you don’t know Jack – part chew

more great Jack Handeyisms:

I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I don’t pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I?

I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He’d get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn’t have the right answers, mister, you’d be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn’t in the army. Then who WAS that guy?!

When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: “That guy sure owed me a lot of money.”

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.

As the light changed from red to greeen to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

If I was being executed by injection, I’d clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I’d say, “Injection? I thought you said `inspection’.” They’d probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.

Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.

[For even more different humourous Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, click here]

the Malema files, part REALLY?

so the other day Julius Malema in a speech at the University of Johannesburg sings a song with the lyrics ‘kill the boers (farmer), they are rapists’

the next day an ANC spokesman Jackson Mthembu (interviewed in his jail cell after being arrested for drunk driving) says the lyrics of the song has been quoted out of context – if you don’t look at the song in its entirety, then you lose the meaning (cos there is a way of making ‘kill the boers, they are rapists’ sound like a compliment somehow?)

and now the latest story is that actually Julius Malema was not singing that song he was singing another song

but too late cos you already defended the song he was singing – surely that should have been your first claim – so basically what you are saying is ‘the song Julius Malema emphatically did not sing was quoted out of context – had he sung that song which he did not, it would have been important for you to listen to the whole song in context otherwise you will not understand what he never sang’

the biggest problem for them is that a journalist at the rally has a taping of Julius Malema singing the song he didn’t sing with the context that wasn’t understood

can’t wait for tomorrow’s report…

still waiting for a show called ‘the Malema Dilemma’… anyone?