Tag Archive: snot


this may be a guy thing… but i’m not convinced [it’s just more underworld with the ladyfolks but maybe there will be a brave one or two to confirm? hmm?] but it goes a little something like this…

when i fart it is cool. when you fart it is gross or creepy.

when i pick my nose it is cool. when you pick your nose it is disgusting and gross.

now i can’t claim to have a particularly higher grade or haute couture brand of gas or snot… i mean i’d like to think that, but i’m pretty sure it’s the garden variety type… so there has to be something else going on here… and i suspect it is a matter if contextual perspective.

because it is me, i am okay with it…

which is very similar to sin… my sin not so bad, yours pretty gross, disgusting and unacceptable…

i imagine as long as i view life like that i will see myself as better than you.
i will see my sin as less needing attention and dealing with and speaking out and walking away from.
i will think yours hurts me a lot more than mine hurts you.

and probly a bunch more, but that’s enough to work at for starters.

practically it plays out differently because i can just make sure i am all alone when i engage in fart and snot and be able to be okay with it because it is mine…

my sin however, is a complex entanglement of private and public, internal and external, obvious and creatively subtle and i suspect is never solely mine.

that is all.

so a while ago, after ten rounds of brett andy voting [jack handeyesque wannabe quotes i’m working on improving – some good, some bad, some ugly, but every now and then i just hit it.] i was going to do a massive best of vote in which i picked all my top ones and got people to pick the best of the best… but then i changed computers and all my brett andy voting results and lists are on my other computer and it just seems like too much admin, so will get there one day… but for now if you are able to read through the list and add a comment on which of the latest ones you possibly find funny – there are three here that i really like for various reasons of subtlety and one [if you google it] is actually a true story…so please take a minute to vote on any of them you find good if you do – am still learning the craft:

“AS THE UGLY DUCKLING CAUGHT SIGHT OF HIS REFLECTION IN THE POND, HE SMILED QUIETLY TO HIMSELF. NEVER AGAIN WOULD HE BE CALLED THAT. FROM THEN ON IT WAS ‘THE UGLY SWAN’ ALL THE WAY.”

“AS THE BLIND LADY ENTERED THE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT, SHE PONDERED THE IRONY.”

“AS I COMPLETED MY TOAST TO THE BRIDESMAIDS, THE USHERS GRABBED MY ARMS AND ESCORTED ME OUT OF THE CHURCH.”

“I STARED AT THE MAN EATING TIGER AND BEGAN TO WONDER IF THIS RESTAURANT WAS A TAD TOO EXOTIC FOR MY SIMPLE TASTES.”

“AS THE NOOSE TIGHTENED, IT FELT LIKE MY BREATH WAS BEING FORCED OUT OF MY LUNGS AND MY WHOLE LIFE FLASHED INSTANTLY BEFORE ME. WAIT, NOT ‘NOOSE’, I MEAN ‘NECKTIE’.”

“THE TAXIDERMIST’S DOG SEEMED TO HAVE AN INSATIABLE APPETITE. HE WOULD EAT AND EAT AND NEVER SEEM TO BE GETTING ENOUGH. THEN ONE DAY HE WAS STUFFED.”

“THE SHERIFF STARED SOMBERLY INTO HIS DRINK. FOR SOME REASON THINGS IN THE TAME, TAME EAST NEVER SEEMED TO RAISE THE SAME KIND OF ADRENALIN RUSHES THAT HIS COUSIN OFTEN SPOKE OF FROM ACROSS THE COUNTRY .”

“AS E.T. FINALLY MADE IT TO THE PHONE BOOTH, HE FLASHED THE BIGGEST GRIN EVER, BUT AS THE LAST COIN HIT THE BOTTOM WITH A LOUD ‘THUNK’, IT SUDDENLY DAWNED ON HIM THAT HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE DIALLING CODE WAS.”

“SURE, HE HAD ATTRACTED ALL THE RATS OF THE CITY, BUT WHAT NOW?” THOUGHT THE PIED ORGANIST TO HIMSELF.”

“I IMAGINE, IF YOU’RE PETER PARKER, IT’S A LOT MORE EMBARRASSING WHEN YOU GET DISCONNECTED FROM THE WEB.”

“POW. THE RICE CRISPY WHO LEFT BEFORE THE GROUP WENT BIG.”

“MY MATHS TEACHER ASKED ME WHAT THE TECHNICAL TERM WAS FOR TWELVE TIMES TWELVE AND I SAID, “THAT’S GROSS,” COS SHE HAD A TINY PIECE OF SNOT HANGING OFF THE END OF HER NOSE.”

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