Taboo Topics: Race – Mixed Race Connections – Meet James Davis and Sherrell Nesmith

American-African meets African-American.

 

We met at university; both of us were on student leadership for our respective halls. Sherrell’s from Durham, NC. James is from Cape Town, South Africa (Well, mostly). Naturally, there are a lot of cultural differences we’ve discovered along the way. For starters, we have different likes and dislikes, some of them diametrically opposite each other, ranging from the superficial, like our tastes in music and to how we like to spend our free time, to the more complex, like our outlook on life and how we grew up.

 

We’ve had our conflicts over these last two years of dating, but what couple doesn’t. The source of these conflicts, however, hasn’t been race, but things in our lives that we’ve needed to work on, things we needed to mature in. Our church has played a large role in that: supporting and mentoring us separately and together, providing us with examples of successful multi-racial couples, and giving us a place to worship with people of other ethnic groups.

 

That’s not to say we don’t have outside problems relating to each other’s backgrounds. Only recently, have we begun to meet each other’s extended families. They’re all from the American South, so there’s good deal of  apprehension based on history. Between each other, however, we’ve chosen to look beyond our races. That doesn’t mean we ignore where each other comes from – to do so would be an offense on our identities. Instead, we see our differences and choose to work from there. We choose to see what makes each other unique and celebrate it. Sometimes, it’s pretty goofy.  At other times, it’s a wonderful time of growth and learning.

 

Most importantly, though, is our commitment to God. It truly is the love of God that allows us to love each other as boy- and girlfriend and, hopefully, as husband and wife. This should be the linchpin of any relationship, whether you’re multi-ethnic, all-white, all-asian, or all-black. To accept each other’s cultural differences, skin tone, and perspectives, put God first, each other second, and yourself last.

 

[For other stories of Mixed Race and Culture Connections, click here] 

Seems like you need another another life, son.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” he asked me…

so i went to speak at a school yesterday and i arrive at the class as the previous class are wrapping up and eating their home-grown [well school-grown i guess] salad [good for you, young people]

this young guy comes up to me looking all mysterious and gothlike and as we’re chatting about where we’re from he asks me if i believe in reincarnation…

Tsar Nicholas II of Russia. Do you know who he was? [I nod] Well in every picture I’ve seen of him, he looks exactly like me. [Try not to look weirded out]

So you think you were him? Yes.

Then we start talking about me. “Where are you from?” he politely inquires.

“South Africa” i politely respond.

And wait for it… cue silent in-my-head drumroll, cos surely it’s coming… it must be coming… oh yes, here we go…

‘Which country in South Africa?’

Wait a second here. You are TWO PEOPLE and you don’t know South Africa is a country? You’re gonna have to go round again, son.

When I mentioned Cape Town though, he got all excited and moved in and gave me a handshake and told me how legit Cape Town is. [Must have been from that 1906 vacation cruise Nicholas took]

although, having uncle googled a picture to stick in this post, i do have to say…

a long walk to free some [maybe me?]

last nite i was invited by some new friends we’ve made here to join the Oakland City Watch team in a walk they do around the neighborhood [we live on 61st Ave and we walked around the streets closer to 90th so not crazy far away] that has three messages for the people of the community:

# We care!

# We want to see an end to violence, especially gun violence!

# How can we help you?

so a roomful of maybe 40 to 50 people of all shapes and sizes [although apart from one grade seven boy i felt like the next youngest there so a bunch of 30 years and older people mostly] – black, white, hispanic, korean – from a variety of different churches, put on these white windbreaker identification jackets and armed with fliers that explained to anyone who asked what we were about, we walked the streets for maybe an hour, waving at cars who responded to the “Honk if you want an end to gun violence” signs and engaging with anyone who was interested as we walked past them. No specific message except that of unity and peace in the neighborhood and that we were hoping merely by our presence to make a difference [apparently since they started these walks 6 months ago, murders have decreased in the areas they have walked through]

this brief video on You Tube gives a glimpse into the heart behind the walk and introduces some of the hardcore leaders [mostly pastors from different churches] who are organising this thing.

“we want it to be tangible”

“more than just words from a tv from a pulpit”

“we want to be persistent. this is something we’re doing every week not just for one night”

“we don’t want to fight against the young men but against the violence itself”

as i walked the streets last nite, when i wasn’t engaging in incredibly life-giving conversation with this big African American ex-pastor called Ben who heads up the team [and who i found out lives a street away from me, so hoping for deeper connection there] and our new friend, Matt, i was thinking of Kensington where we stayed in Philly and how something like this could work so well there [and of my friend Derrick Gregory who i have already been in conversation with about the possibility of him thinking more through the possibilities it holds]

as i write this i think of my friends Sheralyn and Sammi who live in Woodstock in Cape Town and of the Pedersens and others who are doing a kind of organic church in the fringes of the city and how something like this might look for them.

i think of areas of huge gangsterism and violence like mannenberg and hanover park and wonder if the church there got mobilised to start doing something similar.

and am brought back to the conversation of stability i had with Ben and those conversations which i’ve been having with tbV for the last two years inspired by the monks of the Benedictine monastery we visited while staying at the Simple Way, and even the idea of incarnation [living amongst the people you are working with and ministering to] fostered by the Simple Way and my time in Kayamandi

i read a quote this week that said something like church is not the place you go to, but the place you go out from and that kind of feels like the strong surgings that i have within me right now [not really anything new, just a new flame being lit on this particular fire] and a loud powerful shout to the church of Cape Town [yes, you Common Ground and Christ Church Kenilworth and 100 others] to take seriously the need for the church to be outside of the building and on the streets if we are going to make any discernible difference at all to the state of things back home.

or wherever you are reading this. this idea is so ridiculously simply and just needs a small group of people to put their hands up and go, ‘hey, that’s something practical we can do right here.’

with friends like these, who needs enemas?

okay, so that title doesn’t apply AT ALL here, in fact it the opposite of applies, but it was likely to draw a lot more readers than ‘i like my friends’ and look, there you are so hi!

arrived back home after a good 32 hours or so of travelling [if you exclude the New Jersey/New York trip we took with airforce Jon to get to the airport] from JFK to Dubai for eight hour layover then to Cape Town and having watched 8 movies [fist pump!] to be met by Val’s family [mine are away] and then as we were heading out of the airport bumped into my best friend from college days Mandy Hunt and her two girls and gifts of flowers for Val and a balloon and a gift bag which i later discovered had some slabs of chocolate and two full packs of bacon [it’s like she knows…]

then on to Dunc’s house. Duncan Houston in one of the very few people from school i am in any contact with at all and one of my best buddies – we have not stayed in crazy ongoing contact while i’ve been away but every now and then have connected on Skype or Messenger and caught up… but after settling in and Val heading upstairs not to actively not sleep we started chatting and spent a few hours catching up and discussing the mysteries of the Universe – including religion, politics, family, life and more…
‘
it was seriously like no time had passed and i think the best friendships in life are categorised by that. the ability to be able to step into a friendship that has had a 19 month face (and to some extent, contact) gap and just pick up where we left off.

Duncan and Megan have been beyond generous throughout our married lives and inviting us to live with them for the whole time we are back home [altho Dunc did say if we hit June then we might have to talk…] has been just one more gift of amazingness [to be fair, nodding at the chocolate cupboard while uttering the words ‘help yourself’ was maybe not the brightest of moves] and we are very much looking forward to the rest and rejuvenation this time is going to bring for us…

so yes, i am completely grateful for the friends that i have – my other best friend Rob Lloyd is coming over with his wife Nicky for lunch and looking forward to connect with my other best buddy Reegs on the weekend if not before… and then there is MJ who has been prepping my hobbit suit for the cricket on Friday – does it get any better than that?

2013: there and back again!

so for friends back home there have been hints and allegations [a loose affiliation of millionaires and billionaires and baby] and subtle innuendos as to what might be pertaining to the future for the andersons after this year…

for those of you who have been following semi-closely, the beautiful Valerie [tbV] and i have been living, working and ministering with the Simple Way Christian non-profit organisation in Kensington, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Americaland since about June of last year and altho it has been one of the more difficult years of our lives it has also been a great year and an exciting one and one where we had no doubt at all that God had called us to be in this place at this time and so that really helped during some of the tougher times and so we will definitely look back at 2011/2012 as a good time of growth and challenge and hopefully transformation, for both us and also the Simple Way and the area of Kensington we lived in and all those we came into contact with.

“but what next?” i hear you ask. well i don’t, really, cos that would be creepy, but i am going to imagine someone asked it, so that i can give a little bit of a glimpse into the future that we are facing [sorry, Mayans! – yes, being cocky about the predicted end of the world is something anyone who is doubting it can feel free to do because if you’re wrong then who gets to rub it into your face? score!]

so our time here at the Simple Way runs until the end of the year – the office winds down around the 23rd of December and then we have just booked tickets South-Africawards for the 30th [arriving home 1 January 2012] where we will be for a month to a month and a half if all goes according to plan [which will include a trip to Durban to visit my sister Dawn and her husband Glen and our new nephew Joshua and also a bunch of our friends] and then sometime in February we will head back to americaland, but this time settling in Oakland, California where we will be working once more with our Simple Way boss, Darin Petersen, but with another non-profit called Relational Tithe [soon also to be known as ‘Common Change’] for around 18 months and beyond that we are trusting that God will direct once more…

when we are home i hope to be playing lots of TheatreSports, hopefully some hockey and drinking a whole lot of coffee with friends and family as we catch up and hang out and refresh and catch up and prepare for the next part of our exciting life journey together. [Val will be testing out the beaches and cocktails and making sure they continue to meet Cape Town’s high standards]

one of the obstacles we face is the task of finding finances to firstly return to americaland and then to be able to live here [in a somewhat different context to Kensington] for the eighteen months that follow. support-raising is not something either Val or i flock towards with open arms, but the work we are returning to is something that excites us in terms of the potential it has for life, community and church transformation, that we may have to be willing to swallow our pride and have some interesting conversations with some of you. neither of us like the idea of being tricked/manipulated into giving to even something that is a good cause and so i wanted to be up front with what will have to somehow be a part of this trip. so more of that to follow.

but mostly we are looking forward to people [not all of the people we want to see will be there – some are in the UK and Switzerland and Australia and a host of other places] and being able to tell stories and share a glimpse of what these last 18 months have meant to us and share some of the anticipation of what the next part of our journey will look like.

and probably in one of the strangest aspects of the whole trip, i, brett fish anderson, will be looking forward to mayonnaise, because no offence americaland, but you SUCK at making it…

much love and thrilled anticipation
brett fish anderson [brettfish@hotmail.com] and the beautiful Val [and of course No_bob]

if God doesn’t pitch up…

one of my favourite freaky stories in the bible [and there’s lots of them – 2 kings 2.23 story of elisha and the baldyhead bear-mauling incident] is the story of elijah found in 1 kings 17.

now a bunch of things happen here – there is elijah being fed miraculously by ravens, there is the miracle of the flour and oil of the widow not running out and then the widow’s son mysteriously dies.

it is one of those crisis of faith moment stories many of us have experienced – having just witnessed this crazy miracle of the continuing food supply, the widow is now accusing the prophet [and God by association] of having it in for her.

what comes next is incredibly dangerous and as with so many bible stories, we have lost the edge of the danger because we know how it ends – shadrach, meshach and abednego risking being tossed in the fiery furnace, daniel risking the lion’s den, david heading out to take on the giant goliath armed with a slingshot, gideon with his muchly reduced army taking on an army whose tents were described as ‘swarms of locusts’ [judges 6.5] armed with torches and musical instruments and peter stepping out of the boat on to the water…

we know how they end so we read them and get excited by God and what He has done, but i think it is important to go back and read this stories as the person really desperately hoping that God is going to make a dramatic appearance…

so you have this widow and her dead son and elijah is taken to the room with the dead son and in 1 kings 17.21 it says this, ‘Then he stretched himself out on the boy three times and cried to the Lord, “O Lord my God, let this boy’s life return to him.”

why is that a cool story? because it worked. God heard elijah’s prayer and resurrects the boy and he lives again. yay God, well done elijah.

but what if he hadn’t? if God didn’t pitch up then you have a grown man, climbing on to and lying on top of the body of a dead boy… now i’m not sure we can tell from the story if he did that twice with no results and then the third time God answered because that would add in a whole other dimension, but from elijah’s point of view it has to be coming from a point of ‘i really believe this is what God wants me to do and i am going to risk reputation and possibly life to be faith-full and obedient to what i have heard God say.’

“yeah, but it’s elijah”

the same elijah who goes on to witness another robe-wetting moment on top of mount carmel where if God doesn’t show up with the sacrifice then he will lose reputation and life for sure… but also the same elijah who shortly after that incident runs away because a woman threatens him and ends up moping to God that he is the only one left [when God secretly has thousands of other faithful followers stashed away in a cave] and so clearly there were times when ‘but it’s elijah’ was not good enough to guarantee success and bravery in the face of consequences.

there are so many others like this – noah builds a giant boat in the desert, Jesus spits into a blind man’s eye, peter and john tell a crippled man to get up and walk… so many miracle stories that only took place because someone was faithful and obedient to what they heard God calling them to do… if you have known me long enuff then you will have probly heard the story of the safe house for kids in cape town that was birthed out of a worship meeting [http://www.uthandolenkosi.co.za] – a lot of people called them crazy, even some pastors took action to try and protect them from the foolish thing they were going to do… and yet because God said it, and because people responded faithfully it happened.

i think it is important to finish off by saying that the point is not to go out and do stupid things… if you go to the local swimming pool and step out on the water you will sink. why? because God did not invite you to. the key here is listening out for what God is saying to you and acting on it regardless of whether it makes sense or not to those around you. [altho seeking good counsel from strong Jesus-following people around you to make sure it is God’s thing He is calling you to and not just a hare-brained scheme is worth doing]

but if God does call you to lie on top of a dead kid and call out to Him three times, and you’re sure it’s God speaking, then you had better act on that and you will only know whether God is going to show up or not the moment it is too late if He doesn’t…

we count yourself lucky.

some of you may remember that for my birthday this year, my beautiful wife Val took my blokarting which was a windsurfing meets go-karting on the beach extravaganza of much fun… and we got the whole deal for 50% off which was a huge bargain…

basically how it happened was just before my birthday tbV discovered this rad site that has a special offer for every day – it started in Joburg and moved to Cape Town and last i heard it was launching in the KZ of N. the way it works is a special deal is put up [for example a restaurant offering R200 food for R100] and people have to sign up to show their interest and then if enough people sign up [they show you how many are needed] the deal comes into play [so it has to reach a certain amount of people]

there are a whole range of companies signing up from restaurants to entertainment to body treatments and so on and so you just check out the ones you are interested in and go for it – also if you use my special code when you buy your first offer [my personal code is Brett-20] then you get a further 20% off that first offer. And i get a R50 discount off some offer.

so check this site out and see if there is anything you would be interested in and if you go for it please use my code for the extra bonus for us both.

and let me know what you went for and how it was…