the day i didn’t give a stranger a ride…

Earlier today i was sitting working in Starbucks while Chris Martin sang gentle somewhat melancholic tunes to me.

SUDDENLY, like in a movie [one that was maybe titled ‘Everyone in Starbucks rushes pointingly at the window’] everyone in the store suddenly started rushing to the window behind me, pointing and looking very much like they had just witnessed someone steal a laptop computer from an unassuming customer outside before jumping through the window of a car that came screaming up and drove wildly off into the distance.

What had happened to cause such a ruckus, you might ask? [especially if you were the kind of person who uses words like ‘ruckus’ in ordinary everyday sentences].

Well, outside the Starbucks store, and clearly visible through the window behind me, a man had just had his laptop grabbed by a young guy who then jumped through the window of a car that came screaming up and drove wildly off into the distance. 

Talk about action. No, that was an observation, not a command. Stop actually discussing the concept of ‘action’ and pay attention here…

TO LAPTOP IT OFF

What made it a little worse for the guy in question was that a short while later i overheard him speaking on his phone in Starbucks and he was telling the person on the other end of the phone, [and me, i guess, but with far less intentionality], that this was the second time it had happened to him. The second time he had lost a laptop.

This was starting to sound like my life for a second [For the record, i think i am on three – two stolen and one blown over the side of a mountain by a gust of wind – true story!]

i was super bummed for the guy and spent a bunch of time trying to figure out if there was anything i could do for him. “Um, sorry you lost your laptop computer, but can i buy you a Flourless Chewy Chocolate Cookie?” didn’t seem like the most helpful of things to say, and “Hey, can i buy you a new laptop?” didn’t feel like anything i wanted to try and explain to tbV later that evening.

TWO BREADS, FIVE FISH

The one thing i had heard him say [this is not a blog post about the importance of not eavesdropping on people in coffee shops just in case you thought that was the twist cautiously making its way to you] was something about needing to go somewhere to pick up a different computer so he could finish the work he needed to do.

On this particular day i happened to have the black tinted window gangster BMW we have been kindly lent for the last few months and so eventually i approached him and pretended to grab his bag. No, i didn’t. That would have been horrible. Stoppit! But i asked him if he had a vehicle and explained that i had one and if he needed to get somewhere i could give him a ride.

He seemed genuinely moved and appreciative, but he turned down the ride with some or other reason i didn’t listen to [i felt like i’d eavesdropped enough by that point] and i went on my way. And as he left the Starbucks a little later, he turned to me and gave me one of those we-both-get-the-same-thing subtle head nods and i smiled at him because i had no idea why he was subtly head nodding and figured i needed to pretend i did or else he might come back in and try to explain it to me.

START WHERE YOU ARE

So a story about me not giving a stranger a lift. How useful is that?

Well, i am hoping there is a bit of a point.

This past weekend the whole #YesAllWomen hashtag and ensuing stories and blog posts and articles really affected me quite deeply. i resonated so deeply with the message that was being both passionately shared and enthusiastically pushed back against. But i didn’t really have any idea what to do to make any of it any less painful.

So i wrote this blog post. And it didn’t feel like much at all, and probably wasn’t. But it was something. Like the little kid in the story of Jesus feeding the crowd who gave up his lunch [which let’s face it was completely ridiculously underwhelming in the face of the immense need] i gave what i had and hoped against hope that it would be used to accomplish far more than it ever had the capacity to achieve in and of itself. All i really had to offer was awareness and i am looking at what feels like the next step which is asking the right questions [anyone know what ‘The Right Questions’ are? or one right question? even one ‘Heading towards rightish’ question might be a good start?]

DO WHAT YOU CAN

On another day, the laptopless guy might have really appreciated a lift somewhere. i hope that i will be the one asking when that happens.

i am trying to cultivate a mindset of being more open to invite the interruption that happens around me. You see, i had a bunch of work i was in the middle of doing, so giving this guy a lift would certainly not have been convenient. It probably would not have been comfortable [cos he probably would have wanted to speak to me or something… urgh… and then expected me to maybe speak back.] But it would have been great.

If he had needed a lift, i imagine he would have felt loved. Actually i imagine he felt that anyways [that subtle head nod had to mean SOMEthing?]

And that is a great start. It is not a great finish. There is more we can do. There are more significant ways for us to get involved, but we have to do what we can and hope that something more impressive reveals itself as we do so.

That is all. Except i’m not that convinced that i would ever go and watch a movie called  ‘Everyone in Starbucks rushes pointingly at the window’, no matter how much Johnny Depp starred in it.

[One man who has inspired by me in this by sharing his platform with some women so that their voices can be heard is Micah J Murray and you can read some of those powerful posts over here in this first post by Becca Rose]

living with tbV

if you stopped reading after the ‘b’ this becomes a completely different post… so don’t.

the beautiful Val, in case you didn’t know, and yes only i get to call her that and really mean it in the way i do. [you can of course refer to her as ‘tbV’ th0ugh, and i love it when other people do, but it has also been fun to me through the years how so many of you have mistakenly changed it to ‘the lovely Val’ – which is also true]

we are on the way to having being married for 5 years and in that time we have transitioned three times [if you leave out the time Val left family, friends, home, church to some degree to move out to Stellenbosch when we got married – a huge ask!] from Stellenbosch to Philadelphia to Oakland [if you exclude lengthy stays at Che Houston in Kenilworth] which may not seem a lot [especially when you compare it to how many times her parentals moved in their first 20 plus years of marriage] it has been a whole lot for us. ‘

New place to stay, new country, new friends, new church, new food, no mayonnaise [to speak of] and so on.

So it has not all been easy and has definitely put strain on us as a couple of intense, seize-life-by-the-throat-of-its-balls, passionate people. But it has been an adventure and there is much more of that to come. Especially as we know that another transition looms ahead [with Americaland specifically asking us to be out by early August] and are not too sure of the specifics thereof. Or therein. Or therein of? Something.

And there have been so many, and i don’t have pictures of them all [which to some extent i am completely stoked about – some adventures we capture, some we just live] but i just wanted to take a moment to celebrate my beautiful lady. i love being married to you Val and these pictures are just a glimpse of some of the memories we have put together…um together… and looking ahead to many more.

i love and celebrate you, tbV:

 

hold my hand… walk with me…

Awkward ‘Family’ photo wedding pic with adopted son Dreadlocked Kev

Love this lady. tbV

As i have said before and will no doubt say again, being married to the right person is one of the greatest things in the world [and discovering more and more that you become the right people as you continue in your commitment of marriage to each other] and because i have such a heart for those in marriage doing it well, i have created a lot of space on my blog to focus on doing just that and so lots of amazing marriage resources, compiled by a whole big bunch of amazing people, are waiting for you over here.

40 Days of Lent: Days 10-12

DAY 10-12

It is the weekend, and tbV and Aaron and Sarah and myself are having to Yosemite for the weekend to stay in a Yurt [look it up!], and it might be partially enforced for us, but I want to encourage you to try this for a couple of hours, or a day, or if you’re really feeling brave, the whole weekend.

Task: unplug yourself from the screens…

Turn off the television, step away from the computer screen, leave your phone completely off. Create a space this weekend to head outdoors for a long period of time, maybe with other people. Go for a walk or head to the nearest park of have a decently long drive.

Bake something and go and share it with a friend of drop it off with someone you know who may be going through a tough time at the moment. Grab some bats and head to the beach for a game. Invite some friends round for an evening’s worth of board games. Grab some instruments and have a worship jam.

I would love to hear what you get up to. Take time this weekend to consider how much space and time you give to the screens in your life and whether that it a good thing or not, or whether there might be some people who you would be better off giving face time to.

[For the next Observance day of Lent, click here]

Whenever you are holding on too tightly, Lego.

If i were to ask you what the best job in the whole world was, i doubt if anyone would respond, “Working with Lego” simply because, how is that a job?

But if i were to tell you that for the last two months i have lived with someone whose job is working with Lego, your response is very much likely to be, ‘Wow, that’s the best job in the world!’

So Aaron and Sarah moved in with us for a little bit and he brought with him his car with 16000 Lego pieces in the trunk.

IT STARTED SMALL…

a Lego man flower, a Lego man pumping pumpkins and the Hulk getting involved…

Lego Flower man

Lego Pumping Pumpkins

Hulk Smash Legoman

But before long things had started to slowly escalate:

 

Onionhead

Trapped in a dome

KHANNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

There were some harmless fun times in between:

Shower Stretch

BaconLegoMan

Campfire moment

But things just grew worse from there:

Kitchen sink leisure time

Stealing the Giant V

Lemon facing the Squeeze

Big chase on the painting

Hippo closing in

Oh no! Crisis ahead…

Eventually culminating in a moment of regret:

 

And of course the unfortunate demise of Bobblehead Dwight from the Office:

 

And suddenly it appeared the Lego men were in control… and so we had to step in to show them who is boss…

Lego lunch imprisonment

Legomen confined to Mailbox

Time out for Bad Behaviour

But before we knew it they were calling for reinforcements:

Who showed up in droves [yes, that’s right, a ‘drove’ of Lego men and now women!]

And so it was clear that the little Lego people were here to stay, as demonstrated in this highly scientific chart:

 

There seemed to be nothing else we could do besides work together with them and so we created a page on Facebook to document all their crazy adventures.

And invited you to become a part of the group and start submitting your pics of Lego people living it up, which you have started to do:

Hitching a ride

Abseiling Lego man

EveryLegoBody Do the Conga

And so the adventures of the little people continue… what will they get up to next?

[Email pics to brettfish@hotmail.com or stick them directly in the group to participate]

Taboo Topics: Singleness – Meet Cilnette Pienaar

I think it was during one of my road-trips through the country in 2012, somewhere in a backpackers close to Kimberley (of all places), where this verse became one of my favorite passages in the Bible: Song of Songs 7: 11 & 12 – “Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field, let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards, let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love.” 

There is just something in that scripture that speaks so profoundly to me of freedom. Maybe it was, back then, the whispered hope that a shared adventure could actually be in the will of God for my life.

The Shulamite chick is just like: “WAAAAAAKE UUUUUUP!! I wanna go places and discover stuff with you …!”. She is just perhaps slightly more poetic and subtle about it.

There have been times where I wished I could just say the things she has the freedom to say. But as a result of religious stuck-ness, or self-discipline (depending on how you angle it …), the bravest attempts I’ve ever made still came out as something that ends with “… old buddy, old pal, brother, friend …”, accompanied by a side-hug or a shoulder-slap. I SERIOUSLY suck at being in love. I’m really good at hiding it, though. And that is not a conducive state for poetry to flourish in.

Be that as it may.

I sometimes get asked if I think I’ll get married someday. And then I also get asked why I’m not married yet.

My responses to these questions have evolved throughout the years.

My honest answer to the first question, at age 32, is still: I truly hope so. Because of Song of Songs 7:11 & 12. Marriage still seems to me like the shared Kingdom-ordained adventure that my heart has always known to be worth surrendering independence for. Which is becoming a more costly consideration by the year, might I add. So, in short: yes. I really hope the Lord has a plan for marriage in my life. I don’t know who my husband is, and I’ve asked the Lord to not show me first. So, I wait to see who sees what he has always hoped to see. Then I’ll decide if I agree with his vision :).

My reflective answer to the second answer depends on the emotional state I find myself in… When I apply sober judgment, my answer is: I think my expectations of marriage were detrimentally idealistic in my twenties. I am a poetically inclined, emotionally inspired, raging romantic, and I would have been desperately unhappy in my unrealistic, verging on idolized, expectation of what marriage “needed” to bring to my life … protection, provision, direction, security, comfort … Not that I don’t think that these are still part of the deal … but I think my insecurities would have been a too heavy burden to carry for even the humblest of men. So Jesus took those shots on my future husband’s behalf, and spared him the brunt of that war. Not that there aren’t more battles to fight for my heart, but I think many of my claws have been, in most instances, partially, retracted. Or a bit blunted, at least … :).

So, there you have it. I have just not been mature, humble or brave enough yet for the responsibility of trusting another person so fully.

Am I ready now?

That’s not my question to answer, thankfully. And there has not been much spare time to ponder about it, actually …

So, point of this indulging post being …

Some desires only mature through dying.

Without being overly dramatic, the reality is that I have actually had enough disappointments in this life to put me off romantic relationships for the rest of my time here on earth. I know from experience that Paul had a good point when he wrote in 1 Cor. 7 that singleness is by far the simpler option … (my paraphrase). But yet, poetry seems to persist.

My lifestyle is currently pretty much a chronicle of how significant any season can be when you surrender to God. Many of my desires have been expressed in some form or another over the past few years. My life really is full of so many amazing opportunities that would not have been possible if I had to be home in the evenings to care for a family – which I believe to be one of the noblest and fun ways to spend one’s time, by the way. It’s not that I don’t want to do that, or that I think that the rest of my life will stop once I get married. I have enough evidence in my married friends to see how many of them are now actually fully living out their destinies, because they have someone to encourage them to do so.

I am so blessed by the witnesses of the marriages that I see around me. I see in so many of them a testimony of shared adventure and combined strength for serving. That’s what I want. It’s just that I’m currently using the time I have not having that, to not sit around and wait for the time that I will have that too.

Fact is … my story has always been a bit off-beat. My marriage will probably have a slightly different rhythm as well. And that’s ok. I’ve never seen the point of white picket fences, actually … :).

But until such a time as that … I shall be traversing through villages, occasionally checking for pomegranate flowers … laying up all manner of fruit, new and old.

Marriage gets its significance from the Desire that it reflects.

And for the fullness of that Desire to be met, all of Creation is waiting.

Selah.

[For more from Cilnette, take a look at her blog titled ‘Tapesty of Thought’ which you can find over here]

[For another great post on Singleness by my friend Dani Scoville, click here]

Two [thousand] pillows diverged in the wood…

and i, i took the one less valuable to us… and that has made all of the difference.

also it was a city square, more than a wood.

# The Date: February 14th, Valentine’s Day 2014

# The Venue: Justin Herman Plaza, San Francisco

# The Event: Great San Francisco Pillow Fight 2014

GETTING THERE

i saw a link on Twitter the night before to Free events happening in the city for Valentine’s Day and was immediately drawn to the idea of a giant pillow fight.

hearing that Aaron, our current housemate, had been part of it a year before added some fuel to the fire and when it turned out Sarah his wife [who had come off a 24 hour shift at the hospital the day before] was going to be up for it, it was plan made.

and so after Aaron came home from his Lego job [that’s right, the man works with Lego – best job in the world?] we grabbed pillows and headed down to the train station and made the journey towards the Plaza knowing that we were cutting it fine in terms of time [the invitation said 5.45pm but we were assured it would only start at 6]

THE ACTION

it actually did start just before we got there and so we cautiously entered the fray trying to figure out the rules and the vibe as we got right into the thick of it.

i started off by sticking near Aaron, the experienced veteran and a bit of a giant of a man, but was soon off on my own foray into the action.

what made it interesting was that there were psycho overadrenalin’d guys [and some psycho overadrenalin’d girls], gentle pillow-tapping girls, costumed crazies [a unicorn, a pikachu, two polar bears, a power ranger] and enthusiastic young children [one overenthusiastic young guy who held on to Aaron while he smashed away at him and eventually had to be subdued by the police] and so strategy was a mix of trying to nail the heavies, medium hit the more girlie girls, avoid smashing cameras that were being wandered through the crowds all over the place and not killing any of the children.

but in the shell of a nut, BEST VALENTINE’S DAY EVER! 

fairly early on my dread bandana was in danger of coming off and never being seen again and so i just took it off and put it in my pocket and let me dreads hang low [let them wiggle to and fro] and had two gears – slow wander through the crowd and wait for a moment and then scream a viking yell and start spinning in a circle with my pillow [and later two pillows when someone abandoned theirs] spinning in a robot fashion in my hand and just mad frenzy for a while.

THE PREJUDICE

For the record, the Great San Francisco Pillow Fight is a lesson in conformity.

At one point, the last thing i remember hearing was, ‘Go for the dreads.’ Followed by pain. As twenty people [or more] attacked me at once. [i fought back valiantly!]

Anyone who was different became a target for the frenzy moments – tall people, people on shoulders, the unicorn costumed guy [a lot!], Pikachu, pig costume, Power Ranger and of course ‘guy with dreads’ [which happened a few times].

At one point when everyone was hitting me there was a brief lull and so i shouted, ‘HIT THE ONE WITHOUT DREADS’ and just started windmilling it in a frenzy.

In our very own Avengers Assemble moment, Aaron, tbV and i ended up in the middle of a circle back to back to back dealing out ‘damage’ to the crowd around us.

Another fun moment [and let’s be honest, a lot of my action happened to coincidentally happen near the bigger cameras] was when i was in the middle of a fight and i was fighting in ultra-slow motion and another dude saw me and we ended up doing what felt like a choreographed fight sequence as people looked on in slow motion and i ended up lying on the floor, head on my pillow, sucking my thumb and pretending to sleep.

YOU ACTUALLY HAD TO BE THERE

i will attach a video clip below to give you an idea of how it went down, but you really have to times that by 1000 and then just be sad for a second and realise that doesn’t catch it at all – it will give you a glimpse into the mayhem and fun but it was just a classic once in a lifetime [well, til we organise one in Cape Town when we get back] moment of absolute bliss and energy and silly fun. 

THE LESSON

when we arrived it reminded me of the Flash Mob i attended back in Cape Town years ago. so many people on the periphery who were super amped to get involved and be a part of it, but too nervous to actually follow through. so we had to push through a crowd of onlookers and camera people and onlooked with cameras who were people.

and that was pretty much how the crowd was divided. i would say more than a thousand people watching and more than a thousand people pillow-fighting [and then some really brave camera people who made their way through the crowds and the fighting with their cameras on long poles or held above their heads]

which is like church and a lot of life i guess. a lot of people watching because they like the idea of the thing, but not so amped to get involved in the actual doing of the thing.

because let’s face it – it can be dangerous getting in there – you could get hurt – there is a definite cost [the likelihood of your pillow being used again is minimal and many pillows were sacrificed completely in the name of fun, but i imagine some people woke up bruised and maybe even bleeding a little from some accidental pillow or elbow action] and it requires a lot more effort and commitment.

and if you watch, you can say you were there and you can feel like you were there and you might even have camera footage proving you were there. which is all cool and well and all.

but you weren’t really there!

not really. you weren’t IN the pillow fight. you were next to it or around it or close by to it, but you were not a participant.

so you were maybe one step closer than those who watched it on tv or read about it on the internet [hi!] but you were so close and still did not get to experience everything that it was.

with a giant pillow fight that is not so much of a big deal – maybe watching it was enough and all of the fun that you needed.

but with life and with church, it is tragic if you end up being a bystander or an onlooker when the invitation was to jump in and go for it and dominate and really live.

since tbV and i have been in Americaland we have taken part in a colour run [slash walk] getting powder paint thrown at us every km, an electric run [slash walk] wearing crazy neon flashing things and now this giant crazy mayhemmed pillow fight [and pretty soon we will be staying in a Yurt with Aaron and Sarah for the weekend – look it up] – we try and live with a ‘Yes, lets’ mentality that allows us to try new things and experience some once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and i can highly recommend it.

HOW TO FOLLOW UP A GIANT PILLOW FIGHT

well, there was only one way to end that evening – we rehydrated ourselves and grabbed some drinks and headed off through the city to the movie theatre to go and watch The Lego Movie which was such a completely fun experience [especially watching it with Mr Lego who got so excited when they put the numbers of the lego pieces on the screen because he knows and works with them – that was a treat!] and i highly recommend it for everyone – just a lot of crazy family fun.

and a LOT more fun than standing in the cinema lobby looking at the poster of The Lego Movie.

Neknominate this… [taking it up a notch!]

so by now you have heard of the #neknomination phenomenon sweeping the world [this week at least]

apparently [and i say that because i haven’t actually seen any of the original versioned clips] it started out as a drinking challenge video clip game where someone downs a beer and then challenges his/her mates to up the ante and passes it forward

so stupid that two people in Ireland died from participating [this never happened with ‘Planking’ or so i thought until i read someone’s Facebook comment troll and apparently someone did die while ‘Planking’]

and then it hit South Africa and got turned ON ITS HEAD [yay us!] as first Brent Lindeque [and then every other SA #neknomination video i have seen] decided to use his for good and so instead of drinking alcohol, gave some food to a homeless guy and encouraged South Africans to show that we can do it better and use our #Neknominations for good.

pretty soon after that my friend Howie came to the party doing an impromptu visit and singalong and photo take at an old age home, spreading some cheer and good vibes, and it wasn’t too long before another mate Jono van Deventer was paying for some stranger’s shopping in the supermarket and serenading her in Spanish.

and nominating me!

48 hours before i leave the country – so my last two days in SA – did i mention #Neknominations have a 24 hour time limit in which they need to be filmed? Nice one, Jono. Oh and on a day where i was pretty much busy til 2pm and was cooking dinner for my mates at 6pm and my nomination arrived at 8 in the morning… game on.

THE MOST FRUSTRATING FRANTIC DAY OF MY LIFE?

so while driving in between meetings i am furiously trying to come up with a cool idea to expand on this new craze and then desperately text the people who might help me out [my TheatreSports improv crew who are all busy except Megan Furniss who is super amped but on a bit of  time constraint] and once we have the who then i can start working on the what, only to find out, with Megan’s time furiously ticking away that performing improv in the children’s hospital is not going to work because you can’t take photos of the children there for safety reasons…

same story at Marsh Memorial home… completely understandable but also pretty frustrating…

while speaking at Rondebosch Boy’s High School in between all this, i manage to film them shouting “Let’s nominate this in the neck” cos it seemed like it might be a little something i could slot into the video later as my mind whirls around to try and find a plan B.

Megan suggests dancing around in the traffic with signs inviting people to chill and smile and relax and laugh but we don’t have sign-making materials or much time and eventually i lose Megan…

down to me and now MJ, my other mate who has taken time off work to help me film nothing. oh dear.

THERE’S ALWAYS A PLAN B

so i come up with the almost-but-not-quite-AS-great idea of taking a bunch of donuts to a police station at night [yes, yes, always on the prowl for irony and with a bunch of mates coming over for dinner, i figure i can get them into the mix – in and out in twenty minutes – happy donut-filled police, video done and dusted]

one quick phone call later and it turns out you can’t just give donuts [or anything, according to the station manager i spoke to on the phone, “although call the Colonel tomorrow and see if you can set it up” – no sir, i don’t think you understand the time-constrainted motivation behind me popping over to fatten you up…] to the police… so donuts AND bacon was probably out on that count too and also for the risks of  overwhelming ironic encounter.

so no hospitals or kids homes and no police stations – this day is conspiring against me, and i need to go and start preparing supper for 11 people…

ONE QUICKLY PREPARED SUPPER FOR 11 PEOPLE LATER…

so day gone, time rushing away at a speed of knots, and my man Howard ‘Edit-Thru-The-Night’ Fyvie ready from 10.30pm to edit the video i don’t have… what’s a guy to do?

well, armed with donuts and some mixed video footage from throughout the day and a chance [invited] visit from my mate Richard Bolland who had been expressing some reservations about this whole ‘random act of charity’ thing, we did what we could and so i present to you [and to Bono and Joss Whedon who my #neknomination goes out to] my #Neknomination:

If you are on the Twitterer then please copy and paste this link [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SA8vaRX6xmc] and tweet it at @Paul_Hewson [Bono] and @josswhedon [Joss Whedon] and challenge them to take this challenge on… just imagine the effect this will have when they do…