Category: fun


Close to 13 years of doing Improv with Megan Furniss and differing amounts of years with the rest of this crazy bunch i usually get to hang with on a Monday evening.

Making stuff up.

cow

And to be absolutely honest, i had been getting a little tired of the same old formula, week in, week out, and so when i was about to leave for a month to go overseas again, in one sense i was looking for a break.

Not that it had always been the same – for the last three years, the players of Improguise have put on the most amazing festival in January, which, despite living overseas at the time, i just happened to be at each time. So i was able to be in a full length documentary, a South African soapie, a full length completely made-musical as well as take part in two other forms of show we have all taken to: Namely Superscene and Stuck in the Middle [which are both a little bit of mayhem]

i had mentioned it to Megan who had been feeling similar and the whole group jumped at the idea and so the last class before i left South Africa we decided to perform a different type of show every week with the traditional ‘Whose Line?’ type show being just one of the many shows]

And then i left the country. With much jealousy. Of the good kind that cheers and celebrates and is excited to hear of the different types of shows happening in my absence including a documentary and a road trip.

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Tonite was my first show back.

And we played a Superscene which i describe as Survivor Improv where five directors give the premise for the next scene we will see in their movie and everyone else acts that scene out. Then each director shares what will be coming up next and by way of Clapometer [loudness of audience clap] the audience decides which story they don’t want to continue and the other 4 then play out their next scenes. And so on, until we are left with one final scene which is the Superscene.

And tonite the winner was Carolyn and i was her star lead actor Neville, an Afrikaans young man with a passion for dance and a mother who was against it.

But actually we were ALL winners. From the tiny audience of 12 who braved it out [and all wished they’d brought more friends afterwards] to each of the crazies who acted and corpsed their hearts out on the stage.

milk

Because we really did have zombie cows [who shot guns at people and gave heartfelt speeches] and a Cactus Milk Tattooist who created white tattoos [Zabhira from India who had grown jaded with Indian culture from watching American You Tube videos growing up and moved to America where she won over her father to the lifestyle and Americanised him in a ‘Pretty Woman’ type montage] and of course the plants [poisonous banana types] who while not quite saying “Ni” [semi-obscure-Monty-Python reference] mumbled something like Randy-ni-ni-ni-ni which was close enough. There may have been an edgy and insane Mad Maxesque road chase we never got to see enough of as it was eliminated way before its time. And a cheap and grumpy ghostly ouma who had trouble speaking as all her ‘N’s were switched to ‘M’s.

ni'

Thank-you Megan and Carolyn and Ardine and Tandi and Ryan and Ashley and also Hilton for working the lights. And the rest of the crew who could not be there tonight.

You’ve helped make Improv fun again. Because it has once again become unpredictable. This coming Monday we will be performing a Stuck In The Middle [one actor stuck on stage the whole night while the rest of the team create a host of different scenes with that person] with the proceeds going to uThando leNkosi place of safety for children as a part of the Mandela Day 67 minutes celebrations. So let’s pack the house. For a good cause. And for amazing laughs.

Looking very much forward to next week when we get to make it up all over again.

For more information on our times of shows and prices and how to book and organise for us to play at your school, poker club or seniors tea, click here and if you’re on the Twitterer, make sure you add @ImproGuiseSA to follow us around.

And see you next week…

This one will no doubt surprise and shock a few South Africans, but one of the highlights of my life was being a Spur waiter for five years, back when we didn’t know how offensive the logo potentially was:

spur Continue reading

world

A bunch of us went to watch Jurassic World last night and it was a lot of fun. i am a HUGE Chris Pratt fan [before it was cool to be] and he totally brought it. Indiana Pratt Jones? Bring it on!

But on the way home it was brought to my attention that there have been rumours on the internet that his character Owen is a grown-up version of the young boy from the original Jurassic Park movie.

So first thing i did when i got home was to jump on the Google-machine and do some research. Cos at first i thought, ‘No way, it isn’t possible.’ But when you put the two pictures next to each other, of the young boy from the original movie and Chris Pratt’s character Owen from World… well, see for yourself…

Whit Hertford

Wait, the cute little lovable dinosaur grew up to become Chris Pratt’s character Owen, who is cute AND lovable?

Wow, it may not be conclusive, but it is uncanny. Is it possible the director of Jurassic World, Colin Trevorrow threw in that little teaser as a puzzle for die hard fans of the original movie. Layers upon layers.

What do you think? Is Owen the little guy from the first movie all grown up?

How did you find the movie with the biggest ever opening in the world to date?

And how does a T-Rex cut wood? That’s right. With a dino-saw.

You saw it here first folks…

I was thirty-five when I tied the proverbial knot and so had attended many marriages and yet this one continues to stand head and shoulders above the rest.

Not simply because it was my marriage, which no doubt adds its own weight of bias, but I imagine regardless of whose ceremony I was attending that day, I would have still been blown away.

Purple-haired, black suited, I waited nervously for my bride to arrive.

Upon receiving word that she had arrived, I grabbed my djembe drum, sat centre stage and began a simple drumming beat.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

drumpre

The beat and rhythm resonates out from the front where I am sitting and emanates through the amphitheatre shaped room and suddenly everyone’s attention is on me.

Then Gavin, whose drums we are using, joins me and establishes a base beat that is informed by my rhythm and which will give direction and form to everyone else.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

drumhands

Suddenly three more drums come to play as my three best men, sitting together in the front row, join in to this beat which is now starting to build.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

drumdunc

My younger sister who is one of my best friends and two other women who are spread around the room take up the beat. Eight drums playing in unison. Singing together. Daring each other on.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

drumtblur

One more. And then another. Two from the back row. One from the edge of the left hand side. Another from somewhere near the front. The beat has become like a hungry beast that is slowly striding around all areas of the room, picking up pace and strength and rhythm. Suddenly there are 18 drums in total pounding out this ever present beat.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

The anticipation is growing. The emotion is overwhelming. We all know the moment is soon. The drums tell us so. Any moment now my beautiful bride is going to burst in from the back of the room and slowly make her way down the aisle to me.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

drummike

But time passes, and the beat is allowed to grow. To surge and move and create and invite. Every single person in the chapel is now completely caught up in this sound, this music, this invitation. Call to marriage.

SLAPP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

I am struggling to hold back the emotion. The day itself brings enough of its own, but now with this wild beast of percussive engagement pounding at my heart, my mind, my emotions, it feels like everything is about to let loose. And still the rhythm grows.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP BOOM BOOM

drumwide

Was it two minutes or maybe ten? It is hard to tell any more. All that I know is the beat has taken us all prisoner and is holding us in its mesmerising grasp, readying us for that moment which is imminent. The moment that surely must be about to happen.

SLAP SLAP BOOM

SLAP SLAP BOOM

And she arrives.

valarrive

Those without drums rise to their feet, but the drum beast is not finished yet. Surging in rhythm as the father walks her down to the front, towards me. And then says his final goodbye. The beautiful Valerie has made her entrance, and my blown awayness has a new source, and her being next to me has sucked all of the power out of the beat of the drums.

SLAP BOOM

The moment has arrived.

beatoni know people may think i’m biased, but that remains by far the best opening to any wedding i have ever been a part of and it is great to be reminded of it as we head towards our 6th anniversary – 11 July – which incidentally we will be spending celebrating the marriage of two of our good friends MJ and Ash and so i thought i would get this gem out a little earlier as that weekend there will be a huge focus on them.

[Marriage takes a lot of work and i have been privileged to share a whole bunch of different thoughts, ideas and stories from a number of different friends of ours who are in good marriages, and you can see a lot of those over here]

So tbV and i just flew a pretty long flight with Emirates via Dubai to San Francisco [which is a much greater way to do it than our previous Cape Town Joburg/Joburg Dubai/ Dubai Washington or New York/ Washington or New York San Francisco simply because of less plane-changing] and, as always for me, it is all about the movie-watching.

My previous record was seven i think although that included World War Z and another movie i can’t remember that i realised later i didn’t know enough about and had quite likely fallen asleep in for large parts of it. i have since watched World War Z but realised that that record didn’t really hold. No doubts remain after these flights in which i watched ten movies and most of an 11th…

Honourable mention to Penguins of Madagascar which was a lot of fun, but which i ran out of flight for [or at least headphones as the highly stressed flight attendant lady came around collecting them and had to watch the last 20 minutes sound free] so doesn’t qualify as completed movie.

In terms of the 10, this isn’t a true reflection of how much i enjoyed them as i find it quite tough to compare movies across different genres – Expendables for example being a completely more ridiculous movie in all aspects than something like Maze Runner, but still just a lot of silly fun. So this is a vague idea of a list of how i would rate the films i saw – on the plus side there were none that i regretted seeing and not a single one that i didn’t enjoy in one way or the other…

[10] Mortdecai – You had me at Johnny Depp. Although he has been in a bit of a slump for a long time in terms of working well-received movies and i was very sad when i heard Mortdecai, like a lot of his recent ones, did not perform well. But my friend Megan Giggles saw it recently and said it was a lot of jolly good fun and so i had to give it a try. And because, well, Johnny Depp. The main reason this one features at the bottom of the list is i think technical as there was a lot of noise on our first flight around take-off time and generated from sitting right on the wing i think and we had sound issues [the one movie Val watched with me – otherwise she saw all different ones i think and so we had to almost perfectly synch the timing of them so our peripheral vision wouldn’t detect spoilers – although i ended up being about a second ahead which proved a highlight as any time i knew she would love a joke or moment i got to sneak a peek and watch as she experienced it in the moment!]

mort

But yes, it was not a great movie but was a lot of silly fun with excellent supporting performances particularl from an over the top British accented Gwyneth Paltrow [simply delightful, darling!] and an excellent Paul Bettany as Mortdecai’s bodyguard who keeps getting injured by Mortdecai in a series of unfortunate accents. Just a lot of ridiculous fun and an excellent rainy day distraction. But MAKE ANOTHER GREAT MOVIE, Johnny! Pirates 5, anyone?

[9] Annie – Anyone that knows me a little bit well, knows that i typically am not a big fan of musicals [unless they are incredible productions like the movies Moulin Rouge, Les Miserables and i even thought Mamma Mia was fun every time Pierce Brosnan stopped singing]. That has always been my gripe with Disney movies – why ruin a good cartoon with singing? [Unless it’s Lion King with incredible songs or Aladdin with fun ones]. But the moment i saw the trailer to the new Annie reboot with Quvenzhané Wallis in the title role, i knew it was one i was going to enjoy. i guess it is also completely ridiculous as a story but just such a lot of super fun and most of the songs were great and i loved it. And it may or may not have sparked some serious dust issues in my eyes towards the end of the film. They nailed it, with Cameron Diaz an absolute treat as the over-the-top seriously-lonely-and-desperate Miss Hannigan…

annie

[8] The Maze Runner – When this arrived on the scene, i didn’t know too much about it. In a Young-Adult-Themed futuristic movie overload period which brought us The Hunger Games, Divergent, Ender’s Game and more, this did seem like just another one to add to the list. But the trailer was intriguing and so while i didn’t make huge effort to watch it on the big screen i knew it was a matter of time before i saw it. And yeah, once again an all around fun vibe of a movie. And with a setup for more to follow. I can’y remember how particularly successful this was at the Box Office so not sure if they are going ahead with the others but as a standalone it works and the cast is enthusiastic and energetic enough to keep you engaged. So if this is your thing, then this particular movie will be your thing. And if not, then probably not. But i enjoyed it as a popcorn entertainment moment during a long flight.

maze

[7] What we Did on our Holiday – This did not crack the nod on my initial circle-the-movies-i-really-want-to-watch-in-the-movie magazine-list run and was towards the end of our journey, so probably six hours and maybe two movies left to go. And it probably came down to watching this or the Simon Pegg, ‘Hector and the Search for Happiness’ which i’d seen the trailer of and which looked fun. What We Did on our Holiday appealed to me largely cos it had my favourite Doctor Who actor, David Tennant [who i LOVE] [no, appreciate in a movie acting kind of way] and also starred Billy Connolly, who you can rarely go wrong with. The premise of this looked a lot more drama’ey but i think Connolly was the swing vote. It was such an interesting movie as it focused largely on a broken-down relationship of a couple with three absolutely delightful children who were going to visit his father for his 75th birthday and wanting to pretend [very unsuccessfully] that everything was still alright with them. Really just a stunning indie pic exploring the complexity of relationships and family and parenting. Not as funny as i thought it was going to be [although it had some great moments] but more just a beautiful journey with a pleasing, yet honest, ending. i don’t feel this deserves 7th place on a top 10 list [especially with an Expendables ahead of it] and so without having to redo the whole list, would probably stick it in the top 3, realising that other movies are ahead of it here for different reasons. But well worth hunting down.

holiday

[6] What We Do In The Shadows – This is a particularly palated fine wine. As in not to everyone’s taste, but for those whose taste it is for, you will really enjoy it. This Vampire spoof mockumentary is a must for fans of Flights of the Conchord, whose Jermaine Clement both directs and plays Vladislav, one of the main housmate vampires in question. Rhys Darby, who Conchord fans will recognise as on-again-off-again band manager, Murray, cameos as the leader of the werewolves who, when confronted by Vladislav and one of his pack swears at them, reminds them that, “We don’t do that. We’re werewolves, not swearwolves.” Just a fun, delightful, well-written romp of a movie, weaving the documentary style so convincingly into its narrative.

shadow

[5] Expendables 3  – i mean, let’s be honest, this is completely ridiculous in terms of acting and dialogue and story and everything, but when trapped upon a metallic object flying with hundreds of people through the air to your destination, it is the best kind of absolutely ridiculous around. And i have to say i thought it was definitely the best of the three so far. As ridiculous as the dialogue is, they manage to work in some incredibly clever self-deprecations and nods to the audience and one of the best of these [if you know the whole background story to how Bruce Willis was left out of the movie after a money dispute] was when someone asked about Church [Willis’ character who was in the previous movie] and Stallone’s dead pan response was, “He’s out of the picture.” If you enjoyed I and II then you will definitely enjoy this one and if you’re looking for in depth characters, clever plotline and Academy Award winning performances, then you may not be as big a fan. Special mention to the new guys Wesley Snipes [amazing line about his tax evasion issues off screen] Antonio Banderas and Mel Gibson as well as the one female in the cast, Ronda Rousey [they finally brought a girl in] who more than held her weight in a man-heavy franchise.

expend

[4] Ex Machina – This was fascinating and could quite easily have been the best movie i saw on the flight, even though the other three movies ahead of it have specific reasons for being there. Certainly the most interesting. And being on the flight i assume the nudity [deals with artificial intelligence in the form of female android robot types] was blocked out specifically for the flight, so may be a whole lot more graphic if renting this elsewhere. The basic premise was that a highly skilled computer programmer wins a competition to spend a week with his boss who has created this AI [Artificial Imntelligence] woman and wants him to test the AI and see if it’s legit. The cast of Domhnall Gleeson, Oscar Isaac and Alicia Vikander who plays the AI in question is phenomenal and this truly deserves to be a movie on people’s lips come award time. How do you determine the moment a computer stops simply being programmed and starts realistically thinking and reasoning for itself? is really the question in play here.

Just such a brilliant movie with a complex level of different layers at play in terms of the relationship between Caleb [the young programmer] and Nathan [the creator] as well as between both of them and Ava, the AI. Definitely a great film to watch with a bunch of friends and then sit around the meal table discussing. Probably the best movie i have seen this year and the others on this list only got ahead of it due to their importance to me.

mach

[3] and [2] Before Sunrise and Before Sunset – the moment tbV saw these on the flight she pretty much insisted i watch them. Ha Ha. i have been trying to watch ‘Before Sunrise’ for ever and just never finding it. Our local dvd store where we rent has part II and III of the trilogy but have been talking about it forever and on the rare occasions when i have seen it available, Val has already watched it and i didn’t want to make her have to see it again. So mission accomplished. For anyone who recently watched the Richard Linklater movie Boyhood [which also starred Ethan Hawke from these movies and which was filmed over a period of twelve years] this has a similar feel to it. A movie where Jesse and Céline, played by Hawke and Julie Delpy, meet on a train in Vienna and decide to spontaneously spend the day together and which basically focuses on a long set of conversations between them about a whole range of different topics, which ends in a passionate romantic encounter between the two of them.

Then the second movie follows nine years later where we learn that their plan to meet up again six months later never materialised [the reasons are understandable] and a chance meeting in Paris where Jesse has written a book largely based on that one night affair and bumps into Céline and they spend an afternoon together in the hours he has before he has to catch a plane.

For two movies based on a long extended conversation basically, Hawke and Delpy just completely entice and mesmerise and manage to hold your gaze the whole way through. i look forward to catching the third, Before Midnight [which was not on offer] which our dvd store does have, when we get home.

before

[1] Selma  – This probably cracks the number one spot more for its importance, than just because it was my favourite movie [as mentioned i would probably pip it with Ex Machina in that regard] but at the same time it was also an excellently crafted movie and so perhaps sharing the number one spot would be a better decision. But with a standout cast including David Oyelowo as Martin Luther King Jnr and Carmen Ejogo as his wife Coretto Scott King, Tom Wilkinson, Oprah Winfrey, Tim Roth, Common, Giovanni Ribisi, Cuba Gooding Jnr and a whole host more, and a riveting story of the marches that took place to secure equal voting rights in the town of Selma to Montgomery, Alabama in 1965. This was such an important movie for Americaland and everything that is going on here at the moment in terms of the #BlackLivesMatter movement and the media attention on all of the way-too-many cop-on-black violence cases that have been highlighted over the last few months in particular. And it feels like an important movie for us in South Africa as well and i can imagine tbv and i arranging a screening and dinner at our home sometime soon after we get home, in the hopes of some good conversation.

When Luther started his ‘My eyes have seen the coming of the glory of the Lord’ speech in the closing minutes of the movie and they displayed the fates of various real life characters, my own eyes were filled with tears and it just stirred me to continue and to be asking more deeply some of the questions that face us back home. How not just those who aggressively and violently got involved against those marching [or against black folk in general] were to blame, but also those who refused to get involved when injustice was blatantly happening in front of them. When they called for a second march and a lot of white people responded from around the country by actually pitching up and showing solidarity, that gave me hope. It needs to happen more – we need to show up. That is quite possibly the next step after conversation. Or quite possibly during.

So yes, not an easy movie to watch. But an inspiring one and done with great direction, casting, acting and everything else.

selma

So there you have it. We flew in May and fly back in July so there should be a few new movies added in there although i did leave some i definitely want to see for the flight home, including Angelina Jolie’s Unbroken [that my mate Roy Langhein plays a cameo background extra role in] and The Hundred Foot Journey and more…

How many of these have you seen? Which one, of the ones you have watched, would have made your number one? And why…

People can be cruel. Let’s face it. You innocently stumble upon a complete strangers blog, offer a genuinely flavoured racist slur and call them a name when they respond a little too defensively, and before you know it they are calling you “a Troll”. Ow, that hurts, people.

But what if it’s true? What if all these years you have been innocently Trolling on the internet and you just didn’t know? Well as a public service to you, i want to share with you Five Signs to Help you Realise that you Just Might be a Troll.

[1] If you live under a bridge, you may be a Troll. And by “live under a bridge” i mean in your mom’s house, and you’re over thirty-five, and your favourite food is take-away. From last night.

briedge

[2] If you have a difference of opinion with someone and attack them as a person aggressively in response, you may be a Troll. Someone not thinking the same way as you on an issue does not instantly make them an idiot [they may still be, though] and if your instant reaction is to insult or attack them rather than arguing the point, that is often a sign that your argument/belief is not strong enough to be backed and so you try to distract by moving the attention somewhere else.

john

[3] If, when someone refuses to share your link promoting the saving of Orangutans, you rant on about how they are a horrible human being, and then befriend their wife on social media and try to convince her that you are an evil, animal-hating neanderthal [this actually happened], you may be a Troll.

Sometimes someone refusing to share the link you want them to promote, might not even mean they actually hate Orangutans. Or any other animals. Maybe they simply get a hundred requests a day to promote things and they have chosen that your thing is one thing too many. Leave their poor wife alone, lady.

orang

[4] If you choose any labels other than the person’s name you are arguing with to address them as, you may be a Troll. Surprisingly enough, while ‘Dick’ is the acceptable shortened form of the name Richard, it is not, in fact, also the shortened form of the name ‘Brett’, ‘Simon’, ‘Matthew’ or ‘Robert’. If you disagree with someone online and call them names rather than their name, there is a chance that you are it!

sdick

[5] When the name, picture or email address you are using does not correspond directly to your name, face, email address, you might just be a Troll. Let’s face it, if you can’t say the thing you want to say as yourself, then the alarm bells are going off. If you are having to create whole new email addresses and reroute them through the former Soviet Republic so that no-one can track down your ip address, you really might want to consider the probability.

Sometimes, you just have to concede, that maybe, just maybe, the dodgy oke or okess, is actually you. i will leave it to David Mitchell of That Mitchell and Webb look to lead you a little further down the path of self-discovery:

Please SHARE this with your people, if you enjoyed it at all [or maybe recognised some of them]

[You may likely appreciate some of these other FUNNY lists as well, click here]

tup

Meet Marci. Marci has a problem.

10.15am

From the moment she recovers from the second round of playing Snooze on her Nokia 6510i, Marci has one sole focus in mind. “Not to be confused with the Nokia 6510!”, she always responds with a slight giggle when people ask her what model she has, and she mouths those soundless words again as she throws on last nights clothes and heads to the bathroom for a 76 stroke brush. Not 77, not 75, just exactly, precisely 76. Per tooth. It’s the way you are meant to do it.

And while her body is putting itself through the meticulous motions of a mid-morning routine, Marci’s mind is working overtime…

“Can’t be Susan, because I asked her last time. Susan doesn’t like it when she thinks I am nagging. Must at least be another three months before I try her again. Janice is a definite. Janice always comes, even if only to hang out with me. Janice is always the first on the list and in fact I have already invited her so why am I even thinking about Janice? Go away! Mr and Mrs Stevens? Or is it Stephens? I know I got it wrong the last time and then I corrected. But now I can’t remember if my correction is in fact correcting the correction and thus returning it to its former wrongful spellingment. Oh wait, it’s the phone, so it doesn’t even matter. I will let them write their own names on the stickers. If. They. Come. They didn’t come last time. Why didn’t they come last time? Oh yes, dog issues. Stupid dog. It’s always that damn… okay, focus Marci. You overslept, the phone won again and this is not going to happen unless you PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER. Why are you shouting at me? It’s me you’re talking to. So more technically why am I shouting at me? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your… my…

By this point Marci is finished in the bathroom and she sweeps by the kitchen counter, grabbing a piece of fruit as she plonks herself down on the couch and notices immediately that the ‘piece of fruit’ she so gracefully snatched in her walk by, is, in fact, her purse. My purse? How the… What is wrong with you? Me. That’s not even close. She sighs as she tosses the purse on the floor and dials the first number…

1.15pm

Marci is busy scrolling furiously down her phone’s address book and continues to talk to herself, half out loud, half with her inside quiet head voice, and she is clearly a little bit stressed. It’s tonight. It IS tonight. Tonight is the time when this thing is meant to happen and so I am really grabbing at straws now. Am I grabbing at straws? Maybe they’ll come. Maybe they’ll show up. There were quite a lot of “Maybe” and “I’ll think about it”s. Bleurgh. Bleurgh. BLEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGGGGGH! Urgh. Stoppit! Pull yourself together. There is still time. You’ve got 4 hours. They will come. If you build it they will come. BUILD IT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? There is not an IT to build? WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING? Why are you shouting about why are you shouting? Seriously Marci, just slow down and think. Think woman! Who else? 

George. But George is a cat and stare at him as she may, she does not offer any form of help whatsoever. “Georgina! It’s Georgina! He’s a she!” she says time and time again every single time someone mistakes her for a him. “But his name is George?” “It’s Georgina, okay? It’s a long stupid name and I have resorted to calling her George and she most definitely is all completely female and please can we just let it go?” Marci snaps to attention. Realises she has been staring at the cat for a full thirty-seven minutes in a complete daze. Only the cat blinked before she did and left more than eleven minutes ago. She is staring at a yellow chair. An ugly yellow plastic chair. Why do I even have that thing in my lounge?” she asks herself, but she is done replying. Panic is leopard-crawling over the horison.

5.15pm

Marci is sitting on the floor of the kitchen building an ugly plastic fort. Her phone is lying, screen down, just under the edge of the fridge, still displaying the message received fifty-five minutes ago from Janice, letting her know that, “Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control – Michael!!!!  I won’t be able to make it tonight.” If you were watching her, and no-one is, you would notice that her body is rocking, ever so slightly. Barely noticeable really, but it’s there. Her lips are moving at a furious pace, mostly naming names, and yet no sound escapes from between them. Intermittently, she peers up at the clock on the microwave, which has been purposefully set five minutes fast, and mumbles something to herself. A dazed look betrays little emotion.

Suddenly there is a knock at the door. Wait, someone is early? That is amazing. No-one is EVER early. This is going to be great. “This. Is. Going to be great.” Marci catches herself saying that a little loud. She jumps to her feet. “I don’t want to seem desperate,” she says, before realising again that that too was out loud. She combs her finger through her hair, does a quick glance into the mirror and walk runs to open the door, which she does with much flamboyance, only to be greeted by…

“Another delivery, Mrs Weare. You know where to sign. Thank-you and all the best for tonight.”

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

This has been the last episode of this current Tandem Blog Post series which mean this time 8 bloggers writing from the same topic. PLEASE take a moment to read the other posts in the series as there are some really talented people creating some absolutely stunning work. And as always, if you read something you enjoy please SHARE it with your people so that more eyes can discover them as well:

Cath: https://cathjenkin.wordpress.com

Scott: http://squidsquirts.blogspot.com

Kerry: http://www.kerrycontrary.com

James: http://www.jamespreston.org

Megan: http://www.meganshead.co.za

Dave: http://bloggsymalone.wordpress.com

Nick: https://medium.com/@nick_frost

[For previous series’ of Tandem Blog Posts, click here]

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