TASH

Married 15 years this year… “It’s important to remember that there is a difference between being an awesome team and an awesome couple. Teams can work well even if the teammates don’t connect on a deeper level.”  

As time goes on, the roles and job descriptions for everyone in your family unit sets in. Who sorts out the kids lunch, who buys the milk, who pays what bills, who handles the social calendar…after a while it starts to run so efficiently that even the kids know which parent to ask for what.

At the beginning of last year we hit a BUMP & I am so glad we did. All of a sudden it dawned on me. We would go away camping for the weekend with a bunch of friends, put up the tent like a well-oiled machine, everyone with their job description … Then without even realising it we will spend the whole weekend chatting to everyone else and meet up again at bed time, because even at meal times we would often miss each other because Dave’s would be at the braai & I would be making the salad with the ladies making salad. Then we’d meet up again to pack up the tent. We had become completely independent in our marriage. This might be okay for some, but I want more out of life…. It can happen so easily and be so subtle that you don’t even notice it. But when it dawned on me, I had a complete melt down.

First ever & neither of us were really equipped to handle a blubbering me. I’m a true pragmatic. I felt that he didn’t really like me and he felt I was looking elsewhere. We were both so wrong! Despite how tough that weekend was it was so worth it. Believe it or not, we were camping with really good friends and I mean REALLY good friends. They didn’t ask questions they didn’t get involved or pick sides they simply took the kids off to swim so we could sort out our “stuff”. It’s so good to surround yourself with people you know you can be real around, and know they won’t judge you. That kind of love is not found just anywhere. Even that is a lesson, as Christians, to be REAL friends.

If we are honest about it, we ALL have our bumps, we all mess up and make mistakes. To pretend you’re better and somehow above all the “stuff” other’s go through, is just being a fake. Being truthful makes it easier for others to be genuine and can also be a source of encouragement. For those of you who need to know… my honest husband showed me how, burying my head in my business for the last four years had been the biggest factor. But knowing what the problem is doesn’t make me the bad guy, it empowered me to change my habits.

It’s important to guard your family time, it takes discipline and commitment and as we come to our 15th Wedding anniversary this Month, we’re in a good place, even better than before. Sometimes it takes a good blubber to wash away the cobwebs… 

[To head to year 18 of Marriage and our friends Lara and Chris Lahr, click here]

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