a South Africa i dream of…

The other day i wrote a poem titled ‘to them who have ears’ and just thinking about it a little more today,  have dubbed it a choir poem – as in those who get what it’s about and who agree will totally be reading and nodding and cheering and liking and sharing… but those who don’t, are unlikely to even read it and if they somehow do, unlikely to understand the point trying to be made…

So i thought i would try this again in a more direct approach, realising that for the most part blog posts tend to go the way of metaphorical word pieces in that you tend to attract those who agree and distance those who disagree… which feels somewhat pointless in terms of how are you ever going to affect people who need to be affected and where will you find healthy debate from people who think differently from you who can help you challenge and test your own ideas… i guess there is the hope that there are some who think differently who are trying to challenge and check their own ideas as much as i am trying to with mine and so maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle…

The main point of the poem for me was to question why so many white people [and it has been largely white people because of the nature of the posts i have been sharing on race and reconciliation and privilege so has largely been addressed to us] disengage from the conversations around race/white privilege/restitution etc before seeming to really take a moment to listen and hear where the other person is coming from. My problem is not so much that there is disagreement, but that phrases like ‘white privilege’ seem to be like red cloths waved in front of a raging bull… and so excuses, denials, “But what about…”, “Reverse Racism”, “Not all white people…” and more are immediately thrown in, usually breaking up the conversation before it begins.

RESPONSE OVER REACTION

When it comes to conversations on race and other issues in South Africa, i would love to see people choosing to respond over simply reacting. The idea of a reaction is that it is usually a gut knee-jerk response [with the emphasis not on knee] whereas a response tends to include time for listening, thought, inner wrestling and composed feedback. This is something we could do a lot better as South Africans, or maybe just Facebookers and Bloggerists in general.

Take something like ‘White Privilege’ for example – i wrote some thoughts about this in a post titled ‘i’m not sure you’re against that thing you’re against’ simply because i believe the word has certain baggage which triggers a reaction, whereas if those who typically respond to seeing the words ‘white privilege’ by running/throwing/emoting could just take a deep breathe and listen and really hear what is being said/suggested, i think a lot more of them would agree. Take this picture for example:

i imagine most people would agree with this, right? If you see this and disagree then i would love to know why. Unless of course you would label the whole thing as Injustice simply by the very fact of it depicting three people who are watching a game for free without buying tickets, but that is kinda missing the point.

The point of the picture is that the tall guy starts off with an advantage whereas the short guy starts off at a disadvantage. Which means that if they are all treated equally, the short guys still ends up disadvantaged.

Whereas if the one who was most disadvantaged, is given the biggest assistance, there is a way for them to all end up with a level playing field, enjoying the same advantage.

Anyone have a problem with that? Because as far as i understand it, that IS the explanation of White Privilege.

There are certain advantages we start off with in this world [For me being white has some, being male in a largely patriarchally influenced society has others, being heterosexual and right-handed and able-bodied even more so] which doesn’t mean that i have to feel guilty for any of those things i start off with, but it does mean, that for the world to be more fair and balanced and equal, that certain boxes, boosts, advantages will be needed to be given to people of colour, women etc to give them the same opportunities that i have.

You with me? This feels so easy when it is broken down like this.

So i am not talking about white guilt or about hating white people [i get that one a lot!]. i am talking about the need to listen to and really hear from anyone who does not start off with the advantages i have started off with, to find out how best we can together work so that the field is more level for them. Collaboration is key. There may be some sacrifice involved and some loss of comfort or actively working against some of the privilege i have [so BEE being an example of this, realising that at times it really hasn’t been done well and at times it really has been helpful]

How about it South Africa? You ready to slow things down a little and really start listening and engaging and working together on making this relationally the beautiful country it is naturally?

Let’s do this…

[For some thoughts and ideas from a variety of South Africans as to how we can move forward, click here]

to them who have ears

to the ones who feel like they’re constantly defending

please won’t you stop for a second

and help me on this

shine some clarity on the situation

because i really don’t understand

what it is about this that makes you not want to listen

please help me recognise

what it is that keeps you from engaging in this conversation

as if taking some time to lend me your ears

will result in a group of us encircling you

and viciously stabbing you repeatedly in the back?

 

et

to, the ones who feel so defensive

if you just take the time to hear and really hear

the story of the other

the one who sits in front of your screen with fresh scars held upwards

reaching out to you

wanting to simply share silently the screams of their silenced stance

what harm could it possibly cause you

to have an empathetic escape

from all of the assumptions,

assertions

aggravations

that you bring to the table and simply give them a chance to speak

not believing for a second that you have to agree with any or all of what you hear

but believing for a second that hearing another side to your well-tuned story might in fact

give you pause to consider that maybe the one that you know to be true

might not be all the true that could be available to you?

 

to the ones who are so dismissive

insistently inciting

consistently fighting

unfriending,

crescendoing statements into argumentative tirades

question threads into metaphorical verbal poo-flinging stockades

to you who move things so quickly from 0 to 100

without even bothering to shift gear

who are already halfway through compiling your response

before the statement you’re ‘replying to’ has even made it

out of the fingers of the person on the other side

the other person on the other other side

just stop!

you are not helping here

 

shooting down conversations

misdirectional missives

name-calling

blame-calling

article-citing

video-linking

screen-blinking

at the pace at which words are being shot out over the airwaves

like shells dropped from a bomber over the headquarters of the enemy

i hope that you don’t hit a school

 

do you see the futility of it all?

the engagement, estrangement

back and forthness

tik tik tik on the computer keyboard

like some kind of addictive drug

coarsing through your veins

when what is needed

perhaps what just might be good for us all right here

is to be the one who simply stops

 

just stops…

stop.

 

that’s it.

now breathe for a second…

deep in and deep out

listen to the sound of the air

filling up and evacuating your lungs

 

focus on that for a while

and just listen

really listen

hear words

try to understand meaning

put yourself on the other side of the screen

what do you hear now?

what do you mean?

what emotions are bursting through your skin

wanting to splat themselves against the screen?

what history has caused you to be in this exact place?

what opportunity might have been denied to you because of your race?

what can i possibly understand about the person whose life i have taken no time to create silence for?

 

is this a lesson in futility?

as i can surely never know

or truly understand

or ever hope to feel

 

but. i. can. listen!

 

i can take time to hear

i can turn down my personal volume

i can be slower to answer

more hesitant to turn to anger

more open to the possibility that the story might be bigger than mine

and that in this other i may even see something of myself

if i look deep enough

or maybe just if i look at all

 

dare i risk looking at all

dare you?

the sounds of [book-reading] silence

Three Cape Town launches done and dusted [what does that even mean, why would you dust an event?]

A decent amount of books bought.

Many people uttering phrases like “This kind of book is so important”, “I can’t wait to read this”, and “We really needed this.”

And then…

Crickets… well first there was the actual cricket and that was also a bit of a sad affair…

But even worse, perhaps, now that people are telling me i can actually be called ‘an author’, is the next few days after the launches have finished and the books have been bought and the statements made… and the sound of crickets echoes in this author’s inbox, on the Amazon review page, on the Goodreads question forum…

Actually not even the sound of crickets… just a silence…

Do people read this slowly?

Or even worse, do people not read this slowly?

Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much people love you and attend your events, how excited they are about the prospect of this book and what needs to be said, or how many were bought and signed and gushed upon…

It’s like the movies – week one is an indication of anticipation… week two to three to seven tells you if the movie was any good or not.

So i would say we had a pretty decent opening weekend of this movie… and now we wait to hear the reviews and to see if people tell their friends to go and see it and if anyone thinks there is anything significantly significant about this particular one…

In the meantime though, i did get a really fun and creative book launch review, which feels like it is a first…

But for now, i will retreat to my authory cave, and continue with the day to day of all the busyness i currently have to fill my plate, sneaking out every now and then to grab a peek at the internet and see if anyone has gotten to the point of sharing their words on my piece of heart, that lies exposed for everyone [who bought a copy] to see…

Stick your IFs in your BUTs

Another World Cup, another sad day for South Africa.

But a happy day for New Zealand who did outplay us in a tight match and after 8 semi-finals make their first one, so maybe this means a little bit more to them. At least we won’t be labelled with the ‘Choker’ moniker except by shtupidheads who don’t understand the concept.

There are definitely some things i would have loved to have gone differently:

# i would have definitely gone with Abbott over Philander

# i would have liked it not to have rained [which i don’t think helped us with AB and Miller about to hit overdrive]

# i would have loved for those two run-outs and those drops and that other third thing to have gone the way we wanted it

But none of those things caused us to lose. We lost because on the day New Zealand played a better game and well done to them.

If you are throwing IFs and BUTs into today as to why South Africa lost [as the South African public, and maybe every other public? i dunno, it seems like we do it a lot?] then you can also add if the chances QDK and Amla gave in the opening overs of our batting had gone to hand [we would have been even less runs for two] and if they had called for the review that would have given one of our earlier players [forget who?] out LBW with all the boxes red and ticked and if they had made those runouts of AB and Miller and and and…

i am learning [would love to say “‘have learnt’ but i fear i have a long way to go] this lesson from tbV – i love to analyse games, and maybe that’s a guy thing cos i tend to hear this from the dudes, and so when i lose a game of Settlers of Catan [i know? but it happens! ha!] i tend to explain all the reasons why it happened – “The Dice was landing on fours the whole game” or “If i had got to that harbour first” or whatever it is…

Which is great for me. Analyse the game. Know why i lost. Understand how to do better next time.

But is pretty crappy for Val. “Oh, by the way, the only reason you just beat me there is because of something that went wrong, and not because of your skills and brain and strategy or anything like that. i was unlucky.”

Which is really horrible!

i know this cos i have had it done to me – win an amazing strategied game and have someone complain about the dice landing on 8 the whole time [so my excellent strategy of building on 8 worked, then?] or whatever it is.

We do it and it sucks and we need to stop.

Yes we are very very sad that the Proteas lost. But we need to give New Zealand their moment of being really really glad that they won. Especially in a game where there was no obvious sledging or bad sportsmanship or dubious decisions. We lost because we lost early wickets and were too slow in rebuilding. We lost because Mccullum went huge and it came off and he nailed the run rate for them. We lost because having lost to Pakistan and India in the group matches we finished lower than New Zealand and needed a win more than just a draw to get through. We lost because of a great Corey Anderson, Grant Elliott partnership which we desperately needed to break but couldn’t. And more.

Well done New Zealand. Well played and all the best in the final ESPECIALLY if it is against Australia [although it won’t be!]

And let’s keep our IFs and our BUTs at least until their celebration has died down. And then if there are things to learn [like taking Ryan Mclaren along on tour with you] let us learn them and let us bounce back and not lose any ODIs for the next four years to show we are the best.

There almost always has to be a winner and a loser in a team game. And that doesn’t mean we have to throw ridiculous untrue words like ‘Choke’ at our team [they are the first team to achieve a knockout win in a World Cup game after how many attempts?] and it doesn’t mean that the loser is necessarily crap or needing to have a whole lot of IFs or BUTs to cushion it – it could just mean another team did better on the day, and we’ll get them next time!

So proud of the Proteas. You played your hearts out. And doing that and losing is more than okay.

the busy samaritan… [aka When church becomes churching]

i was online this morning trying to find the time and location of the Assemblies of God church i had heard about in Southfield…

Suddenly my search was interrupted by a phone call from someone i don’t know who was facing a bit of a crisis [her son who is in South Africa has recently run into some bother and she is not in the country] and asked if we could help out. [She knew of us through a friend of a friend and we had recently offered to help if a situation like this came up].

So i jumped in my car and sped across town [and back again and across again, shtupidt gps!] and connected with the guy and brought him home…

With the moral of the story being i didn’t get to church today…

Or did i?

i didn’t really think of any of this at the time or during today, but as i sat down at my computer, this story that Jesus tells, found in Luke 10, came to mind:

³⁰ In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹ A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.³² So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³ But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴ He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵ The next day he took out two denarii^[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

³⁶ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

³⁷ The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

i said to tbV as we tried to figure this out earlier today, “You know, these stories are great stories to tell, but not so much fun to work out.”

And that is the truth, because there is a cost attached. And quite possibly a sacrifice.

We don’t know why the priest and the Levite refuse to stop for the man, but there is a distinct possibility that it was because they were in a hurry – with a preach to preach or a budget meeting to facilitate or someone to visit. And yet they were presented with a need that epitomised who they were and the work they were meant to be doing, and they did everything they could to avoid it.

Helping people is messy. It doesn’t often come with a set of instructions. The right call is not necessarily obvious. Sometimes it is hard and often you have to call others for help…

For the Samaritan there was a cost of time, money and resources and he gave freely of all of them.

So while i didn’t “go to church” this morning, i did get an incredible opportunity to “church”. One of the things i spoke about at both book launches so far was the idea of moving away from church being a noun [a place we go to] and seeing it more as a verb [a description of God’s people doing God’s stuff in love].

If we do go to a place on Sunday with a specific set of people at a certain time, then the hope is that whatever happens there will fuel and encourage and challenge and teach us and empower us for the rest of the churching which happens from Monday to Saturday…

Hope you have an incredible week of church…

[For more on the book, ‘i, church’ click here] 

Book Launch Round 1: Vovo Telo

And so it begins… or continues… with the first of a number of book launches, which took place at Vovo Telo restaurant in Steenberg.

One of the aspects of last night’s incredible book launch was setting up five different stations of ‘communion’ – one was the traditional grape juice and crackers and then we had a station with coffee and cake, cheese and wine, marshmallows and hot chocolate, and then marie biscuits and milk.

One of the biggest themes of the book is that church might be a lot bigger than we define. And so typically we see church as that thing that happens on that day [Sunday] at that place [which we call church] with those people [our specific local congregational family] and yet i believe that God sees it as so much more.

And so, within that framework, perhaps communion can look different as well – the idea of a bunch of youth kids walking up Lion’s Head and then breaking out the hot chocolate and marshmallows, but doing it in remembrance of Jesus, feels very much like the kind of communion i believe He would endorse. And so just a light visual challenge to people as they arrived and saw the setup to think outside of their boxes of what might and might not be of God.

WHAT’S UP WITH CAPE TOWN?

Then, in a miraculous, unprecedented moment of ‘What is going on here?’ people started arriving early. We gave a 6.30pm starting time and carefully did not say 6.30 for 7 [which is what we meant in our brains] so people wouldn’t think 7pm and arrive at quarter past… and yet at about ten past 6 the first couple arrived and then ten minutes later the room was suddenly half full as i was trying to go over my notes to be ready to mingle at half past. So definitely something in the air and an early sign that it wasn’t just going to be tbV, the MC, No_bob and me.

The MC for the first night was Theran Knighton-Fitt and he was incredible as we had known he would be, despite being a little sick [“this sweat is sickness people, not nerves.”] We chose each MC for the particular venue and Theran did not fail to disappoint with a blend of philosophical, reflective, deep and funny he hooked a full up venue and managed to hold their attention and somehow get me to speak shorter than my allotted time. [Magic, i say!]

The themes of his intro were people of faith who stick with it and an ongoing wrestling with your ideas about God and church and space and freedom to do so, and to disagree well with people and still be friends.

i then shared some stuff which i don’t want to go too much into because we still have some launches to go and i am way too lazy to plan a whole other different thing. We did some thankyous to key people like Kirsten who designed the book cover, my sister Sue from Texas [who was able to be there for the launch!] who jumped in last minute for some editing/proofreading vibes, Linda Martindale who got the ball rolling [and in absence her friend Heather in the UK] and got the book headed towards the printers and the Amazon and of course the beautiful Val for all the space she gave me to write plus the belief in the book and the ongoing wrestlings and conversations we have [and with special mention to her sister Bron as someone who helped make the venue and the setup look really stunning].Also big thanks to Alison and the staff of Vovo Telo for a scrumptious spread and the opportunity to launch there.

Theran lead a bit of a Q and A where he and some others asked some questions about the book writing process, the content of the book and how i saw the church in South Africa which was a really good time of just being able to share my heart on a number of things. “When is the next book starting?” was one question i actually didn’t get round to answering just because a more pertinent question might be, “Which of the four books currently doing laps around your brain should be allowed out next?”

My friend Nicole said a beautiful prayer and then we headed into the awkward part – the book sales and signing. Theran, who had published his own book a few years ago, bluntly told me during our prep session a week or so ago – “People are going to want you to sign the book, so just get over yourself and sign it.” And so i did, and it was great to be face to face with a lot of the people who had come through while trying to oversee the miracle of the ink-retaining pens and have enough catchup conversation and move-alongness to get through everyone who wanted an increasingly unrecognisable signature to happen [Just don’t compare any two of them, i cautioned].

And the feeling that maybe now, i actually am an author, of sorts. That feels pretty good. Although maybe i should wait for some feedback… once people have actually read the book…

GREAT EVENING, AMAZING PEOPLE

i really had an incredibly amazing time and can’t thank everyone enough – it was completely a celebration and also hopefully a prophetic look at the church, where it is and where it might go, if it just takes a moment to stop, look, reflect, listen and be what the church is meant to be.

An absolute highlight for me was the people – a lot of people in a room who i have a lot of love for [and who i suspect love me a lot] – did not get nearly enough time to catch up with people [some from as much as ten or fifteen years ago in my life] and just an opportunity to greet and hug and quick catchup and just watch hanging out with other people i love.

In a nutshell, church happened last night and it was great. God’s people doing God’s stuff in love. It was definitely that [although not everyone last night would necessarily identify themselves as God’s people, i know the majority would] and that is how i am defining church these days.

And even the world’s most famous stuffed dolphin, No_bob [because he doesn’t!] got into the act…

[To buy yourself a copy on Amazon, click here]

[For a more picture-full presentation of the launch, click here] 

it takes a village to raise a book

Well, today is book launch day.

This has been a long time coming. And then suddenly over the last few months and then especially the last four weeks, someone cranked up the speed and there was a loud WHOOSH and now it is here.

And tonite i will get to celebrate with largely friends and family [and perhaps some new friends i haven’t met yet]

Today is not really the moment-of-truth day – people who love you will buy and read your book. That’s the easy part. It’s getting people who don’t know you and love you to decide that they want to read your book that is the real challenge.

But tonight is largely about celebrating, and it feels in some way like the build up to a wedding – far too many people i want to get to hang with [Dreadlock Mike is coming! All the way from Durban! Super stoked!] all in a room for far too short a time and probably just enough time for a lot of hugs. And some reflection and sharing and introducing my ‘baby’ to the room.

In a room full of legends tonight, four people stand out for special mention in terms of helping get this ‘baby’ happening:

Kirsten Sims: My old friend, who is not actually old, jumped in during one of the most busiest thesis-finishing degree-completing times of her life to produce this more than incredible book cover which people are in love with and which really just adds some heart and soul and simplicity [which is what the book is all about] to ‘i, church’ – i cannot thank her enough but you can take a look at her site and some more of her incredible artwork and show all your friends: http://kirstensims.blogspot.com

Linda Martindale: An older friend in terms of how long i have known her, Linda was one of the two women [Heather Bailey in the UK who i know would be here if she could] who said to me, “Let’s do this thing!” and actually meant it. Linda is one of the most passionate and authentic people i know, with a huge heart for reconciliation and kingdom and without her jumping in i don’t know how this whole process would have gotten started. She has edited me for many years for Closer to God publications and did a final read through and helped catch a lot of stuff as we got closer to B day.

Susan Minne [nee Anderson]: It is such a bonus for me to have my older secret sister [as in most of my friends in Cape Town knew my younger sister Dawn growing up, but Sue left early and was often a cause for “Oh, i didn’t know you had an older sister” when i mentioned her] at the book launch during her short visit from Texas where she and her family live. Sue jumped in at close to the last minute, when a proofreader pulled out, to help with the final edit and proofread and after a speed course in ‘Understanding Fishwrite’ where she learnt the difference between intentional and unintentional mauling of the English language, she dived in and worked some hard and quick hours to make the book you are going to read a lot better and tighter than the one i gave her.

Finally, and by no means leastly, tbV, the beautiful Val, my wife and life companion who was insistent on creating space for me both before we left for Americaland and since coming back to get this thing finished and out there. She has also largely been the driving force for how tonight is going to look and feel and i am very excited to see and experience all of that. i love that i have a wife that thinks about things eeply, that wrestles with the kind of easy answers that are often spewed out and who is up to fighting for things that are real and count and will make a difference. i am proud that she will be standing alongside me tonite.

There are definitely many more legends who will be in the room tonite, but these are four that deserved special mention. It seriously does take a village to raise a book and from people who gave me quotes about church, to people who journeyed with me through different expressions and understandings of church, to the many people who volunteered to read and comment on early drafts of ‘i, church’ and everyone who is helping out with today, Saturday and Tuesday [and any book launches that may follow] i am so very grateful.

Thank you for allowing this to happen. My prayer is that the words of this book will make a difference. Will cause people to think more deeply and challenge inherited understandings and practices, and more than anything to chase after being the kind of church that God calls us to be. Which is a body of people who are used in transforming the world through lived out love.

Let the games begin…

[For more information about the various book launches that we have going in the next few days, click here]