Benjamin and I got married on 31 March 2012.

If I have to pick one thing that I have learnt since then… The gift of not needing everything to be perfect right this moment. I am (to an extent, can’t really claim the creative genius aspect that apparently come with it!!) a resident of “perfect country” ( to see what I’m talking about!).  I want to do things right and I want to be the “best Christian” I can and the best wife that I can and I really don’t want to mess things up by making a poor choice and I want my husband to be everything that I see in him that he can be and for us to process the things that aren’t perfect in our marriage and to talk about the details and how we can fix it and and and…

I could go into details about this and the effect on Ben, etc (after all, details are my thing!), but let me try to be brief. I’ve had to learn that that isn’t how a marriage works. You can’t suddenly have a perfect relationship the minute after you say “I do.” (or “I will”, whichever applies! You see – details! <sigh>)

I’m learning that our marriage is going to get better and better as we patiently process together over years… not by losing sleep over all the tiny imperfections right now. In a world of instant gratification, our marriage cannot be perfect right at this moment. I don’t have to pretend that it is. It will (most likely!) never be 100% perfect. But I can let go of my tight grip on “must…get…this…right…” and actually enjoy this journey where I get to discover my husband (and myself!) and daily choose to invest in having a marriage that, in 40 years, is so much richer, more mature than what we have now.

That has been the most incredibly freeing realisation – I don’t have to be perfect now. We don’t have to be perfect now. Being lazy and letting things slide “because we have the rest of our lives to get this right” isn’t what I’m proposing. But I have learnt to give myself freedom to trust my God with yet another aspect of my life, trust my husband to keep journeying with me and following Christ, and trust myself… that not being perfect is ok.

[Sally Shannon (nee Gush)]

[To read the next Marriage post on Year 2 and be introduced to Steven and Megan Cottam, click here]