Romantic couple portrait photography

Wendy and I have been married since December 2004 but in some ways it seems so much longer because we have done so much since then, including immigrating (twice) and starting a business. And let me tell you, those are both very stressful, and stress is not good for a marriage.

I think that what I have realised about marriage is that it is not always a feeling but a choice. You choose to be married and you choose to make a marriage work. My wife and I have had some very difficult times in our marriage, some in the past and some right now, but there is a difference between the two. We didn’t handle the stressful times in the past very well, and it could have ended the marriage. Being in a foreign country, money running out, the work permit you were told (by officials) that you could get, you now can’t and you have to make a decision. Go to another strange country or go back to where you came from and give up on your dreams. This is not easy.

I went on to the new country and Wendy went back to where we came from, to get a visa. This time apart was not easy as we had taken the stress out on each other, and neither of us were in the best emotional place. This was a time when marriage was a choice and not a feeling. Having said that we have some stressful issues at the moment too, even more stressful that what we went through before, but our marriage is stronger than ever!

So what is the difference? Summing it up in a sentence will sound a bit cheesy and like a cliché , but I’m going to say it anyway. When you have a problem, remove it from in between you, and face it together.. We have a relationship with God, through Jesus, so we bring Him into the discussion too! When it is two of us and God against a problem it doesn’t seem that big, yet when it gets in between you and your partner, it seems much bigger than it is!

It also appears that you are facing it on your own as it gets in between the two of you, so you focus on the problem and don’t see how it affects your spouse. Separate yourselves from the problem, join with God, and fight it together! Previous people posting have said that it is impossible to mention marriage without children. Well I think it is impossible to mention our marriage without God, as He plays a major part, and without Him I don’t think our marriage would be so strong.

I can honestly say, even though we are going through what is probably the most stressful time of our lives, it is also the most promising. That is down to two reasons. We follow God, and we put our future in His hands. He promises that even though things don’t always go our way, He will work it for our good. And secondly, Wendy and I are a team. We tackle issues together, and we have made a choice to stick together and support each other. This doesn’t mean that the ‘feeling’ and love is no longer there, quite the opposite, I love her more now than the day we got married!

[For the next post on Marriage year 10 by Megan and Brenton Furniss, click here]