how to be truly free

so last nite was week 6 of our ‘Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most’ book study and we vulnerabled [it’s a verb!] things up a notch as a few of us shared the money plan/budget we had spent this week working on [an interesting point of note was someone realising that it had been all the married couples who had volunteered to share theirs first – don’t worry singles/daters, your time is coming…] and it was such a powerful experience – it is amazing how speaking about money [especially when it becomes personal] has become such a big thing for so many of us – definitely think i want to write a bit more on money soon…

i would highly recommend this book as a catalyst for getting some great, helpful and healthy conversations going [like the big one of DOES THE WAY YOU SPEND YOU TIME AND MONEY REFLECT THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO YOU?]

– for married people, especially young [as in recently] married people – the parts on money, budgeting and debt alone are worth it.

– for small groups of people – this is part reading book, part workshopping book and so it has proven really helpful to be working through it with a group of twelve people who committed themselves to the eight week process – so whether a church group or just a group of friends who feel like it’s a good idea, it is.

– for anyone else. it’s just a good solid book.

do i agree with everything in it? absolutely not. but there is enough good stuff to make it worthwhile and some of the stuff you disagree with might make for good conversation and reflection

and there are some great challenges or experiments which i invited a bunch of you to do with me, with some interesting results:

[1] First up was the invitation not to rush – to take a bit of time every day for a week to slow things down and look and listen and just be and a whole bunch of you dived into that one with me and gave some great feedback.

[2] Next up was the Gratitude log where I invited people to join me for ten days of taking time at the beginning or end of a day to write down five different things from the day that you were grateful for and a medium amount of you decided to join me for that one, although there was not quite as much feedback.

[3] Lastly, I invited people to join me in a discipline of contentment, in which you were invited to give up something you liked [I chose coffee] for a week and the response was deafening. I’m sorry, that should read ‘deaf’ – there was the sound of the absence of crickets. Could it be that not rushing and being grateful both feel like things that have an immediate payoff for me, whereas something like fasting [even just one thing for a week] just feels like a bit of work? Interesting.

Which brings me back to the prayer at the start of Mark Scandrette’s book which is called a prayer of abundance and the invitation is to meditate on these words and see if this prayer is or can become true for you as you pray it with me?

I know that I am cared for by an abundant Provider

I choose to be grateful and trusting,

I believe I have enough and that what I need will always be provided.

I choose to be content and generous.

I know that my choices matter for myself, for others and for future generations.

Help me to live consciously and creatively,

celebrating signs of your new creation that is present and coming.

Creator, who made me to seek the greater good of Your kingdom,

Guide me to use my time, talents and resources to pursue what matters most.

Teach me to be free,

to live without worry, fear or greed in the freedom of Your abundance.

Give me my daily bread, as I share with those in need.

Thank You for the precious gift of life.

[From ‘Free: Spending your Time and Money on what matters most’ by Mark Scandrette]

So seriously consider getting hold of this book or maybe a bunch of these books, and your friends or spouse and set aside time to work through it [a slow eight week approach works well – you could even do it regularly around a meal] and then come back here and let me know how it went…

Why wouldn’t you want to be more free than you are now? 

 

i kissed dating: the parts

i have recently been collating some of my archived blogs on various aspects of relationship and so here are a bunch of different thorts and ideas related to DATING largely by me but also from a friend or two of mine – hope they give you a fresh and inspiring picture of some different aspects when it comes to DATING:

i kissed dating, part number one thing

dating Q & A: where have all the good (christian) men gone? [the email]

dating Q & A: where have all the good (christian) men gone? [the reply]

dating Q & A: where have all the good (christian) men gone? [more reply]

get to know the person first

vision/values essential, passion helpful

marriagewards

good, positive, successful break-ups [WHAT?]

how far is too far? [part I]

how far is too far? [part II]

how far is too far? [part III]

Sex before Marriage

Step up! [Both of you!] – for the Ladies!

Step up! [Both of you!] – for the Men?

i kissed dating part revirgining yourself

i kissed dating part Joy and Serving one another in Love

i kissed dating – guest post – the dog whisperer

i kissed dating part Eliminate the Klingon

i kissed dating part “the ONE”

my beautiful wife’s story [READ THIS!]

Terran Williams kissed dating…

i kissed dating, part Vision/Values essential, passion helpful

continuing with a look at the whole dating thing and how JESUS-FOLLOWERS NEED TO BE UPPING THEIR GAME, transforming their lives thru A RENEWING OF THEIR MINDS and being part of creating a BETTER, HEALTHIER SYSTEM OF DATING…

this one is closely linked to the previous one which was about dating someone who has JESUS AS THEIR NUMBER ONE, which is ESSENTIAL, and it deals with a sense of compatability looking specifically at VISION AND PASSION

let me start by saying that i don’t think there is any kind of set pattern of needing to date either someone exactly like you or someone who is completely opposite to you – i don’t think there is a rule – in fact, BECAUSE RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVE PEOPLE they will DIFFER SO HUGELY FROM PERSON TO PERSON that there will probably be MORE GUIDING PRINCIPLES THAN RULES with most aspects of relationships.

but i do think that HAVING A SENSE OF EACH OTHERS VISION will be a huge factor in determining whether you are LIKELY TO BE A GOOD MATCH OR NOT.

but let’s start with PASSIONS/INTERESTS – things that DON’T COUNT AS MUCH – for example, val really enjoys watching ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ whereas i can’t stand it – does that mean we shouldn’t be together? not at all. what it generally means is that val hires ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ episodes when i am out playing TheatreSports so she can enjoy them by herself… but it also means that a few weeks ago i hired the last disc of the series she was watching and watched it with her (as a sign of my love for her) and tried to not be too disparaging about the stuff i don’t enjoy in it. But we both enjoy ‘Scrubs’ and ‘Chuck’ and ‘Top Gear’ and so we watch those together all the time which is great.

the point is that OUR PASSIONS – the things we enjoy (hobbies, pastimes, sport, entertainment, music) – CAN BE DIFFERENT, even largely so, and it doesn’t really matter – altho it is REALLY GREAT WHEN OUR PASSIONS ARE THE SAME because it means we can SHARE THOSE THINGS – so for me and tbV it’s things like Coldplay/Snow Patrol/Mumford & Sons [music] and Carcossane/Settlers/Rage [games] and cooking/reading/starcrafting(recently for her, yay!)/soduko [pasttimes] and much more… but we also have things that ONLY ONE OF US ENJOY DOING and it’s important that we MAKE SPACE FOR EACH OTHER to do that.

when it comes to VISION AND VALUES, the things that define WHO WE ARE and the DIRECTION WE’RE GOING IN, i think it is more IMPORTANT THAT THEY OVERLAP a lot more. the number 1 factor here which we’ve looked at is having Jesus as your number 1. another example of this is children – if you have spent your life wanting three kids and your wife has spent her life not wanting any children, then that is a value that will more than likely prove you are not a good match. if one of the parties places huge value on career and the other one places huge value on family, then those values could clash strongly and also point towards this not necessarily being the best match.

i don’t have a comprehensive list of vision and values because there are so many things it could be but the key is being able to FIGURE OUT AND COMMUNICATE WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND YOUR PARTNER and see IF A LIFE TOGETHER WOULD BE POSSIBLE with those things in mind. Are the vision and values going to BRING YOU CLOSER TOGETHER or are they likely to become OBSTACLES TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

basically we are saying, ARE WE WALKING IN THE SAME OR SIMILIAR DIRECTION (so that if we both keep walking the way we do we will end up in the same place together) and do we place emphasis and importance on the same things when it comes to THINGS THAT COUNT?

it is possible to have SOME AREAS THAT DIFFER and by talking to each other and working out SOME COMPROMISES (meeting each other halfway as opposed to one person simply giving up all their stuff) you can still see good relationship happen, but if the majority of the vision/values differ it is GOING TO BE VERY TRICKY and possibly MORE TROUBLE THAN IT IS WORTH to make it happen.

none of this means the other person is a bad person. it is NOT A CHARACTER JUDGEMENT. it is merely a case of seeing how you both function and operate and which direction you are both going in and REALISING THAT YOU ARE NOT A GREAT MATCH in terms of dating and ultimately marriage.

but this can also ACT AS A GUIDE to help you FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BE A GOOD MATCH FOR YOU. if you both have similiar vision and values then it will be a lot easier and more fun to be HEADING IN THE SAME DIRECTION and the LIKELIHOOD OF A STRONG RELATIONSHIP is increased.

maybe a good thing for you to do is SIT DOWN SOMETIME and try and IDENTIFY your values and vision and passions so that you are aware of what you are bringing to the party… happy dating!

[click here for the next one]

one reason i love my wife, part vision

there are lots and lots of reasons but i’ve decided every now and then to celebrate by highlighting one of them…

so today my beautiful wife [aka valerie slash tbV] decided she needed to go thru cupboards and stuff and get rid of crap.

my response, “yes, let’s get rid of crap, yay.”

her response was “hey, can we offer this stuff to Churien, the lady who comes and helps us clean our house once a fortnightday, who might have a use for a bunch of it?”

and Churien took most of the stuff, and i know that if she doesn’t use it she will pass it on to someone who will…

small thing in one sense, but where i saw getting rid of stuff we didn’t need or use [a lot of it easn’t really crap – some duvets and sleeping bag and clothes and kitchen stuff that we just don’t use or we have too much of] she saw an opportunity to meet a need in someone else’s life…

and she is like that a lot – she looks into situations and at people with tremendous vision… i hope i am learning this from her…

thank you lady, i love you…