a response to my poem ‘i not me’

My friend Avuyile, wrote a response to my poem, ‘i not me’, that i posted earlier today and i felt that it deserved it’s own space here on the blog and Avuyile gave me permission. i hope each one of us will take time to really listen to these words…

I am meek, for in my meekness I am forced to tolerate you imposing your ideas into my system.

I suffer in silence for my cries echo an uncomfortable feeling on your back side thus the words “move away from the past”.
I die daily at your sight, a sight that not invokes feelings of hatred rather anger and resentment for you have for a long time disregarded my humanity and my ideas.
I have sacrificed so much for your benefit yet still my efforts and my energy seem to have gone down the drain. How long should I continue in this vain? For in my sanity you regard me as insane. Take a moment to listen to my heart beat, feel the motion, it is a motion of sorrow, a motion of pain of the many sufferings I have endured at your hands.

To see your gay abandon each day awakes feelings of disdain, for it is the utter carelessness and ignorance to my hunger and my yearning. The very desire to live and pursue what makes me who I am, the many things I have missed out on my kids, wife, cousin, and my community.
I am forced into servitude not with a whip rather the brutal wrenching of my dignity.

For what is humanity when the comfort of my entire is subjected to such treacherous conditions? For the very I have is quenched and muffled under huge promises of lies and deceit, covered with a broad smile yet soul still yearns for freedom and my heart still heavily bleeds. We preach equality and justice yet the very justice is a “thorn” in your side while for many it is a luxury they can only dream about.

For I am faced with so many adversities that I come to the conclusion that there ain’t no place for me in society for my cries for justice constitute discomfort for those who have benefited from decades and decades of marginalization and the demeaning of my entire existence.
The winds of change are blowing, the storm of justice is well under way…….

[To read the original poem that inspired these words, click here]

pome: i not me

i am lucky

because your english tongue finds itself unable

to navigate it’s awkward self

around the intricacies of my given name

 = = =

i am patience

because you are impatient

with the repetition that is needed

for you to master my moniker

and so instead you choose your own

one that works for you

 = = =

i am working in your house filled with wonder

you wondering whether or not

i fill my pockets and my purse with your sugar

when i leave for home at night

while i simply wonder

if my children made it to school safely

and will they be alive to greet me

when i finally make it home

 = = =

i am listening to you

telling me to be quiet

because my anger at this symbol

that means nothing of note to you

is causing you to feel uncomfortable

and can’t we all just go back

to watching sport

 = = =

i am the ironical ridiculousness

of these letters being put here

by such pale fingers

as to think they have any right to speak my words

as if just hoping that place of privilege

they are brought from

might get them in front of the eyes

they wouldn’t have

if i had truly written them

[For my friend Avuyile’s response in poetic form, click here]

the sounds of [book-reading] silence

Three Cape Town launches done and dusted [what does that even mean, why would you dust an event?]

A decent amount of books bought.

Many people uttering phrases like “This kind of book is so important”, “I can’t wait to read this”, and “We really needed this.”

And then…

Crickets… well first there was the actual cricket and that was also a bit of a sad affair…

But even worse, perhaps, now that people are telling me i can actually be called ‘an author’, is the next few days after the launches have finished and the books have been bought and the statements made… and the sound of crickets echoes in this author’s inbox, on the Amazon review page, on the Goodreads question forum…

Actually not even the sound of crickets… just a silence…

Do people read this slowly?

Or even worse, do people not read this slowly?

Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much people love you and attend your events, how excited they are about the prospect of this book and what needs to be said, or how many were bought and signed and gushed upon…

It’s like the movies – week one is an indication of anticipation… week two to three to seven tells you if the movie was any good or not.

So i would say we had a pretty decent opening weekend of this movie… and now we wait to hear the reviews and to see if people tell their friends to go and see it and if anyone thinks there is anything significantly significant about this particular one…

In the meantime though, i did get a really fun and creative book launch review, which feels like it is a first…

But for now, i will retreat to my authory cave, and continue with the day to day of all the busyness i currently have to fill my plate, sneaking out every now and then to grab a peek at the internet and see if anyone has gotten to the point of sharing their words on my piece of heart, that lies exposed for everyone [who bought a copy] to see…

the busy samaritan… [aka When church becomes churching]

i was online this morning trying to find the time and location of the Assemblies of God church i had heard about in Southfield…

Suddenly my search was interrupted by a phone call from someone i don’t know who was facing a bit of a crisis [her son who is in South Africa has recently run into some bother and she is not in the country] and asked if we could help out. [She knew of us through a friend of a friend and we had recently offered to help if a situation like this came up].

So i jumped in my car and sped across town [and back again and across again, shtupidt gps!] and connected with the guy and brought him home…

With the moral of the story being i didn’t get to church today…

Or did i?

i didn’t really think of any of this at the time or during today, but as i sat down at my computer, this story that Jesus tells, found in Luke 10, came to mind:

³⁰ In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹ A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.³² So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³ But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴ He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵ The next day he took out two denarii^[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

³⁶ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

³⁷ The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

i said to tbV as we tried to figure this out earlier today, “You know, these stories are great stories to tell, but not so much fun to work out.”

And that is the truth, because there is a cost attached. And quite possibly a sacrifice.

We don’t know why the priest and the Levite refuse to stop for the man, but there is a distinct possibility that it was because they were in a hurry – with a preach to preach or a budget meeting to facilitate or someone to visit. And yet they were presented with a need that epitomised who they were and the work they were meant to be doing, and they did everything they could to avoid it.

Helping people is messy. It doesn’t often come with a set of instructions. The right call is not necessarily obvious. Sometimes it is hard and often you have to call others for help…

For the Samaritan there was a cost of time, money and resources and he gave freely of all of them.

So while i didn’t “go to church” this morning, i did get an incredible opportunity to “church”. One of the things i spoke about at both book launches so far was the idea of moving away from church being a noun [a place we go to] and seeing it more as a verb [a description of God’s people doing God’s stuff in love].

If we do go to a place on Sunday with a specific set of people at a certain time, then the hope is that whatever happens there will fuel and encourage and challenge and teach us and empower us for the rest of the churching which happens from Monday to Saturday…

Hope you have an incredible week of church…

[For more on the book, ‘i, church’ click here] 

A visual book launch – pictures from Vovo Telo launch 1

This morning at the Warehouse in Wetton [12 Plantation Road] at 9.30 we will be holding the second of the three Cape Town book launches and after the success of the first one on Thursday night at Vovo Telo in Steenberg, we are very much looking forward to it.

Here are some pictures taken by good friends Nicky Lloyd and Bruce Meissner that give a taste of the first night and capture well some of the vibe of the event…

i am much loved!

Once again, thank you to everyone who came – looking forward to some new reviews on Amazon as people get to reading it and sharing their thoughts and reflections…

[For a series of posts leading up to the launch with some more idea of what ‘i, church’ is about, click here] 

Book Launch Round 1: Vovo Telo

And so it begins… or continues… with the first of a number of book launches, which took place at Vovo Telo restaurant in Steenberg.

One of the aspects of last night’s incredible book launch was setting up five different stations of ‘communion’ – one was the traditional grape juice and crackers and then we had a station with coffee and cake, cheese and wine, marshmallows and hot chocolate, and then marie biscuits and milk.

One of the biggest themes of the book is that church might be a lot bigger than we define. And so typically we see church as that thing that happens on that day [Sunday] at that place [which we call church] with those people [our specific local congregational family] and yet i believe that God sees it as so much more.

And so, within that framework, perhaps communion can look different as well – the idea of a bunch of youth kids walking up Lion’s Head and then breaking out the hot chocolate and marshmallows, but doing it in remembrance of Jesus, feels very much like the kind of communion i believe He would endorse. And so just a light visual challenge to people as they arrived and saw the setup to think outside of their boxes of what might and might not be of God.

WHAT’S UP WITH CAPE TOWN?

Then, in a miraculous, unprecedented moment of ‘What is going on here?’ people started arriving early. We gave a 6.30pm starting time and carefully did not say 6.30 for 7 [which is what we meant in our brains] so people wouldn’t think 7pm and arrive at quarter past… and yet at about ten past 6 the first couple arrived and then ten minutes later the room was suddenly half full as i was trying to go over my notes to be ready to mingle at half past. So definitely something in the air and an early sign that it wasn’t just going to be tbV, the MC, No_bob and me.

The MC for the first night was Theran Knighton-Fitt and he was incredible as we had known he would be, despite being a little sick [“this sweat is sickness people, not nerves.”] We chose each MC for the particular venue and Theran did not fail to disappoint with a blend of philosophical, reflective, deep and funny he hooked a full up venue and managed to hold their attention and somehow get me to speak shorter than my allotted time. [Magic, i say!]

The themes of his intro were people of faith who stick with it and an ongoing wrestling with your ideas about God and church and space and freedom to do so, and to disagree well with people and still be friends.

i then shared some stuff which i don’t want to go too much into because we still have some launches to go and i am way too lazy to plan a whole other different thing. We did some thankyous to key people like Kirsten who designed the book cover, my sister Sue from Texas [who was able to be there for the launch!] who jumped in last minute for some editing/proofreading vibes, Linda Martindale who got the ball rolling [and in absence her friend Heather in the UK] and got the book headed towards the printers and the Amazon and of course the beautiful Val for all the space she gave me to write plus the belief in the book and the ongoing wrestlings and conversations we have [and with special mention to her sister Bron as someone who helped make the venue and the setup look really stunning].Also big thanks to Alison and the staff of Vovo Telo for a scrumptious spread and the opportunity to launch there.

Theran lead a bit of a Q and A where he and some others asked some questions about the book writing process, the content of the book and how i saw the church in South Africa which was a really good time of just being able to share my heart on a number of things. “When is the next book starting?” was one question i actually didn’t get round to answering just because a more pertinent question might be, “Which of the four books currently doing laps around your brain should be allowed out next?”

My friend Nicole said a beautiful prayer and then we headed into the awkward part – the book sales and signing. Theran, who had published his own book a few years ago, bluntly told me during our prep session a week or so ago – “People are going to want you to sign the book, so just get over yourself and sign it.” And so i did, and it was great to be face to face with a lot of the people who had come through while trying to oversee the miracle of the ink-retaining pens and have enough catchup conversation and move-alongness to get through everyone who wanted an increasingly unrecognisable signature to happen [Just don’t compare any two of them, i cautioned].

And the feeling that maybe now, i actually am an author, of sorts. That feels pretty good. Although maybe i should wait for some feedback… once people have actually read the book…

GREAT EVENING, AMAZING PEOPLE

i really had an incredibly amazing time and can’t thank everyone enough – it was completely a celebration and also hopefully a prophetic look at the church, where it is and where it might go, if it just takes a moment to stop, look, reflect, listen and be what the church is meant to be.

An absolute highlight for me was the people – a lot of people in a room who i have a lot of love for [and who i suspect love me a lot] – did not get nearly enough time to catch up with people [some from as much as ten or fifteen years ago in my life] and just an opportunity to greet and hug and quick catchup and just watch hanging out with other people i love.

In a nutshell, church happened last night and it was great. God’s people doing God’s stuff in love. It was definitely that [although not everyone last night would necessarily identify themselves as God’s people, i know the majority would] and that is how i am defining church these days.

And even the world’s most famous stuffed dolphin, No_bob [because he doesn’t!] got into the act…

[To buy yourself a copy on Amazon, click here]

[For a more picture-full presentation of the launch, click here] 

it takes a village to raise a book

Well, today is book launch day.

This has been a long time coming. And then suddenly over the last few months and then especially the last four weeks, someone cranked up the speed and there was a loud WHOOSH and now it is here.

And tonite i will get to celebrate with largely friends and family [and perhaps some new friends i haven’t met yet]

Today is not really the moment-of-truth day – people who love you will buy and read your book. That’s the easy part. It’s getting people who don’t know you and love you to decide that they want to read your book that is the real challenge.

But tonight is largely about celebrating, and it feels in some way like the build up to a wedding – far too many people i want to get to hang with [Dreadlock Mike is coming! All the way from Durban! Super stoked!] all in a room for far too short a time and probably just enough time for a lot of hugs. And some reflection and sharing and introducing my ‘baby’ to the room.

In a room full of legends tonight, four people stand out for special mention in terms of helping get this ‘baby’ happening:

Kirsten Sims: My old friend, who is not actually old, jumped in during one of the most busiest thesis-finishing degree-completing times of her life to produce this more than incredible book cover which people are in love with and which really just adds some heart and soul and simplicity [which is what the book is all about] to ‘i, church’ – i cannot thank her enough but you can take a look at her site and some more of her incredible artwork and show all your friends: http://kirstensims.blogspot.com

Linda Martindale: An older friend in terms of how long i have known her, Linda was one of the two women [Heather Bailey in the UK who i know would be here if she could] who said to me, “Let’s do this thing!” and actually meant it. Linda is one of the most passionate and authentic people i know, with a huge heart for reconciliation and kingdom and without her jumping in i don’t know how this whole process would have gotten started. She has edited me for many years for Closer to God publications and did a final read through and helped catch a lot of stuff as we got closer to B day.

Susan Minne [nee Anderson]: It is such a bonus for me to have my older secret sister [as in most of my friends in Cape Town knew my younger sister Dawn growing up, but Sue left early and was often a cause for “Oh, i didn’t know you had an older sister” when i mentioned her] at the book launch during her short visit from Texas where she and her family live. Sue jumped in at close to the last minute, when a proofreader pulled out, to help with the final edit and proofread and after a speed course in ‘Understanding Fishwrite’ where she learnt the difference between intentional and unintentional mauling of the English language, she dived in and worked some hard and quick hours to make the book you are going to read a lot better and tighter than the one i gave her.

Finally, and by no means leastly, tbV, the beautiful Val, my wife and life companion who was insistent on creating space for me both before we left for Americaland and since coming back to get this thing finished and out there. She has also largely been the driving force for how tonight is going to look and feel and i am very excited to see and experience all of that. i love that i have a wife that thinks about things eeply, that wrestles with the kind of easy answers that are often spewed out and who is up to fighting for things that are real and count and will make a difference. i am proud that she will be standing alongside me tonite.

There are definitely many more legends who will be in the room tonite, but these are four that deserved special mention. It seriously does take a village to raise a book and from people who gave me quotes about church, to people who journeyed with me through different expressions and understandings of church, to the many people who volunteered to read and comment on early drafts of ‘i, church’ and everyone who is helping out with today, Saturday and Tuesday [and any book launches that may follow] i am so very grateful.

Thank you for allowing this to happen. My prayer is that the words of this book will make a difference. Will cause people to think more deeply and challenge inherited understandings and practices, and more than anything to chase after being the kind of church that God calls us to be. Which is a body of people who are used in transforming the world through lived out love.

Let the games begin…

[For more information about the various book launches that we have going in the next few days, click here]