Tag Archive: Regan Didloff

i am continuing this series which i feel has gone so much further than the initial email that got it started and has provided some valuable insights which needed a springboard to launch from. so am daily becoming more grateful for it as it has helped me share what i feel have been some helpful ideas about living life to the full.

what i am wanting to look at today is something that i have found immensely helpful in my relationship with tbV [altho still definitely have a long way to go] and in some of the conflicts i have been involved in in recent times [who, me argue?] and i imagine that the more i get this right, the more effective i am going to be in terms of challenge and even rebuke…

the concept is very simple: receive the rebuke/challenge/word of wisdom you are about to give… so using the email i received, let me for a moment assume that i had written it – i am ready to send it, but before i do, let me put myself in the place of the person hearing it and see what they receive…


Brett, let’s be honest: your youtube videos suck. Big time. And I don’t even see the purpose in it.

hm, okay if i am receiving that particular sentence, is it going to make me open to hearing the message, or is it likely to make me angry or sad or antagonistic and make me react rather than respond to the heart of what i was trying to say?

i think it becomes quite easy once you make the time and effort to do that. that line is an easy one but sometimes we do need to deliver tough Truth to people we Love and it is not going to be an easy one to hear. by becoming that person hearing the message i will more than likely find a better way to deliver the message.

how would i receive a message that my videos are a waste of time? the word ‘suck’ followed by ‘big time’ is probably not going to be the best way, right? and as i mentioned yesterday, by changing a strong statement into a question, maybe i can ease towards a time when i am able to share that, ‘well honestly, i don’t think they’re a great use of your time.’ i know that as a person who regularly has to do a stock take on how i use my time [cos i do tend towards getting caught up in addictive things altho often very silly and time-wasting ones] i am aware that that can become an issue and so i am likely to listen to the message and take it to heart if it is presented well.

on the other hand i don’t want to water down the message so much [if it is a strong message that really does need to be heard] that the point of it is lost completely. but i think this is where relationship comes in – i try to be accountable to everyone – as someone with an audience, as a Christian leader in different areas, i am aware that that is a crucial thing to do. but at the same time it is the people who i have specifically invited to speak into my life – people like Regan Didloff, Rob Lloyd and Bruce Collins, people like Mike dreadlock Strauss and Mandy Hunt and of course my wife Valerie [and a bunch of others] who get a much stronger invitation to speak more directly and harshly where necessary. Val will be able to tell you i don’t often take it well in the moment [does anyone like to be told they are wrong?] but that i will take the criticism to heart and more often than not think about it for a while and then make a response to it later.

a clue i can share with you is that accusations such as “you always” or “you never” don’t go down well in arguments or even received emails – questions are good as well as “i feel that…” or “i think…” statements which allow space for you to be possibly wrong instead of just loading something on to the person you are speaking to…

so i encourage you next time you are about to write an email or have a conversation with someone that requires you to share a tough Truth [in Love] to take a moment and try and receive it in the way you are about to give it, and see how you would respond and whether it is worth taking another minute or two to figure out a way that you would receive that particular message well. i believe this will help give your message a much needed boost and possibility of getting through to the person you are engaging with.

let me know how it goes…

[to continue to part V: a glimpse into the why, click here]

okay, so that title doesn’t apply AT ALL here, in fact it the opposite of applies, but it was likely to draw a lot more readers than ‘i like my friends’ and look, there you are so hi!

arrived back home after a good 32 hours or so of travelling [if you exclude the New Jersey/New York trip we took with airforce Jon to get to the airport] from JFK to Dubai for eight hour layover then to Cape Town and having watched 8 movies [fist pump!] to be met by Val’s family [mine are away] and then as we were heading out of the airport bumped into my best friend from college days Mandy Hunt and her two girls and gifts of flowers for Val and a balloon and a gift bag which i later discovered had some slabs of chocolate and two full packs of bacon [it’s like she knows…]

Duncan Houston Springbopk

then on to Dunc’s house. Duncan Houston in one of the very few people from school i am in any contact with at all and one of my best buddies – we have not stayed in crazy ongoing contact while i’ve been away but every now and then have connected on Skype or Messenger and caught up… but after settling in and Val heading upstairs not to actively not sleep we started chatting and spent a few hours catching up and discussing the mysteries of the Universe – including religion, politics, family, life and more…

it was seriously like no time had passed and i think the best friendships in life are categorised by that. the ability to be able to step into a friendship that has had a 19 month face (and to some extent, contact) gap and just pick up where we left off.

Duncan and Megan have been beyond generous throughout our married lives and inviting us to live with them for the whole time we are back home [altho Dunc did say if we hit June then we might have to talk…] has been just one more gift of amazingness [to be fair, nodding at the chocolate cupboard while uttering the words ‘help yourself’ was maybe not the brightest of moves] and we are very much looking forward to the rest and rejuvenation this time is going to bring for us…

so yes, i am completely grateful for the friends that i have – my other best friend Rob Lloyd is coming over with his wife Nicky for lunch and looking forward to connect with my other best buddy Reegs on the weekend if not before… and then there is MJ who has been prepping my hobbit suit for the cricket on Friday – does it get any better than that?

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