My friend Nkosi has written for me a number of times on this blog and so it was a great privilege to have him around for a special meal on Friday night with some friends, that i wrote about over here, and i asked him to share some of his impressions from the evening:Conversation is an integral part of transformation. It was for this reason that I went to Brett's house together with Monde Nonabe. It was a very short notice that I invited Monde to come with me and I was so happy and glad that he responded to my short notice invite. I was glad because I respect Monde's heart and passion for change in the black people's situation. I have only known Monde not for a very long time but one thing I knew is his heart for the Lord and his heart for transformation in the lives of the majority of this country. During the story telling, I was moved by Monde's story of course because mostly I could identify with his story. Our conversation with Monde began on our way to Wynberg which I was already learning a lot from his knowledge about our fallen heroes in Biko and Prof Sobukhwe. Monde has a speacial ability of linking today's problems with yesterdays happenings and hopes (should haves). When I listened to stories from the white brothers and sisters who were there I must say that I came to realisation that they themselves are victims to a system that even though they may not necessarily love but they are beneficiaries of. I listened to one white brother with teary eyes who said that he is aware of his white previlege yet he doesn't know what to do with it. Even though I myself was moved by that sincere heart but I knew that I can't lie about the fact that there is nothing much this brother could necessarily do except to join hands with blacks in dismantling and destroying the white power structure which is the cause of every pain in South Afrika and Afrika in general. I was moved about the story of Jan who has been living at a black township Kayamandi in Stellenbosch for many years. He is the only white in that area. As moving this story is but it had to be made clear that for him it was a choice that he went to live and stay in Khayamnandi unlike the blacks living in that area. I was also moved by the story of a brother from England who moved in to Mannenberg which is one of the hardcore areas in the Cape flats. I was moved that this brother was making moves and courageous, intentional actions that were to bring about change in Mannenberg. This brother told us a story about privilege on how he managed to raise up funds from contacting few friends in a short space of time for him to be able to own a house in Manenberg. It went more touching when he told a story about how was he a victim of robbery and his house being broke into and still he had a choice to either stay in Mannenberg or to live in a white surburb. This still proves that privilege gives one choice which the black majority of this country don't have. Conversation that was in Bretts house was so transforming. I think it was a safe space for such a conversation rather than the social networks. It was in that conversation that I was able to look into peoples' eyes and allow them to be broken and hopeless and hopeful with all the roller coast of emotions. I think these kind of conversations can be more progressive if they could be happening all around the country. These conversations could be more progressive if they could be taking place in the workplace. I do think that conversation like prophecy did to Israel in bring about God's view to the people, conversation puts the different world views into one. The Western Worldview which is most likely to be found amongst the whites and the Afrikan worldview which could possibly be found amongst blacks. I must thank tbV for her delicious spaghetti and mince and I would also like to thank Brett and tbV for opening their house for such hard and uncomfortable talk. [For another post by Nkosi where he speaks about first steps for South Africa, click here]
Tag Archive: kayamandi
i do not have adequate words to describe last nite.
i am scared that the ones i use will do it injustice as there is no adequate way to capture what went down at our home as some friends from Sybrand Park, Khayelitsha, Kayamandi, Wynberg, Nyanga, Manenberg and Southfield came together for a meal and some intense conversation.
Spaghetti is a contradiction food all in itself. It is NOT good first date food. It is messy and at some point in the evening someone is going to have to catch your eye and give a nervous cough and indicate that you have some food on your face, or your clothes, or lap.
And that’s kind of how the conversation went. It was messy. And this is probably one of the greatest things that we as South Africans need to learn. MESSY IS OKAY. Messy is necessary and so is uncomfortable and awkward and even angry and confused and devastated. We will not move forwards until we can start having those conversations comfortably, or uncomfortably, so to speak. Both at a political leadership level but also maybe more importantly at a grass roots, neighbour level.
Step one was the phone basket. As you arrive to have a meal with us, you turn your phone off and add it to the basket as a symbol of your commitment to be unplugged and engaged with us for the evening.
Step two was a simple meal. i mean a really delicious and amazing meal that tbV put together including garlic bread and delicious salad and tasty spaghetti, but nothing crazy fancy beyond that. People brought drinks if they could and we shared a meal together.
Step three was introductions. Not even tbV and i knew everyone as one of our friends brought a mate with him, but each person at the meal knew at least one other person. We had an even mix of black and white but from all kinds of backgrounds and current story situations. With this particular meal, we were looking at diving a little more deeply into the idea of race and location and boundary and so you were invited to tell us a little bit about yourself and where you live and why you live there.
As that process happened, people interrupted with questions and clarifications and we got joyfully sidetracked on to deeper conversations of different aspects of race and privilege and prejudice. A lot of laughter. Some silence – a moment after one of our friends stopped talking and tbV wisely said that, ‘The white in me wants to respond and fix and make sense and explain and speak to what you have just said. But I think I just need to listen and let it sink in and really hear and sit with it for a while.’ And so as a room we sat with it for a while. And it was a little awkward and a little uncomfortable [for me, maybe not at all for everyone else or maybe even more so, i don’t know] And then we continued.
There was a lot of passion that erupted. It definitely felt like there were some ‘I have a dream’ speech moments where heart just completely overflowed and it was intense but beautiful. And challenging. There was a strong moment of one participant saying, ‘I feel the same way as you’ and being challenged boldly back. “Where did your children go to school? Oh really, well then they had that choice. How can you possibly feel like me?” Privilege exposed and named in a powerfully tense but amazing moment. At the end of the evening the two of them ended up in a car together as the one gave the other a ride home.
i definitely learnt some things. One of the things i learnt was that for many years the line “Education is the answer” has been held as the carrot before the proverbial horse as if black people just need to educate themselves and get a university degree and then everything will be okay. Apartheid put them on the educational back foot and so one of the ways of overturning that part of the past was through education and lifting oneself out of it. But last night we heard stories of people with masters degrees manning petrol pumps, unable to find work. And that is the story for a large number of people. Education alone has proved to not be the answer. There are much bigger things in play.
i felt hugely uncomfortable. One thing that made me feel uncomfortable was the moment i drove into our driveway with Nkosi and his friend Monde who i had picked up at the taxi rank. Having visited Nkosi and understanding a little of his home situation in Khayelitsha, the thought of him seeing the absolute luxury i live in, was a difficult thought. But it was later on during the story telling when one of our friends shared how 32 of them [not a typo!] lived in a three bedroom house, that i was just blown away. i feel like i have had an idea of poverty and the idea that a lot of people are squeezed into small space so maybe 6, 7, 8 people in a room. 32 people in three rooms. i cannot get my head around that. There are reasons why we live where we live right now which are completely valid. But there are also some inherent contradictions that are part of it as well. At the moment, while we live here, there is the absolute commitment to use the space we have for life-changing transformative conversations like we believe happened last night.
Step four was really just picking up threads that had come out of the introductions and conversation that preceded. But to be honest, the richness of last night was in hearing peoples’ stories and challenges and ideas about where the country needed to go. By the time we got past introductions, i think it must have been 11pm [four hours since starting the meal] and we wrapped up just around 12. One of my highlights of the evening was our one friend who had to be somewhere at 8 and then just got so completely invested that he skipped his other function and was one of the last two people helping clean up after midnight, when i returned from giving someone a ride home.
What’s next is more of these dinners. Having done two now [both going for more than four hours of intense conversation, the previous one being conversations around church] tbV and i have realised that as amazing as they are, they are also really tiring and so probably won’t be moving them to once a week happenings just yet. But once a month feels manageable. We want to have one around money/economics and we are thinking about doing one around marriage. And then we’ll see from there. The next one will happen after we get back from the USA which will be July so maybe end July. If you’re interested in being part of one, let us know. That doesn’t necessarily mean you will be, but it’s good to know who is interested.
i also chatted to Nkosi this morning and he was saying how last night was great and the next step is to get a black church and a white church together and host a conversation like that. i am super amped to do that. So that is something we will chat about and hopefully look to doing later on in the year. If you’re a church leader and interested, let me know. That could really be ultimately country-changing.
These dinners are not the solution to anything. But they are an incredible catalyst for change. i was sitting there last night thinking, ‘This does not happen naturally. Not a lot anyways.’ It needs to be a little intentional and it is likely to always start off a little bit awkwardly. But what if more and more South Africans [because one of our participants from last night is going to be doing something similar with his mates tonite] decided to be more intentional about Deeper Conversation meal times [on whatever topics] and started hosting meals and bringing different people together?
Arguments on Facebook [with the lack of tone that being online robs you of] can only go so far. tbV and i have decided that if you have a strong argument against something that we say or do then sit across from us at a dinner table and let’s talk about it face to face. If we are truly grappling about something [church, race, money, marriage] then let’s commit to an evening together with people who think differently and see what can be learned. Let’s learn to listen together and let’s encourage each other to speak boldly and honestly.
Let’s eat spaghetti on our first date and let’s be bold and realise that we need Messi in our team.
i want to have a positive influence on the state of our nation. This feels like one good way to get started.
Read Nkosi Gola’s reflections on the meal…
Read Brian van Zuydam’s reflections on the meal…
Take in my wife, Val’s thoughts about the evening…
Some related thoughts from my mate, Portal Pete…
Babalwa Nyangeni adds some of her reflections…
Who else is up for giving this a try? i would LOVE to hear how it goes…
[For some more ideas of how to move towards progress in South Africa, click here]
Another week, another photo challenge and this time to find the right picture or pictures to capture the idea of fleeting.
I could not look past our wedding pics for this, both because I think they really do capture the idea of a moment caught in time, but also give the idea of this thing will move on and this moment will pass. The commitment will continue and is hopefully strong and steadfast and true, but the moment is fleeting. This is what needs to be enjoyed as it happens as the rest will journey with you.
This first one I really love as it just grabs hold of the casual enjoy-the-moment nature of the day and was taken just after the ceremony, when we were able to relax a little bit more.
The next two were taken as part of our wedding shoot in the African township, Kayamandi, where I lived for about 18 months before we got married and both strongly emphasise ‘Fleeting’ firstly by way of the youths who are walking past, completely unaware and oblivious of the celebrations taking place as, for them, life continues as normal… and then through the watchfulness of the observer to the kiss which happens in an instant and is no more…
This next photo is taken of myself and the beautiful Val [tbV] on the dance floor and captures the moment of a shared joke or just complete awareness and appreciation and presence in the moment of acknowledging being married and everything that is to follow:
Which brings us to the final photo which was the ‘family shot’ with our fake son, Emo Kev…
Which I can’t really explain beyond that except it was my wife’s idea and for some reason Kev was really game and which really brings home the fleeting nature of having a fake son. Ah, they grow up so quickly:
[For the previous photo challenge on the theme of ‘The Sign Says’ click here]
last nite i was invited by some new friends we’ve made here to join the Oakland City Watch team in a walk they do around the neighborhood [we live on 61st Ave and we walked around the streets closer to 90th so not crazy far away] that has three messages for the people of the community:
# We care!
# We want to see an end to violence, especially gun violence!
# How can we help you?
so a roomful of maybe 40 to 50 people of all shapes and sizes [although apart from one grade seven boy i felt like the next youngest there so a bunch of 30 years and older people mostly] – black, white, hispanic, korean – from a variety of different churches, put on these white windbreaker identification jackets and armed with fliers that explained to anyone who asked what we were about, we walked the streets for maybe an hour, waving at cars who responded to the “Honk if you want an end to gun violence” signs and engaging with anyone who was interested as we walked past them. No specific message except that of unity and peace in the neighborhood and that we were hoping merely by our presence to make a difference [apparently since they started these walks 6 months ago, murders have decreased in the areas they have walked through]
this brief video on You Tube gives a glimpse into the heart behind the walk and introduces some of the hardcore leaders [mostly pastors from different churches] who are organising this thing.
“we want it to be tangible”
“more than just words from a tv from a pulpit”
“we want to be persistent. this is something we’re doing every week not just for one night”
“we don’t want to fight against the young men but against the violence itself”
as i walked the streets last nite, when i wasn’t engaging in incredibly life-giving conversation with this big African American ex-pastor called Ben who heads up the team [and who i found out lives a street away from me, so hoping for deeper connection there] and our new friend, Matt, i was thinking of Kensington where we stayed in Philly and how something like this could work so well there [and of my friend Derrick Gregory who i have already been in conversation with about the possibility of him thinking more through the possibilities it holds]
as i write this i think of my friends Sheralyn and Sammi who live in Woodstock in Cape Town and of the Pedersens and others who are doing a kind of organic church in the fringes of the city and how something like this might look for them.
i think of areas of huge gangsterism and violence like mannenberg and hanover park and wonder if the church there got mobilised to start doing something similar.
and am brought back to the conversation of stability i had with Ben and those conversations which i’ve been having with tbV for the last two years inspired by the monks of the Benedictine monastery we visited while staying at the Simple Way, and even the idea of incarnation [living amongst the people you are working with and ministering to] fostered by the Simple Way and my time in Kayamandi
i read a quote this week that said something like church is not the place you go to, but the place you go out from and that kind of feels like the strong surgings that i have within me right now [not really anything new, just a new flame being lit on this particular fire] and a loud powerful shout to the church of Cape Town [yes, you Common Ground and Christ Church Kenilworth and 100 others] to take seriously the need for the church to be outside of the building and on the streets if we are going to make any discernible difference at all to the state of things back home.
or wherever you are reading this. this idea is so ridiculously simply and just needs a small group of people to put their hands up and go, ‘hey, that’s something practical we can do right here.’
with the theme of ‘Kiss’ there are certainly a lot of different interpretations i could have given to this week’s challenge, but the one that i have to share so obviously rises above all of those and that is a kiss between my wife Valerie [aka tbV – the beautiful Val] and myself on my wedding day… but as i searched for the picture i was wanting to use, namely this one which for me symbolises the start of a new journey of ongoing Love and affection:
i couldn’t help but choose to include this one as such a powerful image captured by a combination of sweet accident and the alertness of a talented photographer absolutely ready for anything that presented itself:
this one for me speaks of the kind of fairy-tale imagining you figure must be going on in the mind of the silent observer with a sense of ‘that might be me some day’ and so hope, Love and the greatest of expectation…
[For the previous Photo Challenge on the theme of ‘Unique’ click here]
wow, someone sent me the link to this article written by helen zille about two matrics – Asavela Rawe (‘a 17-year old boy, who lives in a backyard shack with his single mother and three siblings, and achieved 7 distinctions in matric, including 97%for Higher Grade Mathematics and the top award in the Western Cape for Life Sciences’) and his friend Monde Simbosini (‘three distinctions and 98% for Higher Grade Mathematics’) – from Masibambane high school that serves the impoverished community of Bloekombos in the Western Cape…
it is a story of hope for south africa that can be reproduced countless times (i think of Vision K reaching kids from Kayamandi and now Vision V reaching youngsters from Vlottenberg in Stellenbosch in the same way) as people change their mindset and choose to embrace hope and challenge and life-transformation rather than simply going thru the motions…
read the full story here and please forward the link on… this is too good to keep to yourself…
so it’s finally over
i remember when it was announced that south africa would be hosting the soccer world cup and countdowns of four years or more and then 300 days and finally a few weeks and then it was tomorrow…
we missed a large portion of the group games due to being on a namibia namrocking trip but we got to watch the opening ceremony and game in a restaurant called amazink in kayamandi township [where i used to live before i got married] with a completely diverse crowd with such spirit and life which was a complete vibe
we missed south africa/uruguay (namibia) but got back in time to watch a heartbreakingly close SA/french game which at half time looked headed towards the 4-0 we needed to progress – then my buddy dunc took me to watch netherlands/cameroon live at the cape town stadium, after watching slovakia take italy out at a packed quay 4 complete with orange saturated vibe in the afternoon before the game
and then tbV, Reegs, Muscle-John and myself did the fan walk which was a complete crazy exciting buzz (yes, and vibe|) and watched netherlands take out uruguay at on broadway
and finally back to amazink for the final with some okes from enGAGE for what i thort was a pretty awful game of soccer and reffing (and the third worst one i watched after france/uruguay and brazil/portugal) and afterwards really thort they should have given the cup to germany or just maybe kept it til the next cup – way too much acting on both sides, some questionable reffing decisions (netherlands missed out on two corners at least) and yellow carding and apart from a few exciting moments and a decent goal from spain, a pretty boring affair after some really quality games leading up to it
south africa proved we can host and did an incredible job which i think the whole world is pretty much agreed on
and so far no sounds of the feared xenophobia so hoping and praying that the hoping and praying has paid off – so much good in terms of unity, bringing people together and nation spirit has happened it would be tragic to lose that now
so well done south africa – brilliant job and bafana bafana you did us proud (agonising equalising goal from mexico on that first nite)
but, having enjoyed it quite a lot, and enjoyed hanging with people, i am relieved and ready for it to be done now
too much worship not directed at or near God – too much focus away from the things in life that count – way too much distraction
“it’s life Jim, but not as we know it” [dr bones, star trek]
aaaaaand….break.
Irresistibly Fish 