Marriage Year 7: Meet Bradley and Vicky Jones

My Wife’s name is Vicky and My name is Bradley. We have been married for 6 years. The first couple of years of marriage were fairly easy. We got married and two weeks later had to relocate for work. So it was just us which in the beginning was good, after a few years we added kids and then really started to miss our family and the “extra hands” they would be able to supply.

Two challenges that I am continually faced with as a father and a husband:

The hardest thing to learn is how to love your wife for how she wants to be loved without the influence of other past relationships. I had a tendency not to do something that I had done for a past girlfriend based on the fact they didn’t like it or they liked it too much. So, flowers were out from the beginning. Not a good way to start a relationship. What follows from that is not to give up trying to love and romance the wife, simply because she is yours. Your call is to love her.

Second hardest thing is as a father, I am blessed to have an awesome stay at home mom. Which means she is on kid duty most of the time, it becomes very easy to become disconnected and not actually do anything you should be doing. Just leaving it to the wife. This can cause some extra stress and also a disconnect between dad and kids, I need to constantly remind myself, to help the wife out, and intentionally make time for my kids. Quality and quantity is important. Just spending quality time with your kids an hour a week is unfair to your kids and to your wife.

[For a Marriage Year 8 post with specific relevance to parents, read Steve and Kristin Heineman’s account over here]

Taboo Topics: Parents of young children – Meet Nicolette Ferreira

Some days, as a stay-at-home mom, I literally find my self walking around the house, doing nothing… Please note: this is NOT because I am lazy or that there is nothing to being a stay-at-home mom (and part-time freelance writer, let me just add – by the way, why do I feel like I have to justify myself?!)

Anywhoo…

If I decide to sit down in front of the computer to do some writing, Alex starts climbing up my leg, crying for my attention or for me to pick him up (yes – I have tried all sorts of interesting toys to keep him busy on the floor).

Should I pick him up… he will NOT magically sit stil on my lap while I type. He will pull everything he can off the table and also try his best to play with my laptop.

So I get up from my writing and decide to sit on the couch and do some constructive reading. I promise you – sitting down on the couch is like an open invitation to your baby to come and play with mommy. He will beg and tug at your leg for you to pick him up.

Should you pick him up, there is no chance of you relaxing for even a moment – he has no idea that he can fall off the couch and he will crawl around like a cute little baboon all over the couch.

So I get up and decide to get some house work done. Disaster. As I move form room to room, for example, packing away clothes, Alex will find it most frustrating – you see: just as he gets to the room I am in, I am already on my way out again. Inconsolable tears.

I decide to stand still and do the dishes. Nope – Alex climbs up my leg crying for me to pick him up or just do something amusing.

So sometimes I find myself just lying on the floor with Alex climbing all over me – I have to do my best to not get permanently scarred or bald as he goes for my hair, my eyes and my nose.

On these days, and there are many of them, I find myself at the end of the day feeling a little unfulfilled. If you think it is easy being a stay-at-home mom – you have no idea how difficult it sometimes get.

That said… I love my Alex and I would NEVER change having him. But please, just empathise with me a little bit today.

Love, Nicolette

[to follow Nicolette’s writing, go and visit her blog Nicolette writes: Professional Freelance Writer and Stay-at-Home Mom, click here]

[For some ideas and examples on how to raise your children to be world changers, head over here]