Tag Archive: communication

By now you may know the drill, Trevor Swart from the Positive Thoughts and Conversations blog, Swart Donkey, have a five comment, 100ish word each, conversation around a particular topic one of us brings up and then we share the back and forth with you. This one is all about Listening Better and has a lot to make you think:

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In the previous post i spoke about the process of crafting this presentation, titled ‘Lost in Translation’ that i did last night for the Outliers ‘Step Up’ evening, and here is the talk itself:


Anyone who knows me well, knows that my default talk setting is long [51 minute wedding speech anyone?] and so short is a challenge. But i practised my talk and timed it twice on the day and both times came in at around 9 minutes, which gave me a whole minute to play with. Schweet.

[Side Note: While my wife, tbV, knew the overall vibe of what my talk was about and how it was going to go, i decided to keep this intro part secret from her so that she would have a surprise, and possibly some extra stress for a moment] Continue reading

i have been enjoying these conversations with Trevor Black from Swart Donkey. Back and forth five times on a topic with about 100 words a time. This is our third collaborative blog conversation, this time with a focus on Listening to the Listeners. i hope you will enjoy it.

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Trev: I loved the Free Speech board at my university residence. Most of the time it was empty, but occasionally it would burst into activity. Continue reading

Continuing the series where I asked a bunch of my friends who I think are in healthy marriages to share a key or two about what they have found helps make their marriage work well. Here are thoughts from my sister-in-law:

I think one of the biggest things that makes our marriage work for us is our communication. Communication when joking together, communication when talking, communication when sharing feelings, communication when showing our love for each other, communication when disagreeing, communication when discussing disagreements.

Two of the biggest things I’ve learnt since being married, and both of them I’ve learnt from Ewald, are these:

Realize in a discussion or difference, or in a misunderstanding, that everyone has a unique perspective which is because of their unique personality and identity (those things you fell in love with) so try and see the situation from their perspective. A lot of stuff starts to fall into place then.

The other thing I’ve learnt is not to shout or get angry when we’re having an argument or disagreement. I sometimes want to, but all that will do is escalate things to an ugly level. Ewald always discusses things calmly even when we’re frustrated because we’re trying to be understood and to understand and it’s that kind of patience and love and kindness in speech that makes me want to discuss calmly… If that all makes sense? I guess what I’m trying to say is that we each hold the responsibility for the tone we set in a discussion and I’ve seen so many times how ewald simply choosing not to speak in an annoyed voice or not to speak angrily makes me want to treat him in the same kind way, then we’re able to communicate more effectively in the situation and are able to avoid causing hurt.

[Bronwyn Duffield Witthoft – married for 5 and a half years to Ewald who commented in part iii]

to read the next one click here…

Continuing the series where I asked a bunch of my friends who I think are in healthy marriages to share a key or two about what they have found helps make their marriage work well. Here are thoughts from my brother-in-law:

We communicate about everything, no matter how trivial it might seem.

We clear stuff up immediately, a small issue which is resolved immediately remains just a small issue but many unresolved small issues build up and cause problems down the line.

We don’t refer to past disagreements, they are dealt with in the moment, then we move on.

Always use ‘we’ language, it helps us to remember that it’s us against whatever issue we’re facing, not me against you.

Last but not least, we are unique individuals and a unique couple, what works for other couples might not work for us and what works for us might not work for other couples, never feel under pressure to do what others do.

Ewald Witthoft [married for five and a half years]

continue to the next part here…

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