Tandem Post: Meeting The Queen

Two steps forward and then one to the right. I stand and wait, watching… guarding… carefully listening to my own heavy breathing…

I try to remain focused completely on the spaces around me, watching for you, zoning out of the chatter and in on any nearby movement that may be about to occur.

This time you will not get by me.

I am ready, alert, prepared for the inevitability of your attack.

One thing in mind, protect my liege, at all costs, even if it means i may have to sacrifice my very life.

And there you are… I finally catch sight of you, caught behind your wall, for now, but I know that will not last

In fact, just one minute later and already I spot a gap in the wall…

Soon, you will be coming…

I take a step to my left, another step forward

And one more.

All the while, watching, waiting, thinking, calculating.

Perhaps if I just keep myself moving, you will eventually make a mistake…

Silence.

It’s as if I can almost smell the deep thought that is resonating in the air just above me.

My horse makes a startled sound.

“Sh, Th’gink, it’s okay lady, easy now,” I quietly whisper into her ear, trying to calm her down.

When the moment comes to strike, I need her to be ready, totally in control.

More silence.

Followed by a gentle tik, tik.

The tell-tale sounds of plastic on wood…

Like a black widow on the prowl, you seek a deathly mating ritual.

And I, I will do everything I can to stop you.

…

…

…

And almost all too easily, there it is. The moment I have been building up to.

In an instantly regrettable moment of distraction, you took your eyes off of me.

I suspect it was the sight of the castle to your left?

As I gallop into view, straight, straight, and then at the last moment pull an audacious slide to the left.

I have your man in my sights…

And you must fall, so that he may make his brief escape…

This post is my first post as part of a tandem blogging exercise with Dave Luis, Mandy Collins and Nick Frost. One title unwrapped by four storytellers. Read Dave’s post over here, Mandy’s post here, and Nick’s post here. Please share your thoughts on our fun exercise in the comments on each post, and remember that with bloggerists, sharing is always caring. 

[To check out the following Tandem Post i did with the title, ‘Revelations at Dawn’, click here]

squishy fruit conspiracy

i hate raiSINs. no really. no, not like you do, i mean really hate them. yes, i hear that you feel like you hate them, but in comparison to me you pretty much like them. in fact they may be your favourite poison food.

you don’t believe me? well, let’s do a little test, because there are three kinds of people who say they hate raiSINs [and only one kind is a true ‘believer’]

[1] you ‘hate raiSINs’ but you like them in stuff? REALLY? What are you on? You’re a fake. Have met so many of you who will make the absolute statement of ‘I hate raiSINs’ but then follow it up with the caveat [a word i am using incorrectly, just because i like the sound of it, the rest of the sentence tells you exactly what i mean, carry on] of ‘but i can eat them in bobotie’ [or some other food] No. You don’t get to call yourself a raiSIN hater!

[2] you ‘hate raiSINs’ but you like them by themselves? WHATAREYOUON? Because really i think that’s even worse. I’m allergic to flour so I can’t eat bread but I can eat spoonfuls of it from the bag. It makes no crazy sense at all. But yes, you are out there. “Can’t eat raiSINs cooked in stuff but you like them by themselves, or let’s be honest, mixes with peanuts.” Woergh! Not true!

[3] Group 3 is those of us who really do hate raiSINs as in gag reflex the moment we bite into a ‘choc chip cookie’ and know instantly that we have been tricked. As in can’t eat them in things OR by themselves. As in we have noticed that the word raiSIN contains the word ‘SIN’- coincidence? i think not. More like a co-sin-cidence! [that’s not a word] If you are a true raiSIN hater then welcome to the club.

You still are probably not as much of a raiSIN hater as me, but you are acceptable. I say ‘you’re probably not’ and stick to it unless you have three or more of the following:

# started the ‘I hate raiSINs group on Facebook [nope, that was me!]

# had a ritualistic raiSIN-burning ceremony in a park with two friends late at nite [it was for a friend’s 18th birthday video]

# developed a theology of why the tree in the middle of the garden of eden was actually a vine and the warning to Adam was about fruit gone bad [grapes to raiSINs] with actual verses to back it up that i chose to stop telling the one time i saw a group listening to me a little too intently [like they were actually believing me]

# written a song about raiSINs, got it recorded by a friend of yours in the Brothers Streep band and got it on an mp3 playlist where voting [by friends] took it above songs by groups like Just Jinger, GoawayPolisiekar and Goldfish… so charted above some top SA bands on a meaningless friend-affected chart

# wrote a sequel follow up song called ‘Sultanas’ [the evil cousin of the raiSIN] as a parody to the song ‘Informer’ by Snow and recorded that [by same Brother Streep friend]

# wrote a third anti-raiSIN song to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody [Bohemian RaiSIN-Die!] which i never found a band to be able to perform the music of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody for [yet] and so it still waits…

so yes. i think i win. but it’s not about winning. it’s about hating raiSINs. and listening to this song called the ‘Squishy Fruit Conspiracy’ which for a very short period of time had me ranked above some very important bands. and Steve Hofmeyr.

If you send me one of these you will be much loved.

top 5 songs on my repeat…

i assume that this post will lose me a lot of respect and so it’s quite fortunate i don’t feed off that stuff – but there are a couple of songs that i have bought from ovi music store in the last couple of months that i keep sticking on repeat cos they make me happy…

they are the following in no particular order:

[1] bought this morning: ‘Techno Band’ by Lonehill Estate – what gets me is the pausing in the last line of the chorus – you’re. gonna. be. innit… slays me every time. i dig the rap sing style and the vibe of the song – it’s silly but it’s happy silly…

[2] Somebody to Love by Queen (2011 remaster) – the only thing that freaks me out about this song is i am singing the words “find me somebody to love” ad nauseaum and i am hoping tbV won’t take offence cos clearly i have somebody to love, but i just REALLY love that song and finally got round to buying it – my favourite is the chantlike buildup of the repetitive “find me somebody to love” and all the “somebody” “somebody”‘s at the end – perfect no-one-in-the-house-pump-up-the-volume-and-sing-with-full-vocals-and-possibly-a-broom-mic…

[3] No Robot’s by the Arrows – saw them live at New Year’s and had to i think to fully appreciate this music – they are a wacked out crazy psycho band of just two girls (and wacked out crazy psycho in the best way possible) and i just love the energy and freedom in this song plus the lyrics (which for me are generally the thing i look at) point wholeheartedly at Yahweh – “oh it’s poetry, it’s genius – You don’t want robots, You want our love – so You let us carry on like this, cos You don’t want robots, You want our love – and still we blame You and we call You names – You don’t want robots You want our love – and You go and give it to us all the same, all the same, all the sa-a-ame”

[4] That’s not my Name – The Ting Tings – do i even have to comment? in terms of catchy, pump up the volume, sing your pop idol audition to No_bob the stuffed dolphin judging panel… “everything considered they forget my na-a-a-ame”

[5] Crazy [and Going on] by Gnarls Barkly – thankx to the beautiful Val for directing me to this one (Going on) – i just love repetition but not Rihanna take-any-word-and-repeat-it-ten-times and then make 15 similiar songs style… i’m talking the “Going on” line “I’ve seen it with my own eyes, how we’re getting otherwise,
without the luxury of leaving. (leaving) The touch and feeling of free, is untangible technically, is something you got to believe in. (believe in)” and then “Crazy” i’ve just dugged for ever [yes, “dugged!”] because it’s about people thinking i’m crazy, and, you know… i just dig the beat and rhythm and his voice and the vibe…

and then special mention must go to Duck Soup and ‘Barbra Streisand’ [thankx to the Proteas cos they played it ALL the time when i was at the last game and i fell completely in love] – i really don’t dig barbra streisand (no offence) and so the fact that i love this techno beaty song about her just becomes all that much more surreal… and ‘Jump’ by Flo Rida which i absolutely absolutely dig and would be in the list if it was a top 6… “When i say jump you say “How high” – and ‘We no speak Americano’ (Yolanda Be Cool & Dcup) and

don’t get me wrong, the U2’s and Coldplays and R.E.M.’s and Snow Patrol’s will always be there, but for now these are the five and one that are getting me going… what’s your top 5 right now?