Home from home

i mean, how can you not love that, right? Coming home to Cape Town was an easy one.

But leaving Oakland was also a less easy one than we may have thought. It was surprising to both tbV and myself just how much like home it felt to us. Which was great.

And had a lot to do with the people and some of the places. Especially getting to stay for a month with Aaron and Sarah Postma-Ruff who we had invited to live with us for about 7 months when we were here last. With a lot of stuff that previously belonged to us [furniture, home-made wine box book shelves, purple cushions and towels] being incorporated into their new home, it certainly had a bit of an ‘ours’ feel. When Aaron met us at the airport dressed in his home-made Hello Kitty suit, it was like game on. We had arrived home.

Favourite Indian restaurants and board games and boss’ new hot tub and weekend away with housemates and blockbusting movies and Netflix and Frosting-in-a-Can and giant Chocolate Bacon Peanut Butter Cups and visiting old church family and baptism-and-barbecue day and all-night-snack-fest-board games and sunsets and radio podcasting and hammocks and of course the reason that allowed us to get over – a sequel to last year’s Houseboat Youth Group Camp speak on Lake Shasta:

So really just an incredible time and a month felt just about right. Opportunity for two more book share launches and conversations on church. Being in the winning city of the NBA championships as it happened.

But i think mainly just the people. We really love a lot of the people there quite a lot. Which is why i guess it feels a lot like home.

Took a moment to think about Philly today. We were there for the same amount of time as Oakland. We loved the place and loved a lot of the people. But i’m not sure for me that it would have that same kind of feel. i guess maybe cos the setting for Oakland provided a lot more space to be real and honest and challenged and to challenge, and the freedom to be ourselves.

The last night pretty much summed it up. Meant to be finishing off our stay with board games with Aaron and Sarah and never got round to playing the games because we just got so caught up in life-transforming wrestling-filled conversations about life and money and being church and changing the world and stuff. And then my mate Dave [one of the 4 Horsedawgs of the Apocalypse] came round after working til midnight to help me sort out some stuff on my new computer before we flew away. That is family right there.

If you want to get your signature on the ‘Get Brett Fish and tbV back for Houseboats 2016’ petition then maybe we will see you all again next year, same time, same place. After all, Americaland may need a lot more African missionary types to head that way before it can feel completely caught up with the rest of the world. Or something.

Oakland, we will miss you. But Cape Town? It is GOOD to be back…

Charleston, we remembered

It was the smallest of deals, it was quite possibly the biggest of deals.

This morning i’d been asked to share a little about church at a house church meeting of a friend of mine – never met the group before and only knew the leader through a camp i spoke on last year for his youth.

But i’d also spent the last few days feeling very challenged by the tragic events in Charleston and using my social media avenues to share a number of powerful thoughts i had read and to challenge leaders of churches across Americaland to PLEASE give the incident some focus in their meetings.

As i prepared to lead a meeting of my own i thought it would be very hypocritical if i didn’t do the same and so in a middle to wealthy group of white home church goers i invited them to close their eyes while we took a few minutes to remember the people on this list of nine names. People who we hadn’t known personally, but as members of the body of Christ, their loss was our loss and the pain of their family members and friends needed to be our pain as well:

Cynthia Hurd [54]

Tywanza Sanders [26]

Sharonda Singleton [45]

Myra Thompson [59]

Ethel Lance [70]

Susie Jackson [87]

DePayne Doctor [49]

Rev. Daniel Simmons Sr [74]

Rev. Clementa Pinckney [41]

i read out the ages as well cos that felt strangely significant to me – i had read that it was a prayer meeting and it was no surprise to me that the majority of members there were older folks as around the world, they seem to be the ones to fill up our corporate times of prayer in the most faithful of ways.

We took a moment to remember the incident as an isolated moment of tragedy. Then we took a moment to remember the incident as just one in a much bigger question and ongoing story that feels like one of the most important things Americaland needs to be facing right now. We prayed that the white church leaders of Americaland would realise how important it was for them to be part of this mourning, conversation and journey, both now and into the future. That black voices won’t feel alone and isolated and abandoned once more, as if this is simply their thing they need to face.

We invited power and love and strength and grace and healing. We were still.

It was not a big deal. But it felt significant. It felt necessary. It felt important. And perhaps it was the biggest deal of every part of our gathering this morning.

Were you part of a group or gathering that gave Charleston any mention or focus today? i would LOVE to hear about it in the comments.

[For some helpful thoughts & pictures on Charleston from other people with wise voices, click here]

Why i believe local church is not all of the answer

In Acts 7 in the bible, we read about the stoning of Stephen.

Does anyone know what role Stephen had in the early church?

Let me give you a clue: In Acts 6.5 we see him described as “a man full of faith and the Holy Spirit”.

So what did he do? Are we thinking pastor? Elder? Worship leader?

Let me give you another clue: In Acts 6.8 we read that Stephen was “a man full of God’s grace and power”.

If you think of someone like that in your church, what is their role? Any closer to figuring out Stephen’s?

STEPHEN WAS THE FOOD GUY

So at the beginning of Acts chapter 6 we read how the twelve disciples chose seven men ‘known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom’ to take over the work of the daily distribution of food [a move that was done because a certain group of widows was being neglected and they wanted to make sure it wasn’t so].

And Stephen, who went on to be martyred, and who saw heaven opened and witnessed the glory of God and Jesus standing at the right hand side of God [Acts 7.56] was one of those seven. His role in the church was to make sure that food was handed out.

BE THE CHURCH BE THE CHURCH BE THE CHURCH

As i have been having intimate book launches and creating space for people to ask any questions they might have about church and God and following Jesus, i am becoming more and more convinced that the church is meant to be so much more of an identity than it is an experience.

This does not appear to be the most popular of opinions. There is a loud and insistent clamouring for church to need to be identified as ‘local church’ and a strong focus on the meeting at the particular place with that certain group of people.

i’m not suggesting for a second that local church is wrong, or bad, or should be stopped or left or run away from. At all.

But we are called the bride of Christ. We are described as the body of Christ. Both identity labels. Sure there is doing attached to both of those, but more importantly there is being. Who we are. Not just on Sundays, in the building. But always, everywhere.

It’s not even as if Sunday is the most authentic picture of who we are – we tend to dress up in a way we seldom dress during the week – portray a persona unlike the reality of what is really going on in our lives [So we don’t get to see people struggling with life or relationships or work or issues – every marriage looks perfect, every individual looks like they have it together] – and go through the religious ritual singing words of songs we often either don’t believe or pay attention to, prayers which sound nice and sermons which are too often comfortable and confirming of where we are rather than challenging where we should be being.

i’m kinda tired of feeling like i have to defend my position on this. It feels like too many people have settled for the image of Jesus on the left and far too few are broken before the much closer image on the right.

i believe that being a part of the church means being infused with the D.N.A. of Jesus through the very fact of having His Holy Spirit in us and that it was always meant to be a description of who we are seven days a week, not just one.

It should rally us to social and societal justice, cause us to be more genuinely loving and affected people, move us to use our time, money and skills in the pursuit of the kingdom [not just 10% of them], help us to be more real in our relationships, challenge us towards forgiveness [of EVERYONE who has hurt us in any way] and spur us on to be salt and light and the fragrance of Christ amidst those who are perishing.

While local church is not a bad thing, what i am talking about feels so much bigger. It can be ‘Local Church Plus…’ for sure. And the benefits of community and accountability and teaching and combined worship and sharing of resources should be obvious.

12 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. [Romans 12]

¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

[Matthew 28]

²¹ “I hate, I despise your religious festivals;
    your assemblies are a stench to me.
²² Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
    I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
    I will have no regard for them.
²³ Away with the noise of your songs!
    I will not listen to the music of your harps.
²⁴ But let justice roll on like a river,
    righteousness like a never-failing stream!

[Amos 5]

So today, don’t give up on gathering, but let it be real. Let it be transformative. Let it be spirit-enthusing. And above all let it inform the rest of your week as you leave the building and continue to be the church day in and day out.

[To read some more about the book i wrote on church, called ‘i, church’, and how to get hold of it, click here]

a time to laugh and a time to speak

Last night a small group of us gathered at a friend’s house for a bit of a farewell celebration.

Our buddy JT Burns was leaving the state of California and heading home for new adventures and possibilities.

So there we were, a small group of us huddled around an outside fire pit, drinking beer and eating chips and marshmallows and just enjoying our friend Jon.

Then at one point, Nate suggested we share some fun and meaningful Jon stories and so we took turns to remember Jon out loud – how we’d met, where a good connection had been, what he meant to us. Out mutual appreciation of Doctor Who. And so on.

My friend Darin was at that gathering and he is so great at pressing pause on an event and asking a good question or creating a space for meaningful sharing and dialogue.

My wife, tbV, is really good at that as well.

And i think i have been learning from both of them over the last few years and a getting better.

A large part of it for me comes from this idea of really making life count, which i wrote about a few days ago… How do we seize a moment that might otherwise be fairly ordinary or even good, and elevate it to greatness.

How do we create spaces to say the things we want to say to people before they leave or die?

Are we intentional about creating moments of true celebration or meaning within our gatherings?

i know that’s something Val and i have been trying to do with our Conversation Dinners and even simple practices like the phone basket and we have been seeing some significant encounters as a result.

What are some of the practices you engage in or have experienced that help make a moment or a gathering significant for those who are there?  What is something you have thought about but not yet been brave enough to try?

[To read more about our last Conversation Dinner & responses from the people who were there, click here]

And the drum beats on…

I was thirty-five when I tied the proverbial knot and so had attended many marriages and yet this one continues to stand head and shoulders above the rest.

Not simply because it was my marriage, which no doubt adds its own weight of bias, but I imagine regardless of whose ceremony I was attending that day, I would have still been blown away.

Purple-haired, black suited, I waited nervously for my bride to arrive.

Upon receiving word that she had arrived, I grabbed my djembe drum, sat centre stage and began a simple drumming beat.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

The beat and rhythm resonates out from the front where I am sitting and emanates through the amphitheatre shaped room and suddenly everyone’s attention is on me.

Then Gavin, whose drums we are using, joins me and establishes a base beat that is informed by my rhythm and which will give direction and form to everyone else.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

Suddenly three more drums come to play as my three best men, sitting together in the front row, join in to this beat which is now starting to build.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

My younger sister who is one of my best friends and two other women who are spread around the room take up the beat. Eight drums playing in unison. Singing together. Daring each other on.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

One more. And then another. Two from the back row. One from the edge of the left hand side. Another from somewhere near the front. The beat has become like a hungry beast that is slowly striding around all areas of the room, picking up pace and strength and rhythm. Suddenly there are 18 drums in total pounding out this ever present beat.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

The anticipation is growing. The emotion is overwhelming. We all know the moment is soon. The drums tell us so. Any moment now my beautiful bride is going to burst in from the back of the room and slowly make her way down the aisle to me.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

But time passes, and the beat is allowed to grow. To surge and move and create and invite. Every single person in the chapel is now completely caught up in this sound, this music, this invitation. Call to marriage.

SLAPP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

I am struggling to hold back the emotion. The day itself brings enough of its own, but now with this wild beast of percussive engagement pounding at my heart, my mind, my emotions, it feels like everything is about to let loose. And still the rhythm grows.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

Was it two minutes or maybe ten? It is hard to tell any more. All that I know is the beat has taken us all prisoner and is holding us in its mesmerising grasp, readying us for that moment which is imminent. The moment that surely must be about to happen.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

And she arrives.

Those without drums rise to their feet, but the drum beast is not finished yet. Surging in rhythm as the father walks her down to the front, towards me. And then says his final goodbye. The beautiful Valerie has made her entrance, and my blown awayness has a new source, and her being next to me has sucked all of the power out of the beat of the drums.

SLAP BOOM

The moment has arrived.

i know people may think i’m biased, but that remains by far the best opening to any wedding i have ever been a part of and it is great to be reminded of it as we head towards our 6th anniversary – 11 July – which incidentally we will be spending celebrating the marriage of two of our good friends MJ and Ash and so i thought i would get this gem out a little earlier as that weekend there will be a huge focus on them.

[Marriage takes a lot of work and i have been privileged to share a whole bunch of different thoughts, ideas and stories from a number of different friends of ours who are in good marriages, and you can see a lot of those over here]

Highlight Moment from my life #54: Becoming Free

When tbV [the beautiful Val] and i were living in Oakland about a year ago, we came across a book titled ‘Free’ by a friend of ours we had met over here, Mark Scandrette.

The tagline of the book is ‘Spending your Time and Money on What Matters Most’ and that really does sum up the book. We decided to gather some people together and work through the book over an eight week period.

Make the Most of it Count

i wrote a post a couple of years ago titled, ‘Your Obituary Starts Here’ which i need to flesh out a little i think, because we don’t say or think enough about that.

When i turned 40 last year, among other things my wife got my best friend from college to bake a Boob Cake [yup, exactly what you thought when you read that] and put together a bunch of the things i had wanted to happen at my funeral one day, so that i could more sensibly enjoy them while i was still alive.

Last night we had some friends around at the place we are staying at with our old housemates in Americaland for a bit of a Generosity Dinner, which involves pooling some money and sharing some needs of people we know and then coming up with some ideas together that might be able to help them.

And the other day, tbV posted this short summary video of the Justice Conference she just attended in Chicago, which literally moved me to tears, even though it was just sound bytes.

Three short posts and a video – if you have ten minutes then follow those links and really take them in. Are you making the most of you life count for something? Am i?

Are you involved in conversations that count? Are you reading things that are important and informing you about life and how to live it better? [interspersed with Terry Pratchett novels of course – it doesn’t all have to be too serious, but let some of it be] Is at least some of your time involved in volunteering or mentoring or investing in key relationships? Are you taking time to listen to people that are not the typical voices you listen to? [Like reading books/blogs/news written by people who are not your colour, age, religion] Is any of your thinking, dreaming, bucket-listing related to world-changing ideas and plans? Or country-affecting? Even just local neighborhood, school or family transforming?

Basically, does your life count? How much of a difference are you involved in making? If the answer to this depresses you, don’t let it. Rather change something. It is never too late.

Life is too short to simply exist. We have to live. And the more of us that really start living, the better. Embrace life. Thrive. You are never to old to learn and you are never too old to make some kind of difference. There are too many dehydrating starfish on the beach and not enough little children, tossing them back into the waves one by one.