psalmthing to chew on: psalm 52

i think the first very interesting thing to note with this psalm is the intro:

‘For the director of music. A maskil  of David. When Doeg the Edomite had gone to Saul and told him: “David has gone to the house of Ahimelek.”’

if you read the first seven verses you see David’s response to basically ‘being told on’ and he is not amused. should we learn from that example of David and go to ourselves, ‘ah cool, so that makes it okay to rant publically about someone?’

i would suggest no. i don’t think this is a teaching passage that ends in ‘Go and do likewise!’ – but i do think we can take some kind of relief at seeing how this ‘man after God’s own heart’ still got really annoyed with people and even lost it to some extent in a public way. David lost his cool. does that mean i should lose mine? no, but it makes me feel so much better when i do. i am in good company.

we see this later with the disciples trying to get rid of the kids that ‘are bothering Jesus’, we witness this as Peter valiantly pulls out his dagger and removes the ear of one of the guards come to arrest Jesus and we have seen this in Moses smashing the tablets with the ten commandments on them because he is so pissed off by the Israelites actions.

it’s not the right way to behave… but we ‘get’ it.

and then it’s like he manages to pull himself together right at the end and finishes with a focus on God. kind of like he is saying, ‘I am mightily pissed off right now, i’m so angry, i’ve been so hard done by… but God is faithful. This too shall pass. And what does any of it really matter because i have God on my side and He is loving and faithful.

‘But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever.
For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people.
And I will hope in your name, for your name is good.’ [vs. 8-9]

 [To return to the Intro page and be connected to any of the other Psalms i have walked through before now, click here]

How to Save a Marriage… before you need to. [part iv]

Continuing the series where I asked a bunch of my friends who I think are in healthy marriages to share a key or two about what they have found helps make their marriage work well. Here are thoughts from my sister-in-law:

I think one of the biggest things that makes our marriage work for us is our communication. Communication when joking together, communication when talking, communication when sharing feelings, communication when showing our love for each other, communication when disagreeing, communication when discussing disagreements.

Two of the biggest things I’ve learnt since being married, and both of them I’ve learnt from Ewald, are these:

Realize in a discussion or difference, or in a misunderstanding, that everyone has a unique perspective which is because of their unique personality and identity (those things you fell in love with) so try and see the situation from their perspective. A lot of stuff starts to fall into place then.

The other thing I’ve learnt is not to shout or get angry when we’re having an argument or disagreement. I sometimes want to, but all that will do is escalate things to an ugly level. Ewald always discusses things calmly even when we’re frustrated because we’re trying to be understood and to understand and it’s that kind of patience and love and kindness in speech that makes me want to discuss calmly… If that all makes sense? I guess what I’m trying to say is that we each hold the responsibility for the tone we set in a discussion and I’ve seen so many times how ewald simply choosing not to speak in an annoyed voice or not to speak angrily makes me want to treat him in the same kind way, then we’re able to communicate more effectively in the situation and are able to avoid causing hurt.

[Bronwyn Duffield Witthoft – married for 5 and a half years to Ewald who commented in part iii]

to read the next one click here…

How to love your woman better part halting the movement of the sun.

There is another verse in the Bible that says, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry” and since most of us have no real effect on stopping the sun from its nightly perceived movement away from us, i guess that means it makes a lot more sense for us to concentrate on the ‘stop being angry’ part… and it’s linked to the not keeping a record of wrongs.

And so one of the key principles in our relationship is that we never go to bed without dealing with any issue we have. No heading to bed pissed off or not speaking, or, as someone said in a recent talk we heard, on the extreme edge of the bed hanging on for dear life to be as far away from the other person as possible.

And it’s not always easy – because as much as we love each other we get it wrong – pride, selfishness, laziness, irritation, the tides, context-affected emotion (okay maybe not the tides, but definitely the other stuff and more) creeps in and we argue and say things we shouldn’t and have attitude every now and then… but we refuse to go to sleep at night without first dealing with it. In a loving and kind way.

In fact one of my favourite things about our relationship is our bounce quotient. How quickly we bounce back from an argument or irritation or disagreement or whatever. We really do it quickly which is great. And maybe a lot of that is possible because of the not keeping a record of wrongs and the returning to the starting point of ‘the other person loves me and would never intentionally choose to hurt me.’

And so i strongly encourage and urge you in your relationship with your girlfriend or wife or fiancé (and your best friends and family and kids if you have) to make that a key principle in your relationships. Don’t go to bed with issues left unresolved as far as it is possible for you.

and make it possible.

for the next part of ‘How to Love your woman better’ – Amnesia – click here. Unless you don’t remember where to click, then click here.

you made me so angry, oh wait no you didn’t

i have a hypothesis which is like a zoologist student’s big masters year essay on 4000-8000 lbs river-dwelling creatures that are responsible for more deaths per year than lions… but that’s a different story…

what i want to suggest to you today is that no-body in the world has the ability to make me angry

“but brett, that just isn’t true, i’ve watched you play hockey”

“silence, in-fidelllll i kill you”

thankx achmed, but i’ll take it from here…

and no-one in the whole world has the power to make you angry!

“oh, but brett, they do, have you seen me in traffic during rush hour?”

i loved that movie!!! but no, let me explain – the reason nobody else can make you angry is because only you can make you angry

i’m convinced that anger, like love, is a choice

now people and situations can point me in the direction of becoming angry – person hacks my foot in a hockey game, taxi pulls recklessly in front of me in traffic, i hit my thumb with a saw (i’m not very good with tools) and so on…

but how i respond to said person or situation is a complete choice by me

how do i know this? because i have observed people in the very same situations that ‘make me angry’ and yet they don’t respond in anger – and i have been in similiar situations when on one occasion my response will be anger and on another it won’t be

here is an example – i am alone, i hit my thumb with a hammer (someone pointed out i was hammering things in earlier this note using a saw) and i immediately swear… a lot…

in a different example, i am hammering and my parents and parents-in-law and Bono are in the room (it could happen) and i hit my thumb and i will most likely use a fake swearword like “fudgecakes” or “7de laan” which proves that i can affect the outcome of my anger depending on who is nearby – [if i happened to shout out ‘bloody’ by mistake i would definitely pretend i was doing a metal version of ‘sunday bloody sunday’ so that Bono wouldn’t think less of me]

and it really all boils down to a choice – someone treats me unfairly, i arrive late at the movies and all the tickets are sold out, someone scrapes my car… all those things point me in the direction of anger, but i can choose to walk that road or not

‘a fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control’ – proverbs 29.11

and one of the descriptions of love in 1 cor 13 is that it is ‘not easily angered’

Jesus got angry. Flippin angry. In matthew 21.12/john 2.15 he fashions a whip and drives out the people selling stuff in the temple grounds and overturns tables – it is the righteous anger of seeing something that is godly being perverted by greedy men…

ephesians 4.26 maybe says it best when it says, ‘in your anger, do not sin. do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.’

and so maybe anger isn’t so much the problem as how we let it out – how quickly we let it out – and how long we hold on to it

the beautiful Val and i have a principle in our marriage of never going to bed angry which leads to some awkward waited out silences on some occasions as we get ourselves to a place where we can apologise and speak it out and work through whatever the issue is – hard and awkward and weird sometimes, but a marriage saver or enhancer for sure

i think it is important to get angry – crime should make us angry… so should abuse. murder. rape should make us insanely angry. waste. litter [seriously, smoker, carry that thing to a bin!] racism. sexism. raisins [okay maybe not everyone should be angry at raisins, but i certainly am, little gross squishy puke maggots!] injustice.

those things should all make us angry. but we should be slow to respond. and we should respond with wisdom and grace, and in love.

slow to anger, quick to love.

one of the downsides of anger is it can ruin a moment, an occasion, a day – i remember i used to get pretty angry and road ragey in traffic and just used to spend so much time angry – but i think it was the realisation that my anger never changed the situation, it never made people drive better, or apologise to me for their rude cutting in, or whatever – it was only affecting me. and so i decided to stop it. and largely i did.

i think if you are able to stop and take a step back and view the situation and see how getting ridiculously angry will affect the situation and you, it will make it a lot easier not to get angry, or to get angry but with a controlled response – you know what, you’re a ponce, but i’m not going to let you destroy my moment, occasion, day by getting all angry about it – i will deal with the situation, and with you if necessary, but i’m going to keep my cool and respond rather than react, and continue to enjoy my day

so say it with me, ‘i made me angry’ – now stoppit, me!