Mid-year resolutions

well if you know me a little bit, you know i am not a big fan of resolutions [nice-sounding generally-empty promises you make to yourself and keep for a week at the beginning of each year] but i did write a piece on new year’s evolutions once with the idea of putting things into play that will actually change you or your circumstances or community…

and being mid-way through the year is a great time to look back and do a bit of a stock take of the year and see how you are doing, rather than waiting for January 1 to try and get things changed up and different for the future. so how about it? grab a paper and pen and head down to a coffee shop for an hour or find a quiet spot in your house or drive somewhere naturey and give some time to looking back and seeing how you have done this year so far – in relationships, in achievements, in looking after the least of these and whatever else comes to mind.

here are a couple of ideas to get you started:

FORGIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT YOU – is there someone this year that did something to hurt you? a friendship that was broken? something that felt like a vicious backstab? someone you heard who was saying things about you behind your back? or maybe it was even longer ago than that… something you have been holding on to for a long time and just really need to let go of. my friend Lindsay has written a great blog post on the importance of forgiveness which is worth checking out. Even something that can seem as small as holding on to an offence that has been committed against you can be completely destructive to you and your relationships.

REACH OUT TO AT LEAST ONE PERSON CONSIDERED THE LEAST OF THESE – you definitely do not need to be a Christ follower to be doing this, but it is expected of people who call themselves Christ followers that you will be known by the love you have for each other and also that you will reach out to the least of these [not all of them, but at least start with one] – so is there someone in your life who is poor or broken or marginalised or lonely who you could reach out to in a way that will allow them to experience love and hope and improve their life? not just a handout or a conscience-easer, but a person or family or group of people that you are investing in to journey along with them. someone you could give a name to right now? and if not, now would be a good time to start looking around and asking who that person might be for you – might be a monetary thing but a more likely to be valuable thing would be one that involves time and energy

DO THE SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE KNOW YOU LOVE THEM? i just heard of a friend of mine who recently left his job and this amazing celebration they threw for him in which people shared testimonies of what he meant to them and so on and while it sounded absolutely incredible, it made me think of a funeral – too often we wait til someone is gone or the situation changes or there is an official celebration like a birthday or wedding to let them know how important they are to us. But why wait for that? Maybe write down your ten favourite people in life right now and over the next month or so, find a creative way to let them know that you think they are special and you appreciate them. How about making sure that there is someone on that list you have never told? A parent or teacher, some leader from your present on your past, a mentor or a friend. And how about trying to identify someone in or around your life who you suspect might be lonely and come up with a creative way of celebrating them as a person? [i would love to hear stories of any of these things shared back here so please come and tell us how they went]

those are just three things but i imagine that is a good start and you also already know some of the other stuff in your life that you were hoping or intending to do at the start of this year that somehow got pushed to the side – or else can identify addictions [from substances as ‘innocent’ as coffee or sodas to more damaging ones like alcohol, cigarettes or drugs] or time wasters [television, hobbies, phone, games, music, sport – maybe not bad in themselves but when they start to take over any of them can be] or even so-called ministry stuff that is overwhelming you and causing you to not have enough time for God and people…

take this opportunity – Carp Diem – Fish this day! and make a change so that the second half of 2012 can be even more successful, life-giving and just generally full of good things, moments and people than the first half of it was.

[if this is something you take seriously in any way i would LOVE to hear about it and the changes you might make so feel free to comment here or even send me an email to brettfish@hotmail.com] ongoing life evaluations and changes can be completely life transformational.

new year’s evolutions to consider part iii [the past, present, future]

continuing with this series of new year’s evolutions – with the idea of moving beyond a dream list of ‘i wish this for next year’ to some specific steps and actions to put into place to help you transform yourself into a better person in 2012. and my next evolution suggestion is this:

DEAL WITH THE PAST, BUT LIVE IN THE PRESENT, WITH THE FUTURE IN MIND

wo, that seems a little complicated, but really it’s just some more intentional living and this one requires a bit more work and effort and maybe even sweat and tears, but it is vital to having a life to the full 2012:

DEAL WITH THE PAST – one of the biggest aspects linked to this is forgiveness and this is such an important thing as holding onto unforgiveness and the bitterness/anger/resentment that goes with it, can be one of the most damaging things in life [physical, emotionally and even spiritually]

it has been said that holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking a cup of poison and hoping that the other person dies… because most of the stuff associated with unforgiveness hurts you and often the person it is directed at, is blissfully unaware that you are holding something against them. sometimes they may know and so it will affect both of you, but it is impossible to not forgive someone and live unaffected by that. what often happens is you build walls around yourself to protect you from being hurt again [by that person, or maybe by anyone] and while that can be incredibly affective, what it does is it also keeps out the potential love and support from both friends and God, which leads to loneliness and bitterness and increasing resentment and so on. the bible is clear that if someone has something against you [not even just you against them] you should interrupt your worship [leave your gift at the altar] and go and put things right with that person [as much as is possible for you, sometimes they won’t be interested but you have to make the effort from your side] and then return when you can honestly and truly [and purely] be able to worship God properly [matthew 5.24]

so to create a base for great relationship with God and a platform for healthy, growing relationships with friends and family it is vital that you do not hold unforgiveness against anyone. there might be something that happened ten years ago [or when you were a young child] and yet every time you see the person or hear their name it sends shock waves through your body – you need to address it and bring forgiveness, or it will stick with you for the rest of your life. [and i am not suggesting this is an easy thing – when it heads towards areas of abuse, be it physical or even just verbal, and rape, then it can be incredibly difficult, almost impossible and will not be a one moment thing but rather a journey of choosing to forgive daily, but fortunately i am in relationship with a God who is great with the ‘impossible’ and so i know there is a hope and a future where He is involved]. taking this point seriously will revolutionise your life.

another aspect of dealing with the past is getting out of debt. living in debt is a crippling thing because it feeds itself and just continues to be an ever gaping’er hole. as much as it is up to you in life, live without debt because this affects relationships and opportunities and health and so much more. for some of you this will mean the tough decision to take a serious look at your lifestyle and making some changes so you can live according to your means and not beyond them – things like what you spend on entertainment, or even take-away coffee [i made a decision when i was in stellenbosch that as much as i love it, i can’t really justify drinking at vida e cos the coffee is so expensive, but had specific times when drinking at Seattle was allowable] and even maybe where you live and what you drive. the distinction between need and greed can be a really helpful one in this area if we can be honest about it. and often choosing to spend less on yourself gives you resources to pour into others.

one other aspect i won’t go into in depth her, but which i think is key is to stop living off yesterday’s stories and miracles and accomplishments – be strengthened when you look back on them for sure, but always be looking forwards to the new thing God is going to do – if the stories you tell of God working in your life are ten years old, you need some new stories…

LIVE IN THE PRESENT WITH THE FUTURE IN MIND

again, there is a lot that can be said here – hopefully this blog works as a catalyst to spark off much greater thought and life change, but just a few thoughts… one area which i think differently to a lot of people, but similarly to how i read and understand the Bible, is the area of savings. while i think it is good to save specifically for something you have in mind and are working towards [i spent six months in the UK working to save up enough money so I could do a Youth With A Mission school in Holland in 2000] i don’t think savings for the sake of having a backup plan are a God idea. i believe for the most part we should be living and using the majority of our resources [time, money, energy] for what is happening now [although always keeping the future in mind, but not having the now determined by then then] and not just storing things up to enjoy later [see the parable of the rich fool in luke 12 as one example].

take a look at the early church in Acts 2.42 and 3 as well and see how the community aspect of how they lived affected their finances and how they looked after each other [community will be a future part of this series so watch out for it] because if we are a part of a community who really live in and around each others lives, then their will be mutual provision in all areas of life and cross-resourcing and it has the potential to create a really beautiful thing.

the problem with being stuck in the past [unforgiveness, regret, holding on to past failures and missed opportunities] or living in the future [being fully focused on the thing that it yet to come – “when I’m finished school”, “when i’m married”, “when i’m retired”] is that usually the now suffers very much and present relationships, opportunities, life and potential lose a lot of what they could be.

and so please put some time aside to think through these things and more – deal with the past and then live now, keeping the future in mind, but not being dictated by it…

to continue to the next one on how you spend your money, time and energy, click here.

new audio thort – forgiveness

okay, so haven’t quite hit “for the week” yet but i have uploaded a new audio thort on my Tumblr site if you would like to give it a listen and link it to other people if you think it’s any good…

check it out here

can i not just start enjoying this big thing now?

not to be confused with ‘can’t i just enjoy this big thing first?’

some people refuse to let go of stuff. and it kills them. some people it actually genuinely physically kills them, cos you can trace ulcers and other stress-related diseases and conditions to the unforgiveness and disappointments that they held onto for a considerable amount of their lives

someone once said “holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking a cup of poison and hoping the other person will die” – because most often the other person doesn’t even know you’re secretly hating, bittering against them, and instead, like a cancer, or a hardcore acid, it eats away at your insides ultimately causing you to implode and you are usually the only one suffering (well, and those around you, who have to live with you)

which, i think is why God puts such huge emphasis on it – in matthew 6 straight after what we call ‘The Lord’s prayer’ Jesus says something along the lines of if you refuse to forgive others, then my Father in heaven will refuse to forgive you. wo! Hold the bus! if i refuse to forgive someone i can lose my salvation? seems to be what the writer is saying…

and the thing is, it affects every single one of your relationships. i don’t believe it is possible to hold onto the disappointments of yesterday or the pain/grief someone else caused you and refuse to forgive them and expect to have a healthy relationship with anyone else… because you put up walls (walls which protect you from further pain but also from accepting and giving love to other people) and you increase distance (physically or intimately) and you become a lonely, sad little person actually

the other side of the bagel is that forgiving someone does not mean what they did was ok. it just means you are refusing to let it be your problem any more. you are releasing them to be dealt with by God (who probably already is, but if not will definitely be some day) and freeing yourself up to embrace life to the full and to be able to start enjoying the big things of the moment now…

at least until someone asks you when you’re getting married, what you’re doing next year, or when the baby is due…

they make take our lives… but they’ll never take… well, only you can give away your freedom…