back to your future – part Learn

“No man is rich enough to buy back his past.” [Oscar Wilde]

But you can discover richness if you are willing to learn from it.

As we continue to focus on how looking back well can help us move forwards successfully, the next aspect i want to touch on is learning. We may not be able to change the past, but we can definitely learn from it to help change the future trajectory we might currently be on.

“Study the past if you would define the future.” [Confucius]

How do we learn from the past? Well, creating opportunities to reflect can be a good one. When tbV and i were finished out time at the Simple Way we took a few opportunities to sit together at a restaurant with a bunch of pieces of paper with different headings on them – What were some of the things we learnt these last 19 months? Who are the people we are going to miss? What were some of the disappointments? What are some of the moment we want to celebrate? What were our highs and lows?

This can be such a helpful thing to do when finishing off one season of life and heading into the next. By taking time to name and focus on good and bad things that happened, you can help put yourself into a place where you can maximise the good and avoid the bad in the future. Questions like ‘How could I have handled that relationship better?’ or ‘What might have been a better use of my time in this area? can really set us up well to be able to create better rhythms and habits as we move into a new context.

It is a good exercise to do by yourself but possibly even a better one to do with someone else as they can help identify blind spots if you create space for them to speak honestly [and lovingly] to you.

So maybe you are about to finish school or study. Maybe there is a new job on the horizon or you are about to physically move to a new place. Maybe you children are about to leave school or home. Perhaps you recently ended a dating relationship with someone or had a friendship end really badly. Would it maybe help to set aside some time and reflect on the past with the purpose in mind of setting yourself up well for the future.

It might even be something you want to do at the end of a year. Instead of the traditional ‘Write overambitious New Year’s Resolutions and try and keep them for about a week’ practice, how about scheduling a time [with your spouse if you are married or a group of friends, make a weekend trip of it] to sit down and look back at the last year and focus on both highlights and low lights and do what you can to set yourself up better for the coming year.

This is one way we can benefit from looking backwards which can really have such a huge positive impact on how we live forwards…

“The only thing new in the world is the history you do not know.” [Harry S. Truman]

[To continue to the next important and potentially life-transforming part on Forgiving, click here]

How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Lisa Scandrette and Hailey, Noah and Isaiah

tbV and i met Lisa and Mark Scandrette and their family while over here in Americaland. They have just released a book titled ‘Free: How to spend your time and money on what matters most’ and so it felt fitting to invite them to share with us a glimpse from their story in terms of hearing some ways in which they have looked to help their children grow up well. Here is Lisa Scandrette [who has possibly one of the best t-shirts ever!]:

We moved to the heart of the Mission District, at the time a neighborhood riddled with gang violence, when our kids were 4, 3 and 1.  We had a desire to raise kids who bring good to the world through the gifts and talents God has given them.  Hailey, Noah and Isaiah are now 19, 18 and 16.  When I look back, two things stand out as being helpful in beginning to instill a vision for doing good in our kids:

When we first moved to San Francisco, a friend asked with great concern, “How can you bring your kids to live in the neighborhood that you are living in?  Shouldn’t you be looking out for their safety and well being?”  I responded that I was certain that when God called us to live where we do, that he hadn’t forgotten about our kids.  He had a plan for them that included the kind of parents he had placed them with. So, we took them with us.  In fact, we took them with us to do lots of things.  Together, we ate with homeless neighbors under the bridge and passed out groceries at a food pantry.  We conspired together to show hospitality to visitors.  They often all three shared a room so that we could offer a bed to a guest.  They would help me clean or prepare food or draw a “Welcome” sign.  They came along to workshops and watched us do the work we felt passionate about.

After many years of them being present in our projects, it has been an honor, as our kids have begun to step into projects that they are passionate about, to be able to support and help them.  When the tsunami hit Japan in 2011, our daughter was in the process of organizing a senior prom.  She was struck by the great need and uneasy contrasting that with what her friends might be spending on prom.  She wanted to do something to help,  so she decided to organize a benefit.  Gathering a dozen or so of her theater friends, she planned an evening full of entertainment, rented a church space, and invited everyone she knew.  Noah baked cookies, Isaiah played his violin, and Mark and I helped with food and behind the scenes details.  Her event was a success, raising over $700 for tsunami relief.  Even more, she was able to host an enjoyable evening for her friends that helped them also think about others with need.

Secondly, we have tried to observe our kids for hints about the work they might feel passionate about. Noah loves to explain things.  In fact, one of his earliest words was the word “actually.” As he’s grown, we’ve looked for healthy ways for him to explore his passion for knowing and telling. When he was twelve, he was asked to assist teaching five and six year olds in a nature studies class.  In high school, he worked at a science museum, explaining exhibits to the public and how various scientific demonstrations work.  One summer, he helped kids in East Oakland document where they saw God’s beauty through photography. Our hope is that as he has had the opportunity to explore different ways of explaining and teaching, he might have a better idea of the sorts of things he is made to do and even some things that he is not made to do.

[For more information about their book titled ‘Free’, click here]

[For another excellent story on how to raise your children as world changers meet Dalene Reyburn here]

back to your future – part People Gratitude

“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.”  [John F. Kennedy]

we can often fall into the habit of thinking of the past with a negative light in terms of missed opportunities or  things done to us or perhaps people we might have hurt or disappointed or maybe baggage we carry from broken relationships. This stuff can really weigh us down and also cause a lot of damage to our present and future and so i believe it is really helpful to take a look backwards in a positive light and see if there is anything we can or need to do, to help us live more fully now and beyond.

i think a great next thing to take a look at is the idea of people gratitude – Remembering those people who poured into your life and helped shape you into the person you have become today.

‘Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” [A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh]

if i had to start naming names on this one i would be busy for a very long time, and i would no doubt leave a lot of people out and possibly make someone sad… but there are just so many people who i am grateful to have had in my life for shorter or longer periods of time. people who took chances on me and gave me opportunities, people who defended me, often without me even knowing it, before others who criticised or judged or wanted to take me down in some way… those who took time to really listen to me and hear me, those who wrestled with me [metaphorically, for the most part] who held opposing ideas but who never allowed that to affect the love or friendship between us… those who were completely generous to me in a thousand different ways [and now to me and the beautiful Val]… and all those who are currently pouring money and prayer and encouragement into this part of our journey in Americaland… those who were brave enough to call me on stuff [especially those who managed to do it in such a way that the love still was recognisable] who probably deserve a double portion of gratitude and some form of danger pay for the risk-taking…

to all these people i am grateful. and i try to find opportunities to express that gratitude in a variety of different ways, and know that i can and should do better in this area.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” [Marcel Proust]

what about you? take a moment to think about some people who have made significant contributions to you life – those who made you feel good, those who comforted you or simply listened or were there when times were tough, and those who risked saying difficult things you really needed to hear and hopefully listened to.

when last did you write someone a note, give someone a call or simply drop them a text to say ‘Thank-you for…’ 

why not take a few minutes now to do that… and then try and work it in regularly into your weekly schedule – start cultivating a rhythm of gratitude

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” [Elizabeth Gilbert]

[To continue to the next part which looks at learning from your past, click here]

God of the impossible

Can two contrasting answers to a one answer question both be right?

At church yesterday an Indian guy called Peter shared his testimony of how he was adopted by American parents after his father had had to put him and his brother up for adoption after his mother died [two of the six children were put up for adoption as the father thought they would get a better life that way].

Before that his American parents-to-be had already had four children of their own, and due to medical reasons could not have any more, but the mom believed that she had two more children. But she wanted the dad to come to the same decision. One night he went to a church meeting that she was supposed to go to in which a missionary from India spoke and he came home and announced to his wife that he thought they had the capacity for two more children. So they started the process of investigation.

During that time two different sets of people were praying for them and believed God told them the ages of their children. The one couple told them their children would be 6 and 8 years old and the second couple told them they would be 11 and 13 years old. [Now this is going to be a tough one for God to make happen, right? Wrong.] Peter and his brother were 6 and 8 years old when their American parents met them for the first time… and they were 11 and 13 when they arrived in Americaland to be joined to their new family.

DOES THAT NOT BLOW YOU AWAY? It really should. The ‘nah, coincidence’ people are going to have a tough time with that one. And it would have been great to be able to hear the parent’s account of the story because before you know the end to it, you hear the different ages and your initial thought is, ‘Hm, i wonder which one got it wrong.’ But no, God is faithful and it is stories like this which just help prove it. We serve the God of the absolutely impossible.

This reminds me of an ex convict marching up to a national leader and declaring to him, “Let my people go!” Or a nation marching around a city seven times and blowing some musical instruments and shouting and seeing the walls collapse on the city. It reminds me of a shepherd boy with a catty and five little stones facing down a giant of a military man or another little kid with a severely reduced army taking on an army, described as many as the grains of sand on a beach,  with 300 people armed with torches and trumpets.

And so on… and it is not the miracle that is as attractive as the love and power of an involved God that it points towards. Something about trusting in the Lord, with all of our hearts, and leaning not on our own understanding. In all our ways acknowledging Him and watching as He makes our paths straight. [paraphrase of Proverbs 3.5-6]

imagine a world where this was the norm…

this is a clip with the passing-it-forward [Jesus kinda provided the inspiration with ‘Love your neighbor’, right?] idea that is powerfully dramatised and passed on to me by my friend Kevin Smuts:

 

and then a friend of Kevin’s posted this short and true story which is apparently the inspiration for the first piece.

while i hope our motivation for doing ‘random’ acts of goodness is never to try and one day get free medical procedures, these certainly are a great reminder of how generosity breeds generosity… and the best kind may be when you don’t expect to be rewarded in any way…

what is something generous you have the power to do today? 

 

1 reason i stay in South Africa is…

so a while ago i wrote a post called ‘Reasons to leave SA’ and basically broke it down to people who incessantly whine and those who either feel specifically called somewhere else or are in another place for another reason, but that for the most part there are so many more reasons to stay in South Africa…

obviously tbV and myself are not there at the moment [my heart is definitely largely there although at the same time we place huge emphasis on really just being where we are and so try to be completely rooted in Oakland while we are here, which is important] and can’t contribute to this one right now, but i’d love to hear from you, in the comments section…

won’t you take a moment and share JUST ONE reason why you stay in South Africa… it can begin ‘On reason i stay in South Africa is…’ or else ‘One reason i really love living in South Africa right now is…’ but please, only one per person, but if you are someone living in SA right now, what is one reason that contributes to you staying?

And go. [no, don’t leave, write an answer… sigh.]

CCDA day 3 – the P.M. of Father Santa’s message of gang rehabilitation

it is a travesty that i don’t have a video clip of this whole talk for you. this post will not do this justice. but hopefully i can share some glimpses.

but this one left me messed up. sitting in the hall long after the majority of people had left and even after they had cordoned off my edge of the hall so they could use the middle section for the time of open mic. that was about to follow. i was just left sitting there stunned and broken and crying out to God for a sign [and would you know He sent one – who God? Never. i thought He didn’t exist or something? Oh well, must have been just a coincidence then. But no it was God!] and thinking and silently praying and watching and just trying to take it all in.

This guy called Father Boyle [who someone later said had been on Dr Phil before and i imagine given him a hard time cos he was on it!] came and did closer to a time of stand-up comedy than a talk [at 50 to 60 years old i imagine and without appearing to try to hard – just comes naturally to him but had crowd in hysterics – amazing storyteller. Has worked with gangs for 30 years i think it was and looks a bit like a friendly Santa Clause type but also a hint of no nonsense although completely passionate.

# first story he tells about this gangster called Chuckie – the police told him they were looking for Chuckie for 3 murders so Father Boyle goes looking for him and finds him with a bunch of his friends and calls him across to him [typical ‘grief’ from his friends as if he was being called to the principal’s office] – a few day’s later Father Boyle is preaching and mid sermon Chuckie comes into the church and starts shouting at him from halfway up the church “You wanted to see me, here i am. [What would have happened in your church service if this had happened? A well positioned usher quietly tries to remove him from the service?] Father Boyle stops the service and says, “Okay, let’s do this now and push pause on the message i was giving. Leads him to the Lord.’ Three days later he gets a call from the police that Chuckie has been murdered.

# second story he tells was a prompting he has to go and tell this gangster Corey about the gospel. Corey listens but responds with “Not now” – the next day Father Boyle gets a message that Corey was shot in the head, dead.

Romans 5.8 it was “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Good reminder! Not get sorted out and then we’ll talk salvation – saved first and then cleaned up afterwards.

# big focus on Unconditional Love

He read out a prayer that was prayed to remember Oscar Romero:

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
Amen.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realising that. This enables us to do something and to do it very well. So powerful!

# He spoke of a verse in Habakkuk 2.3 which reads:

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
    it speaks of the end
    and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
    it will certainly come
    and will not delay.

# We are called to cultivate a community of kinship, so much so that God might see it and recognise it.

Father Boyle told a powerful story of him travelling to go and do a talk and taking three of his gangster guys with him. While they are driving there Manuel gets a phone call. It’s Snoopy [another gangster back at the base] and on speaker phone he tells them “I just got my ass arrested and I’m down at the jail and being charged for being the ugliest guy in the world. I need you to come down so i can prove they have the wrong guy.”

Father Boyle pauses for a moment as the laughter in the audience dies down, before saying, “And I realised… these are rival gang members… they used to shoot bullets at each other, now they shoot text messages.” [getting emotional again just typing it! do you realise the transformation locked up in this story?]

# He told another story about a 16 year old in his office and i can’t remember the specifics of the story but he finished by saying, “Kinship happens so quickly. I defy you to tell me who’s the service provider and who’s the service recipient… cos it’s mutual!”

# At one point in his talk he mentioned how this last week he buried his 193rd gangster youth… in 30 years… that is a hard one to walk.

# He mentioned a whole list of things that these rehabilitated gang members are working on and the one was a formerly abandoned bakery that is now called ‘Homeboy bakery.’ Former enemies now work together baking bread.

# He mentioned one of the failed businesses they attempted was Homeboy plumbing. He was surprised that nobody wanted gangsters in their homes. Who would’ve called that?

# They have a free tattoo removal service – there is no place in the world where tattoos are being removed as frequently as there.

# He mentioned something like 15000 people go through their drug rehabilitation centre each year.

# Another funny story was when oscar award-winning actress Diane Keaton came to their ‘Homegirl diner’ [used to come regularly]. The one day she was served by Glenda who as she took her order stared at her for a bit and said “I think I know you from somewhere. I’ve seen you before” Diane Keaton humbly stated something kindly about “perhaps having one of those faces that people think they’ve seen.”

But when Glenda came back with her food she exclaimed, ” No, now I remember where I’ve seen you before. We were locked up together.”

# Father Boyle reminded us that one huge aspect of Jesus’ prayer in the garden was the phrase “that they may be one”

“Our compassion is not measured in our service of those on the margins, but in our willingness to be in kinship with them.”

– We are called to reach in and dismantle the messages of shame and disgrace that the people on the margins constantly hear in their ears.

# Father Boyle reminded us of a less mentioned aspect linked to the Acts 2 church – “and awe came upon them.”

# “It’s impossible to demonise those you know. You just can’t sustain that.” 

And pointed out that ultimately it is no surprise that “they may be one” turns out to be our deepest longing too.

And finished off by saying, “This conference is not a place you go to, it’s a place you go from!”

i wish you could have been there for the whole thing!

[To read the next post on some inspiring young people and the encouragement to reach out a hand, click here]