladder, after breaking a mirror, is considered to bring you extreme bad luck, especially when there are vicious snarling black cats, that haven’t been fed for a week, standing on every single one of the steps of that ladder. Oh, and also you’re a mouse.” [brett andy]

and another guest Mjandey from MJ:

“The problem with having female tribal leaders is that everyone would always try and make a pun out of Ms. Chief.” [Mjandey]

[to go straight to next page of brett andy’s click here]

Pearls before You

i’m not going to lie, i think Pearls Before Swine (ah, you got it, did you?) is one of the greatest cartoons ever – you can now see animated versions of some of them via You Tube podcast – i love it – today’s one is brilliant and typical – keep on stephan pastis, keep on…

for more of these or to find his collections or receive the daily comic, head here…

my waffly wedded wife… funnier than lot pitching his ‘tents’

so at the bottom of the blackberry skit i saw the link to this video and it was funnier than i imagined – how is that laugh?

check it out here

quality dilbert

i went thru a phase of really enjoying dilbert comics and bought a whole bunch of the annuals and watched the super-secret-flippinly-weird-but-fun short-lived dilbert animated series (thankx simon van wyk) and i really dig it because that’s what got me hooked on Pearls Before Swine cartoons by stephan pastis which are really amazing and which arrive in my inbox on a daily basis and so i have not read dilbert for a long time but then this one arrived on my fb wall and it is a classique:

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2007-12-02

safe as butter

so recently i found this site with cartoons on it, some of which make me laugh a lot, some of which are smile out loud funny and some which are a little too edgy for my liking, so kinda have to sift through the okay and mediocre to get to the good, but this one today really made me smile…

http://buttersafe.com/2010/10/14/wall-rus

japanese game show recap

so if you have never seen japanese game shows you have missed out big time – i had a bunch of bandwidth to use up before the month ends and so i thort i’d try seek out some new ones [next post] but for those of you who have missed out, here is a recap of some of my favourite japanese game show moments:

human tetris

the marshmallow eating game

playing soccer wearing binoculars

not to be tried at home but tug of war with pantyhose over head

and then of course the best (or worst) – tongue twisters with a consequence