I never imagined still being single at 26 years old. The plan I had for my life was so much different than how my story unfolded, from going to the movies with my friends to attending their weddings, all the while silently waiting for the day my turn arrives… (on the real, sometimes I have my SERIOUSLY THOUGH moments)
While society tends to view being single as a problem you somehow need to fix as soon as possible – I vowed to live different, but I eventually gave in to a system that tries so hard to define you before you before you can discover who you are for yourself. (Spoiler alert)
So, here is my story:
Growing up I never dated. And by never I mean NEVER. I made a decision to save myself (both emotionally and physically for my husband) – it seemed like an amazing plan, but unfortunately after I turned 18 I gave into the peer pressure of having a boyfriend… I learnt to “play the game” as they call it….
Ever heard the saying “don’t hate the player, hate the game?” – well, I got really good at playing the game. I would make guys fall for me and then dump them when it wasn’t fun anymore. I wanted the rewards of being in a relationship without paying a price.
I wish I could tell you that this part of my story included no casualties – but it doesnt. My greatest regret would be that I did not Honour “someone else’s answered prayer” -the truth is, I really didn’t want to “BE IN LOVE” – because I didn’t feel anyone would be able to see my truth and still accept me, I didn’t want the sacrifice that love demands or the growth it requires… I just wanted the emotions that relationships produce… When it wasn’t fun anymore, I dumped them and moved on. (Yes, I was that girl…)
I thought I was invincible, I thought that I could play the game and never get hurt, but that all changed the day I took it too far. What started off as just “playing the game” – cost me more than I had bargained to pay. Anyone who told me the relationship wasn’t good – immediately became my enemy because I didn’t believe people understood that “we were meant to be together” – Looking back I realize I was just throwing around words I heard in movies, I had no idea what it meant to “be together” but in my ignorance I was ready to give up everything, my job, my church, my friends for a guy who nursed my insecurities instead of confronting them.
When it was over, I realized that he never cared for me at all…we both played each other and it nearly cost me everything in the end.
It’s been over 6 years since I’ve been that involved with a guy, I realized that if I continued to repeat the same cycle – it would keep producing the same fruit in my life – nothing would change until I changed something. (It’s such a powerful truth, until a guy looks your way) – come on, you know how it is…
The truth is, so many single people zone in on changing their status that they forget that being single is not a status, it’s a process, and while you may spend a few date nights watching series at home alone, very few focus on who they will become on the way to the altar.
In a society that tries so hard to rush me to the altar, I refuse to do something just because everyone else is doing it. I’ve seen some people marry a good person that wasn’t any good for them, evidently they live way below their purpose (no matter how fancy a car they drive or house they live in)
Remember:- a soulmate is designed for your PURPOSE. If he/she can’t bring out the best in you, they’re not the best for you.
So, here I am, nearly 27 years old, more single than I’ve ever been. Sometimes it feels like I’ve come full circle, I’ve made some mistakes, but those things don’t disqualify me from having God’s Best for me. Sure it gets lonely. Sometimes I set the table for two because there are only so many “meals for one” you can eat. I have some people telling me “get out there, play the game” – I say, if a boy wants to play games, buy him an XBox. I’m looking for a husband not a recreational activity.
My friends always try to set me up with guys… Some of them have good jobs, amazing families, etc, but while there are many guys I could date, there are very few I would follow. Possibly the most attractive thing to me in a guy would be leadership and vision. I don’t just want a guy who turn my stomach or my head, I want a guy who turns me towards Jesus. And if I gotta wait another 20 years for that kinda man, Lord knows I will.
So darling, wherever you are… I can’t wait to meet you one day. Although I wish you were here right now, I’m thankful for this time that I can become the best for you. To know that someday God will entrust me with caring for you is a responsibility I carry daily and I’m committed to becoming “worth my weight in gold” – Loving me will cost you something, but don’t worry, I’ll be worth it in the end. Ps:- I’m saving all my date nights for you
Your Future Wife