I came [to a point of stillness], I saw [things to be grateful for]… Who’s up for some conquering?

In the Anderson household [Val is away in Atlanta this week] a variety of yellow post-its have suddenly appeared saying things like ‘No coffee’ and ‘Coffee fast’ as reminders to me of what i have committed myself to.

Who is up for a new challenge?

So by now if you’ve been following this blog you will know that tbV and i are leading a book study of Mark Scandrette’s book, ‘Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most’ and have been engaging in a variety of experiments which i have been inviting others to join in via this blog and the book of facings.

First up was the invitation to stop rushing and to be still and it was most excellent reading the feedback in the comments section of others who gave it a try with me [so thank you for that gift!]. Next up was the gratitude log, making a note of at least five things every day for ten days that you are thankful for [and the feedback post for that will be coming later this week].

This coming week the chapter we are looking at is titled, ‘Believe you have enough’ and the experiment we have been invited into looks like this:

‘EXPERIMENT: DISCIPLINES OF CONTENTMENT

‘We are challenged to believe that we live in a world of abundance and that our true happiness comes from receiving the lives we’ve been given. As with all of His teachings, Jesus’ instructions about money and wealth point to the heart and invite us into greater freedom. They are designed to help us see accurately that we live in a world where God provides all that we need.

Take a voluntary fast. To experience the freedom of enough requires us to take new risks of action and practice.

For thousands of years the discipline of fasting has helped earnest spiritual seekers to curb the desire for more and to distinguish between needs and wants. Jesus seemed to have assumed that His followers would fast [Matthew 6.16] A fast can also help to reveal our disordered attachments – those things we habitually go to that are not a true or lasting source of comfort. Many people find that abstaining from something they normally us as a coping mechanism brings them face to face with pain, worries or deeper wounds they have been avoiding. Dallas Willard suggests that fasting helps prepare us to do good, because it trains us to say no to bodily desires in favour of intentional choices of obedience.

What do your patterns of spending or consumption reveal about a potential disordered attachment? Is there something that you consume on a daily or regular basis that would be revealing for you to abstain from this week [snacks, coffee, alcohol, media, meat]? As an act of contentment commit to a seven-day fast from something you regularly enjoy… Remember, your fast is something between you and God. Jesus taught that fasting should be done discreetly, in a way that wouldn’t be obvious to others. [Matthew 6.16] 

You may also want to consider the potential benefits of a longer-term fast of some kind. Our friend Melanie has challenged herself to live on $1.50 a day for forty days, giving the money she saves on daily living expenses to an organisation that helps people get access to food or clean water. The next year she tried to live on $1 a day. Each year our friend Darin gives up something he enjoys and will miss as a reminder that his true happiness isn’t dependent on always having more or getting what he wants.  One year he might abstain from meat or caffeine; another year he might abstain from watching movies or buying books. Many people have found it helpful to fast from shopping or buying new clothes for a specified time. To make it more fun, people often make these commitments with a group of friends.’

THE CHALLENGE: 

So i am inviting you to join me in a week’s fasting of something you enjoy. I have chosen to abstain from coffee for the week. And I know there is the line about keeping fasting to yourself but I am going to invite you to share with us what you choose to fast from as a form of accountability. So don’t make it a status and let everyone else know, but if you choose to join us on this, then leave a comment telling us you’re in and letting us know what you will be choosing to abstain from for the next seven days [if you start this late just do seven days from when you begin]

As with the other challenges, i will do a follow up post later and you will also be invited to let us know how it went.

So is anyone with me and what is your thing?

[For the Final Part Summary and Conclusion and Invitation to you to get involved, click here]

marriage sucks.

My wife, the beautiful Val [tbV] left for a week’s conference in Atlanta today.

As is my tradition when i am away from her i wrote her a letter to remind her that she is much loved and thought of while she is away. And i googled ‘inspirational wife quote’ to try and find an uplifting quote to give her.

Over 40 pages of quotes appeared on a site called Brainyquote and one of the first ones i saw was this one, which i used:

‘Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.’ [Franz Schubert]

As i finished my letter to tbV i thought, ‘Let me find her another cool quote’ and that’s where it began…

Three pages later I had given up the search as quote after quote was of the following theme:

‘A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.’ [Michel de Montaigne]

‘Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing.’ [Oscar Wilde]

‘I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.’ [Rodney Dangerfield]

‘When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.’ [Sacha Guitry]

And on and on they went. I do realise that a number of the sources quoted are stand-up comedians, but that just goes to show the kind of thing we use to get laughs.

It is a subtle erosion of marriage and it is a message that happens all around us all of the time.

I get particularly annoyed when ministers make jokes about marriage at a wedding. It feels like sending the couple off on a lifelong journey with a negative message ringing in their ears. Phrases like “ball and chain” and lines like “marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night – you get a ring and then you wake up” will get laughs, but they will also add a silent barb to those married people who may not be finding marriage that easy at the moment and it’s like a public confirmation that you might be right in thinking or feeling the way you are.

It would be marginally better if a search for ‘inspirational wife quotes’ had even produced a list where half of the quotes were lifting women and wives up as something good and worth celebrating. Instead i would say that 70% or even more of the quotes had the wife [or husband] as the butt of some joke, with many of them promoting adultery and mistresses as a normal expected part of the conversation.

In our experience, marriage has not always been the easiest thing. Especially when two strong personalities come together, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt, a lot of grace and Love to be chosen. Forgiveness to be asked for and freely given. We desperately need people cheering us on and holding up the idea of a working marriage, not throwing stones or tossing subtly camouflauged barbs ‘in the name of jest’ – it just isn’t helpful.

Let me agree with Franz that I am a happy man because I have found a true friend in my wife. I love Val very much and I cheer her on as she journeys through life on a path that often intersects with mine and sometimes doesn’t. I want her to feel lifted up by my words and actions [a feat i certainly don’t always get right] and never want something i say in jest to be something that causes her pain or mistrust or creates a space for even the smallest crack to start emerging.

i don’t think anyone just decided to commit adultery or give up on their marriage. It is a combination of a whole lot of smaller things that are left undealt with. A bunch of small, individual cracks that eventually become visible, often when it is too late.

i imagine there will be a bunch of people who think i am overreacting with this whole thing. But the marriage stats speak for themselves. Marriage does not have the greatest track record at the moment. It is in desperate need of people who will champion it, who will speak life into it and cheer it on from the sides [as other married couples and as single or dating people] – we need all the help we can get.

How about you? Can you identify with any of this notion of less-than-affirming-message-towards-marriage? When last did you hear someone speak about their husband or wife in joking fashion that really caused you to pause for a moment and raise an eyebrow? If you are married, how do others hear you speak about your spouse? 

Looking for a new game to buy: Dixit

There are two kinds of game-playing people in the world to my reckoning:

[1] Those who were brought up on what are now old school games like Monopoly, Risk, Cluedo, Scrabble and an assortment of simple card playing games like Uno [with the ‘fast card’ rule else essentially you are taking turns to put down cards in a row, please people], and

[2] Those who have played Settlers or Catan or any game that has been created since then and influenced by that type and style of game from Seven Wonders and Dominion to Puerto Rico, Stone Age and more…

The old school games [which there is nothing wrong with] generally have one focus and mode of play and you try do that better than everyone else and you win [and most of them have a certain degree of luck to them where it comes down to dice rolls or right cards etc]

The new school games generally are multi-layered – one reason why i believe Settlers was such a hit [as well as Carcassonne and others like it] was that determining how the board looks is a part of the game and so every game is different. Then there are usually a few [or a lot once you hit Cities and Knights] different paths you can take towards securing victory. I prefer the new school games generally because there are more options and often a certain amount of space for strategy.

Then there is my dad who is in his own group and just doesn’t like games at all, although he will gladly sit in the next room shouting out [and getting them right!] Trivial Pursuit answers while the rest of us are playing…

And then there is Dixit. There are so many great games these days that it is no longer about trying to find a good game to get but more trying to find out which good game to get [kind of like Series – there is really no reason these days to force yourself to watch a bad tv series cos there is so much quality on offer] and Dixit for me feels like a great addition [or start] to the family games pile.

For this main reason – apart from my dad i think it will work for pretty much anyone who has some inclination towards games.

So what is it? Well i describe it as a cross  between Pictionary and Balderdash. Each person is dealt six cards with various scenes/pictures on them – the person  whose turn it is chooses one card and without showing people gives a word or phrase or song lyric  or sound effect that describes their card. Everyone else chooses a card that they feel best represents that [you get points for people choosing your card so you want to make people guess yours] and then they get shuffled up and put down on the table and without being allowed to vote for your own card, each person votes and tries to guess the card of the person who is on. That person also has to place a vote on one they obviously know is wrong.

What makes this tricky is that if everyone votes for yours you get no points. If no-one votes for yours you get no points. You need a combination of people voting for yours and not voting for yous – so you can’t be too obvious or too obscure. When the votes are revealed people score points and everyone gets dealt one new card and the next person takes over as the lead person. So simple and yet so much fun.

It is set up for 4 to 6 people but if you have more you can divide into teams and so i would say it would comfortably work for 12 or even 18 people.

What’s cool about it is you can play it at a simple level and everyone will feel included or you can play it with tons of strategy so doesn’t really leave people out. We took it to another level by adding the rule that each round a different player adds the rule of clue. So for one round you had to give a song lyric as your clue, for the next you could only use sound effects and the following round was facial expressions so you can just imagine how silly and fun it got.

Really worth investing some money into. Because different people play and the cards will come out in different orders i imagine this will remain fresh for years to come and there are expansions you can buy for new and exciting themed packs of cards. We are still on the basic game but looking forward to picking up an expansion some day.

Get it, play it and let me know what you think…

What game would you recommend?

Been still and known.

this last week, i was still and knew…

So this began with a throw-away line in a sermon and a post titled, ‘If you are always in a rush, are you really following Jesus [who never was]?

Followed by the invitation to do a non-rush experiment which about 15 people took up with me… and which i would highly advise you giving a try from today if you were not one of those people… and an excerpt from the devotional i am working through looking at the place of rest being the source of strength.

and so here is the conclusion or a glimpse into the experience and i am hoping that some of the others who did this will share their experiences in the comments section below… and even if you arrived at this party a little late and decide to do this over the next week, we would love to hear how it went for you so come back and share.

basically the idea was to take between 10 and 20 minutes each day and just stop and be still and intentionally step back from the rush of what life and busyness and work and social networking can become… and to listen and watch and breathe and pray and take it all in.

we have been working at our home this week and so i tried to do my non-rush time around lunchtime each day and went outside and sat in the empty parking space behind our four apartment complex or on the pavement in front and just slowed everything down…

and it was really great.

stepping away from the computer screen for one was a good discipline. turning off from work and social networks and responsibilities and just focusing on God and the surroundings.

one thing i did a lot of was focusing on different sounds… so people and then traffic and then nature – just focusing on an individual sound or collection of sounds within the noise of the day. another was focusing on nature. different types of trees. a lone bird sitting on a rooftop, and another on an electricity wire and a third on a tree.

another thing was letting me mind wander to people i knew who needed prayer. so taking time to lift them up to God and think about them and their situation. by slowing down the day i found that these came flowing towards me with greater ease. who do i know that could use some prayer right now? and then later on taking time to email some of them and encourage them or just let them know they were in my prayers.

taking time to inward reflect a little. about my life in general, what positive changes could be made? about my relationship with tbV and other friends of mine. about responsibilities and things needing to be prioritised. i found that slowing down in many ways helped me to become more focused and hopefully more productive or intentional when i went back to work and life.

it is something i want to continue to do because i see the value for it every day. the irony in the week of doing ‘non-rush’ moments of being still is that it was the Saturday [when i only had one thing on my agenda] that i did’t get around to doing it… only day i missed was my least busiest day… which says to me this is something we can make time for.

how about you? i would love to hear how your time of non-rushingment went…

[To continue to the next post looking at Keeping a Log of Gratitude for a Week, click here]

Pearls before Age

nailed it Mr Pastis, nailed it… age is a number and how you act in life truly shows how old you are:

 

[To find our Rat’s reasons for attending church, click here]

[For Pig’s definition of ‘making out’ click here]

 

Anyone up for doing a Log of Gratitude experiment with me?

So a bunch of us are nearing the end of an experiment of avoiding the rush, which you can read more about here, and i am going to share some of my experiences and hope others will do the same in the next day or two…

…but in the meantime our ‘Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most’ carries on and this week we are focusing on Gratitude and Trust.

And one of the pieces of homework is a Log of Gratitude and once again i would love to find at least nine other people who will commit to doing this with me for the next ten days, so, if you are one of them, please leave your name in the comments below…

‘KEEP A DAILY GRATITUDE LOG

The practice of gratitude helps us recognise how we have been lavished and loved. “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.” [Psalm 106.1]

Living gratefully is an important discipline because it affirms what is evidentially true – that we are cared for by an abundant Provider who delights to give us many good things. This week keep a daily gratitude log. At the beginning or end of each day write down five things you are thankful for. Try not to repeat. If you write each item in sentence form, your list will begin to take the shape of a poem. For example:

I am grateful for…

the taste of coffee in the morning

how sunlight fills a room with warmth

the gentleness of a kiss on the cheek

the power I feel in my legs when I run

Your list could be a random collection of things that move you, or you might pick a theme for each day: food, people, nature. Or you might want to spend some extra time outside looking and listening for signs of God’s abundance. At the end of the week read your poetic list to a friend or small group. ‘

[from ‘Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most’ by Mark Scandrette]

So there it is, and if you’re feeling particularly brave and sharey then i will invite you to share your ten day’s worth of Gratitude with us in the follow-up blog.

Anyone up for this? 

[For Feedback from my Week of Gratitude, click here]

Coming to church with your junk hanging out…

So a while back you may remember that this South African accented guy preached at Re:Generation church where tbV and i have been attending and i focused a small part of my sermon on the passage in Proverbs where it talks about ‘Guarding your heart’ and how we sometimes take that out of context…

A whole bunch of people at the back of the church heard me say something completely different and spent a bunch of the rest of the sermon [and the following week apparently] trying to understand why i thought that God was hot. [in Americaland the South African for ‘Guard your heart’ can sometimes sound like ‘God, You’re hot!’]

Which you can read more about here…

So this week i am hardly even doing a preach – just prepping people into a time of praying for each other and i say something that gets a discernible reaction from my wife and i thought it might have been one thing, but it didn’t seem to be big enough to have gotten that reaction, so i forget about it and carry on.

The focus of the ministry time was people dealing with the crap in their lives – from Hebrews 12.1 – ‘throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles’ – but i had had the ‘crap’ conversation with the leaders just to get their opinion on it [i find the word ‘crap’ is one that is on the edge – some people see it as a swear word, others don’t have any problem with it] and decided that although not highly offensive it would be better to use something more safe and so i was focusing so heavily on not panic’ing and saying ‘crap’ by mistake, that apparently what i did say was:

“Look around you at the people sitting here. We don’t wear the junk in our lives. No-one comes to church with their junk hanging out.”

Yes, i preached the phrase, ‘No-one comes to church with their junk hanging out’

Which is true. We definitely do not encourage that at Re:Gen.  But that was not quite the point i was intending although the Sniggermometer my wife had with her told me later that it was definitely what some of the people around her heard…

Ah, whatever, God is hot.

[also a lot of people who googled ‘junk hanging out’ just got severely disappointed with this picture of an ancient Chinese boat]