Sometimes love…

Every now and then i will post a status on Facebook or the Twitterer that starts with the words ‘Sometimes love looks like…’

Which will then go on to mention something [large or small] that my wife, tbV [the beautiful Val, yes folks the ‘b’ does not stand for ‘lovely’!] has done for me as a way of celebrating her more publicly.

The latest one looked a little something like this:

Sometimes love is walking into your bedroom two hours before you go watch the new Avengers movie with your wife and friend and finding a Hulk and Black Widow suit layed out on the bed ready to go…

Because largely of this:

Black Widow and the Hulk

The best part of it for me was that she thought it up spontaneously on the day at work and then went to find a place she could hire marvel suits from. And when i walked into our bedroom two hours before the film, both costumes were laid out on the bed without a word being said.

We don’t typically dress up as Marvel superheroes and go out in public. But this ended up being a hugely fun night with our buddy Regan and we made a whole lot of peoples’ days at Blue Route Mall [and in the car on the way there] including the two [grown-up] people who asked to have their photo taken with me [possibly not so much the Kauai lady who refused to come out of the back initially].

A couple of points from this:

# We need stories – fun, crazy, inspirational, risky, weird, touching – every now and then just step out of the ordinary and create a story that you can hold on to for the rest of your lives – one that you do with someone you really love or even a group of people as it becomes your story…

# Take time to celebrate the people in your life. No-one wants to hear gushy ‘my wife is the best wife in the world’ statements all over your social media every day, but just every now and then highlight a person you care about – your person, a good friend, family member – with a public one liner every now and then you can really make someone’s day. Or moment. Or hour.

# People are always watching [especially if your face is pastelled green and you are wearing a Hulk suit] – that argument you are having on someone else’s wall on Facebook, that blog comment you are pouring your heart into, that piece of paper you are casually tossing out of your car window, the way you look at and speak to the beggar lying in the street… there is almost always an audience and you will often not know who they are – which is why we are called to live well because we are constantly mentoring or discipling people by our attitudes, our words, and our actions, even though we didn’t particularly choose to.

Often i will be engaging with someone on Facebook or in the comments section of my blog and it seems obvious to everyone that this person’s mind is not going to change and people are urging me to stop engaging because it’s a waste of time. And largely i agree. But my response is always that my engagement is not primarily about them – there are always more people watching and not commenting who will hopefully [on a good day] see my attitude and way of dealing with the person or else be taking in the words of the argument and be chewing on those – it is seldom about the actual person in a situation where you can see they are not likely to change – so i still give them the opportunity to change, but more often than not it’s because i know people are watching. This might be something helpful to them.

# And lastly there is that well-known saying – ‘Always be yourself, unless you can be the Hulk, and then be the Hulk.’ 

What story are you going to be a part of this week? And who are you going to celebrate out loud?

Poetry with Erik with a K: Lonely Cloud

So sometimes when i’m not myself i become this guy Brad Fish who has a whole series of videos warning people about Dangerous Things You Can Least Expect [DTYCLE] which were either funny or not, depending on whether you found them funny or not.

And then today, i discovered that sometimes when i’m not Brad Fish, i might end up becoming Erik [with a K]

Erik loves poetry and the soothing effect it has on him and so he has decided to share one of his favourite well-known poems in the hopes that hearing it read in a different accent might bring it more alive to you as well.

He does hope you will enjoy:

What are your thoughts? Did Erik [with a K] move you? Or should he be the one being moved? 

[For a Dylan Thomas poem recited beautifully by Erik with a K, click here]

Chasing LOL – part II

You know how this works. We write LOL, but we barely ever really mean it… but Jack Handey is one of the guys who i know have made people LOL best and for real… so take a look at these offerings and see if any of them do it for you:

‘It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.’ [Jack Handey]

‘I guess of all my uncles I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he’d eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.’ [Jack Handey]

‘It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.’ [Jack Handey]

‘I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?”‘ [Jack Handey]

‘One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to a burnt down warehouse. “Oh no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.’ [Jack Handey]

Which of those came closest for you? Or do you have a favourite Jack Handey? Share with us in the comments section and we’ll see if it makes it into the next episode of Chasing LOL… 

[For more Jack Handey LOL chasingments, click here]

the evil list [origins]

Anyone can point out real evil, the genuine kind of evil that is actually evil [and knows it!]  and there is clearly enough of it in the world to go around…

But what takes real skill and precision is being able to discern the evil that not everybody notices – the more subtle evil that parades itself right in front of peoples’ faces and which most people will be able to stare directly at without flinching. or even giving it a second thought.

This particular type of evil is usually to be found in different types of so-called food, although on occasion is may take on other forms and it is high time that somebody drew some attention to it.

Don’t be alarmed if this list does not seem quite right to you – with this particular brand of evil, everyone will have their own list, but you may nod your head somberly at some of the items, knowing that they too would make your own personal list.

What am i talking about? well, in an absolutely overwhelmingly particular order [as this list is completely relative] from not quite so evil to absolutely bastardly evil [oh i know you know what that is going to be] i’m talking about The Evil List Feb 2015. i have decided to make it date specific as i imagine tastes and fears change and something that seemed really quite evil may be overtaken by something that was pretending to be just a little evil. But for now this is…

THE EVIL LIST

#10 Likes instead of Shares – let’s be honest internet people, if you really liked a thing you would share it, liking is along the lines of saying to a new mom, “Your baby has character” when we all know what you really mean. Sharing is, “I might even consider holding your baby if you’re absolutely convinced it’s not going to throw up on me.” Likes is, “I want you to invite me to your birthday party”, whereas a Share suggests that, “I am going to invite you to mine!”

#9 Survivor spoilers [or spoilers in general] – maybe take a moment to realise not everyone in the whole world is going to be watching Survivor at the exact same moment as you and so tweeting, “I can’t believe Trevoux won!!!!” two seconds after it happens might be unhelpful and ragifying for people, say, watching it on another coast or in another country. The flip side of this is people who do not let you mention what was so significant about the Bruce Willis role in Sixth Sense because they haven’t seen it yet. IT’S BEEN 16 YEARS PEOPLE. Spoilers have a statute of limitations. Within a week = too much. Seven years after the fact = you’re probably fine.

#8 Traditional Emoticons [this used to just be emoticons but since Facebook brought out angry clam, dancing Snoopy and Fishface man, i think we need to be a little more specific]

#7 Freaky Giant Emoticons [how do you ruin a perfectly evil traditional emoticon? simple – enlarge it 15 times and make it take up my whole message box and seem like it is laughing at me]

#6 Adam Sandler movies. i’m not taking about when he used to be good, like in ‘The Wedding Singer’ and ‘Happy Gilmour’ – i’m talking about the last five or ten where he has phoned in the script, casting and acting. Note to self: Stop watching Adam Sandler movies. This one is not the one that will make it all better. Oh and Will Ferrell movies too. He’s okay as an animated voice.

#5 “I took the [insert tv programme/movie character/weather pattern/type of Victorian door knob] test and I’m HufflePuff.” To be honest, number 5 feels a bit generous to this one. This needs to END RIGHT NOW. You are not going to be Hermione Granger. With your skills, let’s face it, ‘Guy in Red Shirt’ on original Star Trek episode is about the best you have to hope for.

#4 Cat videos. And baby videos. [I understand that you like cats and babies, but i really think there should be some etiquettal law about keeping them on your own page. Although one day i finally will make that video of a kitten riding on the back of a baby and the internet is going to implode] My friend Sam gets a bye on this one, but only as far as cat pictures with fun sayings on them.

#3 Cooked pineapple [actually probably any cooked/stewed fruit but pineapple gets the special nod because it ruins perfectly good bacon-encrusted pizzas. “Hey, this fruit tastes good, let’s make it evil by cooking it!”]

#2 Gerkhins and Olives – [i’m not sure they’re not the same thing but i would give them an equal quotient of evil points because they ruin otherwise perfect sandwiches and salads and empty jars with weird toilet water in them]

#1 raiSINs [number 1 is unlikely to ever change – it even has the word ‘SIN’ hidden in the word, that’s how obvious this particular one is – and no it doesn’t matter if you have them in things or if you have them by themselves or if you lyingly try to convince me “You won’t taste them!” They are the evilest of non traditional evil and they must be stopped!] it is a known fact that all squishy fruits are evil and so sultanas, currants, prunes all go into this category, but raiSIN is their king.

Special mention must go to people who push into lines [standing or driving], cigarette butts out of car windows [or litter in general], pepper [yes, the condiment, it literally only makes things taste like pepper], lighting up your cellphone screen during a movie [you had better not be in throwing distance, coins hurt!] and people who only use two words, or even worse, two letters, on your birthday to wish you a happy birthday,  [although people who use a sentence or more are right up there in my loves list!]

How do your feel about my evil list? Do you think giant freaky emoticons are not as bad as recent Will Ferrell movies? Would you bump cat videos above the culinary heatment of pineapple? And what items from your evil list didn’t feature on mine at all?

Pearls before Superbowl

This is a classic from Stephan Pastis and i am posting it in honour of all my Americanese friends over there [and some crazy South Africans and Americans over here] who will be completely glued to their television sets in a few hours time, for a few hours time…

On the one hand it is so much of completely true:

And on the other hand, it’s going to be pretty much the same from my side [and others around the world] in just a few weeks time when MY South African Proteas cricket team [you know, the one i own] beats all the other countries in Australia/New Zealand and brings home the world cup…

So your chance today, but know that mine is coming. May the right team win.

[For more fun Pearls before Swine strips, head on over here]

What Mark Driscoll is up to these days…

So it's been a little while since the Mark Driscoll thing happened... you know the one i mean, or you probably wouldn't be in here reading this...

But what has been up to? i have not really been thinking too much about him. I mean i hope him and his family are well and that he is getting the help he needs and all of that.

So not on my radar at all. That is, until this mail arrived:

Dearest Beloved in Christ,
Calvary Greeting in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Peace and love be with you; in the marvelous name of our lord Jesus. Hope my humble letter reaches you; may it fine you the best of good health and our Lord blessing

I am Pastor Mark Driscoll and i got your contact on my personal search when am searching for an honest person ,this mail request may seen strange but i crave you indulgence and pray you view it seriously as i am convinced that you would be capable to provide me solution to it i want to willed my money to you which the sum of [10.000.000.00 Ten million Great British Pounds to you ,which is the only money left in my account right now.

This is all i have left in my account and have decided to willed it to you.I quite appreciate the fact that this few words of mine are going to meet you as a surprise because this is my first time writing to you. We are excited and energized in pursuit of the mission God has given us, to reach and save souls for Christ and positively impact lives and families in our immediate community and around the world.

At Greater Achievers Family we recognize that God’s Word provides answers to the issues and challenges facing families, married couples, singles, youth and young adults. Under the power of the Holy Spirit, we provide relevant teaching and preaching so that people will live a life of meaning, fulfillment and destiny. Through our 5 different ministries, there is a variety of opportunities for persons to make an impact on the lives of others.
Please reply me back to this email back Thanks you for your understanding.(markdriscoll1960@outlook.com)

Best regards
Pastor Mark Driscoll

Not. Even. Joking.

Best scam email ever. I mean unless of course it's not...

The clues were many:

[1] it arrived in my junk mail box

[2] he offered to pay me the ten million in Great British Pounds [everyone knows real men use dollars]

[3] the 'Dearest Beloved in Christ' [Mark hardly ever refers to me like that any more]

[4] Please reply me back to this email back. [Pure comedy gold right there]

So that was my chuckle for the day. Anyways, i got to get going. Just heard that John Piper is about to wire me $1,000,000,000,000. 
[Really classy of him to send it via Nigeria]

What is the weirdest/best/most creative junk mail you ever received?

This was my funnest reply i ever didn't send...

Are you a Pig or a Rat?

So in these two most recent Pearls before Swine cartoons, we get a great glimpse of the character of the two main, um, characters, namely Rat and Pig.

Rat being the cynical, mean, vindictive one, i find that i identify with him way too often, and when i notice that i do, i usually have to do some kind of changing of my ways… although sometimes i wish i was this forward:

Whereas Pig on the other hand is innocent, genuine, loving and real and when i identify with him at all, it is usually something to embrace… although i often wish i was this much others-focused:

i know some people who are really great at cheering other people on and enjoying their success and i think at times i am that person, but not so much when it means i have missed out on success. in game-playing for example, i am uberly competitive and so something i have been working on and need to work on for a long time has been being able to cheer someone else’s success when they have beaten me in a game.

my friend Bruce Olsen, back in Oakland in Americaland, was that person – host us, feed us so well and then just delight in playing an evening of games with friends – for me it is too often about needing the win [apparently it proves something in my brain or something] – i learnt so much watching him, and there are countless others.

my friend Linda Martindale comes to mind in life in general in terms of being such a great cheerleader of other peoples’ projects and success and just themselves – she really takes great joy in people and i am so privileged to have her as a friend and hope to learn more of how she is who she is [and has been ever since i have known her]

So how about you? Are you more a Rat? Or a Pig? Or do you also find evidence of both in your life?

And who is someone you know [name them!] who embodies Pig in the second cartoon and is a cheerer on of other people with no or not much thought of themselves?

 [For other fun and serious and life-divulging Pearls Before Swine strips, click here]