Pome: you call that a scar?

With vacant eyes staring off into the distance

You stare at nothing in particular

As another drop of blood silently drips to the floor

Screaming out your loneliness and rejection

Though no-one is around to hear

The darkness pulls itself a little closer

Embracing you as you welcome it

You are alone

As I was

Surrounded by people and none of them understood,
the pain
the depth of my isolation

Yet I too embraced it

Called it to do its work

So I could do mine

Another drop makes its way down your wrist

Running parallel to mine

A pool forms beneath my feet

Tears run down your cheeks

As a witness to what you have done

Screams rage through the depth of my lungs

Announcing through the ages that it is done

I have finished it

It has been accomplished.

 

Your friends and family are nowhere to be found

You have chosen your spot and moment carefully

As another cut marks another reminder to yourself

That you are still alive, and, though scarred, will go on.

 

I turn my face towards heaven and my Father is nowhere to be found

He has chosen this time and place with precise and careful planning

As the thrust of a spear makes a sure reminder

That death has claimed one last victim, and for now, I don’t live on.

 

A new day dawns

You wake and feel for the evidence of the cut

And somehow find the strength to face it all for another day.

A new time dawns

I rise and feel the cut in my side, the evidence

Reminder of victory secured that will help bring in a new day.

 

With vacant eyes staring off into the distance

You stare at nothing in particular

As you reach once more for the blade

Comforting ritual to bring sanity to a life and mind in chaos

But before you can coax the blade into doing its deadly deed

You are stopped

Your hand starts to shake as you stare at your scars

Your cuts, opening up on My back and sides

Streams of blood coverging to form a crimson river

That now totally sweeps you up

Engulfing you

Washing you vigorously

Wiping away every hurt, every mark of pain and fear

Every seed of rejection

On and on until every trace is gone

Sucked into the whirlpool of my life-giving water

 

And suddenly, as quickly as it arrived, it is gone.

 

And you are left standing

In front of the mirror

For the first time catching a glimpse of how I see you

And as you even begin to understand what I have gone through for you

So the blade slips to the ground

The darkness takes a small hesitant step in retreat

And the look in the corner of your eye conveys just the faintest glimmer of hope…

the shiny colour and disease that is red

i have a friend called Roy (or Conrad Roy)

he is one of the new students who was in our church enGAGE this year and is now part of our leadership team for next year

i really like Roy, for a number of reasons:

he says ‘awesome’ a lot. now i don’t like it when people say ‘awesome’ a lot because i personally have reserved the word ‘awesome’ for God cos it seems a travesty when you say ‘God is awesome’ and then ‘that ice-cream is aswesome’ or ‘that hockey goal you scored last night, brett, was awesome’- it’s like you’re comparing God with an ice-cream – so for me i reserve the word ‘awesome’ for God. Roy uses it ALL the time and so it should really annoy me, but it doesn’t. because he is generally just so excited about life and everything in life that i think ‘awesome’ is his way of getting it out. and so his using the word ‘awesome’ is an expression of his zest for life and i LOVE his zest for life.

not only does Roy operate on a ‘glass half full’ way of thinking about his own life, but he will see his glass as full and overflowing and will look across and see your glass (which is smashed and lying on the floor) as half full and then offer you his. Roy has come and helped out my VOB hockey team a few times and is an amazing athlete (possible pole vault contender for next Olympicals) and i am not as good although have probly been playing the hockey of my life this last year and Roy has just been such a huge encouragement on and off the field and really helped me with my self-belief which in turn has helped me play better. in fact he set up my first of two goals i scored this season and was super stoked for me when i samessed him last nite about my second goal.

he is super animated when telling stories, especially bible stories which he starts acting out even without realising i think and is really fun to watch – again just his passion for the moment.

and he is super deep – still young and still a bit loud and can be distractive at times, BUT when he goes into the zone and starts speaking about deep stuff he has been thinking about in terms of life or God or church or sports for summer camp (which he is running – so amped to hang with him!) then he really is a deep thinker and you can see the quality of his realness.

so that’s why i like Roy (or rooi) – red spirited and highly contagious – and a definite leader in the future. And very privileged right now to get to call him my friend…