Tag Archive: pastor


i can’t remember any time recently when i wanted to kill the pastor of the church i was in [Ben the Priest is kinda cool!]. In fact it’s probably more likely that there were people thinking those kinds of thoughts about me during some of my more challenging or hectic messages back in the day. Continue reading

God is really good and just loves us too much to let these things pass under the radar! I was also exposed to pornography at a young age (Probably around 11/12) and the seed was planted. It was not so much the pornography I got addicted to, but masturbation. My mind was so contaminated with thoughts of masturbation, and my imagination was enough to keep me going! The odd e-tv movie or two every month kept me going, but I could not go one day without masturbating.

I just felt so condemned, but looked for every possible excuse to not actually deal with it and continue in my ways. I even found some very good excuses! I heard that my youth leader at my church at that time masturbated together with some of my friends! If it was fine with him it could have probably not have been that bad! But I was badly deceived!

This continued even after I gave my heart to the Lord and started playing in the church worship team etc.. And it got to the stage where I thought that this all must mean that I am gay, because I was so obsessed with it. I got into homosexual pornography and things got even more intense and the guilt and condemnation just became more and more.

Growing up in a Christian household and some good foundations, I decided from a young age that I will stay pure till marriage. I thank God that I can say I am a virgin still today and that my struggle never involved other people. But the inner battle was just so intense and I felt everything but pure! I never shared it with anyone and never had the guts to just confess and ask for some help.

I encountered God radically in my Gr.12 year and realized I had to make a lifestyle change! I went to do a gap year after school where God did so much in my life and brought healing in so many different areas in my life. I had confessed everything and was determined to let that stuff stay in the past. I never looked at any pornography again that year and was doing well with abstaining from masturbation. But about two months or so after everything was confessed I fell back in the habit! I was once again too afraid and too embarrassed to walk this out with anyone!

I tried dealing with it on my own and did well for periods at a time but just fell back into it. I knew God had a great plan for my life and decided to go back for a second year, but in the holidays after that first year, I started snooping around on the Internet again and got stuck into homosexual pornography again!!! This rocked me! But when I went back the next year I knew this had to stop and I was able to stop with the pornography, but the habit of masturbation I could not stop. I deleted everything I had on my computer at that time.

There were so many times I just wanted to come clean with everything and confess to someone, but I could not deal with the shame and I lived under that condemnation for another six months. But this is where God stepped in and I am so thankful for what happened, because it started my journey of healing!

I had some kind of virus on my laptop and had to send it in to get it sorted out. The guy that worked on my computer checked out my browsing history and saw what was going on. He knew my pastor and contacted him to let him know what is going on! GOD JUST WOULD NOT LET THIS THING GO!

I was exposed. I had nothing left to hide, and I started walking a road of accountability with my pastor. I could be open with what I was dealing with and it was so liberating putting things in the light. It is really in it’s secrecy that these sins have their power. God started healing my heart and it was only through walking an open road with a spiritual father that God could do the work in my heart. It is only when we confess our sins to one another that the healing can come.

And we sometimes think that when we confess these things to a pastor or youth leader, or whoever it might be, that they would think less of you. But through allowing someone to walk this road with you, they can trust you even more!!!! Because we all have our faults and challenges, no one is perfect, but we need to be open with our lives, willing to submit and change, in order to become more Christlike!!!!

I Trust my testimony will encourage others to not let masturbation or pornography dictate your life. Bring it out into the light so that the healing journey can begin!

Thanks for the opportunity to share!


stop cheating on Him

i had this epiphony in the shower the other day – if the only Bible’ing and praying you do is at your church gathering on a sunday once a week, then you don’t have a relationship with God, you have a relationship with church.

and i think that’s how a lot of people live – their spiritual life is their relationship with the meeting on a sunday

it becomes a little bit memento meets inception with a sprinkling of the matrix once you start arguing that ‘i am the church, how can i have a relationship with myself?’ but i think if you give it just a moment you will see what i mean, and then the next step is to ask whether or not it is you, and then if so, to stop it.

because it is destructive. to you. to the church. if you are not being actively in relationship with God every day every day, then when you meet together as the church on a sunday, you will not be equipped to bring a word of encouragement or challenge or a psalm or prayer or prophecy or ministry to other people and that, after all, is what church is meant to be all about – meeting together to equip, strengthen, motivate, heal, encourage for the purpose of heading out and being church for the rest of the week to those who will never set foot in one

i think it’s an even bigger danger for those in so-called fulltime ministry because you can feel like your focused ministry time (leading a cell, heading up a worship team, preaching, sunday school etc.) is your relationshipping with God, when it’s not

so this is for me. and for you. and especially during holiday time when so many of us go on holiday from God. just stop it. return to your first love. remain in Him. be still and know that He is God.

do it. just.

Cursive Wry T’ings

so TBV (the beautiful Val, my lovely wife) and i arrive at a pastor’s breakfast this morning and as we walk upto one of the pastors there he looks at her and says says something along the lines of, ‘So you have to put up with this hey?’ or some other kind of jesty vibe dunno-what-to-say-so-let-me-open-my-mouth-and-see-what-spews-forth witty reparte’… he was trying to be funny and it was fine… but a little while later they were introducing some new people to the meeting and the one dude’s wife was there for the first time and when she indicated she was with him an ‘oh shame’ or something emanated from someone’s mouth…

no big deal right? just a joke.

i have heard weddings where the pastor or best men make jokes like ‘marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night – you get a ring and then you wake up’ and a hundred variations of that.

it’s just a joke. lighten up. it means nothing.

but actually i feel very strongly that it may mean quite a significant lot!

in fact for my wedding to TBV 4 months ago (this wed) we banned people from any negative wedding humour saying that for our special day we only want to hear stuff that builds us up and blesses and speaks hope and so on for the future.

if we look at the statistics (not a big statistics fan but these ones are pretty sound whichever way you look at them) we see that marriages as a whole in South Africa (and the western world at large) are not doing so great – in fact we are doing badly – as a nation we suck at marriage – and taking it further if you look at the stats of Christian marriages here they are no better – pretty much exactly the same as non-Christian marriage stats… as Christians we suck at marriage…

could it be that to some part where we curse marriage (in jest by little comments we make and insinuations and jokes breaking down marriage) verbally that curse takes up home in our lives (an invited guest)?

i am not saying that negative jokes/comments about marriage are the reason for our high divorce rate. but i am saying that i don’t think they are healthy and that they start to imprint the smallest suggestions or hints of ideas that we may later cling to as truth. and that can have disastrous results.

a marriage does not end in a moment – it is eroded over time – like water from a waterfall flowing onto rocks below that have become smoothed with age, gradually worn away again and again until they are no longer there.

and so i strongly urge you to speak blessing into your relationships and over your relationships and especially into/over other peoples relationships. speak life into them and not even a hint of pulling down. marriages and in fact all relationships are difficult enough (constantly under external attack) without us adding anything to make them even harder.

let’s FIGHT TO REVERSE THE NORM!!! we made bold declarations at our wedding that we want our relationship to succeed and that we hold ourselves accountable toall our friends and family who witnessed it and that we see them as being responsible for assisting us in living out a good and Godly and positive and role-modelling relationship.

relationships do work. marriage can succeed. But it’s largely about being intentional and persevering and fighting for and loving (with Christ’s self-sacrificing love) and doing that day after day after day – killing compromise and pride and dealing decisively with anger and selfishness and more.

my name is brett FISH anderson and i am VERY HAPPILY MARRIED to THE BEAUTIFUL VALERIE and i will fight for that as i choose her again every new day. how about you? let’s do this thing!

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