Book launch – ‘i, church’ by me – The Venue

26 days to go…

There has been a book for ever [or it seems that way] that has continued to be rewritten, updated, tweaked and refined until it was ready to be unleashed on the public…

Then there was a cover pic and finally a full cover [yes, yes, “a horrendous” not “an horrendous” – this is just the most updated one i have access to]…

And finally there is a book launch [as the final proofreading and editing winds down and the book is actually printed and made available]

And by “book launch” i mean “book launches” cos of you being all spread around and all.

So this is what we are planning and RSVP is important as there are number constraints on the venues so if you are going to come to any of the Cape Town launches, please drop me an email at brettfish@hotmail.com with your name and how many people.

Thursday 19 March at 6.30pm at Vovo Telo [Steenberg Village] – this is a stunning little venue that can take about 80 people and we will be supplying some dinner snacks and inviting you to buy your own drinks as you vibe a vibe with us and get to hear a little bit about the book as well as asking some questions you might have. [This event is unfortunately FULL UP and so if you’re in Cape Town you’ll have to come to the Saturday one].

Saturday 21 March at 09.30 at The Warehouse in Wetton [12 Plantation Road] – for those who can’t make a mid-week time, Saturday morning felt like a good opportunity to gather and mingle and coffee and be introduced to the book with another opportunity to ask some questions. Click here for the Facebook event.

For those of you who live in the Somerset West/Stellenbosch area, we are looking to have a smaller, more intimate, home launch and so please send me your email address if you would like to receive the details for that one. Thinking the following week.

Also i am planning a trip to Durban to do a book launch there, dreaming of a trip to Joburg/Pretoria [a gift of frequent flier miles will be muchly appreciated] and holding on to the slim possibility of one in Oakland, San Francisco… and up to doing other ones in lounges, churches, small towns or wherever else i might be given the chance to – but those are the main ones i am looking to do – if you want to stay in the loop as details emerge, again just let me know with a contact email address.

Very much looking forward to this book actually being a real, live thing and hoping that it is going to be helpful, encouraging, challenging and get people thinking a little [and a lot] differently about church and all the potential it has when it is the thing God intended it to be.

Hoping to see you there.

[But that is the book about? For a teaser trailer preview of ‘i, church’, click here] 

and you did…

one by one or in twos they arrive

starting with family who are here early to make pancakes and watch little ones

and then friends also start appearing

friendly and awkward chatter takes place in multiple rooms of the house

flapjacks are consumed

coffee is made and then drunk with equal measures of passion

scattered laughter from small groups of people who have not seen each other for a while of whiles

and at some point some kind of order is called

people gradually file into the main room of meetingment

and the ringmaster, Arthur, is introduced

the ‘rules’ are laid our

and the evening is described

a moment of silence

a minute of listening

sharing of ideas, hopes and dreams

more listening

some thoughts

sharing of images and phrases and words and ideas

spoken prayers

response to thoughts, words, pictures and prayers

more silence

listening

small groups

specific focus

reflection

more prayer

at some point time is called

goodbyes are given

huge exchanged

chairs moved back to their natural positions

thanks expressed

drifted departures

one or two longer conversations with those who hang around and chat

cleanup

final farewell

thoughts shared

emotions held

silent reflection

insomnia

as thoughts pinball viciously around a busy mind

eventually sleep comes

 

[quite possibly, if you were not there this week, when we invited family and friends to come together and pray and reflect and share and listen with us as we tried to hear some direction from God in terms of the how and the where and the who of where tbV and i live next, this will not mean an awful lot. but let me close it off by suggesting that this was such an incredible time for us and can be for you too. we typically don’t take enough time and advantage of those who mean so much to us in life to invite them into our decision-making and God-reflecting. and if you are feeling far away from God yourself at this moment then inviting others who aren’t to come and hear with you and for you can be a soothing and remedious thing. if all that evening was, was a celebration of even just a fraction of the people who love us – as some who live close could not be there and many who live all over the world who we would have loved to have been there – well, that would have been good enough. it is a powerful force that tells you you are loved. well loved. appreciated, cheered on, celebrated, hoped for and more.

a lot of friend time can be spent in fun but meaningless – one  deeper level – activity – eating. watching, playing – which is not bad stuff, BUT i can not encourage you enough to create some super deep and meaningful times of your own – when you have a big decision coming up or when it’s a significant birthday milestone or even just because – and maybe the best way to do this is to create it for someone else – for a family member, spouse or best friend… gather their people, create space for time and reflection or words of love and encouragement and appreciation… these will be live-changing moments not quickly forgotten

thank you, everyone who was involved this time, present or not, for showing us love well… ]

 

 

 

How to win the lottery [guaranteed!]

Last night, my wife Valerie [aka The Beautiful Val aka tbV] and i won the lottery.

Now let me get this straight, i am not talking about the Dutch Lottery that i seem to win with alarming regularity [despite having never sent in any kind of entry or bought any ticket of any kind, but if it arrives in my email it must be true, right?]

And i don’t mean that time that kind old Nigerian widow mailed me to let me know she had decided to share the millions, if not billions, her late husband had left her that she felt more comfortable storing in a South African stranger’s bank account, with me.

I am talking the real lottery.

Well, not the money one, obviously. Why would i be in any way excited about that?

THE SETTING

Last night about 20 of our friends and family gathered together in the lounge of the place we have been staying in, in Tokai, that we are needing to move out of in two weeks, to pray and listen with us as we tried to discern and hear from God anything with regards to where we would stay next.

Well, we know where we are staying next and my best mate Duncan was there to represent the Houstons who have opened their house to us on a number of occasions in the last three years so that we have a place to stay in between major transitions.

i wrote a piece a few months ago looking at how tbV and i want to live intentionally where we live, and this feels like an extension of that.

It is important to articulate that we don’t have a ‘The One’ kind of mindset, that God has a specific place set aside for us and we just need to figure out where that is and guess right and then BOOM! But at the same time, if we believe in a loving God [and maybe more of that in a later post], we believe that it is okay for us to ask for a specific place and see if God will give one to us.

The evening was incredible and went way beyond either of our expectations [and maybe more of that later as well in a different other post] which was largely due to the way in which our dear friend, Arthur Stewart, led our friends in a specific journey of prayer.

But for me, and i think both of us, we could have ended before we even began the meeting and it still would have been a Jackpot status event.

Not everyone we wanted to be there was available or could make it, but those who came, demonstrating love, willingness to give of their time and intent in terms of aligning their hearts and prayers and choosing to stand alongside us, absolutely moved us. We have some incredible people in our lives.

THAT is the Lottery win and it is worth so much more than any amount of money. And i’m not just saying that to sound noble or cheesy or emotional or anything [although i did spend most of the evening holding back the tears so i could just focus on what was being said and shared]. If you offered me ten million rand [or a billion] or that room filled with those people, i would choose those people every time. And i would not hesitate.

That is gold right there. The people who choose us, who champion us, who stick with us, who invest in us, who walk beside us, who lead us, who follow behind us, who feast with us and who mourn with us. Those who wrestle with ideas with us, who hold us accountable, who challenge us with love, who celebrate us and with us and invite us into their celebrations. Gold, gold, gold gold, gold. More than gold. There are no words which come close to expressing. You mean so much to us. Thank you.

And much more, but that’s enough for now. These walruses [walri?] appreciate you.

 

To Be A Dad – meet Brad the Taylor

I thank God for the example I received from my parents about what being a godly, loving parent and spouse looks like. By God’s grace whether we have had a shocking or terrific upbringing we still have the responsibility to choose how we parent. However, it is easier to aim at what we want to emulate, than to just know what you don’t want to replicate.

I thank God for the naivety and bliss with which my wife, Lydia, fell pregnant with Danielle, our first born, with the pregnancy itself, with the birth and raising her (she is now almost 2 years old). Because little did we know that our worlds would get rocked upside down in a matter of days after Dani’s first birthday…. Similar to Lydia’s pregnancy with Dani falling pregnant with Impi (just our in utro name), our second child, went according to plan, but suddenly at Dani’s first birthday party Lyd started having severe back pain. We went for a scan and all looked great (what a relief), but then a few days later Lydia miscarried at home (when Impi was 14 weeks). Simultaneously we found out that our daughter was being mistreated by her carer.

So has parenting been easy? No! I can honestly say life was easier without thinking of children, we were carefree, our schedule’s were our own. Would I change it? Not at all! I love watching a little life bloom. Being a teacher and wanting only the best for other people’s kids, it is a privilege to have our own children. Would I have stopped at one child, now knowing we were to lose our second child? Not a chance! Sure it was painful, there were tears, unanswered questions but we were brought into a deeper reality of God’s love, a closer connection with friends and family and in faith were, and still are, able to encourage other’s out there going through tough times. We have walked our journey open-heartedly and have been amazed how literally every 3rd couple has a story of losing a child, which has fuelled us even more to share our story. Praise God as I write my wife is 30 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child. God gives and takes away, but He is big and we can trust Him.

So what’s it like to be a dad? It is a great responsibility to lead your family, but at the same time there is so much fun to be had. Those who know me know that there is a boyishness in me that will be ever present until I am 105. I love how kids bring that out of you even more. If you put your being schedule aside kids help slow you down and live in the PRESENT like nothing else on earth. I know kids spell love T.I.M.E and that is what I aspire to provide my kids with.  But foremost I want them to see a dad that loves their mom to bits and lives out his faith blatantly before them, taking risks and owning up to my mistakes. BEING A DAD ROCKS!!!

[To read another ‘To Be A Dad’ story, this time by John ‘Zippy’ Benn, click here]

[For other encouraging stories from Parents who have Lost a Baby, click here]

Taboo Topics: Adoption – we meet Jackie Barker again [Successfully Adopted!]

I have taken a long time after telling Brett that I would write this, to actually sit down and put some words together. It feels strange to ‘tell our story’ because in so many ways we just feel like a normal family. Daddy, Mommy and baby. I’ve discovered in these last few months that much to my disappointment I am not a super-mother, I am very much the typical Mom who is doing all the stereotypical things Mommies do.

Did I freak out when she slept through the first time and kept going in to check that she was still breathing in the cot? Yes.

Did I feel immense guilt mixed with immense relief the first time I dropped her at day care? Yes.

Do I sometimes just watch her sleeping marvelling at this incredible bundle of beauty that God has entrusted to us? Yes.

I’m just a normal mom, with a little girl who is (in my beautifully biased opinion) the most awesome kid in the world.

But I suppose the journey of adopting her did involve a whole bunch of interesting emotions and debates in my heart and head that I can share – and here I do not by any means claim to speak for all adopted people or all moms who adopt. I have learnt very powerfully in this last while that there are no two adoption processes the same, no two adoptive children, no two sets of adoptive parents who have the same story. It is a very personal thing.

So firstly let me bring you up to speed since my last blog on adoption here in 2012. My hubby and I relocated to Pretoria, I have been called to a church, he has found a teaching post and we are both incredibly happy and settled and so decided the time had come to start a family. Adoption had always been on the cards, but I think we imagined that we would have biological kids first and then adopt – I’m not sure why.

Through a series of nudges from God, and God doing some crazy things in our lives (a beautiful story in and of itself) we met a little ten day old girl who we knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was meant to be our daughter. And so ensued the legal nightmare of fighting to gain custody of her (her biological mother is Zimbabwean so we couldn’t get a birth certificate and thus couldn’t get custody), and getting other forms to eventually apply to adopt her. She was born on the 10th of December 2013, we met her on the 20th, and finally took her home on the 21st of March 2014. During the months of February and March we were able to take her home for the weekend and return her to the shelter on Monday. Taking her back was the closest thing to hell for me, and I’m so grateful that God limited that time to six weeks because I doubt I would have lasted much longer. The papers are all in, and now we wait 9months? A year? Who knows… in order for the adoption to go through and her to really become little Christine Grace Barker.

She has become our joy. She really has burst into our lives with colour and laughter and life. I have never known such a happy child. One of my fears in adopting was ‘how would I know whether I would love her enough? I mean the same amount that I would love a biological child?’ This was a totally unfounded fear. I cannot imagine loving anything as much as I love her. The love you have for a child is something incomparable to anything else. Powerful, fiercely protective, all encompassing. To the point that I worry now (along with the ‘typical mother’ I understand!!) how I could ever love another child as much as I do this one… I get reassured constantly by other moms that you can!!

But some of the things that have gone through my head are strange and I imagine different from other adoptive moms.

Firstly we have a copy of her biological mom’s passport. She happens to have been born 2 days before me. This messes with my mind and breaks my heart. Having journeyed with my own biological mother and understanding her heartache in giving me up, I wonder how she is doing. She is the same age as me and yet her life journey is one where at 30 years old she cannot keep her child due to poverty. How is it that we have been given such a precious gift and she has suffered such a terrible loss? She may be feeling relief, she may have buried any sadness, she might be grateful- trusting that her child will have something to eat tonight while she might not – I don’t know. But I pray for her – and I hope that good things come her way, that she receives comfort from God that her little girl is in safe hands.

I think I’m also a lot more chilled about the ‘adoption’ thing than other people simply because I’ve been there and it’s not this BIG BAD SCARY thing that you hide in shame… its normal. It’s simply an alternative way of doing family. People’s comments to us about adopting her communicate this all the time – the “You’re so brave…” kind of comments that really make my hair stand on end. And the funniest comment of “will you tell her she’s adopted?” I didn’t even grace that one with a yes, I simply said I’d let her think about that for a while. REALLY? So the kind of things I’ve read on adoption blogs of when to tell, how to tell, what to say – how not to make a big deal about it, but still make it ok to talk about – (there really is a lot of discussion about that stuff) doesn’t worry me at all. We’ll figure it out with her as we go along. When she starts asking about skin colour and why the kids stare at me strangely when they see I’m her mom – we’ll talk about it honestly at whatever age level will be appropriate then.

And lastly let me say that an ongoing struggle for me now is what next? Part of the reason we have adopted is that we believe in it. Statistics in South Africa are telling us that by next year there will be 5.5 MILLION orphans – 5.5 MILLION. How do we live with this kind of knowledge? 5.5 MILLION kids who could hugely benefit from a family, a home, a stable life. We chose to adopt, it wasn’t because we couldn’t biologically have – we really haven’t tried. Do we try? Is it ok to fall pregnant and thus prevent another child from taking that space in our household? Not everyone can adopt – I get that. But we can. So should we? There is a huge heartache in giving up the desire to see your husband’s eyes looking out of the eyes of child, a heartache in never knowing what it’s like to have a life grow inside you, a sharp stab in the heart every time someone insinuates that you’re not a ‘real’ mom because you didn’t give birth. And yet the knowledge that somewhere out there perhaps there is already our second child………. Waiting.

So we’ll wait for God’s leading on that one [Symbol]. He has been so faithful, so good, so gracious to us in the past. We’ll simply trust in that for now. And in the meantime, delight in the gift of Christine, our joy.

Be blessed. I pray that our story in some small way may be a blessing to someone.

[For more stories about different aspects of the Adoption journey, click here]

To Be A Dad – meet Timothy van de Venter

Let me start with a bit of context: I’m not a dad, but I have a dad and I’m an uncle to four nieces, a nephew and a bunch of my friends kids. I’m also the godfather to three girls, two of which are my nieces.

I regularly have the privilege of getting to babysit (look after) my niblings (the collective term for nieces and nephews) and I know that that doesn’t make me a dad, but it does give me a taste of how amazing it must be to be a dad. I’m purposely using the term dad here in place of father (and not just because the title is “to be a dad”), because I think there is a major difference between being a father and being a dad.

The connotations of a father / child relationship is primarily biological to me, whereas for a dad / son or dad / daughter relationship is primarily an emotional bond. Only three of my five niblings are biological niblings, yet I feel that they all have equal nibling status to me.

Now to the being a dad bit and what that means to me… I feel it has a lot to do with being intentional, if I look back at my life, with reference to my dad , he made time for us (his three sons) throughout his life. (I’m blessed by the fact that he is still around.)

Some of the earliest memories I can recall, include working in the garden with him, working in the garage with him, working on the house with him, working on cars with him, working on boats with him… going fishing with him, going to fly kites we had built together, riding off road bikes with him, going camping with him… Did I always enjoy having to do all the “work” we did as kids? I honestly don’t remember it being “work”. Did I always enjoy having to do all the work we did as teenagers? No. Do I appreciate it now? Yes, because I got to spend time with my dad and learnt how to do things myself, how to work with my hands.

My dad has always been there for me, and still is. I feel that he made intentional choices to include us (my brothers and I) in what he did, he taught (guided) us to be the men we are today… He took time out of his schedule to watch us play rugby. He let jobs around the house take longer to do, because he taught us how to do them, instead of just doing them himself. As we got older he no longer needed to “supervise” us, so I think he may have had a long term scheme going so he didn’t need to do it all himself and could delegate.

Looking back at some of my earliest childhood memories, they are of spending time with my dad, most of them are of helping him with something or the other. Be it picking up stones on the lawn before he cut it, be it passing him tools as he worked on a car (when we were to young to do the actual work), be it waiting in the car on a Saturday morning for a spares place to open so that we could get the parts we needed to get going with fixing the well point pump… looking back it was work, but I didn’t mind, because I got to spend time with my dad.

He got the balance between work and spending time with his sons right most of the time. And as I look at spending time with my niblings, they don’t care that what they doing, what we adults see as work, they see as getting some attention (quality time) from an adult (their dad or in my case, their uncle). Think back to when you were younger and what it meant for an adult to include you in what the were doing, how it made you feel…

Yes, including kids in a job takes a lot longer (e.g. making them lunch, washing the car, pulling out weeds), but hopefully it is in those moments that we are building their memories of their childhood, in a way which lets them know they matter, just as my dad did for me.

Unfortunately so many children today are growing up with a distorted view of what a dad is, because of how men (dads) have been portrayed in the media over the last few decades. Spend a few moments and think of a current TV series where a father is portrayed as great dad? (I intentionally don’t have a TV for about six month now, so I don’t know if it has changed recently.) I can’t think of any, now think a TV series where a father is portrayed in a negative way? Much easier to think of…

I feel we all have a role to play in changing societies perception of what it means to be a dad. I’m asking myself the following question too, when last did you encourage / compliment / thank a father (yours or someone else’s) for being a great dad, for sacrificing something for their kid(s), for choosing to spend time with their kids in place of watching the rugby?

How different would the world be if we had a generation of fathers who were dads, that weren’t absent (at work 24/7); that made the spiritual / emotional well being of their children a priority, above excessive material possessions… that made time for there kids a priority over stuff for their kids… the most important things in life, aren’t things… Where kids see the dad as a provider, a place of safety, a place of being noticed, a place of acceptance, a place of being loved… a place of being taught and corrected… a place of stability… a pillar of strength… a source of wisdom… A world were fathers are revered and respected beyond the playground age of my daddy is bigger than your daddy and “it’s true because my daddy said so”…

To be a dad is a great privilege, but also a responsibility… fathers set the standard for their kids as to what it is means to be a man… both positively and negatively…

My dad isn’t perfect, but he is my dad and I feel he (along with my mom) did an amazing job of raising their three sons and I wouldn’t want any other dad. I don’t have a bucket list, but if I did, being a father that is a dad, like my dad is, would be high up on the list. Thank you dad, for all you have taught me, done for me and mean to me, I know I don’t say it often enough.

[To read John “Zippy” Benn’s story of ‘To Be A Dad’, click here]

[For a whole series of ‘To Be A Mom’ posts, click here]

To Be A Dad – meet Dave Gale

To be a Dad

I’m heading towards 50, a father to a 19yo son Dylan, and an 18yo daughter Brynn.  I lost my dad this year and I miss him terribly.  I seem to have done a fairly good job of fathering my kids if other people’s unsolicited comments are anything to go by.  There are a good few things I regret not having done, but very few I regret doing. Here are some of my thoughts in response to Brett’s call for “to be a dad” articles.  I hope they resonate with someone and encourage you to be more intentional about fatherhood:

Fatherhood is hard.

Every dad has a large “Learner” plate on his back and seldom admits it.  The lack of good fathering, I firmly believe, is a root cause of many weaknesses in our society, but that’s a whole new topic.  You don’t have to stand alone though, and you have a great role model to follow if you study Him well.  Anyone who views God as a vengeful, aloof, distant deity has clearly not read the bible diligently.  The essence of all I believe about life, finances, career, and fatherhood stems from my understanding of what it means to call God “Father”.

Be there.

The first thing I’d say to any young father is that you need to make time for your kids.  Quality time is good, but quite frankly just showing up for bath time, bed time, reading-to-them time, is better than attending the odd sports day or prize-giving (do make those a priority though!). Later, you might want to be more intentional about time for ‘doing stuff together’ that broadens horizons and minds, and is great for bonding. Pounce on opportunities (no, rather make opportunities!) to have intentional conversations about life; the half hour or so, lifting or walking your kids to school can be life-changing.

Share.

Moms do this naturally; dads don’t. Find other dads who share your principles and conspire with them.  Make time to talk about the challenges; how to enforce boundaries, how to deal with mood swings, defiance, deviant behaviour. A teacher at my son’s school started a movement called Engage Schools, where the school initiated meetings for fathers of boys at the school to get together to hear from older, wiser fathers, and to share their own experiences.  It doesn’t have to be that big – it can be 2 or 3 of you. Grab a beer together, have a braai… but bring up your kids together.

Create traditions and memories.

I regret not doing some sort of coming of age ceremony with our kids. I regret not creating more family traditions (who cares if it only starts with you, if it lasts for generations and creates a means of growing women and men of character and stature in your family!). We decided to view our kids as adults at 16, but unless you mark that somehow, the rest of your family won’t treat them that way and it can be problematic.

Kick the kids out of home.

That really is your job, believe or not.  By the time you are finished fathering, they need to be able to stand alone to a large degree, with a healthy view of who they are; how to be active and constructive members of society and their community and how to be good parents.  If you are a God-fearing man, then you need to have given them the foundation of knowledge of Father God and the means to make their own relationship with Him.

Love and protect their mother (from them!).

One of the best ways of giving your kids the best childhood possible is to love their mother fiercely and openly.  Kids see through pretence like glass.  You chose to be their father and her partner – step up to the plate.  When they get to their teens and your wife’s nurturing role starts to wind down and your preparation-for-the-future role kicks up a gear, you will need to let them know quite clearly that when you promised to love and protect her, it included protecting her from them.  Do not let your kids disrespect or bully your wife, ever.  They will be all the better for it.

Be the hero you’d want them to emulate.

This is hard, but you have to be the person, you’d want them to look up to.  It does not mean you have to hide flaws and be perfect.  It does mean you have to remain true to your principles, stand up for injustice, be the change, not tolerate wrong, apologise when you’ve screwed up, keep going when it is hard.  I have a copy of Rudyard Kipling’s “if” on my office wall; I like to think it applies to fatherhood as much as it does to manhood.  If you won’t be that hero, someone else will and they may not share your values.

Provide.

Tough job, but your kids should never feel that dad will not always be doing his level best to provide food, shelter and security.  I’m not talking about the latest fashion accessories; I’m talking about meeting needs and keeping them safe. You in turn can look to God as Father for that – the Word is full of examples of His faithfulness in this. I can testify to that.

Young adults.

I caught myself in a yelling match with one of my kids over the age of 16, I forget which one.  I remember clearly realising that I was expecting them to behave like an adult just because they wanted me to treat them as one. Not exactly fair when they’ve spent the last 16 years being kids!  When I realised that I had to allow them to still behave like kids while treating them as young adults and gently guiding them into adult behaviour, the stress levels lowered and we stopped fruitlessly yelling at each other.  Home was more pleasant for it.

Give direction and then step back.

As my son stepped through the security gates to catch a plane to the USA to spend 3 months being a leader on a Summer Camp earlier this year, I realised that at that moment there was nothing more I could do for him, he was on his own with only his experiences, observations, learning and Father God to guide him.  It’s worth giving time to thinking about what sort of things you’d want your kids to be able to do if you’re not around any more, from changing a tire or the oil in the car, to applying for a bank loan, to keeping their integrity and soul intact.  Give them direction, give them learning opportunities, then stand back and let them fail.  Help them up again, and be there while they take wing.

I seldom saw my dad after I turned 18 and went to varsity; we lived in different provinces and visited infrequently. I always knew that he loved me unconditionally and that he was there for me if I needed advice or guidance.  It’s my turn to be there for my kids now.  I’m not alone though; no dad has to be.  My dad died while my son was in the US.  Dylan sent me this to read at my dad’s funeral and it completely undid me:

“… I take comfort in knowing that he was the man who made my dad who he is and my dad is the reason I am the way I am today. I will miss him like crazy and never forget him as long as I live.”

It is a privilege to be a dad; don’t waste a moment of it.

[The one glaring omission here is that fathering is meant to be only one side side of the parenting coin. Standing back to back with me at times, but mostly alongside me, is a wonderful, long suffering soul-mate, my wife Barbara, mom to both of my kids. Without a life partner, I can only imagine how hard being a dad must be.]

[To read Tim van de Venter’s thoughts on ‘To Be A Dad’ click here]

[For a whole collection of posts on the theme of ‘To Be A Mom’ click here]