trust God but have a, um no don’t.

so me and tbV have been in a place of really trusting God for the future and for just general every day life and i haven’t wanted to blog about a lot of it because when you start mentioning stuff and people start responding to ‘save you from the crises’ then it kinda cancels out a lot of the trust element…

but i will say this. when you are trusting God and not having a backup plan, then when things are going well and it appears that you are fine and sorted and when the provision arrives and so on, then it is an amazing place to be.

when it doesn’t or it hasn’t yet or it looks like it might not, then it’s not so much fun. in fact, it can get kinda scary and you know, i think that’s the point.

i just don’t want people to get all romanticised by the idea of trusting God without a backup plan – as i like to say I’m pretty sure that, when David got back from killing Goliath, when Gideon got back from slaying all those Midianites and when Daniel was let out of the lion’s den, they all three had to go and change their pants, or robes, or something.

i would imagine you can trust God but still crap yourself at the same time. possibly cos trusting God, like Love and Forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice and an action linked to that choice. But maybe that’s just me.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3.5,6

new pome: Oh

Oh.

Oh? As in really? You… you’re sure? Certain?

All-powerful. Oh?

Faithful. Oh?

All-loving. Unconditionally so.

Even me?

Even my stuff?

Me? Oh?

Oh really? As in ‘really really?’

Like real miracles? Actual miraculous occurances?

Blind seeing, deaf hearing, lame walking?

Dead being raised?

Oh. I get it. It’s a metaphoric death.

An inner blindness.

Deaf to the words of the Holy Scriptures speaking to my disobedient ears.

Able to walk tall in the knowledge that i’m ok.

That i’m going to make it.

Is that all?

Because if it is, then “oh!”

Oh.

Oh?

O

As in zero

As in no more response to that do i have.

IS that really all you’ve got?

If it’s only metaphorical

Some kind of greeting card sentiment

A cartooned caricature

Then “oh” is all i have.

Awe has turned to oh.

Owe.

As in You owe me.

All the time i put in

All the energy

All of that, believing…

Owe

For a life given

Lived

Dedicated

Surrendered? Well, where i could.

Oh.

O.

Owe.

Unless. One less. Own-less. Oh’ness.

Unless… there really was more.

Is more.

of You. to You. about… You?

Because if there was more, is more

Then it would be different

It would have to be different

I would have to be different

Oh so completely different

If you were shown to be so much more

Or maybe even just all i was told you were, are.

Not metaphoric, but real.

Not imaginary or fabled or wishfully thought up

But real. Alive. Involved.

Interested.

In me.

In us. In all this. In all that is and has been going on.

Oh?

Oh.

Oh!

And once more, the awe consumes the “oh?”