Ten Ways to Love part VII: Trust without wavering.

1 Corinthians 13.7 says ‘It [Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’

this Corinthians description of Love is a huge one and is one of the most quoted Christian passages at weddings and i really do love it – what stands out for me is that the Love described here is very different to what the world suggests in terms of feeling and passion and sex, but the Love mentioned here has largely to do with choice. the passage starts off with ‘Love is patient’ which is an easy one to critique because i seldom feel like being patient and Morgan Freedman’s God in Evan Almighty nails it when he is speaking to Evan’s wife Joan and says, “Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?”

and so that follows through the whole list, but for me this last phrase has always held special meaning for me – it feels like a really powerful description of the positive description of what Love is and can be and feels like it builds this growing momentum as it hits you with the force of ‘It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.’

the word ‘always’ is the key thing – it doesn’t suggest that this is something Love might choose to do on occasion – it commands that this is the D.N.A. of true Love – that it will ALWAYS protect and ALWAYS trust, ALWAYS hope and ALWAYS persevere! This is a definitive statement.

and so focusing on the ‘Trust’ aspect, the idea of a lighthouse on the rocks surrounded by raging waters came immediately to mind because that captures the heart of the ‘without wavering’ aspect of Love. Trust feel like an easy thing to give someone but it is an incredibly difficult thing to regain once it is lost.

so it is really essential that it stays firm. you can’t half Trust someone. for Trust to be real and effective it really is a case of flinging yourself out completely [with no support harness] and believing that the other person has you.

it also needs to be demonstrated this way – if i am constantly questioning and second guessing and checking motives, then my words and actions can quickly deny the Trust i say i have in someone…

as i seek to be someone who Trusts without Wavering, may my words and actions always stand me firm as someone who is trustworthy and worth believing in, in a way that makes it easy for people to let go and jump towards me with full knowledge that i will not let them fall.

how have you found this aspect of Love playing out in life?

to look at forgiving without punishing, go here.

psalmthing to chew on: psalm 40

‘I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.’ [vs.1]

If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and change your…

…pace?

i won’t lie, i used to sing “face” as the last word of that popular Michael Jackson song, and i still do from time to time… but wot a great way to start a psalm and a day or week or year… echoing the ‘be still and know that I am God’ of psalm 46.10 which is coming up soon.

patience is a gift of the Spirit [galatians 5.22] and it is evidence of the God-Love mentioned in the well-known 1 corinthians 13 passage and in fact heads up the list… and in fact what i just noticed is that in both of those lists it comes just before ‘kindness’ – maybe it is suggesting you have to be patient before you can be kind [or maybe it’s just coincidence, but i guess in being patient i can demonstrate kindness so maybe there is a link]

but in the world of instant gratification – of microwaved meals and streaming videos, status updates and retweets, maybe patience has become a bit of a secret fruit or gift – a ‘the road less travelled’ aspect of God’s character…

because surely God has demonstrated His patience for me on many, many occasions for much length of time [and with it held loosely on to the Love, grace and forgiveness He freely offers me repeatedly] and so it would only seem fitting that i should return the favour…

altho even in waiting patiently for the Lord, He is still the one acting, or reacting and turning to me…

‘He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.’ [vs.2-3]

i have heard there are two rules to life:

[1] there is only one God
[2] it is not me

we get that right, and the whole world will be turned on its head…

as my friend Mugabe [no relation] Ratshikuni used to say, ‘If God is on the throne of your life, then you must be on the cross [luke 9.23] but if you are on the throne of your life [or anyone or anything else – money, time, possessions, music, sport, your special person, peoples’ opinion of you] then you have put Jesus back on the cross.’

i know we’ve barely touched the psalm, but i think that’s a good meditation for today. feel free to add your thoughts and musings…

[To return to the Intro page and be connected to any of the other Psalms i have walked through before now, click here]

Taboo Topics: Infertility and Losing a baby – meet Debbie and Bruce

WAITING FOR A MIRACLE

There’s a glimpse of heartache and pain in 31-year-old Debbie lvin’s eyes, but just for a moment, and then it’s gone, swallowed up by a smile, a nervous chuckle as she launches into an account of her painful journey through infertility.

It’s a much greater problem than people think. It was only after I started talking openly about it, that I discovered that some of my friends and their friends were going through what I was going through. It was knowing this that got me through my bad days. I wasn’t doing it alone and it also gave me something else to focus on. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and depression, I focused on how my experiences could perhaps help someone else. It got me through the dark times she says.

Her story, much like the woman she is, can only be described as remarkable. Her journey through infertility has made despair, disappointment and bitterness constant companions, but in the process she has discovered new friends in the form of hope, faith and courage. Throughout it all, she has had the constant support and love of her husband.

“I take great pride in my role as a wife and my husband and I work hard at keeping our marriage strong. This is essential to ensure that this experience brings us together and doesn’t tear us apart.” she says, a softness in her eyes as she speaks of the man who has been at her side throughout this journey. “When my husband and I found out we could not conceive naturally, I felt broken inside and filled with despair. At first, we chose not to tell anyone and as a result, this private pain gnawed at me constantly. Nothing seemed to soothe my aching heart. I spent hours wondering why it was happening to me, why my body didn’t want to co-operate. It was only made worse when my friends fell pregnant with ease. Babies were everywhere and even being surrounded by prams in shopping centres became too much to bear. I was so focused on the one thing I couldn’t have, I lost sight of everything else in my life.”

“I’ve been battling with infertility for seven years and have tried everything, from complementary therapies to in-vitro fertilisation.This was a huge financial and physical sacrifice for us and involved enduring drugs, injections and surgery. Our first attempt at IVF resulted in me carrying twins for a few weeks, before suffering a miscarriage. After all the anticipation and watching the embryos moving around, I could hardly endure the physical and emotional pain of losing them.” Debbie smiles bravely as she recounts those painful times. But determined to keep trying, she underwent another IVF procedure a year later and on the third and final attempt, she miscarried again.

The root cause of Debbie’s infertility lies in hormonal imbalances. “When I discovered my hormones, or rather, lack of them, were the cause of my problem, I took it very personally. It struck the core of who I was as a woman and I felt my body had let me down. I felt as though I had failed as a woman and it was easy for me to sink into the depths of self-pity.” It took an extraordinary will, for Debbie to drag herself out of the dark and make a conscious decision to be happy despite the circumstances she found herself in.

“Somehow I knew I’d have to let go and release the control I thought I had over the situation because it really wasn’t in my hands at all”. Naturally shy, Debbie says the experience in talking to other women who have suffered loss or those in similar situations as herself has forced her out of her shell. “This experience has helped me grow into a more self-assured, confident person. I force myself out of my comfort zone and set myself a challenge each year.”

This year, her challenge has been to keep herself strong, fit and healthy. “I joined a running club!” She laughs as she explains she has never been much of an athlete. “I think I surprised myself more than anyone else. I joined the Chiltern Athletics Club in December last year and ran my first 50km marathon a few months ago! I’m really enjoying it, and it’s making me stronger.” she says proudly. “Because my hormone levels are so low, I have to take care of my body. I will never give up hoping for my miracle baby and I want to make sure that when it happens, I am strong, fit and healthy. It has taken me years to reach the level of maturity I am at now. To leave the bitterness and self-pity behind and realise that although pain is inevitable, it is possible to choose joy despite this. I still have bad days, but it on those days that I’ll indulge in my favourite pick-me-up, peanut butter! It always makes me feel better she says laughing.”

“I realise now that I don’t have control over this. I have done all I can to make it right. I don’t want to feel like I didn’t give it my all. I have tried so hard and at times felt like a slave to my timetable of drugs and injections. Now it is all in God’s hands. Right now, I’m happy, I enjoy my life and like to think I’m a mother-in-waiting!”

[Debbie and Bruce Ivins]