My friend Alexa recently [as in yesterday, that’s pretty recent don’t you think? me too] wrote this piece called ‘Are there more white people like you?’ where she starts with this:
‘I have been faced with the fact that as much as I am surrounded by amazing people, doing things to see communities shift and healed, that there is not enough contact between different (colour)people happening to make people realise that actually there are many(white)who are seeking this change. Who think that justice matters, who think that restitution matters.’
And gets to this question which was asked to her by two different people:
‘Are there more? Maybe there are more but we don’t see or hear them?’
And it spoke to a frustration that has been growing in me in terms of the conversations that i have tried to have on this blog hoping to be a catalyst for deeper conversations on race and reconciliation, on reparation and moving forwards in this, my beloved country… that every time there is a post or a story share or a challenge, it is the same people showing up, liking, sharing, getting excited, engaging and pushing back – Hi Sindile. Molo Nkosi. Hey Mike. Lexy! Dre, how goes it? Linda! Avuyile!
And that’s it. With occasional cameo roles from one or two others.
And with this blog i’ve realised two things:
[1] i start a LOT of paragraphs with the word ‘and’ – well today i do it seems.
[2] and [see!] when one person comments it usually means at least five people are reading, when three people share it usually means twelve people have been moved by it, when eight people like there is the likelihood that twenty people thought it was worthwhile and so on.
So maybe this is true. Maybe the voices and comments i see on these posts are representative of many more people who are quietly reading and looking on and silently cheering and nodding and having their own wrestlings and offline conversations.
Or the slightly more scarier option of maybe only 6 to 8 people are actually interested in engaging in these kinds of conversations in this particular way.
But i don’t believe that. i do believe that not as many people as i’d like to be interested are interested. But i also believe there are a lot more than i know. And my call to you today is to come out of the shadows. To put your hand up. To make yourselves known. It’s not even about reading or liking or commenting on or sharing my blog posts [and the posts of those who share their stories on my blog] although please keep doing that.
But just let us know that you’re out there. Please just let us know you care. Let us know that it’s not just the five to eight of us who are wondering around feeling completely rubbish at making any sort of significant difference with this. Or that it even matters.
Because it’s a bit of a lonely business advocating for change and daring to hope in a country where so many people are either so wrapped up in their homogenous bubbles of sameness or else completely negative and always complaining about the state of things in the country [often both] or just seemingly oblivious to the need for any change at all “cos didn’t that all happen in 1994 and now everything is just cool, right?”
A lot of my writing is directed towards christian types [because that’s a huge part of my tribe] and while this is in no way a christian issue [as in exclusively] i cannot in my mind perceive how anyone could view racial reconciliation and unity and togetherness as not an issue facing the church and quite possibly THE issue facing the church in South Africa right now [and Americaland, let’s be honest!] especially if you want to dive into Matthew 25 and redefine those considered ‘the least of these’ in the context of our country.
In the movie ‘A Bug’s Life’ a bunch of smaller bugs are being terrorised and bullied by a swarm of locusts until the very end of the movie where they realise they have the numbers. And the tables are turned.
i do so desperately want to believe we have the numbers in this fight against racial segregation and apartness, against poverty and crime, against the disparity between really rich and really poor and against the fear and hopelessness and hectic racism that still exists in so many people you will find lurking on comment boards in the safety of their homes.
i want to believe it. But i don’t feel it. i don’t see it. It feels like there are seven of us. Maybe a few more…
And so i want to ask if there is anyone else out there who cares about this stuff? You don’t have to feel like you know the answers [or even any of the answers] or have the strength to engage in radical ways even [sometimes the simplest ways can be the most radical] – just let us know you’re out there.
So i want to ask, if you’ve read this, and you are someone who sees the need for some work to be done between black and white and coloured and indian and refugee in this country, and that you want to be hopeful and part of the solution and hungry to see positive change in South Africa [even if you have no idea how and even if you are struggling to believe it’s even possible] to leave your name in the comment section of this blog and tell us you’re in.
i’m honestly anticipating no more than seven names, because that is sometimes all that it feels are engaging with this…
So please, i’m counting on you to prove me wrong.
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My name is brett “Fish” anderson and i commit myself to being a part of the change that is needed in South Africa, especially that between people of colour. i am in!
My name is Lynley (guy) and I am in.
Damn Bro! I had a long response written out that totally got lost–I hate that! I was writing about how I neglect SA because I don’t want to look at the truth of what is going on there because I read Tutu’s “No Future Without Forgiveness” I want a modern-day miracle with SA to show the rest of the world what is possible. I shared about how we met in 2011 and that Helene and I were part of racial reconciliation group here in DC in the fall and that, while you and Val were here in Americaland for a while perhaps God had us meet because of this exact issue.
Our church is doing a trip to Ferguson this year, I made the suggestion to a good friend on staff that the trip should be partnered with another church in the city that is predominantly African American. Maybe we do another trip next year to SA focused on race Brett. You have never met my friend and Pastor Dave, but he and his wife were part of our racial sobriety group and to get this conversation happening on two continents may need to happen and soon–I am confident that you would be kindred spirits! him and his wife are amazing people and it would be a great excuse to get Helene and I there to visit : ))
Ah sorry man, sucks when that happens. i think Americaland time was specially significant for me because of the overlaps and shared narratives and seeing some of the stuff play out there helped me become more passionate and urgent about the things back here – definitely see that as not an accident and for sure our connection with you and Helene in the same way as i think each of us seems to see stuff in the other that we’re more excited about than the stuff in ourselves at times. Would love to connect with your friends and definitely to see an overlap happen and there is that Gathering happening end 2015 so who knows?
My name is Julie Mentor. I’m a white South African married to a coloured South African, raising our black South African son and currently growing our bi-racial second son. It is time for the white people who have views different from Steve Hofmeyer and Sunette Bridges to speak up, and more importantly, to LISTEN! I am comitted to being one of those people!
Thanks for sharing Julie : )) Listen in all caps is a good suggestion!
I’m in 🙂
I am Neale Christy and I am in.
My name is Stefan de Wet. I am in, have wrestled with being a white South African with an Afrikaans dad and a British mom who grew up in “Rhodesia”, both of which are moderate in their take on race and South Africa, but who come from cultures which oppress and perpetuate racism more often than not.
I engage with these issues more often than many of my friends, but that’s nothing really to be proud of… I think you’ll find, Brett, that yes more people read this than you realize, but many feel too uncomfortable or ill-equipped to engage. Is there not a way you can get a hit-rate counter or something? 🙂
Thanks Steve. I have a hit rate counter so i can tell how many people are viewing the blog and it’s a lot more than seven, but i am hungering to see peopke engaging more. Commenting, wrestling, challenging their friends, starting their own conversations and more. You are most welcome here.
Hi Brett, my name is Gail, one of those silent FB observers (stalkers?😳 jokes). I think I came across your blog through Lexi’s various posts on Facebook. Through reading many of the articles posted on white privilege recently (including yours), my perspective has started to change. I’ve always been vehemently against racism, and try spend time with the underprivileged in our neighboring Alexandra township here in Jozi (I go visit a project out there once a month to try and encourage etc and have organized a couple of sports days for the orphans over the years). But I haven’t really stopped to think seriously about this privilege thing and how our everyday actions and behaviors play into it, until now. This is the first post on the topic that I read and it had a big impact on me: https://wchalklen.wordpress.com/2015/01/07/white-privilege-and-the-road-to-building-a-united-south-africa/. I was also really challenged by a poem that Lexi posted by one of her friends, Sikelelwa – before the poem, Sikelelwa encouraged white people to read the poem as if we were black. I actually tried to do this and it was powerful. I really think that trying to put ourselves in each other’s shoes is a really good start. Anyway just to let you know that I am in. My friend Mzukisi and I lead a life group (aka cell/home group) made up of people of various races and backgrounds, in our church (Godfirst Rosebank), and we want to spend a few weeks looking into this topic with our group (we haven’t raised it with the group yet but I know of a few people in the group who are keen to do this). I think there are definitely many other white people out there who are challenged by this topic and are interested in exploring it. I think that while it is inherently a relational thing, it is also a deeply personal thing, and so a common reaction is often to read, reflect, introspect and then start trying to test it out, trying new ways of thinking etc…rather than posting or sharing about it. People are trying to process and figure it out, and I think are often a bit worried (at least before they feel they have adequaty figured it out for themselves) about having their thoughts and opinions immortalized on the eternal platform that is Facebook etc, lest they change their minds at a later stage, or weaknesses in their arguments are exposed, or they are flogged by the proponents of the very real anti-sentiment out there (I’m thinking here of one of the comments to the post that I referred to above). Having said that, we are probably underestimating the impact of engaging by commenting, and encouraging each other, on these platforms, as well as the impact that speaking out has on our own convictions. I shall try and be more audible from now on 😁. But you should know that many people are engaging in it and being challenged by it. So be encouraged! And keep blogging…(please!)
Wow thanks Gail, that is so super encouraging. I am friends with Sili and that poem was really helpful. I do believe there are a lot of people hungering after these various things and just figuring out how to draw out voices and actions together in any kind of meaningful way feels like the challenge. Look forward to hearing some stories from your group.
GAIL! I have just had a chance to scroll through this all now – wow – what an affirming, encouraging response -and wow you make me want to hop on a plane and sit down with you. SO excited to see where G1 grows in this… Much love and excitement.
My name is Juliet Paulse I’m in. I am one of those people who always read these blog posts and never comment because I always think ag, someone else will comment. These posts greatly encourage me as I too believe we are able to heal through these issues. I want to be part of that solution. In my own experience I have the privilege of being in friendships across the board and have been confronted with my own prejudices. Though this is hard to swallow it is only through getting to know (really know) each other that we will break these (stupid) chains. So, I’m all in!
You know I’m in. I hope? I like to imagine I am one of the “cameo” people.
There’s a lot of conversation and there’s not always time take part in everything in the depth that it deserves, but reconciliation and socio-economic justice is on my heart and in my prayers and hopefully showing in my life.
From a FB post of mine a few weeks ago:
I was once told by an older white person, with a wry smile, that that wonderful world that I speak of, that world where my rainbow nation friends and I dream and sing and kumbaya is very sweet but that’s not the world he lives in.
I am not giving up on this: There is a growing circle of us loving, critiquing, deconstructing, listening to the other side of the story, singing (not singing enough, not by far, where is the singing guys?) and WORKING TO ESTABLISH a better country (and continent)… each person’s mission looks a bit different but the important thing is that we are connected to each other, and seeing each other working, we are strengthened in our own efforts.
So to you Brett: “seeing each other working, we are strengthened in our own efforts”. Thanks for letting me see you working; may you see many around you.
I’m in
Unlike my left pinky toe and these old socks. I am in.
I agree that much work is still to be done in South Africa, especially regarding racial issues – BUT, I honently believe that as long as South Africans typify themselves with the “I’m a white, or I’m a black …” things are not going to get easier! Forget about the need to mention your colour, you are all South Africans and the majority want a peaceful country and to live in harmony with one another. Just my opinion 🙂
Mike Harrison. In! Whole-heartedly.
me
Hi Brett, we came to live in a small town on the Garden Route seven years ago and were appalled by the level of racism and separation. It was like stepping back into the “group areas act”. At times I’ve wanted to leave because it is a continuous battle with prejudice and hatred. We are involved with community projects and are trying to cross the great divide. I will not stop fighting for justice and equality till my last breath.
Ah, Ally, thank you, that is so great to hear – not that there is racism and not that it has been so hard, but that you are committed to staying and being a part of the change and trusting that you will see the cracks and indeed full on transformation that you would never have believed possible!
I am in
White South African in a cross cultural marriage with two bicultural kids… been thinking through these things for a while now but rarely comment as I don’t think I have much new to say. But definitely, I am in. Thanks for keeping it real here and for the constant challenges to be more conscious of these things.
+1
I’m still feeling the waters on your blog. I’m not sure I always agree with your posts but I wholeheartedly agree with the plea for positive change on all racial fronts.
Thankx Phil, i don’t know how healthy the world would be if everyone agreed with all my posts – i don’t know that that is necessary and i have a huge heart for discussion and healthy debate and so when people disagree if they take some time and energy to jump in and say why. that i really have a lot of time for…
I am Megan. I do comment. I believe in and am active for change. I love your brave and challenging posts. I agree with almost everything you say about white privilege. I don’t take white stuff personally, mainly because I do feel like I do things differently.
I always struggle with the religious angle of your posts.
I get worried and uncomfortable when you hustle for readers, or comments, or shares.
But most uncomfortable when i talk about how much we are going to win this world cup. #ProteaFire
Good day. My name is claire de Bruin and I believe wholeheartedly in the need for more interaction and the need for more of us to do “a little something” each day where we are. I am part of a wonderful multi-racial Christian Church called Everyday People and we are finding wonderful friends amongst previously very diverse groups forming! I am gearing myself up to try and write about the many encouraging stories that we have lived through, heard about, seen etc! Be encouraged guys there are MANY South Africans of all colours doing wonderful work to help each other. I am on the board of a Trust called Umthombo Wempilo (Well of life) and we try to do our bit by providing care parcels to moms and babes at the Cecilia Makiwane hospital, as so many of the moms (young girls often) have nothing when they leave and other “good” where we can. Ulutho is a wonderful body of people who we come alongside and have learned so much from and they are specifically all about orphaned and vunerable children and fighting for their rights to be adopted, to not be lost in the system and so much more. We can make a difference together!
Great stuff Claire, thanks for sharing
love brett fish
Hi there,
Thank you for your encouraging post. Recently I have felt so down due to all the negative complaints about South Africa and the talk from family and friends about leaving the country. I feel like most people just want to run away and avoid the issues in our country. You have encouraged me to take a stand, to persevere and to continue to hope…not hope in people but hope in The Almighty God who can change people. So Im saying that I am in. I will hope and I will let God change my heart towards people who are in desperate need of Him, the people of South Africa.
Excellent, thanks Angela. There are so manh good things happening all over South Africa being done by incredible people of all types and we must find ways to share those stories. Do you know one person who is doing something positive here you would like to share the story of? Cos running a series on that right now if you would be up to contributing a piece – brettfish@hotmail.com
I am in and love that this is surge of I’m ins are happening on the back of a week that left alot of people not knowing where to place themselves! Let’s make these circles bigger 🙂
Absolutely, has been very good for my soul – now just to get people in here to read the comments and add their own and start building up a tsunami of positivity and hope and then move towards action…
I have salty cheeks right now just from reading these comments! :’-) I love my Beloved country. I hate what we’ve done to her, but I love how the people of South Africa are joining together to bring hope and love! Thanks Brett for the part you play 🙂
Man, the part i play really feels so small, but it is also all i’ve got right now and as i figure out how better to play a part, i hope i will have the strength and bravery to be able to play it as i should. Thank you!
@ Brett you just had to mention my name, hmm interesting comments and views to read. Most I see have been the silently reading and following type but dare not comment.
Those things have been playing on my mind about my next blog, “These things only prevail because….” as my title, Brett I love the bit about aiming at the church which in my view has a big role to play when it comes to reconciliation and justice. We need to be awkward, neutral (in discussion), vulnerable in order to achieve relief. Its much like attending to a sore wound, you press and feel discomfort only for a short while then you feel relief afterwards.
South Africa and its wealth should benefit all who reside in it, it should be home to all and not few to feel entirely free and the other majority to feel like visitors in their own backyard.
Ah wow, my friend, your last line sums it up completely: South Africa and its wealth should benefit all who reside in it, it should be home to all and not few to feel entirely free and the other majority to feel like visitors in their own backyard.
Oh to see that day. I Nkandla wait. Whoops, silly autocorrect!
im in
Dave
I came across your blog via a comment you left on the Disco Pants Blog (the blog post about recognising the racist in each of us not just those around us). I no longer live in South Africa (I live in the UK) in a primarily white market town in the North of England but both blog posts resonate with me. I grew up in Zambia, went to school in Southern Rhodesia and after a brief eight years back in my native Ireland I returned to live in Cape Town and then Durban. All the while I was growing up I was always acutely aware of the us and them, despite going to school in multi-racial schools. It stands true even more so here in the UK especially where Muslims are concerned. I may not be able to stand up and be counted in South Africa but I can here. Thank you for the reminder.
Thank you Carol and as you say racism seems rife everywhere and so you are more than welcome to stand where you are and be working towards transformation in your own context. Thanks for stopping by.
I’m Erica Cawdry and I’m in.
I care about this stuff. But I feel overwhelmed like most of us do. I just read The Disco pants blog and felt a twinge of irritation about being called a white arsehole (I know, I know, if the shoe fits). I am probably one, but you know what I also don’t know how to be the change I want to see in this world. Honestly, I am kind, I speak no harsh words to anyone of any colour, I wish harm upon no one. I live in a modest house, drive a modest car and just do what I can each day to survive the daily grind of having to work for an income and being the best parent I can be.
What is expected of me? I can’t be everything to everyone? Yes, I probably feel guilty for not getting involved in community projects, caring for HIV orphans or even adopting one for that matter, but honestly I am often so stressed out about my own responsibilities that I can hardly imagine having to take on more. I often want to ask some of the black people I know: “are there more black people like you?” Black people who do not look at me thinking I’m a privileged white madam, black people who do not hate me for the legacy of apartheid. Black people who are willing to look at the possibility that maybe, just maybe, there are other options besides voting for the ANC that will make it better for all of us and who don’t believe that voting against the ANC is voting for the return of black oppression.
I put it to you that there are MANY MANY more white people in this country who do not ever want to return to the atrocities of apartheid as opposed to those that talk about the “good old days”. There are more whites who truly want to live in harmony with everyone else but I can’t help to often feel that I am not welcome in a country that has been the beat of my heart since birth, that has been home to at least 15 generations before me. When I experience these feelings, does that make me racist? Does it make me wrong? Do I have to keep on feeling guilty for the crimes of our fathers? I’m sorry, I’m babbling, and I don’t have a single answer. All I know is that I love my country as much as anyone else that has been born here and if I had the choice, I would never leave. But while we are having this debate, can more of my black brothers and sisters (does that sound patronising?) please reassure me that my family and I are wanted here and needed in this time of crying for our beloved country?!
Wow, thankx Hanna. Eloquently put and you express the feelings of a lot of white people i imagine. People who really are wanting to see change but don’t know how. And that’s really one of the things we are trying to figure out together on this blog and around mealtimes and over coffee. So please stay engaged. Because you are wanted here [i know i’m not the black voice you need to hear say that but i still believe it!] Thank you for stopping by.
Keep on
love brett fish
Thanks Brett. I have shared on FB, I have a few outspoken friends who I hope will join the debate 😉
Hi Brett, I’m new to your blog – (found it via Discopants). I’m one of those who NEVER comments. Firstly, I’m not one of those “online” people (seriously, where do you guys find the TIME?) and, secondly, I’ve usually viewed comments as people just agreeing with/adding to the initial article, so what’s for me to add? Never thought of it as illustrative of, or even the importance of illustrating that, “yes, there are more of us around”. So I’ve converted from consumer to contributor, thank you for changing my mindset. And yes, I’m in 🙂
Oh wow thanks Claire. For starters I get up at 5am with a I’ll sleep when I’m dead attitude which gives me a few hours more than most less crazy people but where do we find the time indeed. As long as it doesn’t stay online. I am hoping the online work always translates to real life change or action else what’s the point? Tx so much for stopping by. We need you.
I’m Steph, I’m in. 🙂
I’ve also been wondering what resources are out there for churches. I know in America, the Mennonite church has a whole bunch of specific workshops for people in their denomination to grapple with race and racism and move forward, and prayer walks… everything I find is from the states. Do you know of anything that has been written, by Christians & for the Church about issues of race in South Africa and how to actually move people in churches forward positively?
Hm Steph, great question. Will think about it but also wondering if anyone else here has some ideas? We love us some Mennonites, having just spent some time there.
From my friend Beth: I am sure you have already heard/ made contact with Fr. Michael Lapsley – Institute for Healing of Memories – his hands were blown off by a letter bomb…amazing stories and insight
http://www.healing-memories.org
Looks like a good place to start.
Hi Steph, if you can send me your email address [brettfish@hotmail.com] i have a PDF for you which is one of these resources.
Also ‘Doing Reconciliation’ by Alexander Venter, a vineyard pastor in SA
Thanks for this!!
What rubbish. What change? The whites must give up everything and be poor? You not too bright ? Please can you explain why we would do that?
I’m not sure about the give up everything and be poor bit, but i do think there are many white people in this country that live in excess [and many black people more and more] and that for anyone to live in excess while others can barely make ends meet feels a little bit wrong. And by a little bit i mean a lot. What i am talking about is what you would like for yourself and your family being extended to other families that have not had the same advantages and privilege as you and me. Even if it means those of us who have had more in the past having a little less than we are used to.
All these girls who suck up to blacks all the time probably do want to….
I am not with you all on this? It is survival of the fittest, smartest and strongest. Why do we have to put ourselves down all the time to cater to losers?
i imagine we would have very different definitions to the word ‘loser’ – and if you know anything about South African history, it is not survival of the fittest, smartest and strongest – maybe just meanest. For it to be survival of those types you mention and fair, everyone would have to start at the same place which due to our horrendous past they don’t.
Further, they have a deep seated jealousy of the colonist whom they can see on a daily basis is more sophisticated and superior in intellect and behavior to them. What they cannot have or be…they want to destroy.
They want to destroy all vestiges of the white man, because it reminds them of their own inferiority. They do not care if they starve to death when there are no more white farmers to grow food for them or whites to employ them. As long as the noble savage is not reminded of his inferiority and here lays the problem, because a white man who grows food for them or employ them reminds them of the fact that they are incapable of looking after themselves.
That is why they don’t care about burning down schools, because in their view a white person building a school for them is not a good and benevolent liberal, he is a “racist” who reminds them of their inferiority basically telling them that they are unable to build their own schools and educate themselves. Which is of course true.
The same with whites building hospitals for them and the white doctors treating them. They are all “racists”, because when you help them it says to them that their own muti-medicine from their Sangomas is inferior to Western medicine.
Without the whites of the world feeding them and medically treating them their numbers will quickly fall back to pre-colonial times. That is why I urge all whites to do what Sir Theophilus Shepstone suggested. Do not force civilization on them. Simply have nothing to do with them. Leave them completely alone.
i think that is what we call being racist which is what i am quite strongly against.
Harvest of Hope is an initiative i stumbled upon this week where they are creating vegetable gardens in the townships and growing more than what they and their neighbours can handle and selling the rest which is such an excellent programme and definitely will give so much hope to others in the area and hopefully encourage more of the same: http://harvestofhope.co.za
I AM OUT. I want to make money and enjoy life. The rest of the losers have made their choice.
i would suggest you consider finding another country to live in then, because this is the future here my friend. i would love to hear a little of your story and understand what your starting situation looked like – wealthy parents? or did you lift yourself out of poverty and work your way to where you are now? work three jobs so you could attend varsity or get through on a scholarship or your parents footing the bill? while the answers to those questions will not necessarily hold all the answers, i imagine they will give some reflection of the path you have walked and how you got to where you are now. if you’re not interested in helping others around you and making the country better for all, i would suggest that the country might do better without you here.
All the latter. I paid my own way. Why should I leave? I wish to stay here and make millions. The losers must lose and winners must win. It has always been this way. Wake up.
The future is only more corruption. We need to protect our own.
I was probably in long before this. But now that ClaytonAndrew is out I’m definitely in.
always space for one more. ha.
If you had to choose, would you help a black or white person. Just say there is no option to help both. All being equal, except for the skin color. You are not allowed to flip a coin either. Which one would you help and why?
i’m not a fan of hypothetical situations because they tend to be just that – i can’t imagine the kind of situation that would force me to choose – i want to be the kind of person that will be drawn to help someone in need equally regardless of external or internal matters…
Cop-out then? Hypothetical questions have a function yet you choose to avoid it! 😉
You can take this hypothetical question and tweak it slightly to cover most people. Most would choose to help out their family, own community, own race, then others.. or do you beg to differ?
I think most people may do that but as a follower of Jesus there is a special mandate to look out for those considered the least or “other” and so pretty much anyone in need as well as both my neighbour and my enemy I am called to love, help, show hospitality to or reach out to. Race should definitely not be a thing in there.
I fear I’m out too. lol.
Why bother when they vote ANC?
What a pity. I think it is important to understand why “they” vote ANC, the history and story and perhaps why seemingly white agendad parties don’t feel like they can be trusted and walk alongside “them” which will hopefully at some stage become “us” to create a different and more hopeful narrative. You seem to be the one copping out? With a LOL as well?
Do you believe you are qualified to have an opinion? In my book unless you have experienced loss you are not qualified to have an opinion. When you have looked into the eyes of the man that has slit the throat of your son and said to him “Brother I forgive you and set you free” then you have experienced pain of loss to have valid opinion. Until that day I envy your ignorance and for that blissful place to believe in fairy tales again. Because my heart knows it will never trust that man again and should should he dare cross my path I will kill him in a blink of an eye. So if in your fairy tale you force us to sleep around the same camp fire – I know the he knows that I don’t trust him and vice versa – hence him and I know that peace is found by keeping away from each other. Further more all opinions of the world do not offer either us actionable solutions to regain each other’s trust. So go back into your fairy tale and source creative solutions instead of more opinions. But how can even creatively source a solution when you yourself do understand the problem and have never had to face your own inner daemons. When you have lost everything you have lived and worked – then you have a valid opinion
hi there,
Thanks for stopping by. I hear a lot of pain in your ‘voice’ and rightly so if you have gone through what you describe and I am sorry for your loss. I would say that my opinion on the matter does not hold as much strength absolutely as someone who has gone through that situation, which is why i try to have my opinion formed by those who have walked in areas i haven’t which i think helps give my own opinions some more strength and validity. I would highly encourage you to read the last post i shared from Antjie Krog’s book ‘Begging to be Black’ as it deals from the perspective of someone who has experienced that kind of loss:
https://brettfish.wordpress.com/2015/02/19/begging-to-be-black-bonus-part-the-power-of-forgiveness
“My input starts with a quote from Cynthia Ngewu, one of the mothers of the Gugulethu Seven, which I used in my book about the Truth Commission:
This thing called reconciliation… if I am understanding it correctly… if it means this perpetrator, this man who killed [my son] Christopher Piet, if it means he becomes human again, this man, so that I, so that all of us, get our humanity back… then I agree, then I support it all.”
As a follower of Jesus, i believe that one of the most powerful forces in the world is enemy love as it has the potential to help rescue not only you, but your enemy as well. Instead of believing the lie that two wrongs will somehow make a right or that by you killing the person who took the life of your loved one will make everything okay for you, it suggests that you have the power to do an act that may [it is not definite which is where the risk lies] redeem that person in a sense and help them discover their humanity as the quote above says. But that act of forgiveness is , i believe, impossible for someone to simply do on their own and i believe it takes the power of God working in a life to get someone there. Which is so incredibly huge and amazing to witness.
i hope you find peace and maybe even one day the strength to forgive. Invite God to give you the strength to do that.
love brett fish
I must agree. You come across as a wealthy guy who pretends to be poor. Pretends to be. You have no job that I can see, so gave no idea how you afford your travelling lifestyle and to stay in Newlands next to the cricket ground. You take up these topics as they are populist and the only way to publicize yourself. You lived in a very normal area of kyamandi and not in a rough area like gugulethu or langa. Please disclose your finances here. Disclose how much you earn. How much are you donating to these people from book sales? You strike me as a hustler and not real. Delete this post and I’ll know for sure you are a hoaxter hustler and opportunist. Do some writing from your own experience and stop sewing racial arguments and discord here then claiming to be the victim of trolls. I challenge you. Come clean on everything.
Hi Nick,
Thanks for stopping by. i’m not sure exactly what you’re referring to. i don’t claim to be poor at all and certainly it was thankx to the generosity of many friends that allowed tbV and myself to spend the time we did overseas working with the non-profits we did. i would see myself as incredibly wealthy [both in terms of money/things but more importantly in terms of the people and opportunities in and around our life right now] at the moment although wealth always tends to be relative right – Richard Branson might think i’m poor while the majority of people in Gugs will no doubt think i have it made. My hope is that we get to use the resources we have to help see good transformation in the country around us and specifically in the lives of some people and some projects we support.
I’m also not sure what you mean by “racial arguments and discord” unless you are referring to the hope i have that South Africa can become much more of a place where colour has become a lot less relevant and everyone can enjoy the land and opportunities andpeople with equal abandon. Part of what i aim to do with this blog is create space to have what are sometimes needing to be difficult conversations to help us to move past truly horrendous times in the past and mindsets and attitudes and behaviours that were detrimental to so many people in this country.
You are absolutely right that i lived in ‘a normal area of Kayamandi’ [or what i think you might mean by that] but i have lived in worse places and certainly am not needing to ‘prove anything’ by where i stay. We live in Southfield now by the way [way too far from Newlands cricket!] in a fairly mixed [although not dangerous i don’t think] neighborhood and have some ideas on how we are hoping our home will become a place of good connection with people and source of life-transforming conversations.
At the moment my wife is doing most of the earning and i am working part time with a Christian non-profit so as to give me the time to finish off the book i’ve been writing which is coming out next month on the church. There have been times in my life when i’ve worked three jobs to be able to do the stuff i’ve wanted to d and other times when i have worked one and now part-time. We make the choices we make in the seasons we find ourselves in [or choose for us to be in] so that we can reach the goals we are trying to reach and at the moment this is where we are. There are a few friends who have told us they value what we do and want to support us financially which we receive as an incredible gift and hope to use well.
But ja, i am probably going to keep writing [or being a space for] on the conversations that will hopefully help bring black and white and coloured and indian together and if it pisses people off along the way, i’m okay with it [the racist attitudes of many of the people who post offensive comments on my blog, some of which get published and some which don’t, piss me off a lot too]
Anyways, thanks for stopping by. I hope you will choose to be part of the building up of our most excellent nation as there are just so many incredible people on all sides of our history who are wanting to be a part of that. I’m excited.
love brett fish
I saw this and some of the other comments made earlier by someone who said that unless you have experienced pain, fear and horrible loss that it’s easy to hold this kind of opinions….well, i have experienced pain, fear and loss, as well as had to live with the 3 months of waiting for ARV outcomes after 2 family members who have a small child were bitten while being attacked (yes, by another human being) who had broken into their family home in the night – and we waited and watched and prayed and cried while waiting to hear what the outcome of this would be, i have a friend whose grandmother was murdered pre’ 94, i live in a neigbourhood where we have relative comfort compared to some of my friends and yet I hear people describing it as a war zone as recently as this morning – but in discussions with one of my friends whose neighbourhood could more accurately be described as a high conflict zone, he reflected that they have become numb to the sounds of gunshots- people just carry on….and in the midst of this all i have to CHOOSE to forgive, chooose a direction and choose to keep on carrying on, keeping on knowing that the more momentum we build in the opposite direction of ‘us&them’, of fear and hate, the better ALL of our chances are at seeing the change we want.
I have also had a knife pulled on me (ironically en route home after doing a community development workshop), had cars stolen, have a husband who was in an armed robbery and wondered if they would live, woken up to someone entering our bedroom (my intimate space in our first year of marriage) and been stalked…. I don’t think that this should give me street cred to want to see the country change.
Brett’s willingness to engage with this, all the commentators expressing frustration, asking questions and wanting to engage with this regardless of the questions are part of the keeping on….. I am grateful for this all.
Thanks Lexy, appreciate you so much. You definitely have so much more space to talk on this one. Thanks for keeping on!
Lexy I empathise for your pain and I thank you for your bravery in sharing it. But my heart cries because you should not have experienced that and it should NOT be your norm to accept it. We should not be numbed to the gunshots at night. My heart fears for the multitude of tribes, those that do not have the warrior spirit of the Zulu or the political power of the Xhosa – who is going to protect their beautiful cultures from being erased. My heart fears for rhino and the elephant and all the beautiful wildlife which is the innate spirit of South Africa – who is going to protect them from extinction against this faceless enemy. The world cannot offer solutions because the problem is so intricately complex – only South Africans, those that CAN think out of the box from all angles will be able to find creative solutions.
Brett I do not criticize you in fact I applaud you for initiative – your beautiful soul and caring heart comes through BUT my words are intended to challenge you and other readers beyond the boundary of having an opinion into a realm of encouraging and collaborating creative ideas to real complex problems. We all want “change” – but the picture or vision of what that change looks like is as different and as complex as the problem itself.
Everyone has an opinion and no one has a solution !! So if we don’t find a magical potential solution how is change going to MAGICALLY happen? If we don’t challenge or ask the hard questions then we are contributing with our silence to the wrongs being committed everyday.
We do have some creative collaborative ideas and partly we have been waiting until we are settled into our new place [which we moved into two weeks ago and so are getting there] which was in many ways a place chosen to facilitate good and challenging conversations around meal tables as a catalyst for action [because it cannot end at talking for sure, but it may need to start there – bringing people together – relationship – wrestling]. Also we know a lot of people and organisations who are doing incredible things and we are trying to take time to listen, watch and learn from them as we try to figure out some of the stuff for ourselves.
Beyond asking the hard questions i absolutely believe that the answer is relationships. As a follower of Jesus i believe that a relationship with God is key but then also relationships with people who do not look or think or have the same experiences as us. That is where change is going to happen – when we can sit around a table together and share in a meal together even if we don’t agree [and even if we don’t agree strongly in some cases] and so that is one of the things we are hoping to facilitate in the months to come.
You are very much welcome to join us. Or shame of the stories of what you are up to, to see change here.
HI AnonCP – thank you – i have thought about whether i say more or not and then thought i should…cos we talk alot but don’t often say very much. It isn’t the NORM i accept – in fact i wrote this a while ago: https://theoutrageousintrovert.wordpress.com/2014/10/28/i-say-no/ (Sorry Brett for punting my own blog here) and i think that you are right -we can’t just be talking about this – but i also know that there aren’t enough of us engaging creatively across Xhosa/ Coloured/ Zulu and everyone else too lines to come up with a solution – and I also am not convinced that only one way is right. Not sure if you have read the blog inserted at the beginning about ‘are there more whites’ – it wasn’t about saying this is the norm – it was about this shouldn’t be the norm and how do we challenge this – it was exactly what you are saying – how do we find the solutions.
My mentioning that ‘messy stuff’ was more about someone’s comment that you need to have experienced stuff to have a voice – and i think that we all need to have a voice to find each other – regardless of our stories – sadly, sometimes the stories we have give us louder voices.
Like Brett said there are lots of people doing lots of (ACTION) amazing things and collaborative things- but there aren’t enough of us speaking up and out yet that some of my friends form other communities feel like it’s worth engaging – even if we think that we are and want to – until we are intentional in creating and inviting those spaces – our frustrations will keep growing.
LOVE that you are engaging and challenging and hope that even if we don’t sit around a table one day that our passion for this country, for OUR country will keep us saying NO to the things that arent okay and making choices to get the things that are okay the norm – that sounded better in my head!
This is exactly what has happened to the ANC. Through their pathetic racist quotas in AA, BEE, Sport, university entry, etc they have admitted that they cannot make it in life without having discriminatory laws against a white minority of only about 9% of the population of South Africa.
Blacks should out of principal reject Affirmative Action appointments, because if they don’t they actually admit to their uselessness.
I mean if I were a black dude, I would like to know that I competed and was appointed on merit and deserving of a position, not assisted because of my black skin, but that is exactly what the ANC has been doing. After twenty years of misrule in South Africa they still feel it necessary to keep these racist laws and said that they will keep it indefinitely. So they admit that blacks are useless and will be useless forever. AA and BEE is a slap in the face of any self-respecting black person.
The ANC keeps on propagating their bullshit that AA and BEE is there to “redress past injustices” and uplift the poor disadvantaged blacks. However, all the beneficiaries of government tenders are already rich. Their children go to the best private schools. So even the rich blacks who never experienced Apartheid and never knew poverty of any kind are all AA and BEE candidates purely on the basis of the colour of their skins and poor whites who were born after 1990, when the last Apartheid laws were scrapped and who had NOTHING to do with Apartheid, are excluded purely on the basis of the colour of their skins. There is absolutely no justice in that. It is immoral and it is wrong.
What did the policies of the ANC achieve? A ruined country. A ruined infrastructure, a ruined civil service…everything ruined.
Get this. AA fired all the competent whites soldiers and policemen and the few who remained were prevented from being promoted. Incompetence and corruption set in and destroyed these former jewels in the South African civil service, but now that they have hit rock-bottom they want the whites back:
I want to wish the ANC good luck with that.
How do they expect any self respecting white person to join them when a sword of Affirmative Action dangles over their heads? To me it is clear. The ANC admits that they screwed up firing all the competent whites and appointing all the useless and lazy AA blacks who are like fish out of water when it comes to doing the jobs they get paid for.
All they want now is for whites to come back and bail them out. They want whites to come and do all the donkey-work, get paid peanuts and be refused promotion for efficiency. Stuff that, I say. Let them sink. If they are so good then they must show us what they can do. They should show us, without the help of white consultants, how they can save themselves and the country.
Don’t hold your breath.
Them and us. That’s really, i believe, where the hope ends on this. Until you can start viewing your fellow countrymen as human being who think and feel and have dreams and hope and desire many of the same things you do; until you can genuinely reach out and explore friendships with people who are not like you, then this is the pit you will stay in. And it is a pit – it is dark and it is dingy… and that awful smell? Well, that’s to be expected when your head is completely up your ass. If you don’t like what’s happening here then go somewhere else – your white privilege means that in all likelihood you have the possibility of doing that [even the ability to go into debt to fund your ticket is quite a white privileged thing come to think of it] but if you stay then start to hope, start to dream about what could be, change your ‘them’ to an us, get to know some black people who live near you [if any do] and realise that many of them are as frustrated with the government and the present situation and are not looking to a time when black people have everything and all white people are poor and living in townships but are just hoping for a time and space where everyone has the same kind of opportunities. Have meals together, watch sport, open your heart and you will be blown away by the change it will make in your life and attitude and in the country around you.
The government made it that way. Did you watch the budget speech? More tax we must pay for grant recipients. It’s become a parasitic nation. I won’t tip cat guards anymore. I even have to tell my gardener only once per month. Or let him go. I think he is a nice guy, but the ANC is killing us white people. Please try understand. I had some advantages from the past, but maybe it is iq? Perhaps whites in general, not all, are more intelligent and can make more things happen.