Taboo Topics: Race – What I would love my white friends to hear – meet Siki Dlanga

Every important thing has been said particularly by Tsholofelo Mpuru! You nailed it girl. I don’t even know why I am writing but Brett asked and I said yes.

This is my pet hate. A lot of white people may not be guilty of this. I hope.

I mentioned to a Zimbabwean friend of mine this month just how much I absolutely detest being asked whether I am Zimbabwean by a white South African or former ‘Rhodesian’ who meets me for the first time. It is often the second sentence after a greeting.

I look nothing like a Zimbabwean even on my best or worst day. I know that there are tons of Zimbabweans in South Africa but come on! This has only happened in Cape Town though often in an all white environment. It will often be one odd white person who meets you for the first time who will ask that silly question. It does not happen all the time but it happens. It often makes me mad because for crying out loud I am in South Africa. I have never set foot in Zimbabwe even if I had this is South Africa, a land full of many different kinds of blacks who actually belong here. I suppose it is hard to believe that if you are a white Capetonian.

My Zimbabwean friends will confirm that I am not xenophobic. The issue at hand is that even where I live in East London I was speaking to an Afrikaans white friend who was telling me about her domestic help. One of her friends has only employed Zimbabweans in her business, and she was telling me about how a certain Zimbabwean fixed washing machines and sends them to Zimbabwe. She was very impressed by how industrious he was. She said it with a tone that said: “not like these blacks.” Only that she did say it, she said; “you know Zimbabweans are different, they are not like these people here.” While she was elevating Zimbabweans as the better blacks she finished her sentence and remembered that I was black. I was boiling but what constructive words can come out of a furious person. I was furious not because of just her but of the general white South African attitude which in my books fuels xenophobia with these negative attitudes and perceptions towards local black South Africans.

The first time I ever came across this was a decade ago. Another Zimbabwean friend of mine was telling us of the despicable racism they experienced as a group of blacks by a white South African couple. She also said that the white racist couple treated them better than the black South Africans because they were told that they were the ‘better blacks’. Imagine that.

Needless to say, in Cape Town I have encountered many whites who have echoed this debasement of South African blacks as they elevate the non-South African black as the better black who must be protected from these hostile black South Africans. What I have also learnt is that some of the non-South African blacks hectically disapprove of the same white people. In fact a Malawian thought a Mugabe style of leadership was what we needed to get rid of the very white people that love them. I was shocked because I knew that the white people bent over backwards to protect the poor Malawians from these terrible black South Africans.

I have heard the same thing from South African whites who have been to America. I have heard complaints at times that the African Americans are not like us. Can we get a break?

What is this, a search for the most acceptable black? Why can’t a black person be accepted period?

Granted that human beings are slaves of comparison regardless of race, however other times it is more insensitive and hurtful than other times. In this case it is very destructive. I do wish that more people were sensitive to this.

The point is that if we are going to live together in unity in this country something has got to give. There is a reason that the black people in this country are the way they are. Some of it has to do with our difficult history. God placed us here. I know that is hard to believe but He thought this is exactly where He wants to place us. I understand that our past is quite involved and difficult but we actually do need to face one another and not wish for another breed of people that are more acceptable to you or me. This is it. Look close. We are not that bad in fact we are actually very beautiful people. The moment we connect with each other’s beauty we will not be able to see where one ends or the other begins. We have a great future as a rainbow nation but the walls of hostility and demonising one another must go away so that we can unite as one people.

You can read more of what Siki has to say by taking a look at her blog – madamemadiba.wordpress.com

[For the next amazing post in this series by Tshego Motiang, click here]

Your comments on race…

this is not going to be a blog post as much as it is going to be an invitation to a comments forum where you can jump in and share your thoughts on any aspect of race – good, bad and ugly…

when you think of race, what comes to mind – can be happy, sad, confusing, angry, celebratory… but keep it civil – am good with questions and statements and stories but not overt racism…

let’s see how this goes and if it works well i will keep it up… so responses to other blog posts that have been happening, invitations for blog posts you would like to see, questions you would like to ask someone of a different race, experiences you have had.

what do you have to share?

 

Taboo Topics: Race – What I would love my white friends to hear – meet Mhlengi Mpungose

“I did not benefit from apartheid, therefore why should I be held liable” 

# this is just one heck of a common statement that I hear from a lot of my white friends and I find it unwarranted because it lacks intellectual credibility, empathy, responsiveness and a sense of self awareness – “white privilege” is the damn elephant in the room –

# as a black man I’m always an immediate suspect, thanks to this stereotype caricature that categorizes all black men as the shadowy, criminal that lurks about.

# I find myself in an elevator with a middle aged white woman and she gives me that fake “please don’t rape me” grin.

# And I have to listen to my white friends go on about how they haven’t benefited at all from the world being built on white supremacy…..

# I can’t exercise a freedom with guns and not be questioned about it .

# Even with quotas and B.E.E if you’re a black man you have to prove yourself still ( meaning you have to play along to “white hegemonies” speak with a proper posh white accent and then they’ll generally accept you and deem you ‘civilized’) . 

# 80% of corporate industries in South Africa are occupied by white monopoly capital despite any employment equity policies.

Hypothetically if you were to die and go to heaven just to find that God is black would you be willing to go back to hell cause of your prejudices and preconceived ideas and judgements about the black man ? Or would he still be the same God of love and truthfulness ? 

Moving forward I fully comprehend that we can only truly progress as a black nation once black folk also start taking responsibility for whichever calamitous situation that we find ourselves in – we can’t keep feeling victimized as a black nation and continue living these defeatist, docile ‘blame white people and apartheid’ lives and refuse to assume accountability for our own existence, despite apartheid and imperialism having left some structures …it’s just as basic as that, no other way to phrase it . In a nutshell and in a very politically correct manner this is what I would like my white friends to hear …..”

[For the next part in this series and to hear the thoughts of Hulisani Khorombi, click here]

Taboo Topics: Race – What makes me me – Meet Deborah Dowlath

The country where I was born.

The ethnic composition of my parents.

My gender.

What do these things have in common? None of them are sufficient to describe who I am.

As human beings, made in God’s image and likeness, we consist of body, soul and spirit. Being a Trinidadian born female whose parents have Indian, Portuguese, Chinese, Spanish and Caucasian ancestors are all factors which impact my body, but not my soul and spirit, which is what really defines my identity.

As a child growing up in an ethnically and culturally diverse country (Trinidad and Tobago) I never noticed the race of my friends, or even my own. I remember the first time I realised that I was different from the majority of my friends. I was fifteen years old, and our country had elected its first Prime Minister of East Indian decent. Talk of it being “our turn now” made me realise that people had voted based on race, rather than issues of governance. It also opened my eyes to the fact that I had East Indian heritage, whereas the majority of my friends were of African descent.

It was amazing to me, because I never chose my friends based on their ethnic background. My closest friends were those whom I connected with, because we shared the same core beliefs and values. There was an attraction at the level of the soul and spirit, which had nothing to do with our physical appearance. These are people who, like me, are citizens of the kingdom of God. We live according to kingdom principles, and this is what creates the bonds between us.

It is sad to me when society has so corrupted our understanding of identity that all we see is what is on the outside. It is one thing when I visit a remote tribe in Kenya that has never met a foreigner, to be surrounded by children who rub my skin to see if it will come off. It is a totally different thing for my 5-year old god-daughter to ask me, “Aunty Debbie, how can you be a Indian AND a Christian?”

The media has put far too much emphasis on the body. Our bodies are merely shells for who we really are on the inside. We have a responsibility to teach our children to look beyond what they can see, so that they can recognise people for who they really are.

[For more ideas, thoughts and stories on different aspects of Race, click here]

Taboo Topics: Race – What I would love my white friends to hear: Meet Tsholofelo Mpuru [part ii]

my friend Tsholo had a bit of a p.s. to her first share on racism and i felt like it warranted a post of its own so it didn’t get lost – this is a 47 minute video but i encourage you to make some time and watch it because it is so powerful. i am a little scared that the choir will get it and everyone else will make excuses so try and watch it with an open mind, especially if you are white and don’t think you are racist.

Tsholo: I watched this video and the saddest part for me, the part that made me cry, was when the biracial guy talked about how he had learned to assimilate into whiteness so that his blackness wouldn’t hold him back, but no matter how close to whiteness he got, he still had that fear that his blackness would cause him to be judged negatively…whether it’s all in his head or not, it is real for him:

THE EVENT: HOW RACIST ARE YOU? with Jane Elliott

[To continue to the next post by Mhlengi Mpongose on Race, click here]

[To return to the beginning of this series, click here]

Taboo Topics: Race

i wasn’t originally thinking of this as a Taboo Topic topic.

but then when i started looking on the book of faces for people to write for me and had friends using terms like ‘can of worms’ and ‘Pandora’s Box’ to describe what i was suggesting, it made me wonder if that is not exactly where it needs to go.

is no one speaking about this?

having lived in Americaland for the last three years [in diverse and mixed culture neighborhoods, more so than ever back home i think] and been somewhat aware of some of the bigger questions of race over here in terms of issues such as mass incarceration, stand your ground, the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman trial and more this feels like it is as relevant over here as it is back home.

being a white, heterosexual, able-bodied, right-handed, male i pretty much fit into every box of privilege possible [except perhaps for my dreads, they help me lose a little ground, thank you dreads] but we can’t deal with them all here so let’s start with white and we can move on from there.

i certainly did not start apartheid or have anything directly to do with enforcing it, but i certainly benefited from it [while also losing so much because of it in the greater scheme of things] and as much as i’d just like the idea of that to be over or dealt with or forgotten so that we can “just move on people”, i don’t believe that is the solution. all of us need to truly own our past so that together we can walk more strongly [and hopefully more united…ly?] into our collective future.

Identity and What makes me me – a collection of stories from a variety of people with a race-related theme to them.

Race in South Africa: Moving Towards a truly Rainbow Nation: Some thoughts on first steps for white people from some black people i have met.

What I would like my white friends to hear/know/consider – i asked some friends of mine who are not white to share with us some things they’d like us to hear

Some thoughts i [and others] had on White Privilege – Such an important part of the conversation and a difficult one for whites to seem to admit to or even realise.

Dear Bloggers of Undetermined Colour – Thoughts and reflections on some Heritage Day vs Braai Day posts…

Mixed Race and Culture connections – What happens when two worlds meet? Stories from mixed race/culture relationships…

I will not apologise for my white privilege – a compilation of some of the thoughts being expressed out of Princeton this week

The Wisdom of Others when it comes to conversations about Race – Three more helpful perspectives from the USA relating to different crucial aspects of this conversation.

Exploring White Privilege – some helpful outside perspective thoughts on South Africa from someone studying these things

Don’t strive to be Colourblind, work towards being Colour Brave – with reference to a TED talk by Mellody Hobson

The Power of Words – Sometimes the words or the questions we speak can have such a powerful effect.

The Truth hiding behind the Humour – comedian Hari Kodabolu shares some insights on race and particularly ‘the other’

Some thoughts from the Internet – on Post-Racial America and White Privilege

With White Power comes Great Fragility – Why is it that white people tend to freak out around the race conversation?

Taboo Topics: Race – What I would love my white friends to hear: Meet Tsholofelo Mpuru [part i]

This is perhaps too long, but I’ve just been given a platform to vent out years and years worth of frustrations and I’m jumping in head first. But before I begin, let me say that I have way too many white friends to think that white people as a whole are racist, and I don’t know if all of what I’m about to say applies to my friends cos I think (or hope) my friends know some of this already…anywho…

Firstly, white privilege is real! You not being able to see it doesn’t mean you don’t benefit from it, it just means you’re blinded to the injustice others are experiencing. Having said that, white-adjacent (my own terminology) privilege is also a thing – the right accent, the right facial features, the right physical appearance (ie weave/wig vs Afro), listening to “white” music, etc – can also open doors for you that others might never get entry to.

When you’re black, it doesn’t matter how talented, skilled, or studied you are, you are always aware that the job you have is probably because of BEE. You are aware that, although you might be more qualified that a lot of the other people in the room, no one actually cares, you are just there to fill some quota. People hear that you’re in IT and you just see on their faces that they resent you for taking a job from some fictitious more well deserving white person…doesn’t matter how well deserving you are, there is probably a white person who deserved it more…what is more commonly known as “reverse racism”.

It might come across as if black people are always looking for racism, but it’s not. Black people see racism because we’ve dealt with it before. We know what it looks and feels like. You don’t see it because you don’t need to. You’re not aware of it because it won’t affect you anyway.

I hate it when someone (ie Helen Zille) says/does something offensive, then when black people call her out on it white people come to her defense and explain to black people why we are being over-sensitive, why we shouldn’t be feeling the way we are, why we are selfish for focusing on one small detail when there is so much wrong with this country…when white people make themselves arbiters of what is and isn’t worth getting worked up over.

I’m having a rough time reconciling Christianity and blackness. This is a new thing for me... this new found blackness or black consciousness, but it occurs to me that Christianity is very white/westernized…whiteness is close to godliness. Which is weird since, well, Jesus died for the world, not a culture or cultural norms. (The movie Noah has been getting a lot of flack for not being Biblically correct, the other day I read another article that criticized it for it’s all-white cast…which I hadn’t noticed…hmmm… )

It really doesn’t matter to me that there’s only a handful of white racists left…at the end of the day I only have to come across one on a bad day and I become another victim of an isolated hate crime. I think about this every time a white person casually drops the k-word, the n-word, or makes some racist joke.

Don’t say things like “blacks people do this” and “black people think that…” or “black people are like this and that…” and look to me for confirmation. I was not appointed to be the black representative in your group of friends. There are too many different tribes/cultures/subcultures within the black race in South Africa alone who do and say and behave differently, and within that there are individuals who choose to do their own thing, I have not been given permission to speak on behalf of anyone so please don’t ask me to…

And I really don’t like generalizations like black people can dance, black people are cool, etc…I know it’s meant as a compliment, but…black people are humans – individual humans, there are cool ones, there are uncool ones, there are even those who can’t dance…black people are individuals too.

I realize that it is never the intention, but when I’m the only black person in the room and race topics are brought up in whatever context (be it political – bee, or discussion on black culture, or a compliment – how “cool” black people are) it makes me very aware that I’m the only black person in the room. Makes me feel like I’m “the other”, the odd one out, the one that doesn’t belong. As I said, I realize that it is never the intention, and I’m not saying it should stop – I’m glad you are comfortable to discuss racial issues and not act like race isn’t a thing (SA is way too racialized for people to claim to be colorblind) I guess I just wanted you to be aware of it…*shrugs*

Blackface is never ok! “Black accents” when talking to black people sound patronizing…to me at least…

Yep, definitely too long…sorry about that.

*cue Intellectualize My Blackness by Skunk Anansie* 

[To continue on to Tsholo part II, click here]

 [To return to the beginning of this series, click here]