single

i was 35 when i got married and so i still feel like i have some kind of grasp and authority when it comes to speaking for/with the single community and definitely have a huge heart for them, especially those who are a little older and wanting to be married [as not all of them are – marriage is definitely not the end point finishing line of you-have-made-it’ness although it has too often been presented that way… don’t worry, for me that was quickly replaced with having-children-is-the-end-point-of-having-arrived which can be as awkward and much fun if you are not specifically intending to have children] so i get it [at least a little bit] is what i am saying…

when i put together a Taboo Topic on Singleness, it immediately became the most popular theme of that series which took me a little by surprise but just goes to show that this is a relevant issue for a lot of people, and some of my good friends have written some amazing stories over there.

and so i try to be conscious of you, especially when i post quite a lot of stuff on my blog about marriage and relationships [which i also have a super huge heart for] and as i’ve been preparing for what is going to be a fairly long series [and facebook onslaught] i thought i should try do something for the singles audience as well and the idea of ‘Things I wish my Married Friends knew or did’ came to mind.

when someone gets married, the dynamic between them and their single friends always changes, sometimes more than others. especially when it is the friendship between a guy and a girl [yes, those platonic ones can and do exist]. and while it is a change for both people, the married person gets to be with another person, while the single person often is a little more by themselves [or a lot]. so it really seems like the single person loses more when that happens.

and often the dynamic gets a little weird. the married person is trying to figure out how much time they can spend with the single person while still honouring their marriage and partner and the single person is trying not to intrude on the marriage but still wanting to be friends.

sometimes there is hurt. sometimes there is awkwardness. sometimes there is confusion. and often there are words that need to be said or advice to be given and maybe it doesn’t always feel like there is a good opportunity to say those things to those who need to hear.

so i am hoping that giving some of my single friends a platform will help them be really honest and open and real and just share some thoughts and ideas they have for their married friends and maybe just married people in general. if you are a single person reading these and feel like you have something to add, please drop me a line.

Hear from Craig Botha

Hear from Chantelle Finaughty

Hear from Busisiwe Ledibane

Hear from Kate Sherry

Hear some positive vibes from Sammi Taylor

Hear from Chris Jacobs

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