Taboo Topics: Infertility – meet Wendy and Richard

My name is Wendy. Myself and my husband, Richard, have been married for 7.5 years and I have been off contraception for 5.5 of those years. I only went to the doctor in October 2010, as I was not quite ready to face up to potential problems, and we weren’t financially ready for a child. I also told myself that we had not actively been trying (e.g. taking ovulation tests) and therefore perhaps it wasn’t an issue that I had not yet fallen pregnant.

The news came back from the doctor that I had polycystic ovaries. This is something not curable, but manageable. There are medications that I can take to try and boost ovulation. Also, losing weight is supposed to help with the symptoms. It’s a bit of a vicious circle, though, as having this condition makes it much harder to lose the weight!

The news hit me fairly hard even though I had been expecting it and had already researched the symptoms (an irregular cycle being the biggest indicator). There’s a big part of me that really wants to become a mommy and have Richard’s child, but there’s another part of me that’s not sure, because it is REALLY hard work and at that point in time it felt like this was never going to happen for me, for us. Anyway, we prayed with some family members and I felt God’s presence touch my heart. I walked away feeling a renewed confidence in God, after previously feeling very negative.

The following Saturday night we had an Encountering God worship evening at church with people prophesying over, and praying for, one another. Even though I was feeling full of faith, I was still hoping someone would have a word for me. A lady behind me (whom I’ve never met and who knows nothing about me) told me that God had a very special gift for me. She didn’t want to say what it was, in case she was wrong. I told her it was a baby and she immediately confirmed that was the word she had, and that it would be soon. She prayed for me and all of a sudden I found myself in tears (I tend to be emotional when I feel the presence of God).

I left the meeting feeling even more confident and excited at what God was going to do in our lives! The very next day my sister-in-law also had something to share. She gave me the verses Luke 1:36 and 45 “you are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what He said”.

Richard and I both never felt such confidence in anything before. It is wonderful to know that God clearly has a plan and purpose for our child if He has spoken through various people (including a dream a friend had). I’ve also felt very encouraged by so many dreams God has given me over the last couple of years about being pregnant or having a baby (usually it’s a girl). I’ve found out that by opening up about our journey, others have shared their struggles to conceive their children.

Several months passed and it took a while to get my mind in the right place, but for the past 8 months I have been doing what I can to prepare my body – I have started running again and we have both been eating healthily and lost a lot of weight.

My 3-year old niece was praying for us too (so cute!) and she told her mom that she thinks we have a baby now so she has decided to stop praying. Child-like faith is amazing! Just to trust in God as a little child trusts their father. Our faith in Him is something that we hold onto when doubts sometimes come to mind. We have watched the Joyce Meyer DVD “Battlefield of the Mind” and found it helpful to implement some of those teachings in our lives. Also, at homegroup recently we’ve been focussing on living on the right hand side of the comma of the verse John 10:10: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life and have it to the full”. Our spiritual lives have grown tremendously over the last year. We don’t always get things right, but we are moving forward.

We have been working through a Christian book about blessings and curses and the power that words have. We prayed against any curses that may have been over us and repented of sin in our lives. Since that very prayer was spoken, my monthly cycles (and I’ve had 3 now) have returned to the normal length. They used to be all over the place, anything from 3 to 6 weeks long! We are praising God for this.

I’ve read up about the possibility of IVF treatment but I don’t think we would pursue this option. It is a costly and traumatic ordeal. There are also the moral issues to consider, such as whether or not to freeze embryos (as a large number of them don’t make it) and not letting any of them get wasted, because we believe that life begins at conception. Besides, as God said in Genesis 18:14 “Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son”. We are standing in faith and know that the time will come soon when I can say the words I’ve been wanting to say for so long: “I’m pregnant”!

I hope that our story and faith may bring encouragement to anyone reading this who is going through any kind of fertility struggle.

Taboo Topics: Adoption – meet Jane and Mike

My husband mike and I decided to start a family at the beginning of last year and so I went off contraception and we started trying. We assumed it would be quick and easy, because we have only heard stories of people falling pregnant quickly – even in the first or second month, and with no complications. And so the first month or two we weren’t worried, we enjoyed the excitement of getting ready to become a family and waiting to see whether or not my period would come. But after six months I started to feel down. I was seeing pregnant women and babies EVERYWHERE, friends who weren’t even sure if they wanted babies yet were falling pregnant, and we were waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I felt more pressure to get it right, more pressure to succeed, but I didn’t know how to do it any better. And so we would try and inevitably fail month after month. I couldn’t understand how God could allow me to struggle with this when he knew how much I wanted to be a mother and how Mike and I longed for a family. I had to do a lot of soul searching (why do I want to be a mother so bad? If I never fall pregnant will I still love God? Do I trust God with the plans for my life?), and often I would spend worship time at church crying, willing myself to believe the words people sang with abandon. God is faithful, He is true, He fulfills his promises, He gives and takes away. For the first time in my life I had to ask myself if I REALLY believed that.

Before this time Mike and I had always talked about adopting, and after a year of trying for a baby the niggles in my brain (what about adoption?) became more persistent. We went to the gynaecologist to see that everything was all right and found out I have polycystic ovaries which means that we are not sure of when my egg is released and it is therefore harder to conceive because we do not know when I’m ovulating. This does not mean I can’t fall pregnant, but it does mean that it can take longer than normal. My gynae then gave us the option; keep trying naturally or go on medication to assist us. What a blow to my self-esteem! You keep thinking “what if I’m the reason we are not falling pregnant?” And then you find out – it is you, there is something wrong with your body. I felt so guilty, felt to blame in some part for the reason why we had ‘wasted’ a year trying for a baby. I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not control a hormonal imbalance in my body, and that it wasn’t my fault. That God loved me through this all, and that this was a blessing in disguise because by knowing what was wrong we could go ahead.

It was at this point that Mike reminded me again of our wish to adopt at some stage in life. We could keep trying and use medication to help, but if we were serious about adoption, why not go ahead with it now? We could try to conceive a sibling at a later stage because we now knew the obstacles we faced. And so, in March this year, we spent a weekend away talking, praying, crying (ok, that was mostly me) and setting aside all our doubts. We asked the questions that had been casting shadows in our minds: What if we don’t love them as much as a biological child? What if nature is stronger than nurture? What if our family or friends don’t support us? What if, what if, what if? But with every fear said in the open, peace descended and we realized that although a little bit of fear is good, we serve a God who can overcome every obstacle and redeem every situation. And so, petrified and excited, we made the decision to adopt.

And since that moment a lightness has fallen over me. I feel that the year of trying that we went through was a journey I had to take to grow in the knowledge of God and in trusting His ultimate plan for me. I believe that if we had adopted last year we would not have been given the baby God has in store for us, for they were not born yet! I believe that the pain I felt has been redeemed with hope, and I understand with a peace that transcends understanding that this is my journey. I am a mother, and my child is on its way. It’s just in someone else’s stomach. And I cannot wait to be a Mom. I absolutely love and adore my child. I don’t know what they look like or where they come from, but I cannot wait to find out who they are and to shower them with kisses and cuddles. And so, after finishing our screening through our adoption agency, we wait. And we get ready to start the next chapter in our lives together – Mom and Dad!

[Jane and Mike Hampton]

[To jump forward two years and hear some words from Jane and Mike since adopting, click here]