botswanan reflections: next year

so botswana was hot. very hot. hotter than the camembert cheese (or lack thereof) in the monty python ‘the cheese shop’ skit was runny. and so a lot of the time it was a case of existing and surviving and seeking shade.

but there was some contemplation that took place, in between the gaps (surely you mean ‘in the gaps?’ – yes, quite, i clearly panic’d!) about life, the universe, and a whole bunch of stuff. well seven. seven stuffs. at least, and maybe eight.

but one of those was next year and for those of you who don’t know (or haven’t asked in a while), the plan for next year is waiting on God for a plan for next year. not a kind of random, let’s wait around and hope something turns up kind of waiting, but a more purposeful i-believe-God-has-lead-us-to-specifically-wait-on-Him-for-the-next-life-plan-and-journey plan kind of thing…

i resigned my job after working for 6 years at the vineyard church in stellenbosch and the beautiful val is in the final throes (or throws, perhaps) of finishing her masters thesis in development studies at the u of ct (first draft handed in, waiting for it back so changes can be made, if necessary, before final submission)

so we are waiting, and it is both tremendously exciting and slightly nerve-wracking cos what if God doesn’t show up? what if i heard wrong? what if a wood chuck could chuck all that wood, or if anyone knew what chucking was in the wood chuckian context?

and the closer it gets, the more nerve-wracking it should become i would imagine, according to latent locked-away mathematical propositionals lurking in the grey matter of my brain… yet botswana somehow proved the opposite… i really wanted to spend a lot more time in prayer and contemplation and thinking and dreaming and co-dreaming with tbv and so on, but the heat and context took care of a lot of that. but i did do a bunch. i managed to get up on a few mornings before manyone else and sat in the funky camp deckchair (with foot rest) next to the fire and mused.

amused. at times. and just plain contemplative at others. and chatted to God a bit. and read some ezekiel (wo!)

and i didn’t hear anything much. but i did feel a lot more peace. and calm. i really haven’t been much stressed about the whole thing at all, altho i think that is more likely more due to my ostrichsitis than my calm prevailing trust (which does exist, but possibly not quite as much as my maybeifidontthinkaboutititwillgoawayorjusthappen’ness) and botswana for me was a lot of just reducing the one and increasing the other, and so now, altho january is soon, i am fine with that. i have been still and known that He is God, and i really believe that He has this one. and it excites me.

and the moment i hear anything about next year and know what is going to happen, you will be one of the top ten to know so PLEASE STOP ASKING ME THE FLIPPIN QUESTION? cough. thankx. i know you care. it means a lot. but until we know, we don’t know. it’s that simple.

[oh and we’re not particularly wanting to have kids at any stage and val’s thesis is going well, thankx.]

next year and not trying to walk on water

so for the last little while the question “so when are you and the beautiful val having kids?” [and the shock, gasp, horror when we say we’re not particularly planning to, ever, at the moment] has evolved into the question “so what are your plans for next year?”

i’ve contemplated getting the answers to these questions tattoo’d onto my face but i just don’t know if i can justify the expense [to anyone else]

so i thort i’d write it in a blog. this is that blog. the one that answers the question about next year and oh you got it. moving right along then.

i told someone on saturday that we didn’t have a plan for next year. we are just waiting on God for the next thing. and he responded by saying “that’s a plan” and i said “i know it is, but most people just don’t get it”

so, in the shell of a nut [and it is purely accidental that every second paragraph in this particular blog is starting with the word “so” – it’s not an intentionally grammatical teaserment by me at all] i have resigned my job at the stellenbosch vineyard church at the end of the year and we are waiting on God for the next thing.

and that’s our plan. and it is a concrete one. and it is both very exciting and a little bit may-need-a-fresh-pair-of-pants-anytime-soon’ing.

so [okay that one was on purpose, i actually needed to use the word “and”] i am not recommending this as a how-to -decide-what-to-do-next-in-life model at all – i think to stop doing what you’re doing and just hoping something will pitch up (all in the name of God) is a crazy thing to do… as is stepping on to water and hoping you won’t sink.

you see Jesus says to Peter that he can get out of the boat and walk on water. Peter does, and he does. Jesus never told me to walk on water and so every time i have tried, it has not worked.

in a similiar way, i believe about next year that it is a God-led thing (specifically for me and val) to wait on Him and trust for the next thing – i really believe He is going to pitch up (maybe not personally, but He will be involved) and show us what that thing is.

however (here comes the but) i could have gotten it wrong. and that’s okay. if you never step out the boat, you will never know whether or not you will walk on water or not.

this goes firmly against the traditional church ‘trust God….. but have a backup plan’ philosophy that so many people hold furiously to (without ever admitting it) – this is a situation, that if God doesn’t pitch up and present something, we are pretty much screwed (well egg on our faces and a bit of serious scrambling anyways)

when i finished school, i used to live like that, year at a time, trusting God and being led by Him and usually at the very last minute (which freaked out most people around me) but since being at this job for the last six years it has been comfortable in one sense as i’ve always known what the next year holds (or have had the comfort and security of knowing i have a job) and i really believe that God is wanting to take me (and we’re an ‘us’ now – val is completely in this with me, which is great, and so necessary) back to the place of faith and trusting Him

that, and it’s time for a change – new season, very possibly a new surrounding, and a new thing to do i would imagine…

what do i want you to do? offer me a job? give me money? hand out some ‘wise’ advice? nah, i don’t need any of that – i would like you to pray for us if you feel that way inclined – for patience and trust and the next thing God has got planned for us to do… ‘Trust in the Lord…’ [Proverbs 3.5-6]