and you did…

one by one or in twos they arrive

starting with family who are here early to make pancakes and watch little ones

and then friends also start appearing

friendly and awkward chatter takes place in multiple rooms of the house

flapjacks are consumed

coffee is made and then drunk with equal measures of passion

scattered laughter from small groups of people who have not seen each other for a while of whiles

and at some point some kind of order is called

people gradually file into the main room of meetingment

and the ringmaster, Arthur, is introduced

the ‘rules’ are laid our

and the evening is described

a moment of silence

a minute of listening

sharing of ideas, hopes and dreams

more listening

some thoughts

sharing of images and phrases and words and ideas

spoken prayers

response to thoughts, words, pictures and prayers

more silence

listening

small groups

specific focus

reflection

more prayer

at some point time is called

goodbyes are given

huge exchanged

chairs moved back to their natural positions

thanks expressed

drifted departures

one or two longer conversations with those who hang around and chat

cleanup

final farewell

thoughts shared

emotions held

silent reflection

insomnia

as thoughts pinball viciously around a busy mind

eventually sleep comes

 

[quite possibly, if you were not there this week, when we invited family and friends to come together and pray and reflect and share and listen with us as we tried to hear some direction from God in terms of the how and the where and the who of where tbV and i live next, this will not mean an awful lot. but let me close it off by suggesting that this was such an incredible time for us and can be for you too. we typically don’t take enough time and advantage of those who mean so much to us in life to invite them into our decision-making and God-reflecting. and if you are feeling far away from God yourself at this moment then inviting others who aren’t to come and hear with you and for you can be a soothing and remedious thing. if all that evening was, was a celebration of even just a fraction of the people who love us – as some who live close could not be there and many who live all over the world who we would have loved to have been there – well, that would have been good enough. it is a powerful force that tells you you are loved. well loved. appreciated, cheered on, celebrated, hoped for and more.

a lot of friend time can be spent in fun but meaningless – one  deeper level – activity – eating. watching, playing – which is not bad stuff, BUT i can not encourage you enough to create some super deep and meaningful times of your own – when you have a big decision coming up or when it’s a significant birthday milestone or even just because – and maybe the best way to do this is to create it for someone else – for a family member, spouse or best friend… gather their people, create space for time and reflection or words of love and encouragement and appreciation… these will be live-changing moments not quickly forgotten

thank you, everyone who was involved this time, present or not, for showing us love well… ]

 

 

 

the Friday FANatic 14/11/2014

i am generally inspired, amused, educated or enlightened by a number of posts on the internet any given week and link to them via the social medias.

but the week time is busy for a lot of people and so you might find that you got to the end of it and missed out on some of the posts that otherwise might have interested you.

so as i look back to this past week, here are some of the stand out posts that i have seen wandering around the internet, or hanging out on this blog:

MOST HONEST:

Confronting the Lie: God Won’t give you more than you can handle – Nate Pyle is honestly one of my favourite guys to read and in this piece which was written a year ago he confronts the idea that God will not give you more than you can handle in a real, rough and honest piece

 

MOST INSIGHTFUL:

Science says Lasting Relationships come down to 2 Basic Traits – i found this look at relationships really insightful and a good read for anyone actually with some definite practical steps for me to work on in my own marriage

 

MOST INSPIRING:

Book Review for Sale: This story of a young man sitting at the side of the road, giving book reviews to passers by and then trying to sell them the books as a means of raising money.

 

FOR PARENTS:

You Just Broke Your Kid. Congratulations – Dan Pierce, the Single Dad Laughing, almost breaks the internet with this piece inspired by watching a dad treat his son badly in a shopping line

To Be A Dad – Meet Dave Gale – in a similar vein, i actually enjoyed this piece by Dave Gale responding to the phrase, ‘To Be A Dad’ even more, especially as he lets his children know that he will love and protect their mother [especially from them]

Dear Parent: About THAT kid… – just read this today actually – for parents of young children who are at school, this is a powerful read displaying the heart of a teacher who deeply cares for your child

 

BEST KEPT SECRET:

The Koeksuster of Faith [or what happens when i doubt?] – Having been asked to write something on Doubt, i came up with this two parter, which went largely unread in a week filled with great posts, but still hoping more people will jump in and engage on the issue of Christians and Doubt – is it okay? am i okay?

 

MOST PERSONAL:

How to win the Lottery [guaranteed!] – Short piece on a time of prayer and discernment that tbV and i had in our home this week with friends and family as we looked to hear from God in terms of where and how to live next

 

MOST POLITICAL:

Dubula ibhulu: Shoot the Boer/Farmer [and why we need to embrace this song] – My friend, Nkosi Gola, continues to spark things up in the Reconciliation conversation by suggesting that a song, described by many as hate speech, has a significant place in our story

MOST POETIC:

The Twitterer Poem – Lay in bed one morning and decided to write a poem in Twitter in lines of 140 or less characters and this was the result.

 

THE PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS [TPWTMTOTH]:

This Guy Paints Random Characters Into Old Thrift Store Paintings – David Irvine gets creative and has a lot of fun inserting popular characters and scenes into classic artworks, giving them new life

Artist Removes One Letter From Famous Movie Titles and Illustrates the Results – Austin Light takes some classic movies and simply by removing one letter from each title comes up with some fun new premises for films which he cleverly illustrates, favourites being ‘Mr and Mrs Sith’ and ‘Beauty and the Beat’

 

MOST LIGHTHEARTED FUN:

Kevin Spacey’s Celebrity Impressions with Jimmy Fallon – Watch Spacey and Fallon battle head to head with this Halloween-themed Impression-off.

 

MOST EYEBROW-RAISINGLY RIDICULOUS [and reflective of how bizarre this internet fame thing is that we’ve created]

Alex From Target – struggling with insomnia the one night, i eventually ended up googling this story i had seen floating around the internet and could not believe how random and scary a simple act of social media could so quickly become

 

T-SHIRT I WOULD MOST LIKELY WEAR:

 

STRANGEST SEARCH TERMS PEOPLE TYPED INTO GOOGLE TO ARRIVE AT MY BLOG THIS WEEK:

weird chicken

stampede of animals

ecards about grammar

shadows blocking the sun

mudpies in the slum tattoo

 

INSPIRATIONAL TWEETS OF THE WEEK:

‘God didn’t say loving our neighbors would be easy; He said it would work.’ [@bobgoff]

‘If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.’ [Derek Bok]

‘Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I’d highly recommend Fight Club.’ [@joshxhowie]

 

Shout out to my friend and fellow Bloggerist, Lily Dunn and her piece she wrote on Going viral: On Wanting to Give Up

 

What about you? What blog posts or articles caught your eye this week? What has been making you think or laugh or be challenged or go, ‘Wo!’? What have you written on your blog that is worth taking a look at?

Leave us a link in the comments for our weekend reading…

How to win the lottery [guaranteed!]

Last night, my wife Valerie [aka The Beautiful Val aka tbV] and i won the lottery.

Now let me get this straight, i am not talking about the Dutch Lottery that i seem to win with alarming regularity [despite having never sent in any kind of entry or bought any ticket of any kind, but if it arrives in my email it must be true, right?]

And i don’t mean that time that kind old Nigerian widow mailed me to let me know she had decided to share the millions, if not billions, her late husband had left her that she felt more comfortable storing in a South African stranger’s bank account, with me.

I am talking the real lottery.

Well, not the money one, obviously. Why would i be in any way excited about that?

THE SETTING

Last night about 20 of our friends and family gathered together in the lounge of the place we have been staying in, in Tokai, that we are needing to move out of in two weeks, to pray and listen with us as we tried to discern and hear from God anything with regards to where we would stay next.

Well, we know where we are staying next and my best mate Duncan was there to represent the Houstons who have opened their house to us on a number of occasions in the last three years so that we have a place to stay in between major transitions.

i wrote a piece a few months ago looking at how tbV and i want to live intentionally where we live, and this feels like an extension of that.

It is important to articulate that we don’t have a ‘The One’ kind of mindset, that God has a specific place set aside for us and we just need to figure out where that is and guess right and then BOOM! But at the same time, if we believe in a loving God [and maybe more of that in a later post], we believe that it is okay for us to ask for a specific place and see if God will give one to us.

The evening was incredible and went way beyond either of our expectations [and maybe more of that later as well in a different other post] which was largely due to the way in which our dear friend, Arthur Stewart, led our friends in a specific journey of prayer.

But for me, and i think both of us, we could have ended before we even began the meeting and it still would have been a Jackpot status event.

Not everyone we wanted to be there was available or could make it, but those who came, demonstrating love, willingness to give of their time and intent in terms of aligning their hearts and prayers and choosing to stand alongside us, absolutely moved us. We have some incredible people in our lives.

THAT is the Lottery win and it is worth so much more than any amount of money. And i’m not just saying that to sound noble or cheesy or emotional or anything [although i did spend most of the evening holding back the tears so i could just focus on what was being said and shared]. If you offered me ten million rand [or a billion] or that room filled with those people, i would choose those people every time. And i would not hesitate.

That is gold right there. The people who choose us, who champion us, who stick with us, who invest in us, who walk beside us, who lead us, who follow behind us, who feast with us and who mourn with us. Those who wrestle with ideas with us, who hold us accountable, who challenge us with love, who celebrate us and with us and invite us into their celebrations. Gold, gold, gold gold, gold. More than gold. There are no words which come close to expressing. You mean so much to us. Thank you.

And much more, but that’s enough for now. These walruses [walri?] appreciate you.

 

Black Swan meets Bring It On [or Improv gone Wild]

This was recorded at our Improguise: Players of TheatreSports show last nite and is quite possibly one of the best scenes i have ever been involved in.

The best part for me is there was absolutely no planning or pre-thought or idea of what was going to happen until the moment Anne was behind me and i just launched into it and like a true pro she followed and the rest is Improv history.

This is why we do this. [With Anne Hirsch and Carolyn Lewis]

We play shows every monday night at the Galloway theatre at 8pm [except this coming monday as we are doing a photo shoot to promo our venue] ending early December so make sure you book and come and watch really soon… although we will be back early next year…

For more info check out our page over here. Or like our Facebook page over here. Or you can even stalk us on the Twitterer @TheatresportsSA.

 

 

These Dry Bones can live again: a glance back at October Leadership 2014

One of my favourite weekends of the year, when i’ve been privileged enough to be a part of it [which is quite often!], is the weekend known as October Leadership.

i have been part of at least ten of them and spoken on about 8 of those and it has never failed to be a life [and hopefully school etc] transforming weekend.

Run by Scripture Union, the purpose of October Leadership has been gathering together the Christian Union committees from the various high school around Cape Town and training up the leaders to lead the Christian groups and impact their schools for the year to come.

The two pictures above are of October Leadership as i remember it to be, 7 to 10 years ago, when we had the campsite at close to full capacity with close to 20 different schools represented, and then camp this weekend which must have been about half the size.

[Apparently last year they only had about 30 people and only had to make use of the top half of the campsite]

With the theme of Live Out Loud [LOL, but not really] this year felt like another significant time of inspiration, challenge, opportunity to deal with the crap in our lives holding us back and being handed the question, “WHAT IF?”. Inviting the young people to start to imagine and dream and wonder – what if God pitched up* at your school? What would it look like if the kingdom of heaven really broke into your school in a big and real way?

[* where by ‘pitched up’ i am not suggesting for a second that God ever left but for me the idea of God doing some discernible and very noticeable work]

So i have no doubt that it was a significant weekend for a number of the people who attended. Hopefully everyone in different ways.

But, during worship on Friday night, i did something i really don’t do all that often. [We’re talking once every ten years, if that, although i would be more than okay if it was more]

I started to cry. 

Looking around at the people who were there, it was almost more obvious to me who was not there. My old high school, Westerford, was one of the schools that was not there. S.A.C.S. and Bishops and i think Wynberg Boys were not there. Rondebosch boys was represented by one person. Most of the schools from the Stellenbosch and Somerset West side. Parel Vallei. Fish Hoek. Many more…

The worship session followed a time when the young people had gathered in their CU committee groups and written down a little bit of their current reality and they shared that with the big group. What added to my breakdown was hearing from some CU groups that used to be really huge and influential in their schools who now had more people on their committee than attending meetings. Listening to at least three schools that had to bribe people with biscuits or chips to come to their meetings. Schools represented that didn’t even have a Christian group of any kind.

It was quickly obvious to us that something had gone wrong. Someone somewhere had dropped the ball. Somewhere along the line, people had just started taking this camp for granted or had just not had a clue about the significance of it. And these poor kids [and many of those not represented and possibly a bunch of schools in the Western Cape who have struggling, dying or non-existent Christian groups] had been caught in the crossfire.

THIS IS NOT OKAY!

Val and i had a bunch of conversations about a lot of the reasons that may have led to this and hopefully i can tempt her into writing a post to express some of them more eloquently than i did. What resulted was that she ended up doing the last talk this morning and just hitting it out of the park in terms of confession and being able to name some of the things and being able to inspire, challenge, encourage and hopefully give these young people something to work with.

God showed up [as He does when you create space for Him and invite Him and step out of the way] but it should have been such a more significant weekend for a whole lot more individuals and schools represented and something needs to change to get us back there. Who in the Western Cape will stand in the gap to help Daryl Henning [old mate of mine who has just become the leader of the SU work in the Western Cape and who i am so grateful for and know has some great plans in mind to head things in the right direction] and others lead this thing back to a great place? i have heard that Schools United are doing some great vibes and there are some cool youth ministries and leaders around. But the legacy of strong schools ministry feels like something that should not be let go too easily.

The one passage that followed us around the weekend and is one of the inspiring pieces we held onto as we said our goodbyes and moved out was this passage from Ezekiel 37:

The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. ² He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. ³ He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

⁴ Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! ⁵ This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath^[a] enter you, and you will come to life. ⁶ I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

⁷ So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. ⁸ I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

⁹ Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” ¹⁰ So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

¹¹ Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ ¹² Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. ¹³ Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. ¹⁴ I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”

 

Happy 5 Year Anniversary

KHANNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

Yes. A Boob cake.

This is the picture of the exact mug i have.

So HAPPY 5 YEARS BLOG POSTING ANNIVERSARY…

To me… and more specifically, Irresistibly Fish…

For those of you who have journeyed with me for some or most of that time, thank you. As much as this is the online diary of my general musings, it has also been a place where i have hoped to challenge and wrestle and encourage and entertain others and every time you show up and read and especially when you engage through commenting or sharing pieces you particularly like it starts to feel like a community is growing.

The ultimate aim of having this blog is as stated in my tagline – Chewing the marrow out of life – you know the hard to reach but completely tasty bits – life to the absolute fullest in terms of God and Relationships and Humour and just general life and being people who Love well – i hope that you have experienced that over the years and will continue to.

LOOKING BACK

Without a doubt the two sections i enjoy most on this blog [and which have seemed to have the highest popularity again and again] are:

Taboo Topics – This has been a place to mostly invite people to share their stories on topics rarely spoken about both in church and often in general life. Particularly some harder experiences [like losing a baby, infertility, being a parent of a child when it’s not been that easy and even singleness for some people] but also areas such as Adoption and Race which are not bad things in themselves, but which may have painful aspects linked to them. So many incredible stories and it has been so great to see the encouragement this has often been to people who might be going through the same thing but have not had a safe place to share their stories.

Relationships – From Single to Dating to Married as well as other aspects of relationship such as Mixed Race or Culture and of course Sex, these have been posts that have obviously related to so many different people in a variety of different ways and again it has largely been through inviting people to share their stories and things they have learnt along the way that have tended to be the most helpful.

In the Fun section, it is the Pearls before Swine strips that i share from time to time [my favourite comic strip by Stephan Pastis] and the absolutely ridiculous Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect videos my alter ego, brad Fish, puts out from time to time, that deserve special mention, although hands down my absolute funnest [to me] picture that i possess is this one of Cloud Man which makes me literally outloud laugh [or at least nose-snort] every single time:

AND THE WINNER GOES TO…

Okay, so there is no winner – hopefully different posts resonate with different people and i really love it when people engage with posts and some great conversation happens in the comments section, which often leads to follow-up posts and inspiration for series and so on.

But there are posts which have proved popular than others and after 5 years of blogging, according to the WordPress stats, the Top 10 blogs in order of views are the following:

[1o] How much Sex in Marriage? [2500 views]

[9] Taboo Topics: Sex Before Marriage [Intro] [2673 views]

[8] Taboo Topics: Living with Disabilities – Meet Uel Maree [Spinal Cord Injury – Unfortunate diving accident] [2950 views]

[7] Taboo Topics: Sex in Marriage [Intro] [3143 views]

[6] Married People [and how to maybe do it even better] [3462 views]

[5] i kissed dating: the parts [4049 views]

[4]  Marriage through the years… part Intro [4424 views]

[3] How to raise your children as world changers: Meet Nigel and Trish Branken and their family [4770 views]

[2] How to save a marriage [before you need to] – the parts [4838 views]

So you guys are all about Sex and Marriage for the most part it seems?

Although in 5 years of blogging the absolute number one most visited, shared and popular post has been:

[1] Taboo Topics: Singleness [Intro] [5057 views]

i wonder what this list will look like five years from now as the blog continues to gain more traction and as our base of subscribers grows – i hope we will move to a time when this feels  a lot more like a community of friends and travellers trying to do the best thing with this life thing that we can.

i really do want to thank all of you who made it down this far and are a part of the community – every time you like and share and comment it ups the chances of an article or series being seen by more people and hopefully encouraging, challenging, humouring and more the people who you really care about.

MY FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY PRESENT

If there is something you can give me as a gift for this moment of celebrating five years, i would like to ask you for a SHARE. If there was a post on the top ten popular posts that particularly resonated with you then please stick it on your Facebook, Pinterest or Google + page or Twitterer it to all your followers. If there was a particular Taboo Topic that you found meaningful, then post that link and tag the people you think it will encourage. And if there was a relationship post or series, then stick a link on the page of three or four people you think might appreciate it. If you’re just here cos you’re a Brad Fish fan then choose your favourite ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ video [which is probably this one!] and post it on your page and tag your friends who appreciate ridiculous to check it out.

Otherwise SUBSCRIBE to the blog and have each post link emailed to you directly, so you can choose which posts to check out and which to leave.

With 300 plus subscribers at the moment, if each one of you shared a post or series in your social media field, it would invite a lot of new people to come and check this out.

Finally… you might be wondering, why ‘Irresistibly Fish’?

Well FISH which has been my nickname since 1993 [i’m THAT old!] stands for Faithful In Serving Him [which is something i really do try to do with my life]

The ‘Him’ in there is Jesus. God. The One who gives my life meaning and fills me with the capacity to Love [which, yes, i can and need to do a whole lot better]

I try to live my life for Him and believe that it is the best way to really experience life to it’s absolute full. It is not always easy or straightforward. But it is always good. Even when it doesn’t seem to be.

That’s my experience anyways.

Happy 5 years to me. I hope you’ll be around for the next 5… and bring your friends! 

marvin the marshoes

If you send me one of these you will be much loved.

Can you describe this ‘local church’ to me?

So i’ve been writing some challenging [hopefully] pieces on church of late and it’s time for your input.

A lot of people have got this vibe of, ‘You HAVE to belong to a local church!’ otherwise… well i’m not really sure what the otherwise is, but the being part of a local church seems to be a pretty insisted upon thing.

And what i am trying to figure out – and i really hope you can help me – is this: Just what do you mean by ‘local church’?

i am hoping a number of you who feel so passionate about this thing [and i think it’s great that you do] will jump in here and tell me your opinion – not a cut-and-paste off the internet or your pastor’s idea or a link to a podcast of a preach you once liked the title of. From you, your perspective and your opinion…

When you say, ‘It is important that you are a part of a local church’ what exactly and specifically do you mean? [List a bunch of things in terms of the essential elements not so much the this-would-be-nices]

For example:

Are you talking about something that happens on a Sunday and has to?

Does there have to be  building?

Does it mean a full-time and other staff?

Must there be singing there?

What else? Please be as specific and exhaustive as you are able.

i am really hoping to get a number of responses from a range of people to be able to get an idea of what YOU understand when you say the words ‘local church’ to me.

And go… [Thank-you for your time!]

Some of the posts which led up to this one if you didn’t see them:

[My take on the question, ‘Did you go to church today?’]

[Is the local church you are a part of inviting of questions and critique? Here are some of my ideas about that]

[As a church, do we ever get caught up in majoring on things that seemed to be less of a priority for God? Click here for some thoughts on this]

[Excellent passage by M Scott Peck on Why Your Church Map might be misleading]