My name is Linde Ndaba and I’m addicted. My addiction might not have me shacking relentlessly from withdrawal symptoms, as drug dependence often does or leave me broke and destitute, but it may arguably be just as problematic.
As a black person raised in a white suburb (Pinelands) in South Africa, my neighbourhood friends rarely made the effort to know my world. In fact I can count the occasions where they correctly pronounced my name (which by-the-way has no clicks), made an effort to speak my home language (Xhosa) or even volunteered to venture into the neighbouring township (Langa) where most of my relatives live.
In 2016 I still spend most of my day speaking English in a society that is critical of all that is African; my hair, nose and skin, the food that I eat, my tradition and its various practices. So, although I went to school with my fair-skinned friends, we share work spaces and even socialise at the same venues, I’m waiting with baited breathe, for acceptance. I anticipate that defining moment that says who I am, not what I am is significant – that a white person too values what I have experienced as much as I have grown to appreciate and actively participate in many aspects of western culture.
I demand a world shared with my white friends where the entirety of my life is the norm. I long for a social environment where I don’t reserve parts of my life’s experiences, only to reveal them when sanctioned by the pale faces around me or at that annual work or social event where we all visit Mzoli’s Place.
That’s why I’m addicted to congratulating and celebrating the occasion with a joyous applause every time my best friend says “Molo unjani”, ever since we met, 20 years ago. This is regardless of her failure to learn anymore than these two words because, for a moment, I feel humanised and accepted.
Every time I see a white person stand up for a black person’s right to dignity I get butterflies and that warm feeling in my gut erupts into compliments and praises. It’s that NatGeo photography rare image. For a few moments a person, just like me, is being treated as an equal – a human,
Effects of celebrating white acceptance
I know many black people like me (who may never admit it) who celebrate white students being part of choirs that sing songs in indigenous languages, regardless of their inability to speak the language to the nanny they see every day at home. We give recognition to white voices speaking out against racism and turn these individuals into popular personalities when the acceptance of black lives and culture should be the norm. This somewhat insignificant action perpetuates the following:
1. The dehumanisation of black lives – If white people perceived as anti-racism supporters are given popular status and the same recognition as those contributing to charitable causes we elevate being racist to being the norm. Essentially, we reserve acting against such prejudicial behaviour and views as a plight taken by the selfless as opposed to it being an expectation.
2. Minimising racism to only actions and not views –Congratulating white friends for taking part in activities that embody anti-racism enables them to create a personal checklist that subjectively absolves them from the possibility of harbouring prejudicial/racist ideas. If a white person gives to black people, adopts a black child or does anything to support the black community, the participant and the society around them immediately assumes that the individual harbours no racist ideas.
In “The New SA” black people are allowed to live wherever they want, have “access” to the same education as white citizens, but South Africa is still a society battling with racism. Both actions and perceptions need to be challenged.
3. Whitesplaining is normalised – In a society where white voices constantly get air-time and gain greater attention and authority, to have individuals from this group as representatives of black voices against racism is a stark contradiction and only works to further silence black people and their lived experiences.
I’m new to this anti-racism movement and think I’ve come to the party pretty late. However, I’ve realised that I often feed the fire while desperately trying to extinguish it. I’ve accepted that I have become part of the problem in my pursuit of reconciliation and the evasive rainbow nation. I haven’t kicked the habit, but I’m in recovery.
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Thank you Linde for such powerful and honest words. Definitely given me a lot to think about and hopefully these words will really be heard, and acted upon…
You can follow Linde on the Twitterer – @linde26
[Probably a good companion piece to this is the I’m Not Brave post i wrote, click here]
This is a challenging and deep piece. Thank you for sharing. It is the first piece that I have taken particularly personally as a white person. I am going to try and work out why. I think because it traps me in a certain thought paralysis of what to do. Generally I am outspoken and hardcore against racism and white privilege, whenever I see, hear or read about it. Usually I need no feedback for what I am doing, and I just avoid the trolls. You seem to be saying something else. What I should be doing is keeping quiet and actively listening to you, and yet I really want to reach out, only I don’t have the words. I will sit hear and imagine you know my heart, just for a moment.
Megan your response is awesome and heartfelt. I think this is the kind of response that black people wish to receive from white people – the desire to accept another individual’s feelings and ask for direction.
I’m definitely not saying that white people shouldn’t speak out or take a back-seat when challenged with racism. I’m saying the reaction or how people identify with white people that are allies is problematic and maybe a reflection of our twisted society.
There is no problem with taking an active role in combatting racism, the problem is when white people feel more comfortable in discussing black experiences with rather than getting to know a black person and engaging with them. While a white ally may understand the effects of institutionalised and systemic racism on black communities and individuals, they don’t live these moments and couldn’t possibly grasp the full implications of this.
I think it’s important that white allies explain and educate others on institutional and systemic racism and it’s effects on black communities, the limits I think need to be drawn when sharing or conveying experiences. If we truly want to build bridges across racial lines white people who want to learn more about the lived experiences of black people ought to seek out and embrace black people within their communities as equals and show a willingness to listen. With SA being over 70% black this can’t be hard to do.
It’s important that people are genuine within their pursuit for change. Talking to another white person about black experiences doesn’t now mean that the individual understands black people, even if they agree with all the ideologies expressed.
Brett and I should be discussing this further right here, so you can expect more on this. Thank you very much for asking.
You nailed it. ” the problem is when white people feel more comfortable in discussing black experiences with rather than getting to know a black person and engaging with them”. This is exactly what I struggle with. And this, “white people who want to learn more about the lived experiences of black people ought to seek out and embrace black people within their communities as equals and show a willingness to listen. With SA being over 70% black this can’t be hard to do”. Thank you for engaging with me here, like this. Aluta continua.
Good companion piece… Lol… How can you say it’s good, you wrote it. High opinion my man haha that made me laugh. Also to say tbv is like a bit high opinion of yourself again. Or say the model v. Just just use the name. Who says to the girlfriend this it’s okay, but not to others. Of I say girlfriend you hot, then it’s ok but not if I say to others ahhh my girlfriend the hot viyanda or viwe. You see.
This writer also sounds white, so it’s doing more harm. I eat ad white people eat, KFC, mcd is also whites. So get over racist and stop it now. You obsessed with us, we fine. Go adopt a dog. Your application is denied.
Ah Eric, welcome to my place – please feel free to make yourself at home and judge everything you see…
Good companion piece for me means that it goes well with this one because it is talking about similar things, not suggesting that the piece is particularly good or amazing – just a good one to read alongside this one..
tbV is a nickname i call my wife and it’s for my use only – if you call her the beautiful Val then that gets a bit creepy but for me to have a nickname for my friend and wife is completely normal – my nickname is Fish – some people call me that, some don’t – it doesn’t mean [hopefully] that i smell like i fish or that i particularly enjoy being in water – it is what it is.
Linde Ndaba is not white and you saying that says a lot more about you than her so maybe take a moment to try and hear what she is saying and then see if there is anything for you in there… You are really quick to speak but have not seen a moment of listening – you might want to work on that – we are all trying to learn here…
And i am glad you denied my application on the dog cos i’m not a huge fan – i hate Mcd and try avoid KFC as much as i can so not sure what you’re saying there but it seems to be a mighty big blanket you’re using…
Anyways go well dude but this is a place to learn and try and grow and so if you’re not looking for that then i suggest you keep moving…
Dear Eric, I am trying hard to understand what you are saying but English is clearly not your first language so I forgive you. I think for the purposes of clarity Brett should delete your comment until you’ve had time to check it thoroughly (that means a lot). Friendly heads up.
The guy is obviously non-English. I think what he’s trying to say is mostly what Brett answered, but the TBV part – perhaps he was saying that if its done privately then it should remain that in private, but not on a blog where people read it which makes it public. Its a delicate subject, but possibly no different to me saying TWC, or the wonderful Chris. Or referring to my wife as the MGWA or most gorgeous woman alive. It get the message, but its his blog and whoever wants to read it may. I don’t know, guess it comes down to proving that his wife or girlfriend is beautiful or telling people, or wanting to tell people because she is not, or is… Ok its getting confusing. end there.
Ya, it’s a nickname. That’s it.
well written and eye opening… i think its important for our generation to share these life experiences for others to understand. i was born after apartheid yet we still live with it today. even though we went to school together, whites were not encouraged to learn african languages even though they are the languages native to the land in which we live (my primary school wouldnt even sing those parts of the national anthem ten years after apartheid had ended), and they are not teaching anything about other cultures in schools. i feel as if it is protected, too, by the african people, which i completely understand. If only there was a big drive for all those in south africa who do not speak the languages of the place that they inhabit, to learn them, and to learn about their culture and traditions (since western culture isnt really cultural at all). there is so much beauty, so much forgiveness, and still there are people who hate and feel superior. thank you both for this, and thank you to all south africans trying to spread knowledge and understanding of racism in this country – as it is different here than anywhre else and we still have a long way to go but thanks to you, brett, and sindile, and linde, and many others speaking out – i have learnt so much in a short time and i hope to learn more and act on my ideals.
Thanks Alex – i agree that learning a language feels like a given and would go the HUGEST way towards building bridges – tbV and i did a Xhosa course end of last year and she is doing much better with it cos i have not had as much exposure [working at home] but even just the few words shared with someone whose first language it is and their faces light up and they feel seen and heard which is so huge and should be a lot more normal… please continue the conversations with people you know and help get others to the table – that is so important…
Reblogged this on Rather Unsaid and commented:
Here is an interesting post which I can relate with. Read slowly and carefully. And I notice that in me sheltering your thoughts emphasis what Linda is saying about how far deep this “addiction” goes. I need to start recovering myself.
Thanks for passing it on – definitely words worth being shared far and wide…
When someone is writing honestly then someone is bound to find themselves. So thank you for sharing your space.