Tag Archive: blessing


in a nutshell if you refer to your woman (whether it be girlfriend or fiance or wife) as a ‘ball and chain’ or any similiar type negative reference you are probably in need of an attitude shift… or maybe a slap to the head (and i am more than happy to assist with either!)

as tbVal pointed out to me today it is often the very people who should be campaigning for the opposite who are the ones guilty of this – a pastor at a wedding ceremony, the best men (so good mates of the groom), the husband – and it is always ‘done in jest’ and light-hearted and just a joke… BUT i strongly believe that it can (and maybe always) have a negative effect on the relationship in various ways.

as they say ‘many a true word is spoken in jest’ which i don’t necessarily agree with in entirety altho i just realised they said ‘many’ and not all and so i guess i actually do… but as my buddy MJ coined it today, ‘many a true word is spoken undressed’ and that gives to me a clearer picture actually in one sense of what is really happening… cos often the jest/humour/barbed comment/negative stereotype is a metaphorical undressing or revealing of what really lies beneath.

and so referring to your wife as the ball and chain “ha ha ha” actually (if we could peer for a moment honestly into your heart) can display a hint of resentment or bitterness linked to stuff you had to give up when you got married or the way your time is no longer completely your own but now has to include the plans, dreams, priorities and movements of another… and so instead of changing your heart and dealing with the negativity you are feeling, you feed it by subtle innuendo and ‘innocent’ comment.

i was at a pastor’s breakfast today where the one pastor’s wife had come for the first time and when they said who she was wife to, someone loudly commented ‘ag shame’ or something to that effect. more negativity

quite possibly a curse.

i love my wife. and i want the world to know that. and more importantly i want my wife to know that. and so i tell her. a lot. i tell her when we are alone. and i tell her publically because it is something i want people to know and see and hopefully learn from.

why would i ever want to make a negative comment – even as a joke – towards her – that she may even in the slightest most smallest part in the back of her heart wonder if there is any truth to? why, for the measly pittance of a small (nervous? cos is that my real feeling, as the listener towards my wife?) laugh, would i risk selling out my immense love.

and people will throw ‘but you’re in the honeymoon period’ at us and i may need to administer a different slapping for that cos altho it is still early days in our marriage, this is an intentional, well thort out, muchly observed, taken on phenomenon of truth. in ten years time i will hold to the same stuff and hopefully still be accused of being in the honeymoon period (forget that, we’re in the marriage period and it IS till death do us part) because of how i treat Val, and how i speak to Val, and how i speak of Val and how i look at Val.

and so i want to encourage you and i want to exhort you and i want to stand up on top of a nearby mountain and SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AT YOU… choose to bless and not to curse! Both publically and privately speak positively to and about your wife (fiance, girlfriend) – building her up, building up your marriage, giving a positive vibe to those who are not married that this marriage thing is an incredible thing (not always easy, sometimes really hard, sometimes very easy – a lot a lot – and sometimes a lot of work and other times so incredibly amazingly amazing) worth pursuing when the right person has been found.

do not allow the enemy even a foothold…

and i really believe that dissing each other publically, making negative to-marriage-or-to-each-other jokes and other stuff can speak curses, which, like seeds, are planted into your relationship, and altho there may be a long long time of not seeing any effect to them, will at some stage become rooted, and grow and eventually emerge, and by then it may be too late, or immensely difficult to restore what you have lost.

“what you water, you will grow” [chris the boss]

speak blessing, love, speak life, love, uplift, love, encourage, love, build up, love, add beauty, love, raise self-esteem/self-belief/ self-worth…LOVE!

for the next part of ‘How to Love your wife better’ – Halting the movement of the sun – click here.

Cursive Wry T’ings

so TBV (the beautiful Val, my lovely wife) and i arrive at a pastor’s breakfast this morning and as we walk upto one of the pastors there he looks at her and says says something along the lines of, ‘So you have to put up with this hey?’ or some other kind of jesty vibe dunno-what-to-say-so-let-me-open-my-mouth-and-see-what-spews-forth witty reparte’… he was trying to be funny and it was fine… but a little while later they were introducing some new people to the meeting and the one dude’s wife was there for the first time and when she indicated she was with him an ‘oh shame’ or something emanated from someone’s mouth…

no big deal right? just a joke.

i have heard weddings where the pastor or best men make jokes like ‘marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night – you get a ring and then you wake up’ and a hundred variations of that.

it’s just a joke. lighten up. it means nothing.

but actually i feel very strongly that it may mean quite a significant lot!

in fact for my wedding to TBV 4 months ago (this wed) we banned people from any negative wedding humour saying that for our special day we only want to hear stuff that builds us up and blesses and speaks hope and so on for the future.

if we look at the statistics (not a big statistics fan but these ones are pretty sound whichever way you look at them) we see that marriages as a whole in South Africa (and the western world at large) are not doing so great – in fact we are doing badly – as a nation we suck at marriage – and taking it further if you look at the stats of Christian marriages here they are no better – pretty much exactly the same as non-Christian marriage stats… as Christians we suck at marriage…

could it be that to some part where we curse marriage (in jest by little comments we make and insinuations and jokes breaking down marriage) verbally that curse takes up home in our lives (an invited guest)?

i am not saying that negative jokes/comments about marriage are the reason for our high divorce rate. but i am saying that i don’t think they are healthy and that they start to imprint the smallest suggestions or hints of ideas that we may later cling to as truth. and that can have disastrous results.

a marriage does not end in a moment – it is eroded over time – like water from a waterfall flowing onto rocks below that have become smoothed with age, gradually worn away again and again until they are no longer there.

and so i strongly urge you to speak blessing into your relationships and over your relationships and especially into/over other peoples relationships. speak life into them and not even a hint of pulling down. marriages and in fact all relationships are difficult enough (constantly under external attack) without us adding anything to make them even harder.

let’s FIGHT TO REVERSE THE NORM!!! we made bold declarations at our wedding that we want our relationship to succeed and that we hold ourselves accountable toall our friends and family who witnessed it and that we see them as being responsible for assisting us in living out a good and Godly and positive and role-modelling relationship.

relationships do work. marriage can succeed. But it’s largely about being intentional and persevering and fighting for and loving (with Christ’s self-sacrificing love) and doing that day after day after day – killing compromise and pride and dealing decisively with anger and selfishness and more.

my name is brett FISH anderson and i am VERY HAPPILY MARRIED to THE BEAUTIFUL VALERIE and i will fight for that as i choose her again every new day. how about you? let’s do this thing!

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