i have lived [and continue to live] a full life…
The other day i posted about how my wife organised Black Widow and Hulk costumes so that we could watch the new Avengers: Age of Ultron movie dressed up.
i also returned home from my trip to Durban to find that she had discovered an old stack of photos from my life with some really crazy hairstyles and some crazier life moments documented right there before her eyes. Continue reading
For those of you who have been following the book launch tour we have now had four different launches: one at Vovo Telo and one at the Warehouse in Cape Town, one out Stellenbosch way and recently another in Durban.
What i have discovered along the way is that my favourite part at every single launch was the Q & A time we scheduled in the middle of it. Opportunities for people to ask questions about church. Absolutely any questions without fear of judgement – in fact for the Durban launch, Barry who was MC gave out his phone number and people could ask questions live or text them in anonymously. Such great conversation and engagement.
And that has got me pretty excited to do more, which is where you may come in.
i realised in conversation last night with some mates that for the most part, those of you who bought the book because you know me are largely going to be in the metaphorical choir and while the book hopefully has some good stuff for you, there are likely people you know who it would be much more helpful for.
What about considering the opportunity of hosting a Q & A time of your own at your own home [or somewhere else that might be fun] where you bring the crowd [or roomful of people] that you feel may be wanting to ask questions about church and not have many places to do so – friends who are struggling with what church is about, people you know who attend regularly but don’t live it out, generally curious folk – and i come along and we create a space to ask some questions and wrestle with some things and then at the end give people an opportunity to get hold of a copy of the book if they would like.
If this sounds like something that might be interesting to you, get hold of me and we can chat.
We are going to have some books in Oakland, CA in June and are hoping to visit Pretoria/Joburg side of the country some time after that so if you are in any of those places, that would also be fun.
If you’re looking to get hold of this on Amazon in the meantime, you can do so here. And if you are on Goodreads you can find it over there.
It had been another sleepless night for Michael, for the most part.
Oh sure, there had been moments when he had drifted in and out of slumber, but the beasts awaiting him there had not made life any easier. Taunting him mercilessly with screeched out reminders of his shortcomings, spewed out revelations of the secret things only he knew about.
The things no one else must ever know.
Ever.
Because Michael was a man of the cloth. And, as everyone knows, nothing short or absolute perfection is the benchmark for a man of his, cough, persuasion. Always carry the look of dignity, togetherness. Never let it seem that anything is awry from the front. From up high. Be the one listening to the confessions, never making them.
To be fair, it is not even as if Father Michael’s sins were particularly bad.
Or all that interesting.
In fact, had any of his regular confessors heard of the things that were bringing shame to their confessee, there would have been multiple eyebrow raises and possibly even a partially-stifled giggle. They were that inconsequential.
But to him… 
To him they manifested after dark as hideous scale-covered demonic beings, cackling aloud as they floated way above and then took turns dive-bombing his cowering head, as he yelped and wailed and crawled tighter and tighter into a human ball. And so it continued, drifting in and out of sleep. In the moments of awakeness, it was his own thoughts that betrayed him, judging him with the conciseness of a French Revolution guillotineur.
Then, as Michael would finally escape his own thoughts, it would be back to the nightmarish abominations, hounding him relentlessly, refusing to give him a moments peace or refuge from their accusations.
And so it would continue.
Like the monotony of a metronome.
And every night it was the same.
It should therefore come as little surprise that the first light creeping in through the crack in the curtains, signalling that it was time for this priestly figure to rise from the dead, was such a welcome visitor. That innocent blessings such as the whirring purr of his alarm clock, so carefully set and thrice checked the night before, or the tea tray set quietly outside his door by Mrs Jenkins the housekeeper, would be such welcomed and anticipated delights. That even the feel of cloth on foot as Michael slid out of bed into his slippers and by virtue of them, the new day, would be a disproportionate joy-bringer. These simple things were but symbols of this reverend’s elations at dawn.
This post is part of a tandem blogging exercise with Dave Luis, Mandy Collins, Nick Frost, Cath Jenkin and Scott Dunlop. One title unwrapped by six bloggerists. Read Dave’s post over here, Mandy’s post here, and Nick’s post here. Also check out first time contributors Cath over here and Scott over here. Please share your thoughts on our fun exercise in the comments on each post, and remember that with bloggerists, sharing is always caring.
[To continue to the following Tandem post i did which was titled ‘Magic Words’, click here]
This was the 4th book launch i have done for ‘i, church’ and the first one in Durban. And what another incredible evening it was.
Firstly, we decided to do a small change with this one and focus on the Q & A aspect of the evening which was a highlight for me from each of the previous launches. And as a bonus, i got the chance to preach at 3 Westville Baptist church services on the Sunday before the Q & A slash launch so people got a direct invitation to the launch after hearing some of the heart of the book in my preach.
Once again thankx to a bunch of my friends largely including staff and congregants of Westville Baptist church, especially Rebecca Benn who spearheaded the thing while i was still in Cape Town and got balls rolling, the church for letting me use their hall and Debbie and Baz and some of the youth and young adults who got involved. And then my good friend Sammi Taylor who womanned one of the book tables:
One aspect that was different from the Cape Town launches was the addition of two poems from my friend Michael Toy’s poetry book [for the recovering evangelical] titled ‘Blame it on the HueHuetenango’ which i felt fit in strongly with the theme of the book.
My good friends Debbie and Baz did an intro and then hosted the Q & A using a mix of live questions and sms questions that people texted to Barry’s phone while the session was on – definitely stretched me to some deeper levels with some of the questions that were posed at this particular launch.
This was the best mix of people we have had generationally with some youth and young adults stretched out on bean bags and then a range of older people all the way to some seniors who were on chairs and couches and just such an incredible time of engagement and then conversation as i tried to speedily sign some books afterwards as well. Cape Town friends and friends from October Leadership camp 13 years ago and from Baptist Summer Camp many years ago as well as an uncle-in-law all made it a very special occasion.
i am glad we sold some books, but i am more excited about the opportunity to challenge and inspire people about church and possibly seeing and experiencing church as something that is even bigger than the people in the building who meet on that particular day of the week. And also getting a chance to challenge the church [as in those who were present] about the absolute priority that we need to have in matters of race and reconciliation and unity and speaking and acting and listening into areas of pain and hurt and fear and disappointment that exist in our country.
It really was another incredible night of connecting with God’s people and speaking about God’s stuff in love [which sounds very similar to what my definition of church is]…
And of course the world’s most famous stuffed dolphin, No_bob, was on hand to bring his own special brand of protection to the books that were on sale…
For anyone who was interested in coming and maybe missed out, i will be leaving a stash of books with Debbie and Baz from Westville Baptist church and so you can get hold of a copy from them for R100 or as always it is available online at Amazon.
[For a glimpse of the teaser including a short extract from ‘i, church’, click here]
So, discovering this thing a few days late, but tbV pointed it out to me and with a recent spate of poetry coming out of me both here and here, it feels like a good thing to jump into – [Inter]National Poetry Writing Month where you get a prompt a day and write a poem based on it…
The first poem challenge was a poem of negation that involves describing something in terms of what it is not, or not like. I cannot resist playing catchup with that one and so here we go:
O Deathly Grape
Contrary to the kind of belief that is popular
The raisin is not a food sort
It is not an enhancer of meals
Or a delightful twist to a dainty dish
You, blackened husk shell of a juicy living food of reclining roman emperors that once was
You do not deceive me in the slightest
You are not a tasty morsel threatening in any way to tempt my tongue
You are not an ingredient my eyes light up for as they see you tucked away in yet another desecrated dessert
You are not a treat, nor a pleasure, nor some kind of party in my mouth
Are you not the opposite of something that isn’t not a complete abomination?
You can but look on in jealousy at those foods i long for that you will never be
Such as a delightful dripping chocolate waterfall flowing from a fountain of goodness
The hard crackling shell of setting chocolate encasing the multi-flavoured ice-cream beneath its firm hold
The chocolatty mousse fondant holding together two moist walls of caked goodness
And more.
But none of this is you.
Rather you lurk, and hide, and try to blend in.
But you will not. i am wise to your tricks and i will not be drawn close.
You will not find yourself an Oscar chasing lead or supporting role player in any meal that ever graces my lips.
The life you held and offered so long ago when you were edible, juicy, grape, has expired
And is no more.
And like that snuffed out opportunity for a single shot at bringing a smile to my face with your sweet sweet juice.
So your time has passed, and you my fiend, are done…
[For the next Poem, related to stars, a dark comedic romantic one, click here]
The other day i wrote a poem titled ‘to them who have ears’ and just thinking about it a little more today, have dubbed it a choir poem – as in those who get what it’s about and who agree will totally be reading and nodding and cheering and liking and sharing… but those who don’t, are unlikely to even read it and if they somehow do, unlikely to understand the point trying to be made…
So i thought i would try this again in a more direct approach, realising that for the most part blog posts tend to go the way of metaphorical word pieces in that you tend to attract those who agree and distance those who disagree… which feels somewhat pointless in terms of how are you ever going to affect people who need to be affected and where will you find healthy debate from people who think differently from you who can help you challenge and test your own ideas… i guess there is the hope that there are some who think differently who are trying to challenge and check their own ideas as much as i am trying to with mine and so maybe we can meet somewhere in the middle…
The main point of the poem for me was to question why so many white people [and it has been largely white people because of the nature of the posts i have been sharing on race and reconciliation and privilege so has largely been addressed to us] disengage from the conversations around race/white privilege/restitution etc before seeming to really take a moment to listen and hear where the other person is coming from. My problem is not so much that there is disagreement, but that phrases like ‘white privilege’ seem to be like red cloths waved in front of a raging bull… and so excuses, denials, “But what about…”, “Reverse Racism”, “Not all white people…” and more are immediately thrown in, usually breaking up the conversation before it begins.
RESPONSE OVER REACTION
When it comes to conversations on race and other issues in South Africa, i would love to see people choosing to respond over simply reacting. The idea of a reaction is that it is usually a gut knee-jerk response [with the emphasis not on knee] whereas a response tends to include time for listening, thought, inner wrestling and composed feedback. This is something we could do a lot better as South Africans, or maybe just Facebookers and Bloggerists in general.
Take something like ‘White Privilege’ for example – i wrote some thoughts about this in a post titled ‘i’m not sure you’re against that thing you’re against’ simply because i believe the word has certain baggage which triggers a reaction, whereas if those who typically respond to seeing the words ‘white privilege’ by running/throwing/emoting could just take a deep breathe and listen and really hear what is being said/suggested, i think a lot more of them would agree. Take this picture for example:
i imagine most people would agree with this, right? If you see this and disagree then i would love to know why. Unless of course you would label the whole thing as Injustice simply by the very fact of it depicting three people who are watching a game for free without buying tickets, but that is kinda missing the point.
The point of the picture is that the tall guy starts off with an advantage whereas the short guy starts off at a disadvantage. Which means that if they are all treated equally, the short guys still ends up disadvantaged.
Whereas if the one who was most disadvantaged, is given the biggest assistance, there is a way for them to all end up with a level playing field, enjoying the same advantage.
Anyone have a problem with that? Because as far as i understand it, that IS the explanation of White Privilege.
There are certain advantages we start off with in this world [For me being white has some, being male in a largely patriarchally influenced society has others, being heterosexual and right-handed and able-bodied even more so] which doesn’t mean that i have to feel guilty for any of those things i start off with, but it does mean, that for the world to be more fair and balanced and equal, that certain boxes, boosts, advantages will be needed to be given to people of colour, women etc to give them the same opportunities that i have.
You with me? This feels so easy when it is broken down like this.
So i am not talking about white guilt or about hating white people [i get that one a lot!]. i am talking about the need to listen to and really hear from anyone who does not start off with the advantages i have started off with, to find out how best we can together work so that the field is more level for them. Collaboration is key. There may be some sacrifice involved and some loss of comfort or actively working against some of the privilege i have [so BEE being an example of this, realising that at times it really hasn’t been done well and at times it really has been helpful]
How about it South Africa? You ready to slow things down a little and really start listening and engaging and working together on making this relationally the beautiful country it is naturally?
Let’s do this…
to the ones who feel like they’re constantly defending
please won’t you stop for a second
and help me on this
shine some clarity on the situation
because i really don’t understand
what it is about this that makes you not want to listen
please help me recognise
what it is that keeps you from engaging in this conversation
as if taking some time to lend me your ears
will result in a group of us encircling you
and viciously stabbing you repeatedly in the back?
et
to, the ones who feel so defensive
if you just take the time to hear and really hear
the story of the other
the one who sits in front of your screen with fresh scars held upwards
reaching out to you
wanting to simply share silently the screams of their silenced stance
what harm could it possibly cause you
to have an empathetic escape
from all of the assumptions,
assertions
aggravations
that you bring to the table and simply give them a chance to speak
not believing for a second that you have to agree with any or all of what you hear
but believing for a second that hearing another side to your well-tuned story might in fact
give you pause to consider that maybe the one that you know to be true
might not be all the true that could be available to you?
to the ones who are so dismissive
insistently inciting
consistently fighting
unfriending,
crescendoing statements into argumentative tirades
question threads into metaphorical verbal poo-flinging stockades
to you who move things so quickly from 0 to 100
without even bothering to shift gear
who are already halfway through compiling your response
before the statement you’re ‘replying to’ has even made it
out of the fingers of the person on the other side
the other person on the other other side
just stop!
you are not helping here
shooting down conversations
misdirectional missives
name-calling
blame-calling
article-citing
video-linking
screen-blinking
at the pace at which words are being shot out over the airwaves
like shells dropped from a bomber over the headquarters of the enemy
i hope that you don’t hit a school
do you see the futility of it all?
the engagement, estrangement
back and forthness
tik tik tik on the computer keyboard
like some kind of addictive drug
coarsing through your veins
when what is needed
perhaps what just might be good for us all right here
is to be the one who simply stops
just stops…
stop.
that’s it.
now breathe for a second…
deep in and deep out
listen to the sound of the air
filling up and evacuating your lungs
focus on that for a while
and just listen
really listen
hear words
try to understand meaning
put yourself on the other side of the screen
what do you hear now?
what do you mean?
what emotions are bursting through your skin
wanting to splat themselves against the screen?
what history has caused you to be in this exact place?
what opportunity might have been denied to you because of your race?
what can i possibly understand about the person whose life i have taken no time to create silence for?
is this a lesson in futility?
as i can surely never know
or truly understand
or ever hope to feel
but. i. can. listen!
i can take time to hear
i can turn down my personal volume
i can be slower to answer
more hesitant to turn to anger
more open to the possibility that the story might be bigger than mine
and that in this other i may even see something of myself
if i look deep enough
or maybe just if i look at all
dare i risk looking at all
dare you?
Irresistibly Fish 