when my “yes” sounds like a “no!”

i love my wife, the beautiful Val, i really do, and when i love her well, i think i love her really, really well, but when i love her badly, i can REALLY suck at it…

one way i have becoming increasingly more aware of doing this is by giving her a “yes” to a question that she asks or a request she makes for me to do something, that sounds a lot more like an emphatic “No!”

another way of describing it would be “the kicking and screaming yes” cos okay i will do what you want me to do but know that it is interrupting my selfish moment of whatever i was busy doing and that i don’t really want to do it and am quite likely only doing it cos the consequences of not doing it are so much worse…

the Truth is, not even all those statements above are even true all the time. it is usually a request [or even a reminder of something i was already meant to do] that doesn’t affect my selfish universe all that much. and a lot of the times i would love nothing more than to do a thing which helps my wife or shows her love or makes her life that little bit easier [especially if she might be stressed after a hard day] and yet somehow my ‘well intentioned Love-enducing “YES!”‘ comes out sounding like a horrible, ungrateful whiny “NO WAY! PLEASE GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!”

i think there is some pride in there, for sure. and some power. pride and power. and possibly inertia [the preference to continue doing what i am currently doing, no matter how random it might be, as opposed to interrupting it for something else].

the reasons i am blogging about it are at least two: perhaps there are some of you husbandmans out there who will see the same thing in yourselves [maybe even some wifewomens if that is the opposite of husbandmens?] and need to do something about it. and to remind me to do something about it. i find bloggage a form of accountability as old posts get revisited from time to time and i get rechallenged or reminded by what was striking me at the time…

i plan to Love my wife Valerie better by letting my “yes”es sound more emphatically like “YES!”es!

[If you found this helpful, here are some other ideas to help you love your person well]

Prayer-liners [iii]

some more quotes from ‘Prayer: Does it make any difference?’ by Philip Yancey, which i am really enjoying at the moment:

‘In Jesus’ day tax collectors, prostitutes and unclean persons reached out their hands to receive God’s grace while religious professionals closed theirs into tight fists. In receiving a free gift, having open hands is the only requirement.’ [pg. 23]

‘Most parents feel a pang when the child outgrows dependence, even while knowing the growth to be healthy and normal. With God, the rules change. I never outgrow dependence, and to the extent I think I do, I delude myself. Asking for help lies at the root of prayer: the Lord’s Prayer itself consists of a string of such requests. Prayer is a declaration of dependence upon God.

A character in one of Henry Adam’s novels cries out in frustration, “Why must the church always appeal to my weakness and never to my strength!” I can think of several reasons. In a world that glorifies success, an admission of weakness disarms pride at the same time that it prepares us to receive grace. Meanwhile, the very weakness that drives us to pray becomes an invitation for God to respond with compassion and power.’ [pg. 27]

‘We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us,’ wrote C.S.Lewis. To put it another way, we must trust God with what God already knows.’ [pg. 32]

for more thoughts from Philip Yancey on prayer, click here.