Marriage Year 14: Meet Tim and Laura Tucker

We got married on 9^th August 2000. A good date for two reasons… very easy to calculate how many years we’ve been married… and a South African public holiday so we always get a day off to celebrate!

From the off – marriage has been amazing. For us there was little adjustment… we kind of flowed into being married and we are ver y marriage-positive. One thing we hate is when people make negative comments to engaged couples. Marriage is amazing! Being able to have someone who is willing to stick by you in any and every situation brings the deepest sense of joy in life.

One thing we learned, and has stuck with us, from even before we were married – is the importance of how to make big decisions. Decision making can cripple people as individuals… and if you don’t get on the same page with your life-partner, then it can be a constant source of conflict. For us, we have sought to cultivate an approach of getting on the same page in terms of what God is saying to us… and then following that course of action even if it seems crazy or impossible. But knowing we’ve heard from God unites us in this and provides a solid foundation even if things get tough.

Usually to get to that point of decision means we take a long drive or a long walk… giving time to really connect with each other. On one of these long walks we decided it was time for Laura to resign from her job and join me in full-time ministry. A few years later, a long-walk led us to decide that it was right for us to home-school our kids. And, more recently, on a long drive we felt absolute confirmation about moving back to Cape Town after being in Pretoria for many years.

Making life-changing decisions in this way provides us with shared memories to which we can return when things get tough or when we have doubts. What we’ve also learned is the importance of being more vulnerable with other people and allowing them to speak into our lives. Early on in our married life we were quite independent… now we try to be more open and take the risk of sharing more freely with others.

[For a story from Marriage year 15, meet Natasha and Dave Henning]

My Strength Weakness continued: Meet Tim Tucker [Multi-tasking]

a year or so ago, i asked a bunch of my friends to write a piece on the topic of ‘My Strength Weakness’ – sharing a little about something in their lives that is viewed as a strength, but which in some cases can also turn about to be a weakness. And these great posts were the result. It was so helpful that i figured it was time to do it again, with a whole different bunch of people, and so here is ‘My Strength Weakness continued’ and we start off with my friend Tim Tucker:

I’m a multi-tasker.

I don’t mean the kind of multi-tasker that can watch TV, have a cup of tea and hold a conversation at the same time. I mean that I thrive on juggling multiple projects simultaneously and love to test how far my capacity can reach.

Often it feels like spinning numerous plates… and having to judge which plates are wobbling and need a bit of attention… and which have enough momentum just to keep on spinning. Maybe this sounds stressful – but I love the challenge.

This becomes a massive weakness though when I accept projects that God has not assigned me to do. On one occasion I received a phone call. I’d said no a few times to a particular position that I was being asked to fill. But an influential person called me and said, “Tim – you are the only person who has the capacity to do this.” They played to my ego with that flattery… and I said “yes”.

You see – multi-taskers can feel invincible and often have a superman complex. The problem is, when there are too many plates starting to wobble… and some start to teeter on the edge – then fall and smash, it can be a pretty spectacular disaster.

Unfortunately this happened as a result of me saying yes on this occasion… And who suffers when this happens… me, my family – my relationship with God… the organisation I worked for… etc. etc. So there are tonnes of lessons I’ve learned through this. God has had to deal with my superman complex and I’ve had to learn to trust him with the things that seem good ideas – but are not the things He’s asked me to do. I’ve had to learn where the edge of my capacity is… and be careful to not step over that – in fact – build in some breathing space… “mind the gap” as they say on the London tube. And most importantly, I’ve had to learn to listen to those around me who see the warning signs. To be accountable.

And to learn the power and freedom of the word “no”.

[Tim Tucker is a family man with 3 kids… committed to working out his faith within the African context as part of The Message. Tim has developed ‘The Leaders’ Table’ as a way of resourcing and connecting with emerging leaders in Africa… to check it out, click here]

[To read the story of Howard Fyvie and his Strength Weakness which is confidence, click here]