Tag Archive: mother

Some days, as a stay-at-home mom, I literally find my self walking around the house, doing nothing… Please note: this is NOT because I am lazy or that there is nothing to being a stay-at-home mom (and part-time freelance writer, let me just add – by the way, why do I feel like I have to justify myself?!)

Pic taken by Melissa van Zyl Photography  www.melissavanzyl.co.za


If I decide to sit down in front of the computer to do some writing, Alex starts climbing up my leg, crying for my attention or for me to pick him up (yes – I have tried all sorts of interesting toys to keep him busy on the floor).

Should I pick him up… he will NOT magically sit stil on my lap while I type. He will pull everything he can off the table and also try his best to play with my laptop.

So I get up from my writing and decide to sit on the couch and do some constructive reading. I promise you – sitting down on the couch is like an open invitation to your baby to come and play with mommy. He will beg and tug at your leg for you to pick him up.

Should you pick him up, there is no chance of you relaxing for even a moment – he has no idea that he can fall off the couch and he will crawl around like a cute little baboon all over the couch.

So I get up and decide to get some house work done. Disaster. As I move form room to room, for example, packing away clothes, Alex will find it most frustrating – you see: just as he gets to the room I am in, I am already on my way out again. Inconsolable tears.

I decide to stand still and do the dishes. Nope – Alex climbs up my leg crying for me to pick him up or just do something amusing.

So sometimes I find myself just lying on the floor with Alex climbing all over me – I have to do my best to not get permanently scarred or bald as he goes for my hair, my eyes and my nose.

On these days, and there are many of them, I find myself at the end of the day feeling a little unfulfilled. If you think it is easy being a stay-at-home mom – you have no idea how difficult it sometimes get.

That said… I love my Alex and I would NEVER change having him. But please, just empathise with me a little bit today.

Love, Nicolette

[to follow Nicolette’s writing, go and visit her blog Nicolette writes: Professional Freelance Writer and Stay-at-Home Mom, click here]

[For some ideas and examples on how to raise your children to be world changers, head over here]

Too Sensitive?

Is it possible to be too sensitive? For most of my growing up years, I was told that I was. It was usually after a fight with my mom, or after telling her about something a teacher or a friend said at school that mom was quick to say “are you sure you aren’t being too sensitive?” I hated it then just as much as I hate it now. It caused me a lot of pain when I was younger. Not only did I get hurt easily by my mom, friends, teachers, etc. I also thought that there was something innately wrong with how sensitive I was. I would often wish I could be more like others who were so confident and not so easily wounded. On top of that, I have dyslexia and an eye disorder that caused me to wear a patch in school. You can imagine how much fun kids had making fun of my poor reading skills and pirate costume every day!

Well, one of the things that I love about Jesus is his love for children. Remember how he said that a child would lead us?….having a daughter much like me has taught me to start seeing my sensitivity as a blessing.

My almost 13 year old daughter is wired much the same way as I am, with a very sensitive spirit. She is also dyslexic and has been getting teased a lot these past two years by peers. Recently, I caught myself telling her that she was too sensitive! I seriously felt pain in the pit of my belly as I heard those words come out of my mouth. I had to ask for forgiveness for doing to her what I had done to me. There are some things taking place in her life that are far too painful for a 13 year old to experience, and I realized that she needed to know that the way she is wired (her sensitivity), is exactly how God intended her to be. This is what I have been in the process of learning myself, as a 37 year old, so imagine if she can start believing this at such a young age! Imagine the pain that she could avoid and the strength she could carry to offer the world if she truly believed that her sensitivity is actually a gift!

I explained to my daughter how much pain our sensitivity can cause us if we aren’t anchored into the truth of God. If we base how we feel about ourselves on how others think about us, we will be tossed about in the turbulent waves of the ocean. I reminded her of when we are out fishing, we sometimes purposely don’t drop the anchor so we can drift until we start catching fish but if we aren’t careful to keep watch we may drift too far into a crab pot, another boat, or too shallow of water. But once we find fish and we drop the anchor, we will not drift away. We will stay anchored to the place we know that provides plenty of fish….. As it is with our anchoring to the Holy Spirit. When we know who we are in Christ and Christ in us, our sensitivity becomes to the things that are life giving, things that bring hope, light, love, joy, peace….

I shared with my daughter how I have found my sensitivity to be a gift. As a mom, I can see when my children hurt, as a friend I notice when there is need for a long talk and listen, as a nurse in one of the poorest neighborhoods of Philadelphia, I am able to show love and compassion to women whose stories break my heart! But more than anything, my sensitivity is a God given gift to make me sensitive to God. I feel when I have distanced myself from God. I feel it when I have done something wrong that needs forgiveness. I cannot go on with life as usual if something is between me and God or between me and my family and friends. Isn’t the greatest commandment to love God and love neighbor? My sensitivity keeps me in check!

I have come to accept that I am “too” sensitive at times. I do get hurt easily, but I am much more aware of not hurting others and when I do, I am quick to make things right. My prayer is that the more that myself and Alexa are anchored into the Divine one, the more we will sense God’s love for us…the more we will love others…the more we will love each other. I am so thankful God gave me a child so much like myself. In many ways it has helped me to self-reflect and see the gift of what I once saw as a weakness. It may have taken me decades to figure out how to anchor this sensitivity thing, not that I have fully figured it out. I have learned that the scars created by my weaknesses are becoming beauty marks! By the grace of God, I know that I was made to be this way and it is a gift, not a curse!

[Lara M. Lahr RN. – head on over to Lara’s blog to read more of her wisdom and stories…]

to read the WOO factor Strength Weakness of my mate Rob Murray go here

My husband mike and I decided to start a family at the beginning of last year and so I went off contraception and we started trying. We assumed it would be quick and easy, because we have only heard stories of people falling pregnant quickly – even in the first or second month, and with no complications. And so the first month or two we weren’t worried, we enjoyed the excitement of getting ready to become a family and waiting to see whether or not my period would come. But after six months I started to feel down. I was seeing pregnant women and babies EVERYWHERE, friends who weren’t even sure if they wanted babies yet were falling pregnant, and we were waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I felt more pressure to get it right, more pressure to succeed, but I didn’t know how to do it any better. And so we would try and inevitably fail month after month. I couldn’t understand how God could allow me to struggle with this when he knew how much I wanted to be a mother and how Mike and I longed for a family. I had to do a lot of soul searching (why do I want to be a mother so bad? If I never fall pregnant will I still love God? Do I trust God with the plans for my life?), and often I would spend worship time at church crying, willing myself to believe the words people sang with abandon. God is faithful, He is true, He fulfills his promises, He gives and takes away. For the first time in my life I had to ask myself if I REALLY believed that.

Before this time Mike and I had always talked about adopting, and after a year of trying for a baby the niggles in my brain (what about adoption?) became more persistent. We went to the gynaecologist to see that everything was all right and found out I have polycystic ovaries which means that we are not sure of when my egg is released and it is therefore harder to conceive because we do not know when I’m ovulating. This does not mean I can’t fall pregnant, but it does mean that it can take longer than normal. My gynae then gave us the option; keep trying naturally or go on medication to assist us. What a blow to my self-esteem! You keep thinking “what if I’m the reason we are not falling pregnant?” And then you find out – it is you, there is something wrong with your body. I felt so guilty, felt to blame in some part for the reason why we had ‘wasted’ a year trying for a baby. I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not control a hormonal imbalance in my body, and that it wasn’t my fault. That God loved me through this all, and that this was a blessing in disguise because by knowing what was wrong we could go ahead.

It was at this point that Mike reminded me again of our wish to adopt at some stage in life. We could keep trying and use medication to help, but if we were serious about adoption, why not go ahead with it now? We could try to conceive a sibling at a later stage because we now knew the obstacles we faced. And so, in March this year, we spent a weekend away talking, praying, crying (ok, that was mostly me) and setting aside all our doubts. We asked the questions that had been casting shadows in our minds: What if we don’t love them as much as a biological child? What if nature is stronger than nurture? What if our family or friends don’t support us? What if, what if, what if? But with every fear said in the open, peace descended and we realized that although a little bit of fear is good, we serve a God who can overcome every obstacle and redeem every situation. And so, petrified and excited, we made the decision to adopt.

And since that moment a lightness has fallen over me. I feel that the year of trying that we went through was a journey I had to take to grow in the knowledge of God and in trusting His ultimate plan for me. I believe that if we had adopted last year we would not have been given the baby God has in store for us, for they were not born yet! I believe that the pain I felt has been redeemed with hope, and I understand with a peace that transcends understanding that this is my journey. I am a mother, and my child is on its way. It’s just in someone else’s stomach. And I cannot wait to be a Mom. I absolutely love and adore my child. I don’t know what they look like or where they come from, but I cannot wait to find out who they are and to shower them with kisses and cuddles. And so, after finishing our screening through our adoption agency, we wait. And we get ready to start the next chapter in our lives together – Mom and Dad!

[Jane and Mike Hampton]

[To jump forward two years and hear some words from Jane and Mike since adopting, click here]

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