on why rape [and violence to women in general] HAS to be taken seriously, part 2: Twitter

then, in case that was not enough, i got involved in my first ‘fight’ on the Twitter… [i know, too many people surprised it took me this long, it is possible i just forgot any others that occurred]

it revolved around the hash tag #SafetyTipsForLadies which someone that i followed tweeted and so i went to the link and read a bunch of them and was horrified by the way they seemed to be dealing with rape and violence to women in such a light-hearted and flippant manner… and so i commented on that…

which was not so well received:

Auragasmic ‏@Auragasmic: Rape Prevention Tips ARE A JOKE. “@BrettFishA: having read a bunch of the #safetytipsforladies tweets it feels like it’s a joke.”

Georgia Lewis ‏@georgialewis76:
@Auragasmic @BrettFishA Poor Brett has had an irony bypass…

i even got my own hashtag during it all:

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA Avoid being made uncomfortable by women discussing women’s issues by not clicking #’s you don’t like #safetytipsforbrettfisha

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
@BrettFishA No, I’m not saying that. I’m saying on the list of voices thar matter yours is near the bottom. Really near the bottom.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
.@BrettFishA Right. I’ve been sexually assaulted several times, but your opinion is more valuable because you are a man. I pity you.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
Ladies, make sure not to have an opinion around @BrettFishA. It might interfere with his Important Man Voice which is totally marginalized.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin
@BrettFishA Your attempt to silence women and survivors of assault would be laughable if it was… wait, no, it’s just hilarious.

Liz ‏@childfreediva:
@Auragasmic @BrettFishA “Wear pantsuits at ALL times. Padlock undies.”

and some people did try to explain it all to me in a more friendly way:

James Thomas ‏@RightSaidJames:
@BrettFishA the hashtag is satirising the ineffective safety advice frequently given to women, no disrespect is intended.

Patric Nordbeck ‏@pnPsyPhi:
@BrettFishA @TheMotleyNews as long as its understood the joke isn’t rape per say, but rather the idiotic advice given.. by men.. to women..

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA I’m sorry about your wife, that should never happen! This thread is opening up a dialogue about how this happens too much.

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA And how all too often, women get blamed for their “poor decisions.” I hope she’s okay.

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA I can understand where she’s coming from. It’s just been in my experience, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.

The Motley News ‏@TheMotleyNews:
@BrettFishA Sometimes the absurd has to be taken to task. By participating in this, women find their voices in all this ridiculousness.

Tania Jivraj ‏@TaniaJivraj:
@BrettFishA @TheMotleyNews comedy as resistance-highlights that rape prevention ‘techniques’ blame the victim and don’t target rapists.

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA Maybe the people who actually experience those issues should make that decision?

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA No. Unfortunately your wife has experienced it. You have not. You will likely never know how that feels. You may sympathise…

BathtubGin ‏@MsBathtubGin:
@BrettFishA … but you will never know what it is like to be sexually assaulted, the way that 90% or more of the women taking part have.

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA You’re missing the point. This hashtag is mocking the stupid tips women get to avoid getting attacked/harassed…

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA Instead of talking about this #, why don’t you talk you your fellow men about not attacking women, if you’re really an ally

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA But it feels great to let off steam after a whole life of everyone telling you it’s your responsibility to make sure…

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA …men don’t hurt you, that it’s your fault if they do. Oh, wait, you don’t know how that feels. So pls don’t tell us how to be.

and then Jaime sent me the link to the blog post explaining where the hash tag came from:

Jaime Thomas ‏@jaime_fortytwo:
@BrettFishA No one here is joking about rape. This is the post u should to explain how this started: #SafetyTipsForLadies, or Why Victim Blaming is Moronic which you can read if you click the link [warning: contains some language stronger than that which i traditionally employ in this blog]

i read the article and for the most agreed strongly with the sentiment expressed. but i still didn’t [and don’t] understand how that makes the hashtag Safety Tips for Women tips okay… i really don’t get it [and am open to having it explained to me in a bit more depth than a tweet or two allows, but i think this might be an ‘agree to disagree’ area as there are some topics like rape and molestation and so on that i personally feel should NEVER be joked about. ever. as in never ever. and i know there are people who think otherwise]

but then i scrolled down and read a couple of the tweets that according to my tweet lessons from earlier are “Women letting off steam”, “mocking the stupid tips given to women to avoid getting raped” and “opening up a dialogue about how this all happens too much”:

Hilary Bowman-Smart @hilaryjfb [who started the hashtag and began this all]

If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way #safetytipsforladies

Hilary Bowman-Smart @hilaryjfb

Do you have sensual long legs? Many rapists like sensual long legs. Consider chopping them off at the knees. #safetytipsforladies

Quirkythrope @jailawrites

If you’re raped, say “I’m a good girl!” Since “good girls” never get raped, the rapist will vanish in a puff of logic #safetytipsforladies

now clearly people are agreeing with this and giving consent to this [first tweet mentioned there got 917 RETWEETS 290 FAVORITES, third one got 292 RETWEETS 96 FAVORITES] but i am just not seeing it…

i really want to understand the point of view of those who think it is okay so please, if you strongly disagree with me here, take some time to write out a comment and share why you think it’s an acceptable response… i showed Val the article and some of the tweets and she agreed that she didn’t think it was okay. so it’s not just a man thing. i fully appreciate Jaime from Twitter who took some time to respond to me and who sent me the link, and also some of the others who gave helpful or insightful responses [even if i didn’t necessarily share the same point of view, i don’t think that matters but trying to learn from each other does]

the point of view i am approaching this with is that making light of rape in any way feels like it desensitises the word and make it less of the horrific, horrendous, evil thing that it should be kept in mind as…

so please chime in – if you take a look at those tweets do you think they are achieving anything good or just perpetuating what is already a horrific situation [or at least distracting from finding any real solutions to it?] do you think it is ever okay to joke about rape? would your response be different if you knew there was a rape victim in your direct audience? should it? would love to hear your thoughts on this. [or click here to read a conversation between me and Claudine that goes deeper into a lot of this]

sad brett and the malicious facebook status update.

brett is sad.

he has just read another facebook status of someone who has clearly had a dispute with a friend of theirs.

instead of going directly to that person, face to face, one on one and with much hope, love and positive anticipation seeking restoration of the friendship, and a righting of the wrong, that person has decided to air their frustration and anger publically for everyone to see.

another cringeworthy facebook status. brett reads it. brett is sad.

brett takes a sideways glance at the mirror and tries to think back on times he might have used his facebook status or twitter tweeting to take a dig at someone, for something they did to him, or perhaps even simply something he perceived was done ‘to him’ [this does not make him any happier]

but for now as an outside third party, who has absolutely no idea what the wrong that was committed was, except that someone now is a ‘bitch’ and the likelihood of that sparking a search for restored relationship feeling not altogether high, brett wrestles internally.

he wonders if there is any hope that if he addresses the issue that it will make any difference at all. what if he was to write a blog about it? surely everyone who read the blog would sit back and realise, ‘Wow, I have been that person. I have taken offence publically at someone instead of personally going to them and seeking relationship and restoration from them. Never again will I go to my Facebook or my Twitter status as the place where I vent at people who have done me wrong. From now on I will go directly to them. I will seek relationship with everything I have. I will look at myself and where I possibly have gotten it wrong and take ownership of that.’

but he’s not sure they will. brett suspects it will be the age old dilemma. the people who will read his blog and click ‘like’ and hit ‘share’ and comment favorably will be the ones who do not rush to Facebook statuses [stati?] and Twitter to air their hurts and disappointments at people. they will be the ones who, when offended, will firstly take a look inwards to see if they themselves are the cause of any of that offence; they will be the ones who approach their friends with love and the invitation to talk it out gently; they will be the very ones who didn’t need to read the blog in the first place.

the choir belts out another verse…

while the diva sits sulking in her dressing room.
outraged by the fact that the specifically requested brand of bottled water was not delivered.
that the green M & M’s outnumbered the brown ones two to one.
that the curtains are ‘that horribly garrish olive green’

so why does brett write that blog, if he knows he is preaching to the choir and that his words are drowned out by the world-is-against-me sobs of the barricaded-in-her-dressing-room songstress?

because brett is forever hopeful.
always holding on to the ‘what if’.
what if… someone were to somehow accidentally stumble across his scribbled out thoughts and see themselves reflected back and somehow hear the distinct melody of a different, better way of doing things?
what if… as a result of reading the this, someone went directly to go and erase the that and decided instead to drop a brief note into their friend’s inbox, an invitation to meet up and see if things can’t be worked out differently?

it is the ‘what if’ that compels brett to think it is worth having a go.
and so he does.

the one formula

so wot an amazing weekend then…

i started watching Formula 1 Grand Prix racing about 26 years ago when one of my Portuguese friends from Hillcrest Primary school in Johannesburg, South Africa invited me to watch this race – i remember it clearly because Nelson Piquet and his teammate led from start to finish and at the end of the race Piquet’s teammate was the only person he had not lapped and so from then on Nelson Piquet was ‘my guy’ and went on to win three world championships so a good pick, then…

26 years of F1 watching and the irony is i have ever only had two drivers – Piquet pretty much stopped racing as this guy called Schumacher started with a once off race for Jordan [which he got as the actual driver was imprisoned] and he qualified an amazing 7th [the team’s best qualifying that year] but sadly retired on the first lap with clutch problems… but i saw something in him that i liked and so through all the ups and downs of his career [and there were many of both] i stuck with him, often vociferously defending against claims that he was arrogant or that he cheated] and it has been difficult to see him come out of retirement into what seems to be a real crummy car – he qualified an amazing 6th for Mercedes for this race and spent the race basically losing a position a lap so that was not so much fun to watch…

so when my brother in law invited me to watch this inaugural Austin Formula 1 Grand Prix live it was not quite a dream come true cos i never dreamed i would get to see a F1 Grand Prix live but it was a dream given to me. it sucked that he later was not able to come with me cos the tickets were sold out by the time he knew his work would allow him to come and so i got to experience the magic and the excitement of the weekend all by myself which ended up being a complete vibe.

stunning weekend. and if i had to name a highlight it would probably be seeing my friends [and in particular my wife, the beautiful Val] get excited for me – that really was the best part of this weekend – from my family who i am staying with, who went to a lot of expense to make it a smooth and amazing weekend, to friends on Twitter and Facebook and to Valerie repeatedly writing statuses [stati?] and sending messages and writing me heart shaped letters and just being generally excited… from Alice [my F1 fantasy league competitor ad often co-watcher for the last many years] to MJ and Rob and cuzzin Lance and Stef and John Zippy Benn [living vicariously through me] and Liam and others and especially again and again by my lovely wife it just encouraged me and added to my excitement and made the whole weekend extra special.

see, getting to attend a Formula 1 race live was an incredible experience and really worth a lot to me
but family. and community. and great friends scattered across the world… now that’s a real formula to an incredible life.
some would say priceless. i am one of those some.

thank you to everyone who cheered and messaged and looked out for me and posted and mailed and got super excited – you guys made this weekend super uber special.

psalmthing to chew on: psalm 40

‘I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.’ [vs.1]

If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and change your…

…pace?

i won’t lie, i used to sing “face” as the last word of that popular Michael Jackson song, and i still do from time to time… but wot a great way to start a psalm and a day or week or year… echoing the ‘be still and know that I am God’ of psalm 46.10 which is coming up soon.

patience is a gift of the Spirit [galatians 5.22] and it is evidence of the God-Love mentioned in the well-known 1 corinthians 13 passage and in fact heads up the list… and in fact what i just noticed is that in both of those lists it comes just before ‘kindness’ – maybe it is suggesting you have to be patient before you can be kind [or maybe it’s just coincidence, but i guess in being patient i can demonstrate kindness so maybe there is a link]

but in the world of instant gratification – of microwaved meals and streaming videos, status updates and retweets, maybe patience has become a bit of a secret fruit or gift – a ‘the road less travelled’ aspect of God’s character…

because surely God has demonstrated His patience for me on many, many occasions for much length of time [and with it held loosely on to the Love, grace and forgiveness He freely offers me repeatedly] and so it would only seem fitting that i should return the favour…

altho even in waiting patiently for the Lord, He is still the one acting, or reacting and turning to me…

‘He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.’ [vs.2-3]

i have heard there are two rules to life:

[1] there is only one God
[2] it is not me

we get that right, and the whole world will be turned on its head…

as my friend Mugabe [no relation] Ratshikuni used to say, ‘If God is on the throne of your life, then you must be on the cross [luke 9.23] but if you are on the throne of your life [or anyone or anything else – money, time, possessions, music, sport, your special person, peoples’ opinion of you] then you have put Jesus back on the cross.’

i know we’ve barely touched the psalm, but i think that’s a good meditation for today. feel free to add your thoughts and musings…

[To return to the Intro page and be connected to any of the other Psalms i have walked through before now, click here]

Dangerous Things You Can Most Recently Expect

so when i am bored or creative or feeling that little bit extra’ly silly i make videos called ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ as a character called Brad Fish who speak a bit different like and look at a different topic which you might have think was innocentful but will soon discover can be dangerist in many different forms or ways… there are now 17 of these which i shamelessly plug on facebook and twitter and anywhere else i can, and if you haven’t seen them yet, here are the latest 5 i did…

[Blocks]

[Friendship]

[Camping]

[Bacon]

[Birthdays]

Of course if you somehow only managed to stumble on them here and if you do like them at all [shares and links and likes are all appreciated] then you can find a list of the rest of them right over here.

Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect: The Collection

hi, my name are Brad Fish and i like to make videos to can have warn you of things you may not have previously been warned about and so i have came up with a series what are called  ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ – these are full of the education and should be passed on to your friends and family and even maybe those who are only a little bit of your enemy so that they can have be protected too:

the one that started it all – episode one – PAPER

episode two warns about the dangers of ICE-CREAM

episode three was all about SARCASM, or more correctly sar-chasm!

episode four saw the first request which was ironically ‘REQUESTS’ seen as quite full of danger

episode five, which has been shown in at least three different schools [mostly in Pretoria] and specifically their English classes was on the topic of PUNCTUATION

episode six, another request, and this time on the unseen hazards linked to WOOL

and finally [so far] another two for the English classrooms perhaps, this episode on the CLITCHY or as they say in France, the Cliche’

and ‘THE CLITCHY: PART DEUX’ or ‘REVENGE OF THE CLITCHY’ – first time we have attemped a part too.

An episode of SOMETIMESDLY DANGEROUS THINGS You Can Least Expect covering things that sometimes can be safe and other times can be dangerful.

episode 10 warned us about just some of the many dangers one can find within ART

episode 11 warned us about the inherent dangers associated with PROCRASTINATION, or it would have if i had gotten round to it

episode 12, which was designed for a friend and good fan’s tut class was dedicated to the pretty obvious calamities found within STRESS

episode 13 warned us about BLOCKS with the ever popular danger item of Lego receiving a second look in

episode 14 showed why FRIENDSHIP, surely a never dangerous thing, could indeed be many kinds of dangerful

and then episode 15, maybe a slightly more less expected one, detailed some very ponderous aspects of CAMPING as a dangerous thing which may or may not cause the end of the world today, no tomorrow, no in October!

surprisingly Episode 16 appears to be a DTYCLE about BACON – are there any dangers associated with bacon? how could this be?…

Episode 17 are about BIRTHDAYS – a dangerous thing what can happen to you mostly once a year

Episode 18 were about raiSINS – can’t believe it took me to long to warn people about these – probably cos it are more obvious

Episode 19 were also about raiSINS cos there are so much dangers to warn about these little things of horrible pukeness

Episode 20 were about the US ELECTIONS [with an L] that have taken place while i were over in Americaland

Episode 21 were MY BEST ONE SO FAR and deals with the dangers what can be associated with VIOLiNS [and the need for more SAX]

Episode 22 have deal with FLYING and why it are wright to fear that

Episode 23 have been on CARROT CAKE, another Dangerous Thing You Can Least have expected to eat.

Episode 24 helped explain to us that WHAT THE FOX SAYS might be incredibly Dangerful to us.

Episode 25 took a look at WEDDING TITLES, because you know what trouble those can cause.

Episode 26 informed us that SCOTLAND itself is a Dangerous Thing not to be messed with.

it is the links and comments and shares and likes and commentary that get more people seeing these and sharing them further so thank-you if you have been one of the people doing that and if you haven’t then feel free to start. but ONLY if they make you laugh, giggle, smile or liquid-shoot – if you hate them, you wouldn’t have read down to here.

Dangerous Things You Can Most Promote.

so there are now 13 videos in the ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ series of humorousfilled warning videos highlighting average every day things that we might not have considered the potential lurking dangers thereof… the first one of these has received the most hits and is only 999333 hits away from going viral [if ‘going viral’ means a million hits] – once i achieve that then rebecca black and i can be facebook friends apparently…

but while that seems a long way off i would love to expand the audience of the shows a little and for that i need people to like and share the videos and i have divided this into two categories:

firstly, if you hate the videos and think they suck that is fine and you can read no further, thank you for your time – i would never want anyone to promote something they thought was not worth promoting and i try to do that myself…

second firstly is for those of you who love them or at least like them a bunch and i know there are at leas 15 of you but would guess closer to 100 – if you are able to post on your socialnetworking networks that this is a thing you really dig and people should check it out then some people probably will – just a share is great but if you give it a one line punt that works even better, even a simple ‘hey, check this out!’ and for that i will be muchly appreciative.

first secondly is for those who don’t particularly find them overly funny or amazing but you don’t hate them or think the world will be a worse off place for seeing them – i would completely appreciate a share with words to the effect of ‘this is something my buddy did and he finds them quite amusing’ or something like that because there is no personal buy-in but it still gets a punt

i suppose a third category would be if you are richard branson and you find them completely hilarious and would love to buy the rights to my character to advertise your range of products then call me. [altho maybe not on my virgin phone, the reception is terrible!]

this would be the link to the latest video which i think is one of the strongest and would be a good one to promote but otherwise you can go here for the whole series.

thank you for your time and energy on this – a simple click on share and a one line statement…

and if you really want to invest then commenting on the video or i guess hitting like on You Tube is also something that helps it get found…

love brett fish and No_bob but mostly brett fish cos No_bob is still not real…