10 years ago, I was never going to get married. I was a single mom, had my own house, my own business and my own car. I had the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and with whom I wanted.
I was happy. Until one day I wasn’t.
I had broken up with a man whom I thought I loved, and I was just so tired of hurting and fighting. Frustrated I ran into my garden and started shouting up at the clouds. My neighbour must have thought I was deranged, shouting out loud and shaking my fists. I told God, as I supposed that was who was up there, that if he thought marriage was so fabulous, and such a great idea, then he should choose a man for me. My exact words were “please mail him to me, because I sure as feathers (actually I used a rather less delicate phrase), wasn’t leaving my house to look for him”. I stomped back into my house, poured myself some coffee and burst into tears.
A few weeks later at a total loss about my life, I asked a friend to take me to church. One of the nights, I went to a meet and greet at church, and I sat looking around. I spotted Cobus and smiled at him. I hadn’t said a word to him, but as I looked at this man, God told me that this was my husband. I thought I had lost my mind and left.
I went home that night and in pure shock, blocked Cobus out of my thoughts, and forgot about him. A while after this I was saved, and had a quiet conversation with God and told him that I was ready for him to change my life. Months after I was saved, a friend emailed a group of us inviting us to a function and I replied to “all”. Cobus was on that list, and he took the opportunity to email me and invite me out for coffee. That date became dinner and a year and a half after that, we were married. (Remember how I had told God to mail a man to me!).
The point in sharing this story with you, is that I want to tell you what I believe you as a single person should consider.
God knows what is good for you, what is right for you and especially what you need. It is not that you are not thin, rich, good looking or available enough. The problem is that you are trying to do Gods job. You are enough but you don’t know what makes another person function. You don’t know their pains, their dreams or their beliefs. These are things that you only learn after you meet someone. God knows these things about each and every one of us. So surely it stands to reason then, that he should know who would be good for you, better than you would.
I have not walked an easy path, and my childhood left me broken, angry and making really bad decisions. However, the moment I let go and asked Him to guide me, I made good choices and the best of these was allowing my husband into my life.
It’s not an easy thing to do, which is why you need God’s grace. You sit on my couch and tell me how you were meant to be alone, and that is why you have your sport/ job/pets/ friends which keep you busy and leave no time for romance. I don’t believe that. God made us to love one another, and be in community with one another. How then can you say that you are meant to be alone?
I believe that God is my Father in heaven, and that he wants the very best for me. I know this, because I as a parent, want the same for my children. I cannot force them to trust my judgement, my experience and my love, but the moment they ask me for help and allow me in, I will be there for them. I know that God is the same.
I’m not saying settle and be with anyone so that you are not alone; I am saying trust in the Almighty to choose the very best for you, because that is what He wants for you and what you deserve.
Yours in being blissfully married, 7 years on.