Tag Archive: cross cultural relationships


marciaflorian

Marcia’s Point of View

Initially when Florian and i started talking, the race factor did cross my mind but didn’t bother me at all. Florian is such an amazing guy, our personalities just clicked right away…

I think we get the best of both worlds and culture. Sometimes i even forget that we’re interracial. I don’t really think about it.

Do race and ethnicity matter when it comes to relationships? apparently, race is mattering less these days with the exception of about 20% of people who still seem to can’t get past the fact that different races can fall in love. I must admit, sometimes when we’re out at the mall or just out for dinner, i’d notice a few people staring, but that doesn’t faze me at all.   Florian is so cool, calm and collected about US, OUR RELATIONSHIP and OUR LOVE that just by seeing us through him gives me the assurance that this love was meant for me. In the beginning of our relationship, i was a bit nervous about telling him some things that probably would be difficult for him to grasp, like the fact that the hair on my head is a weave and that he should not, under any circumstances run his fingers through my hair !!!, Is not allowed to wet my hair and pull on it !! Lol… But later on in the relationship, we reached a level where i felt he was ready for the revelation… hahaha… Now i have my weaves lying around everywhere in the apartment.

Dating Florian allowed me to know about different cultures, particularly the German culture which involved food, religion and family structure. I have no worries about my family understanding our relationship because i come from a pretty much diverse family and being a product of an interracial relationship, my parents and family have embraced us most lovingly.

I can’t wait for the next chapter of our lives… Smiling face with heart-shaped eyesSmiling face with heart-shaped eyesSmiling face with heart-shaped eyesSparkling heartSparkling heartSparkling heartHeavy black heartHeavy black heartHeavy black heart️ With God’s blessing, we’re about to create MAGIC !!!

Florian’s point of view

I guess, my experience on being in an interracial relationship is somewhat different from Marcia’s. I come from a country without a history of apartheid or racial segregation, so, in general, it doesn’t really seem to me as a big deal. Growing up, I was always taught that despite our different looks, inside we’re all the same. I carried this strong believe throughout my life and so when it comes to how I treat people or who I date, race is never a factor. When I started dating Marcia, I did realize though that there are at least some differences. Until after 2 months into this relationship, I didn’t know what a “weave” was. She explained it to me and also told me that the lavish hair that many African American celebrities from Beyonce to Naomi Campbell wear is not really their own. This was quite a revelation! Even to this day, I’m sometimes startled when I open a drawer in the bathroom and find her scalp in it (of course, it her weave ). So, I had to realize that – for an African woman – taking care of your hair is quite a process. Skin care, on the other hand seems to be easier. Occasionally, I found myself envying her a little for her soft and flawless skin. I also don’t seem to be able to spot any change in color on her skin. One day when we came back from the beach, she asked me whether her skin is red. I looked at her and replied: “How do I tell?”

I do notice occasionally that she does have a different view on our interracial relationship. Often times we catch people on the street staring at us. She told me one day that she thinks the people stare at us because they have a problem seeing a black woman with a white man. I always thought the guys were just staring at HER because she looks so smashing. Maybe it’s a little of both…

Overall, I think, my experience of this relationship confirms what I learned as a child: Despite our differences in appearance and the fact that we come from completely different cultures, we have really a lot in common. I can only encourage people to not consider race as a factor in choosing someone to share your life with. If you disregard a large majority of people based on race or ethnicity, you might just miss out on the person you’re truly most compatible with. And I consider myself extremely lucky that my right match is this amazingly beautiful and wonderful woman that I am so in love with.

 

marciaflorianoneyear

 

bethandbethguy

Hi brett. I saw you put up a request for inter- racial relationship stories: here’s a bit of mine:

in 150 days i’m marrying my best friend and the love of my life. He is coloured and i’m white and we are the best for each other.

When I look at him I don’t see my culture or his – I see two people working out life with a different approach and mentality… this goes beyond our cultures and the bounderies it sets us in. We met here at a christian art school and couldn’t be more different in personality. He is waffle and i’m spaghetti… our first year of friendship was filled with misunderstandings, fights and frustrasions which we think back on and laugh at now. I couldn’t understand why he was so rigid and he couldn’t understand why I was so scatterbrained. I look back now and see we couldn’t be more right for each other.

It’s actually quite funny when you go to his house everything is quiet…. when at my house it’s the complete opposite. Many people would have thought it was the other way round. You see, culture has a big part to play in the way you grow up and many times shapes your view on life… but i’ve learned there is ultimately one culture that should shape me and that is kingdom culture where we understand who we are in Christ which supersedes the limitations of this world.

Many people ask me how my mom feels about it, and she couldn’t be more delighted. She loves him as her son and i believe it’s got alot to do with what she imparted to me that I can love beyond borders, colour or culture… I believe from when i was young that I knew in my heart I was born for nations and was going to marry cross culturally. It has not always been easy but like every couple we worked through the same relational stuff. I do believe some people find cultural differences bigger than others, but in my case it wasn’t difficult. With his family i feel so at home and part of his family…

Some funny moments: When I was speaking to an afrikaans girl and replied, “rerig” and before I knew it I said it like a coloured “rerig”. It was so funny, needless to say, I quickly corrected myself but was hosing myself on the inside.

He loves fast cars and hip hop and loves his sound booming from his speakers, he has an impecable taste in fashion , and loves to dance – these are things he grew up with and i would never want to change. We have been best friends for 5 years and now we’re getting married! I feel like the most blessed woman alive.

About 5 years ago he had this gold chain. He used to wear it over his ties. The one day I saw him wearing it and I teased him about it.. . Last year I asked him so what happened to that chain and he told me how this girl went up to him the one day and teased him about it so he stopped wearing it… of course I had forgotten about what happened but as he told me his story I realised that that girl was me…

 i have not noticed any moments of being judged or stared at… when i’m walking with my friends they’ve said that people stare – mostly because it challenges them on their boundaries and they are unfamiliar… but i honestly can say i’m blind to it when it happens…

[To read more stories on the topics of mixed race and culture connections, click here]

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