to vote or not to vote a definitive guide [ish]

at the simple way tonite we had Chris Haw come and share on the question of whether or not to vote…

it was a really interesting discussion and sharing time and i imagine there was enough sensible reason given to vote [and this seriously piss off the ‘thou shalt not vote’ people] as well as enough sensible reason given not to vote [ditto with the ’tis within your moral obligation to the world to vote’ crowd] and so at the end of the time i was not really left with a definitive feeling either way [altho with far greater understanding as to why people would choose either way]

what was definitive was the following though: voting isn’t enough.

i think both Chris and someone else [if not everyone else] in the crowd shared something along the lines of ‘we vote every day with our lives’ and that is the real truth – in whether or not we choose to recycle, in the places we buy our clothes and food from, in the way that we treat those considered to be ‘the least of these’ by society that we pass every day [often on the other side of the road as we probably have some important thing to get to, right??], in the ways we choose to love or not love those we are or aren’t in relationship with and in a whole host of other things…

Joshua had it right when he stood in front of the people and in one of my favourite old testament passages in the Bible, he puts it like this:

“Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” [Joshua 24. 14-15]

the bottom line: Choose this day Who you will serve.

for those of us who have chosen to follow Jesus, this means that every day we vote with our lives – our ‘party line’ is that we will be known by the Love we have one for another and i think everyone knows how far we need to go to get that reputation to stick… but it is question far more vital than the one that is going to be answered on Tuesday in the United States of Americaland through the election results that will follow… and regardless of who comes into power, we are from a kingdom that is not of this world and it is to that end we work and live and have our being…

life to the full! both for me and for those around me who may not have as easy access to it as i do.

which leaves us with the question, how are you going to vote?

take a minute and vote for your latest brett andy favourites if you will…

so a while ago, after ten rounds of brett andy voting [jack handeyesque wannabe quotes i’m working on improving – some good, some bad, some ugly, but every now and then i just hit it.] i was going to do a massive best of vote in which i picked all my top ones and got people to pick the best of the best… but then i changed computers and all my brett andy voting results and lists are on my other computer and it just seems like too much admin, so will get there one day… but for now if you are able to read through the list and add a comment on which of the latest ones you possibly find funny – there are three here that i really like for various reasons of subtlety and one [if you google it] is actually a true story…so please take a minute to vote on any of them you find good if you do – am still learning the craft:

“AS THE UGLY DUCKLING CAUGHT SIGHT OF HIS REFLECTION IN THE POND, HE SMILED QUIETLY TO HIMSELF. NEVER AGAIN WOULD HE BE CALLED THAT. FROM THEN ON IT WAS ‘THE UGLY SWAN’ ALL THE WAY.”

“AS THE BLIND LADY ENTERED THE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT, SHE PONDERED THE IRONY.”

“AS I COMPLETED MY TOAST TO THE BRIDESMAIDS, THE USHERS GRABBED MY ARMS AND ESCORTED ME OUT OF THE CHURCH.”

“I STARED AT THE MAN EATING TIGER AND BEGAN TO WONDER IF THIS RESTAURANT WAS A TAD TOO EXOTIC FOR MY SIMPLE TASTES.”

“AS THE NOOSE TIGHTENED, IT FELT LIKE MY BREATH WAS BEING FORCED OUT OF MY LUNGS AND MY WHOLE LIFE FLASHED INSTANTLY BEFORE ME. WAIT, NOT ‘NOOSE’, I MEAN ‘NECKTIE’.”

“THE TAXIDERMIST’S DOG SEEMED TO HAVE AN INSATIABLE APPETITE. HE WOULD EAT AND EAT AND NEVER SEEM TO BE GETTING ENOUGH. THEN ONE DAY HE WAS STUFFED.”

“THE SHERIFF STARED SOMBERLY INTO HIS DRINK. FOR SOME REASON THINGS IN THE TAME, TAME EAST NEVER SEEMED TO RAISE THE SAME KIND OF ADRENALIN RUSHES THAT HIS COUSIN OFTEN SPOKE OF FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY .”

“AS E.T. FINALLY MADE IT TO THE PHONE BOOTH, HE FLASHED THE BIGGEST GRIN EVER, BUT AS THE LAST COIN HIT THE BOTTOM WITH A LOUD ‘THUNK’, IT SUDDENLY DAWNED ON HIM THAT HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE DIALLING CODE WAS.”

“SURE, HE HAD ATTRACTED ALL THE RATS OF THE CITY, BUT WHAT NOW?” THOUGHT THE PIED ORGANIST TO HIMSELF.”

“I IMAGINE, IF YOU’RE PETER PARKER, IT’S A LOT MORE EMBARRASSING WHEN YOU GET DISCONNECTED FROM THE WEB.”

“POW. THE RICE CRISPY WHO LEFT BEFORE THE GROUP WENT BIG.”

“MY MATHS TEACHER ASKED ME WHAT THE TECHNICAL TERM WAS FOR TWELVE TIMES TWELVE AND I SAID, “THAT’S GROSS,” COS SHE HAD A TINY PIECE OF SNOT HANGING OFF THE END OF HER NOSE.”

Brett Andy one liners VIII – which are your favourites?

so this list of new brett andy’s came out pretty quickly after the last one but mostly courtesy of two eight hour driving trips to the wild goose fest and back and i think as a whole this is a pretty decent collection, but which one or two stand out for you as the really funny ones [if any]?

“Pay a R10 fine or take a chance,” my girlfriend read aloud off the Monopoly card. “Okay,” I said, “Those jeans make you look fat.” [Brett Andy]

“My boxing opponent worked me into the corner of the ring and then wildly rained down blow upon blow, beating me into a bloody and disfigured mess. As I finally slumped to the canvas I had to smile though, because a ring doesn’t have a corner.” [Brett Andy]

“I fell in love with a magnet once, but looking back I’m really not sure what attracted me to it.” [Brett Andy]

“As the judge pronounced me guilty and the guard snapped the handcuffs on and led me away, I had to stifle a chuckle, because no-one had noticed the ‘Get out of jail free’ card I had concealed in my back pocket.” [Brett Andy]

“As I pitched my tent, I thought to myself, ‘This is one of the weirdest games of baseball I have ever played.'” [Brett Andy]

“I have a friend who dabbles in the magical arts. She has an identical sister and it’s hard to tell which witch is witch.” [Brett Andy]

“My mom was an avid brothmaker and any time I swore as a kid she would wash my mouth out with soup.” [Brett Andy]

“I reckon I can forgive that evil scientist who injected me with advanced memory serum, but I will NEVER forget!” [Brett Andy]

“I think it was lifting that baby cow onto the farm truck all by myself that caused me to strain my calf muscle.” [Brett Andy]

“I opened a jar of salad dressing the other day. A tomato screamed “Do you mind?” at me before slamming the lid closed.” [Brett Andy]

“My waitress asked me for a tip the other day. I told her to avoid Ben Affleck movies.” [Brett Andy]

brett andy to vote round 7

so once upon a time there was a guy called jack handey who wrote some classic mostly one liners which were funny and random and sometimes both all at once… this inspired me to try my own and we are on the seventh round of voting – so if any of these make you smile or laugh or think about laughing really loudly then please let me know in a comment which ones do it for you…

“Instead of a regular air-bag in your car, how about a whoopee-cushion bag? The melodic farting sound as you have an accident sending out the message that we’re going to have as much fun with this thing as possible.” [Brett Andy]

“At the Beer-and-Chess festival everything was going well until I took a stranger’s castle.” [Brett Andy]

“My parents sent me to improve classes to try get me to come out of my shell, but it didn’t work. The paper mache interior was just too warm and inviting for me to want to leave.” [Brett Andy]

“As I threw my dart straight at the bulls eye I suspected my day at the rodeo might be ending prematurely.” [Brett Andy]

“I went fly-fishing the other day for the first time. I was a complete failure. I still need to figure out how to keep the bait in the air long enough to interest them.” [Brett Andy]

“I took two sheep and a goat to Wall Street but no-one wanted to trade with me.” [Brett Andy]

“I bought an old dog and quickly taught him a new trick. Now I’m scared I may have peaked.” [Brett Andy]

“The other day I was so embarrassed when I went up to a total stranger in the shops and congratulated her on her pregnancy. Turns out he wasn’t.” [Brett Andy]

“I think the real question we should be asking is WHY did the chicken cross the road?” [Brett Andy]

“If a T-Rex ever got into a fight with a man, who would win? Answer: The man. Did I mention it was an intellectual fight?”

“It’s time the world started being a little more sensitive and honouring the fact that maybe Wally is just wanting some alone time away from us all.” [Brett Andy]

“Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa & Po recently swore off technology & each lost around 120 pounds of weight. Now no-one knows what to call them.” [Brett Andy]

“If you’re Happy and you know it, there’s probably a dwarven mining axe somewhere with your name on it.” [Brett Andy]

and if you want to see the full list of brett andy’s head along to http://brettandy.wordpress.com for the rest of them…

brett andy to vote round VI

well, by now you know the drill… written a bunch of one liners and want to know which of them, if any, you really like so if any of these made you smile, laugh or need to change some item of clothing please leave a comment and let me know which ones:

“How did the first person figure out it’s not okay to look at the Medusa’s snake hair and still be able to warn other people?” [Brett Andy]

“It’s better to have loved and lost than to have had a javelin go straight through your kneecap from behind because you inadvertently crossed the athletics field without paying enough attention because you were busy wondering why the only distinguishing feature between pacman and ms pacman is a ribbon.” [Brett Andy]

“If I ever become president of this country, the first thing I’ll do is order an attack on France, so we can claim toast-naming rights.” [Brett Andy]

A jar of black cat peanut butter fell off the shelf at the local supermarket and slowly rolled across my path. I’ve been experiencing really small doses of bad luck ever since.” [Brett Andy]

“If there’s one thing the bubonic plague and kwashiorkor have taught us, it’s to come up with easier to spell names for our diseases.” [Brett Andy]

“As I watched the jelly wobbling about on my spoon, it made me want to laugh. Then it made me stop and contemplate life. Then I remembered I left my car lights on.” [Brett Andy]

“I hope that one day we can also name the less aggressive forms of driver emotion such as road ambivalence or road empathy.” [Brett Andy]

“I think the story of Hansel and Gretel teaches us that it’s okay to push old people into ovens, but only if they first tried to eat you.” [Brett Andy]

“I was asked to leave the spinning class at the gym because I kept knocking people off their bikes with my wildly flailing arms.” [Brett Andy]

“”As I slowly moved my piece across the board, I quietly but firmly declared, “I think that’s checkmate!” Since then, my gran has refused to do jigsaw puzzles with me any more.” [Brett Andy]

“All I’m saying, Superman, is a couple more seconds in that phone booth, just to make sure. Your enemies are bound to take you that much more seriously once you sort out that little underwear-on-the-outside problem you got going there.” [Brett Andy]

latest Get Rid of Me news

so last i looked we were juuuuust below the 500 mark in the 18 countries 6 months competition and would really dig it if you could vote again cos the more votes the more chances of hitting that lovely random pic

much appreciate for anyone who has been and does – one vote every twenty four hour period i believe:

get rid of me update

hey hey

so i entered this comp where the beautiful val and myself can win a trip of 18 countries in 6 months which would be an amazing in between time for after this season of life and preparation for what’s next and hopefully opportunity to write and let’s be honest a huge big party

at the moment i have 313 votes – it is a lottery so any random person with one vote can win against someone with a million but obviously the more you have the more chance you have of being that random so please continue to vote – one per day i think is allowed so maybe when you see this be reminded to point and click (or cut paste and click if this link refuses to work)