This felt like a really good week on The Weekly Mash [and Peace!] and so if you missed any of these, here is an opportunity to catch up:
Tag Archive: friendship
Another week, another ‘The Weekly Mash [and Peace!] – see what’s been happening this week on The Weekly Mash [and Peace!]:
Friday saw an encouragement for simple acts of kindness as opposed to random ones…
[for last Saturday’s weekly round-up dealing with chess, cicadas, poison and together, click here]
okay, so that title doesn’t apply AT ALL here, in fact it the opposite of applies, but it was likely to draw a lot more readers than ‘i like my friends’ and look, there you are so hi!
arrived back home after a good 32 hours or so of travelling [if you exclude the New Jersey/New York trip we took with airforce Jon to get to the airport] from JFK to Dubai for eight hour layover then to Cape Town and having watched 8 movies [fist pump!] to be met by Val’s family [mine are away] and then as we were heading out of the airport bumped into my best friend from college days Mandy Hunt and her two girls and gifts of flowers for Val and a balloon and a gift bag which i later discovered had some slabs of chocolate and two full packs of bacon [it’s like she knows…]
then on to Dunc’s house. Duncan Houston in one of the very few people from school i am in any contact with at all and one of my best buddies – we have not stayed in crazy ongoing contact while i’ve been away but every now and then have connected on Skype or Messenger and caught up… but after settling in and Val heading upstairs not to actively not sleep we started chatting and spent a few hours catching up and discussing the mysteries of the Universe – including religion, politics, family, life and more…
‘
it was seriously like no time had passed and i think the best friendships in life are categorised by that. the ability to be able to step into a friendship that has had a 19 month face (and to some extent, contact) gap and just pick up where we left off.
Duncan and Megan have been beyond generous throughout our married lives and inviting us to live with them for the whole time we are back home [altho Dunc did say if we hit June then we might have to talk…] has been just one more gift of amazingness [to be fair, nodding at the chocolate cupboard while uttering the words ‘help yourself’ was maybe not the brightest of moves] and we are very much looking forward to the rest and rejuvenation this time is going to bring for us…
so yes, i am completely grateful for the friends that i have – my other best friend Rob Lloyd is coming over with his wife Nicky for lunch and looking forward to connect with my other best buddy Reegs on the weekend if not before… and then there is MJ who has been prepping my hobbit suit for the cricket on Friday – does it get any better than that?
brett is sad.
he has just read another facebook status of someone who has clearly had a dispute with a friend of theirs.
instead of going directly to that person, face to face, one on one and with much hope, love and positive anticipation seeking restoration of the friendship, and a righting of the wrong, that person has decided to air their frustration and anger publically for everyone to see.
another cringeworthy facebook status. brett reads it. brett is sad.
brett takes a sideways glance at the mirror and tries to think back on times he might have used his facebook status or twitter tweeting to take a dig at someone, for something they did to him, or perhaps even simply something he perceived was done ‘to him’ [this does not make him any happier]
but for now as an outside third party, who has absolutely no idea what the wrong that was committed was, except that someone now is a ‘bitch’ and the likelihood of that sparking a search for restored relationship feeling not altogether high, brett wrestles internally.
he wonders if there is any hope that if he addresses the issue that it will make any difference at all. what if he was to write a blog about it? surely everyone who read the blog would sit back and realise, ‘Wow, I have been that person. I have taken offence publically at someone instead of personally going to them and seeking relationship and restoration from them. Never again will I go to my Facebook or my Twitter status as the place where I vent at people who have done me wrong. From now on I will go directly to them. I will seek relationship with everything I have. I will look at myself and where I possibly have gotten it wrong and take ownership of that.’
but he’s not sure they will. brett suspects it will be the age old dilemma. the people who will read his blog and click ‘like’ and hit ‘share’ and comment favorably will be the ones who do not rush to Facebook statuses [stati?] and Twitter to air their hurts and disappointments at people. they will be the ones who, when offended, will firstly take a look inwards to see if they themselves are the cause of any of that offence; they will be the ones who approach their friends with love and the invitation to talk it out gently; they will be the very ones who didn’t need to read the blog in the first place.
the choir belts out another verse…
while the diva sits sulking in her dressing room.
outraged by the fact that the specifically requested brand of bottled water was not delivered.
that the green M & M’s outnumbered the brown ones two to one.
that the curtains are ‘that horribly garrish olive green’
so why does brett write that blog, if he knows he is preaching to the choir and that his words are drowned out by the world-is-against-me sobs of the barricaded-in-her-dressing-room songstress?
because brett is forever hopeful.
always holding on to the ‘what if’.
what if… someone were to somehow accidentally stumble across his scribbled out thoughts and see themselves reflected back and somehow hear the distinct melody of a different, better way of doing things?
what if… as a result of reading the this, someone went directly to go and erase the that and decided instead to drop a brief note into their friend’s inbox, an invitation to meet up and see if things can’t be worked out differently?
it is the ‘what if’ that compels brett to think it is worth having a go.
and so he does.
Ephesians 4.15 says, ‘Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.’
Ah, i get it now! When i read ‘Share without pretending’ i had no idea what this was going to be about, but the verse link cleared it up. We are talking about speaking the truth in Love.
And i would add in Proverbs 27.6 for sure – ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.’
Many people feel like Love is telling someone what they want to hear so that they feel good. Especially when it is the answer to question like ‘Do these jeans make me look fat?’ or ‘What do you think of my new hairstyle?’ [altho, to be honest, sometimes answering those questions ‘right’ are a matter of survival] but even with those, if you go for the self-preservation option, you might feel good about yourself for giving a favourable opinion, but if you are sending your special person out into the crowds looking ridiculous or with everyone else thinking, ‘my, she looks fat’, then it may not have been the most Loving response to give.
But those are very superficial examples. What about things that run deeper like behaviour or character issues?
I don’t know many people who enjoy conflict. Even when you are speaking the Truth in Love, in the moment you can leave feeling crappy and unloved. Later when the person has considered it, they may come back and thank you, but often it is a thankless role. But do it anyway!
Look at that verse, ‘Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.’ – later on, in Paul’s letter to Timothy, you read this: ‘For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.’ [2 Timothy 4.3]
An enemy is someone who gives you a big thumbs up “Yes!” when they know full well that the answer they should be giving is a “No!” Someone who celebrates when you get drunk and hit on some girl, even though you have a girlfriend who is not with you. Someone who looks the other way with you when you tell them about the shady business deal you are contemplating. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
i have one friend [and only one, so don’t you try it] who used to be able to come up to me when i would hang out with him at a coffee shop and say, “Bud, you’re looking fat!” and i would dig it. well, not a lot, cos i know it would mean a lot of work of being careful what i ate and upping the exercise and so on, but we had such a strong relationship that he felt the freedom to be able to wound me [in Love] and i would receive it as an act of friendship. i would probably receive that word well from a lot of other people, but they would HAVE to be a lot more careful with their wording.
when a good friend says something or does something to wound you, you should be able to step back from the wounding and focus on the fact that you know the heart and character of this person and are secure in their Love and friendship and so why did they do that thing? i need to really hear what they were saying and honestly evaluate whether it is true or not. [because sometimes friends will get it wrong, i certainly have a lot… but if the wounding is done in Love and with the best of intentions and heart it becomes something that will quickly be healed]
this is about TRUST and ACCOUNTABILITY and INVITING PEOPLE TO SPEAK INTO YOUR LIFE and STRONG RELATIONSHIP. and it is such a powerful thing. when you know that you have friends who will risk themselves to speak Truth to you in Love [because they see your bigger picture character and life as more important than the immediate response you might have to it] then you have a powerful thing.
as i seek to be someone who speaks Truth to my friends in Love, i need to constantly be asking myself, ‘Am i willing to receive the same kind of treatment from others?’ and ‘Who are the people who i have invited to hold me accountable with their Love-filled woundings?’
What has been your experience in this area?
so when i am bored or creative or feeling that little bit extra’ly silly i make videos called ‘Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect’ as a character called Brad Fish who speak a bit different like and look at a different topic which you might have think was innocentful but will soon discover can be dangerist in many different forms or ways… there are now 17 of these which i shamelessly plug on facebook and twitter and anywhere else i can, and if you haven’t seen them yet, here are the latest 5 i did…
Of course if you somehow only managed to stumble on them here and if you do like them at all [shares and links and likes are all appreciated] then you can find a list of the rest of them right over here.
so this one goes out to the DTYCLE fans [of which i can name at least 6 of you] – i have created two polls of five choices each to see which of the videos you like best and would appreciate it if you could take a quick minute to add your vote and if you need a refreshers course on any of the videos they can all be found here. or here. but certainly not here, seriously don’t even click it. thank you for your time…
and:
Irresistibly Fish 